Throbbing Member
So there's this girl that started messaging me on FetLife... She's cute and I enjoy talking to her, and she's obviously interested in me (at least that's the vibe I've been getting from her). But the problem is that she's far too young for me to date (don't worry, she's not jailbait). We're meeting sometime in the next week and a half or so, and I'm worrying about how I can let her down easily, provided I'm reading the signs correctly.
Captain Rustleboots
What's yours/her age? Is that too personal?Originally Posted by The_Prowler
Throbbing Member
I'm 27 and she's 19, and I told myself a couple years ago that "if she's too young to come to half my shows, she's too young to date. I mean, shit, she's too young to remember when the original Power Rangers was on!
Captain Rustleboots
Fuck it, go for it. I know it may feel weird but if you guys click...and if you're not in it just for the vageen try it out. The only worry would be the mental state of a 19 year old girl who's going after someone 8 years her senior, but if everything checks out see where it takes you.
EDIT: And hell if she's just looking for a FWB type of thing or whatever in the end and you feel comfortable with that, you're 2 consenting adults.
Throbbing Member
Don't forget that the formula for right woman age is:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...20plus%20seven
:-)
(yes that division means it's not meant to last for too long...)
Active Member
That was the age difference in the first semi-serious (really undefined but it lasted like 10 months) thing I got into at that age, 19. You're thoughtful, you good.
she/her/hers
one of my closest friends is married to a man 20 years her senior. they have a beautiful daughter and one of the healthiest relationships i've ever seen.
Active Member
Age difference makes it harder to keep up with each other's goals in life, but if everyone's up for it, there's no reason it wouldn't work.
Hairy Member
Age difference (like just mentioned) only makes a difference when there's a difference in the outlook on what life and the relationship should lead to (i.e. main issue usually being children, among other things) and the level of maturity that is necessary for being on the same page in conversation about life outlooks. It is also important to communicate thoroughly and be aware that the younger a person is, the more likely they will have those changes of outlook since they've had less time to really decide what they're looking for.
A fair share of my friends (including myself) are in relationships where there is a 10-16 year difference in age, and all of them (including myself) are really happy. As long as there is a meeting of the minds and a discussion about what is really wanted out of the relationship, it shouldn't be an issue. Of course that is if everyone is actually honest with themselves about what they want - and whether they actually know what they want.
Throbbing Member
I had thought about most of that. She's a sweet girl, but I've only been talking to her online for about a week or so and I don't yet know how well we line up emotionally and personally. I'd be willing to have a FWB if that's all it was, but it would probably just feel weird to me to date a girl who isn't old enough to drink when I'm pushing thirty.
I had actually pretty much come to this conclusion on my own. When I started thinking about how young/old I should date, I though that I should keep it to around 22 or 23 at the youngest. My friends all know I like younger women as it is, so you can imagine the horrible jokes they already make at my expense
But it's an interesting situation no matter who I choose to date. Mentally, I can either be my actual age or a complete and utter teenager. And the way my life is right now, there's lots (and I mean lots) of women who wouldn't date me because they might think that I'm "less" than them. It's sad and bogus, but it's also the depressing truth. Dating is just hard no matter what.
Another terrifying thought is that it's been so long since I've been in a truly "good" relationship that I don't even know if I still know how to be in one. So trying to date someone is a constant learning experience.
Active Member
@The_Prowler I say go for it. It's not like you're getting married on the first date.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...o-old-you-date
I am dating a man 10 years young than me. He's an old soul.
Trollhunter
I'm seeing a girl who is 8 years younger than me (I will be 36 next month, she's 28) and we are okay with it. Granted it's only been a month.
Throbbing Member
As I said, I'm not even sure how I feel about her yet. We haven't spent any time together yet, so I don't even know if I'm attracted to her. I guess I'll have a better idea next week when we meet. The feeling I'm getting from her so far is that she's a lot more into me than I am into her at this point.
Flaccid Member
I'm married, with a baby boy.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I typically go after guys 10 - 20 years older than me(men in their 40s have always been my weakness!)... But it is different when one is still in the late teens/early twenties phase, I think. But with anything, I guess it depends on maturity level. You get out what you put in, etc. Goals are just probably going to be quite different.
Active Member
Yes, I think it's about goals/outlook and age can play a major role in that.
For example I think it didn't work out with my previous gf because she is 8 years younger than me, and I was ready to "settle down" have kids etc, and she was definitely not, and her priority was establishing her career and doing other stuff. So people can be very attuned in some ways and in different phases of their lives and it not work out for that.
But I think my problem was that I was trying to fit her and the relationship into something it was not. Instead, I should have been more able and happy to see and experience it for what it was and not what I wanted it to be.
unrelated: my wife really really wants to move house; I really really do not, I am happy here. This is a problem.
Last edited by aggroculture; 03-11-2015 at 12:48 PM.
Bite me
My ex husband was 16 years older than me. This was manageable when I was 26 and he was 42. But when I was in my early-30s and he was pushing 50, he was more controlling old fart asshole, he was aging and his trophy wasn't. Then, when I'm 40 and he's 56, or when I'm 50 and he's almost 70? yeah I don't think so. G is 9 months younger than me, we were born the same year, graduated from high school the same year, etc. I don't need a daddy, anymore.
Although, there are a lot of REALLY sexy older men out there who can be lots of fun and live life to the fullest.
Last edited by allegro; 03-11-2015 at 11:11 PM.
Flaccid Member
That's what I'm worried about. My girlfriend is 19 years younger than me, I'm turning 40 this year and she's about to turn 21. We've been together for just on 7 months now and shes been living with me since about Christmas. She likes older guys and if she'd been my age I would still be dating her, so its not like I'm dating her because she is younger. She's the only person I've been able to really click with. But I do worry a little about our relationship in the future if it does last 10 or so years.
But I wont end it just because I'm worried. I'll just wait and see what happens. What will be will be. It could be over tomorrow or it could be over in a few years. I just take each day as a blessing I got to meet her.
And also on the plus side her father seems to like me.
Throbbing Member
Well my son has just had a daughter which makes me a Gramps at 40 years old. A grandad on a NIN forum, not how i remember my own grandad. Anywhoo, i just spent 40 mins staring at a blank 'describe yourself' box on Match.com. Been single waay too long!
Active Member
I'm looking at that myself at 36/37. Fucking life is strange.
Throbbing Member
I'm in an relationship with an older guy myself and I've been wondering how long it'll last. Namely for two reasons- 1. Children, I want 'em, he don't. 2. I want to move to another country someday...
Regarding the first one though, we had a crazy conversation where abouts we talked about the whole "small tribe" philosophy around kids. Meaning, we're already in an open relationship and he would be cool staying with me even if I hitched up with a guy who wants a kid with me. It's all nice and fun to talk about it but the reality of such things can be so different so I'm not taking much stock into making this happen because the main decisive factor is that mystery third person. Will I really be able to find a guy I like who will be ok with such a set up?! I mean, I plan on moving in with my boyfriend in a few months because I want to see how it works out. It's not like I'm running out of time for this kids thing anyway.
I hate to say it but I have a feeling I'm more likely going to move to Brazil before this mythical unicorn of a guy comes around....but one day at a time.
edit. I actually don't think it would be too hard to find a poly guy. I already know a huge group in Boston who are poly and that stuff. It was just never something I saw myself doing except for long distance relationships. Once it's not long distance though, it really changes things.
Last edited by halloween; 03-16-2015 at 08:36 AM.
BACKROLLS?!
We're fighting right now. Two days is a suitable time to text after a fight, yeah?
she/her/hers
wait, you're ALREADY fighting?
Active Member
To answer your question: yes. Taking a cool down period is fine, sometime good, but taking too long to circle back and talk it out, only makes it harder to find common ground, someone apologize etc.
Last edited by Dra508; 03-18-2015 at 07:49 PM.
BACKROLLS?!
I've written an apology to him, it's just working up the nerve to send it to him. He blocked me on Facebook :/
Active Member
Yeeesh, dramatic, but I have to say, quite effective.
just a small town doggo
That comes off as really immature to me... Blocking on facebook is something you do when you hate each other, not when you've just had a disagreement about something. He's put you in a really awkward situation because now when you guys make up and add each other again, people will see that and ask questions about why you stopped being fb friends.
Two days is too long in my opinion, but I like to try and fix things as soon as possible, so I'm generally a 'talk the next day' kinda person. Maybe just call him and have a chat, explain how you feel about the fb blockage and that you don't think it's appropriate to react that way every time you guys have a fight. Not sure what you fought about or who's "fault" it was, but if you're willing to apologize then that's great - it does take two people to make a relationship work, so he needs to put some effort in as well.
Active Member
I've been away from ETS for a while but I just wanted to say that I think that my fwb is no longer on fwb status. We have both elevated to a better place and a better status. I love him.
BACKROLLS?!
Thanks for the advice. He definitely has a way to go in terms of maturity - he's twenty and I've noticed he has this pattern of raging against anyone who slights him in the least. I sent an apology text to him yesterday but he's still giving me the silent treatment. I did say that I would give him space, and the next week is busy for both of us, but we'll be at the same club next Friday night, which I am now slightly dreading. I'll be with some close friends who know about the situation, so that should help. It sucks because I really care about him.
just a small town doggo
My bf is 23 so I definitely understand how 20 something boys can be immature, and they do have to be "handled" in a certain way most of the time.
Can you try and give him a call and see if you can talk it out? Even if you both have a busy week, your relationship should be a priority and he should make some time for you so you can have a chat about it. I think if it gets to the point where you're dreading seeing him on the weekend, it's probably not a great sign
How long have you guys been together?
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