The Relationship Thread

[theimage13]

Right, so we went out on Friday night, had literally one drink because he had a photo shoot with his band the next day, he had to go to some party so all I got was a hug and "I'll see you tomorrow night after your gig". GUESS WHO GOT STOOD UP LAST NIGHT?

Ugh, I'm just going to crawl into bed and listen to Lady Gaga ballads.

I'd take Lady Gaga ballads in bed over dating a musician any day.

-former musician

[sentient02970]

Getting back together after a weekend off of "space" so she can spend some focused time with her kids. Got a text this morning: "Miss you. Can't wait to see you tonight". Yay!

[Dra508]

Getting back together after a weekend off of "space" so she can spend some focused time with her kids. Got a text this morning: "Miss you. Can't wait to see you tonight". Yay!

This is the story of my life right now and actually really good considering the space I've been (married forever). Week on, week off, week on, two weeks off. We can go as long as 20 days, but then we both start twitching. Yes, I'm in the relationship thread - get your mind outta the gutter.

Yeah, that too.

[allegro]

I'd take Lady Gaga ballads in bed over dating a musician any day.

-former musician

Bwa ha ha ha so true!!! The lazy lead singer I lived with who had an ego the size of Nebraska when I was 22 made me swear off musicians forever.


Wait ... I ended up MARRYING a musician, wtf. (This one's okay, though. Seriously. He didn't quit his day job.)

[theimage13]

For the first time in something painfully stupid - six or seven years - I have a second date coming up.

Note to self: don't fuck it up.

[Pillfred]

Good luck.

[Dra508]

Two years later, I, finally, am getting divorced. Praise Allah, I'm moving on.

[slave2thewage]

My ex wants to get back with me. I'm trying to think of gentle ways to tell him it isn't happening.

[allegro]

Two years later, I, finally, am getting divorced. Praise Allah, I'm moving on.

No shit??? I hope it's final soon!

[theimage13]

Single most awkward first kiss ever: check.
Kind of doubting how it went: check.
Her going back for another at the end of the date: check mate.

Sweet Baby Jesus on fire, I've missed this feeling.

[johnbron]

We are at nearly five months now and it's truly as magical and mind blowing as it was at the beginning. The communication is exactly where it needs to be, with zero bullshit or games and I feel like the luckiest guy on earth. We'll be booking flights soon for a trip to Michigan and New York in April to visit some of her relatives and her mother... this is a pretty big deal. That seven years I spent single is paying off in ways I'd never imagined. FUCK YES!

Oh, and she spent time with a bunch of my long-time ETS friends in Asheville, NC for the NIN show and will be meeting a LOAD more next Friday for the Seattle show. It didn't scare her off a bit. #NINweirdos4life

[Charmingly Miserable]

Two years later, I, finally, am getting divorced. Praise Allah, I'm moving on.

I'm happy for you. Welcome to the club! Next week will mark 2 years of being divorce. That being said, I wish I can go on a date with some one I'm attracted to.

[sentient02970]

Invited to drinks and a night out with her military "brothers". I know for sure I'll be "assessed". Should be interesting. Yeah, I'm nervous. Her ex was NEVER invited to this kind of stuff.

[millionmilesaway]

breakups suck. I knew it was coming sooner or later but I wish it would have waited a little longer.

[Trains]

breakups suck. I knew it was coming sooner or later but I wish it would have waited a little longer.

I know this feeling. We broke up four months ago. We weren't working, but I didn't want us to end. I know it's not the end of the world, but even so I just can't seem to get over it. I've been putting myself into a lot of positive things: I've kept myself busy at work, saving money to go travelling, making plans and hoping to make a career change in the near future. I've been working on a novel, pursuing my dream of being an author. I've even been seeing someone new already. And even so, I just can't get past this break up. I dream about her every night without fail. For reals, every night. She's in the back of my mind all the time. It sucks, I don't know why I'm lingering on it so much. I don't know, maybe four months isn't long enough? Anybody want to tell me where I'm going wrong?

[allegro]

Anybody want to tell me where I'm going wrong?

it happens, it's normal. You'll eventually stop thinking about her so much, and the dreams will become a lot less frequent but the dreams take a really long time to fully go away, if ever. I dunno, I had a dream (nightmare?) this morning about my PSYCHO ex husband, again, and we split up in '94.

I think dreams just represent our subconscious mind still sorting things out.

[Pillfred]

^
Yep, feel that way about my last gf, been over it a while but it seems like little pockets pop up still from time to time. She's doing good though and I can see it for what it is. I just acknowledge it and just keep doing my thing.

On a positive note as I think I mentioned in my rant in the cheer you up thread, started chatting with a lady whom I met online a few months back who seemed to drop off suddenly. I guess our phones didn't like each other as she got ahold of me the other day on Cupid. Said she sent me a few texts after we had been chatting a few days and never heard back from me. Same thing on my end. It let it alone cause I asked her out but she never got back to me after. Was kinda bummed as it seemed promising. Turns out technology can suck sometimes.

Started chatting again and we have a thrift store, bus driven, museum date next Monday. Itll be nice to go on a "date" as opposed to just out for some food and drinks. I'm pretty excited I must say.

[theimage13]

Single most awkward first kiss ever: check.
Kind of doubting how it went: check.
Her going back for another at the end of the date: check mate.

Sweet Baby Jesus on fire, I've missed this feeling.

And now, I'm going to keep missing this feeling. If you need me, I'll be in "Fuck me (no, seriously) for probably the next five to ten years.

[AgentofChaos]

Hahaha classic case of putting the pussy on a pedestal. You need to relax and stop making every date seem like this epic important thing. It's just a date. If it goes well, cool. If it doesn't, then it's not a big deal. Your getting too high or too low. You need to find a stable emotional level to check yourself into cause right now your in stage 5 clinger mode and I can smell the desperation from here. You can choose to believe you are a catch and you will find the right person eventually, and people will believe you. Or you can choose to believe you are a pathetic loser that nobody would want and thus is the reason why you never get laid, and guess what, the ladies will believe that too. It's really that simple. Get out of your own head man.

[burninglard]

This may seem like a stupid question but I need some advice or opinions:

So I have a crush on a lovely lady at work. We have made quick small talk. But nothing more than that.
I don't know much about her really and vice versa, but I just have butterfly's in my stomach every time I see her.

So whats a good way/ the way you all would ask her out?

Like I said, sort of a stupid question but I haven't had a lot of luck with dating for a long ass time, lol.

[Pillfred]

^ if you don't think it will make things too awkward see if you can find out if she's dating anyone, and just ask her out for lunch or coffee maybe.


Image,
Agent is right if a bit harsh, but maybe that's necessary. Think of it as a good time that didn't work out. It was a good date that didn't go anywhere perhaps but focus on the fact you actually went out. That means you're not a total bridge troll if even you think you may be. I guess focus on the positive, believe you have some kind if worth and keep an eye out for a different lady. Once you've digested it it becomes a bit easier. I'm not positive but you'd probably be surprised if you could get out if your head and open up to the idea.

[ryanp16]

breakups suck. I knew it was coming sooner or later but I wish it would have waited a little longer.

It's better to get it over with though. Prolonging it only makes it worse and it really sucks when you're totally aware of that and still don't want it to end.

I know this feeling. We broke up four months ago. We weren't working, but I didn't want us to end. I know it's not the end of the world, but even so I just can't seem to get over it. I've been putting myself into a lot of positive things: I've kept myself busy at work, saving money to go travelling, making plans and hoping to make a career change in the near future. I've been working on a novel, pursuing my dream of being an author. I've even been seeing someone new already. And even so, I just can't get past this break up. I dream about her every night without fail. For reals, every night. She's in the back of my mind all the time. It sucks, I don't know why I'm lingering on it so much. I don't know, maybe four months isn't long enough? Anybody want to tell me where I'm going wrong?

it happens, it's normal. You'll eventually stop thinking about her so much, and the dreams will become a lot less frequent but the dreams take a really long time to fully go away, if ever. I dunno, I had a dream (nightmare?) this morning about my PSYCHO ex husband, again, and we split up in '94.

I think dreams just represent our subconscious mind still sorting things out.

Depends how long you were together and how emotionally invested in her you were. Four months out of my last relationship and I was no where near getting over her. When it ended it was similar dreams every night. Eventually they became weekly, then monthly and so on. Three years on and she very rarely shows up in my dreams, and even then I don't think these dreams mean the same thing as the old ones then. My self conscious probably just treats her like any other person now.

Agent is right if a bit harsh, but maybe that's necessary. Think of it as a good time that didn't work out. It was a good date that didn't go anywhere perhaps but focus on the fact you actually went out. That means you're not a total bridge troll if even you think you may be. I guess focus on the positive, believe you have some kind if worth and keep an eye out for a different lady. Once you've digested it it becomes a bit easier. I'm not positive but you'd probably be surprised if you could get out if your head and open up to the idea.

Pretty much.

[AgentofChaos]

This may seem like a stupid question but I need some advice or opinions:

So I have a crush on a lovely lady at work. We have made quick small talk. But nothing more than that.
I don't know much about her really and vice versa, but I just have butterfly's in my stomach every time I see her.

So whats a good way/ the way you all would ask her out?

Like I said, sort of a stupid question but I haven't had a lot of luck with dating for a long ass time, lol.

Wait till close to the end of the day. Approach her for some small talk. After a good laughing or connecting moment, simply say "hey, what are you doing after we bust out of here, wanna go grab a bite? I know this great place, etc"

If she says yes, golden. If she says no, she'll likely come back with an excuse like she already has plans (granted, a likely possibility). If she is interested but does have plans, she'll either come back with another time that works for her, or you'll sense a genuine desire on her part to make it happen again in the future, and then it will take care of itself. Basically you'll know immediately by her response. The best part of this strategy is it will keep the potential akwardness to a minimum since when you ask someone out with only a couple hours notice, you can't exactly blame them for saying no. You simply keep it polite after that and don't bring it up again. And it will make it easy for you to move on.


But personally if you like your job a lot, or have to work closely with this person, I'd spend a bit more time scouting and doing recon before you dive in. Conversely, if you know you can keep it professional either way, might as well get it out of the way now so you don't spend countless hours stressing over something that is really nothing.

[aggroculture]

Anybody want to tell me where I'm going wrong?

Patience patience patience. Keep living your life and in time…in time...

[burninglard]

Wait till close to the end of the day. Approach her for some small talk. After a good laughing or connecting moment, simply say "hey, what are you doing after we bust out of here, wanna go grab a bite? I know this great place, etc"

If she says yes, golden. If she says no, she'll likely come back with an excuse like she already has plans (granted, a likely possibility). If she is interested but does have plans, she'll either come back with another time that works for her, or you'll sense a genuine desire on her part to make it happen again in the future, and then it will take care of itself. Basically you'll know immediately by her response. The best part of this strategy is it will keep the potential akwardness to a minimum since when you ask someone out with only a couple hours notice, you can't exactly blame them for saying no. You simply keep it polite after that and don't bring it up again. And it will make it easy for you to move on.


But personally if you like your job a lot, or have to work closely with this person, I'd spend a bit more time scouting and doing recon before you dive in. Conversely, if you know you can keep it professional either way, might as well get it out of the way now so you don't spend countless hours stressing over something that is really nothing.

Thanks Agent, pretty much that was what I was thinking of doing. Just needed another opinion. I think I will just play it cool for the time being and get to know her/ more about her before I rush into anything. Patience is tough, but very valuable, lol.

Also thanks Pillfred

[Trains]

Patience patience patience. Keep living your life and in time…in time...

Yeah, gotta take it slow, I keep reminding myself of that. Thanks.

[burninglard]

So I found out today the woman that I like has a boyfriend.

Oh well, at least I didn't have to get rejected to find out. We were just making small talk and she mentioned she was seeing someone.
Time to keep my eyes open and look elsewhere.

Plus I really just like this woman, so I am happy just to even talk to hear.

[playwithfire]

You know I'm happy with my boyfriend, and I hope we'll be together for a long time. Obviously there are issues, but yeah.

That said, when I am single again? Unless I'm very lucky I think it'll be a looooong time before I get in a srs relationship. I've had too many important boxes checked to be willing to settle for something less from a significant other. I know how rare what I have with my guy is and fuck it, I want something just at good from someone else if we break up.

[Pillfred]

I feel you there. The serious ones I have been in have done the same for me. I feel lucky to have been schooled in a way in that regard. I've sort of always been that way but now it's fairly set in stone. Oh well, as things go it kinda sets the bar higher. Which imo isn't a bad thing helps clear out some of the bullshit that may otherwise arise I feel .

[rhet]

You know I'm happy with my boyfriend, and I hope we'll be together for a long time. Obviously there are issues, but yeah.

That said, when I am single again? Unless I'm very lucky I think it'll be a looooong time before I get in a srs relationship. I've had too many important boxes checked to be willing to settle for something less from a significant other. I know how rare what I have with my guy is and fuck it, I want something just at good from someone else if we break up.

That's how I feel about my husband..I know what it's like to have a near perfect match which makes poly dating really hard sometimes.