Throbbing Member
Only a few more short weeks until a full year of not being in a relationship or going out on a date or anyone being interested in me at all. As much as I hate it, I've gotten used to it. Actually, a year is my record for shortest amount of time between relationships. There's someone I'm trying to go on a date with, but I don't think it's going to happen.
Captain Rustleboots
I know this thread is mainly used for shitty news, but let me tell my happy story about how I proposed to my girlfriend yesterday. I set up a "scavenger hunt" - she was at work until early afternoon so I left her a note in her car with a change of cloths telling her to change and meet with my dad. (They work in the same building together). My dad handed her a book that I made chronicling our lives together up until we met, the rest of the pages were missing. My dad took a pic of her with the book and told her to go to the place where we first met. (we met at taco bell 6 years ago working together) At taco bell our old boss that no longer works there was waiting for her with a page, she told her to go to the place we first hung out outside of work before we were even a couple, so she headed to walgreens (it meant alot to us stfu haha) and my mom was waiting for her with another page. From there my mom told her to pick her up and go to her parents house. There me, her mom, both grandmas, both brothers, her sister and a few friends I managed to get were waiting for her. I had the last page...the page about us getting engaged.
She said yes
Active Member
Tony, that is one of the coolest and most romantic things I have ever heard. Good job, dude. And congrats!
Active Member
Congrats Tony, I don't even know you but even probably would have said yes.
Captain Rustleboots
Haha thanks guys!
@_@
I don't know whether to put this in the Fucking thread or here. I'll put it here since it's a bit more involved than a one-night stand. I don't know how else to summarize it, so bear with me. Anyways, I've met this really great guy. We went out and had an amazing first date. The next day, he texts me and says he regrets not kissing me at the end of the first, but he was really shy and anxious (Aww!). So we went out again and we really hit it off. Going by that text, I thought he was fine with kissing, so when we were cuddling together the next time, I gave him a kiss and things were going well, then he had a panic attack mid-kiss. I reassured him that we could just hang out, no pressure. So we did so and called it a night and we continue chatting via email and text. We hang out again in person really quickly before the holiday; I love hearing him talk about his little projects and he's great company. During the holiday, our conversations were becoming very hot and sexual. He said he was very attracted to me and we began to discuss specific things that we both enjoy sexually. We had a pretty hot skype session together and planned another meetup during that chat.
Fast forward to last night. We arranged another get together to explore what we had discussed in that chat. I kiss him and the panic attack happens. He suggests we move to the bedroom and lie down together and that might help him relax. So we do and I reassure him that we will go at his pace and I won't do anything he doesn't want to. We undress slowly, but keep our underwear on and wind up spooning and he's aroused for quite a while. He starts moving against me and touching me, so I go with it and we start making out. He's about to put his hand down my underwear when another panic attack hits. I tell him not to worry about it and we can just chat and I enjoy the cuddling. Honestly, I do enjoy the cuddling, but I was practicing the most self restraint I've ever had and I was dying! The night goes on, he gets more comfortable and indicates that he's up for some oral. I approach him slowly, the slowest I've ever done with anyone, and eventually he gets into that and ends up fingering me, and he orgasms. Afterwards he asks if I'm ok (of course!) and said he did not want to go so fast, but couldn't help it. I told him not to worry, that I enjoyed it, and that we don't have to do that all of the time.
We continue spooning and I ask him if this has happened before. He said it did in his most recently relationship, but he still can't pinpoint why, and that it did not happen in the relationships before that.
Tl;dr: new dude has anxiety attacks when touching me in a sexual manner.
So I am at a loss as to what to do from here. I really like him and we have wonderful conversations and meetups together. I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him to be sexual, but I do want sex in addition to all of that other awesomeness. He says he wants to continue hanging out and seeing how it goes. How do I make him more comfortable? Should I just ignore all things sex for the time being, and for how long? If it were any other random dude, I would just say "whatevz, see ya" and be on my way, but I'm beginning to like this one. Also, mismatched libido was a deal breaker in one of my previous relationships over time. So what should I do?
Quiet Member
It's a barrier and you have to push through it fast and furious. Not in an aggressive way, just in a consistent one. Hopefully with more exposure and intimacy his weird hangup will eventually dissipate, or at least come down to a much more manageable level. Ignoring all things sex would be the worst thing you could do. If it doesn't change after a prolonged amount of engagement, you have a choice to make. Can you really be with someone who is that broken sexually? Probably not. On the plus side it's all in his head and should be something he can conquer the more close you guys become. This is like the cutest form of premature ejaculation ever. The bigger issue here I'd say is on the long term are you ok to be with someone who is such a pussy willow (for lack of a better term). Seems like you will have to take charge in the relationship in a lot of other areas, not just the sex, and that can be incredibly draining for a partner. Although some people, both male and female, prefer it and prefer a partner who is more docile, so maybe it's a good match for you, I'm not sure. Only you could answer that.
@_@
I find it a bit cute too. You'd think it would make it worse, but I find it a bit intriguing. But that's for right now. If it goes on at this pace for a longer term, I don't think I could handle that. I've always been the lead in most of my relationships so that's no big deal, but I feel like I'm dealing with a flighty little deer and I don't want to scare him off with the physical stuff.
Bent Member
Is it possible he's a survivor of sexual abuse?
@_@
I've been wondering if that's the case. Or if he's asexual. He said he has generalized anxiety disorder today. Hmm..Originally Posted by jessamineny
Active Member
So date night didn't happen as she got sick from one of her girls. We have however been chatting daily and that's been good. I'm beginning to really like this woman even if we haven't met yet. Not swooning perhaps but she seems really cool, I can't wait to actually meet her and not just text and talk in the phone. It does all seem pretty comfortable though. I'll post back here after we go out hopefully Sunday or Monday.
Throbbing Member
Congratulations, Tony!I know this thread is mainly used for shitty news, but let me tell my happy story about how I proposed to my girlfriend yesterday. I set up a "scavenger hunt" - she was at work until early afternoon so I left her a note in her car with a change of cloths telling her to change and meet with my dad. (They work in the same building together). My dad handed her a book that I made chronicling our lives together up until we met, the rest of the pages were missing. My dad took a pic of her with the book and told her to go to the place where we first met. (we met at taco bell 6 years ago working together) At taco bell our old boss that no longer works there was waiting for her with a page, she told her to go to the place we first hung out outside of work before we were even a couple, so she headed to walgreens (it meant alot to us stfu haha) and my mom was waiting for her with another page. From there my mom told her to pick her up and go to her parents house. There me, her mom, both grandmas, both brothers, her sister and a few friends I managed to get were waiting for her. I had the last page...the page about us getting engaged.
She said yes
And this may sound weird, but in that picture (the pose and the lighting and all that) she looks almost exactly like my sister o.O
Captain Rustleboots
Haha well then, your sister is pretty hot!
Ha!
Down, but not out.
This is random thought, but I'm sure it belongs here, as I've always ended up thinking about it in this thread. I think it's just adorable to see ETS couples post. It would be actually nice to see more ETS members also encourage their life partners to post here.
Throbbing Member
I think everyone who knows my sister will agree :P Of the two of us, she won the genetic lottery. I got all the leftover crap that was filtered out for her.
Active Member
Oh man, NOPE. He knows I post here and will read my posts on occasion, but I think having our own space is important. In hindsight, I wouldn't have encouraged any of my irl friends to get on ets. I like having space to vent and talk without worrying about who I'm sharing it with. My boyfriend is an exception.
That said, yes, ETS couples are adorbs.
Throbbing Member
hmm since having GAD myself I would say he might be on medication and he might have high anxiety to perform. Just my 2 cents.
Throbbing Member
So there's this girl I met on Halloween at a mutual friend's Birthday party, and she's wonderful. She has an amazing personality that immediately brings a smile to my face, she's painfully gorgeous, and she has awesome taste in movies and music, and my heart stops whenever I see her smile, even if it's just in a picture. I've been trying to work up the balls to ask her out, but I'm terrified that she might prefer my guitar player or one of his friends that she met when she saw us play last Tuesday (I wouldn't be surprised in the least with the way my luck runs. It happens all the time).
I'm hoping I get to see her again soon because I really don't want to ask her on a date on Facebook or in a text. That shit's just not romantic. And she strikes me as the kind of girl who would find it endearingly adorable if a guy looked like he was on the verge of having a seizure from excessive nervousness while trying to ask her out, which is what I'm hoping since that's probably I'm going to end up looking like anyways.
But I actually think that I might have a chance just based on history because the last two relationships I was in both started in the winter (although one of them was a relationship I should never have been in in the first place, but that's beside the point). So yeah, wish me luck... I'll need it.
Active Member
My love recieves her graduate degree on Friday and she's moving back north Sunday. The entire year and a half we have been together we have been long distance - me getting my masters in Buffalo and she working towards hers in Orlando. This is the best relationship I've ever been in and she has said the same. This woman is the most honest and good hearted person I have known; I don't see anything coming between us that can not be worked out. I can talk to her about ANYTHING. I've got a great teaching gig and she just got a call from an environmental firm in the area to come in for an interview. It doesn't seem real, and as excited as I am about the thought of us living together - in 8ish days- I am fucking scared shitless. For no apparent reason.
Active Member
Congrats all around. I understand the scared part. You figured out a way to be on relationship with all that time and space, how you going to do it day in and day out- all that domesticity, all of a sudden. My fear too. I go a week on - together a lot, then two weeks off, doing my own thing. The fear of fucking it up if we moved in together- argh.
Good luck
Hairy Member
I got quite a good laugh out of this line.
Best of luck, dude! Let us know the outcome anyway!
Active Member
No thrift shopping but we did meet up tonight. Seems really cool, after the initial awkwardness it felt pretty relaxed. With just the right amount if tension .
Throbbing Member
Working out boundaries as we try to manage two separate households but want to draw them into one in the future. It's tough for both of us spending time apart but kids and home come first. But when we get together, even with kids, it's really great. I'm liking how this is developing.
Active Member
I think I've gotten so good at long distance that I'm bad at together for long stretches. With distance, we tend to have deep meaningful conversations and emails. Then together, I blow up body language on a small issue into a giant major argument. I suck.
@_@
We've been discussing his anxiety since I can relate (I have anxiety and random panic attacks, but I manage it with with meditation and meditation) and he said he's not on medication for it because it made him too drowsy. But we've come to the conclusion that everything was overwhelming him at once. We've been going slow and wiped the slate clean and pretend we just met again. It made it a bit fun for both of us, and he's definitely let his guard down around me a bit more. Still haven't had heavy physical stuff go down, but he can kiss me without panicking, so it's a step forward!
Throbbing Member
So I asked her out today, and she smiled real wide and said "it's a distinct possibility", seizure and all.I got quite a good laugh out of this line.
Best of luck, dude! Let us know the outcome anyway!
I'm keeping my fingers, toes, eyes, arms and legs crossed. But not my balls, that shit just hurts.
Active Member
Grats to both of you's.
Meeting up again before work tomorrow, and admission to the down town museum is free!
The Enhancer
Message ex on facebook two weeks ago.
She says "So good to hear from you, sorry I've been AWOL, have a LOT to tell you!"
Don't hear anything until today when:
Ex "likes" two of my photos.
Last edited by Fixer808; 12-17-2013 at 04:02 AM.
The Enhancer
I could be all optimistic and interpret "a lot to tell you" as being more promising than "a lot to talk to you about", but at this point (2 years later... I know, I know) as much as I'd like to be back with her, I can't see it happening, and the suspense has gotten annoying, frankly.
Active Member
Yeah, fuuuuuck that.
My current relationship issue is that my boyfriend pretty much hates a guy I hooked up with while we were poly. I did it under problematic and hurtful circumstances and it was a giant miscommunication where he (my boyfriend) got really hurt. But my friend didn't do anything to him. The fact that he associates this guy with that situation + the fact that the guy has made some really flirtatious comments on my facebook a few times (something he hasn't done in ages and wouldn't have done if he'd known it wasn't cool... my boyfriend also really didn't like that it was a public forum) means he really can't stand him. The guy and I have a very lightly flirtatious dynamic, but it's truly nothing I think is inappropriate. He views him as disrespectful and really, he just isn't. And me hooking up with this guy happened in like late April/May. I tell my boyfriend (while acknowledging that I hurt him and I'm sorry) that this is something he needs to figure out how to work through, and he asks me how. I don't know how to explain it to him. How?
He's a person that tends to have very drastic and final reactions about things and isn't good at getting over stuff, so I really don't know how to tell him to do the emotional work to get over this (somewhat). And that when I tell him that using me as an outlet for his dislike of this guy isn't really cool, his reaction is to just not talk to me about it and talk to other people about how much he doesn't like him. Because I know I hurt him, but it's December and this is problematic. I'm not saying he has to like him, but disliking him this much causes issues.
It's problematic that he hopes this guy moves to Malaysia and if we break up he'd hide my newsfeed just so that he wouldn't have to see us interact and ugh. This guy is a really good person and someone whose friendship I really value.
Last edited by playwithfire; 12-17-2013 at 09:15 AM.
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