Down, but not out.
I'm beginning to wonder if a lack of smiling and laughter can eventually bring you down. I sometimes just try to see how long I can go without smiling and laughing, and I've got to admit that it does feel like something is missing after a while. It took me a while to get it, but perhaps that's why it seems like so many people seem to find as many reasons to smile and laugh as possible.
Now I'm 0000
I dunno. Some people claim that the mere act of smiling can bring you out of a funk, and I actually tried that on Friday as an experiment. But it ended up looking (and feeling) like a bad facelift.Originally Posted by Kris
You have to try not to smile? Jesus — that's my natural state. I'm not sure I could spin it as a deadpan expression, either. Just dead.I sometimes just try to see how long I can go without smiling and laughing, and I've got to admit that it does feel like something is missing after a while.
But this is another one of those things that the drugs can switch on and off for me. (You've got knack for hitting my particular nails on the head.) Some of them make smiling and laughter almost effortless — maybe even to the point that it would take an effort not to — but with others I just never have the desire and/or energy. That makes me think that their absence is more effect than cause, but maybe it varies from person to person.
Anyone else here find they can change moods just by trying hard enough? Or have Kris and I sucked all the air out of this thread…?
Down, but not out.
Oh, I don't try not to, it's just that it isn't always necessary or possible. (Sorry about that, as it was a poor choice of worlds. It's more like, I've seen how far I can go without smiling and laughing.) And yeah, I have a feeling we could've sucked the air out of this thread too, but I've got to admit that venting like this sometimes does help, provided I don't say something so stupid and over-the-top that it starts a fight. And well, thanks to those that have listened, and have given relatable stores and supportive advice.
It's still appreciated, but I also suppose it's about time I give it a rest here too, and just try to figure out some of this shit on my own.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-03-2013 at 04:52 PM.
Active Member
When I get in a funk I just go out and about. I'm easily amused so I tend to find all manner of things funny. I think because I laugh easy and fairly often is one of the reasons I get by for sure. Granted it sometimes has its base in cynicism but whatever. And yes if I catch myself in time a good laugh can turn things around if even just for a bit.
Down, but not out.
I think I'm finally burnt out on this topic as of now. I've already let icklekitty know about it, but also thought I'd post it one more time in this this thread for all to see. I'm sure I was able to carry on with it for so long because I've been bottling up most of these issues for 10-15+ years, and haven't been opening up about it as of late, and have used ETS to vent, hopefully with in reason and decency. I'm just thankful that there were understanding people here, and I've always appreciated whatever advice came my way. I really appreciate it. But yeah, it has certainly boosted up my post count, which definitely exceeded my expectations. I thought hitting 1,000+ posts would've taken a bit longer.
But yes, it certainly feels better to have let some of this go and talk about it. Whatever help you've given me was and still is appreciated. Thank you.(And this inevitably and obviously reminds me why bottling shit up sometimes never helps.)
-And yeah, some of this stuff, as already mentioned in a way, goes back to my childhood.-
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-05-2013 at 08:17 AM.
Now I'm 0000
My head is floating like a bobble-head at a marijuana legalization rally, but 1.5mg of Klonopin can really restore my composure and sense of humor.
Talking to a client who thinks we filled out her property tax forms wrong is one thing; a client who doesn't actually know what a properly filled form looks like is another; but it's the client with a default bad attitude that lead to me throwing things across the office and banging my desk till stuff bounces off it.
I got all three in one phone call.
Eeeeha, eeeeha, eeeeha…
Active Member
Having a miserable week,combination of reducing Paroxetine dosage,PMT and not liking my job. My anxiety is definitely increasing mostly worrying about my parents - both in mid to late seventies and not in great health ( I live with my Dad my sister lives with my mum in the Caribbean).
I also exercise to help my mood as well as keep fit,esp as I work night shifts.
![[parasite]'s Avatar](/community/vessel/squares/avatar2902_8.gif){kind=avatar}
i used to be someone else
today, my caseworker and i were talking about possible sectioning,
Now I'm 0000
My parents and the people at work have been more patient and understanding than I ever could have hoped for … that's 46 years for my parents and 12 for my employer.
I would have tried to meet them halfway anyway, but it helps a lot.
Bored
Today, I've learned that I have to add to that avoidant personality disorder and major depressive disorder.
More therapy for me, yay!
Now I'm 0000
Is it helping?
Down, but not out.
I'm finally starting to realize why people seem to intentionally make an attempt to forget the bad things people say and do to them, or would at least hope to forget about things. It's also no wonder why people tell me that remembering all the bad things people say and do isn't supportive or healthy. I actually thought that a positive benefit was that it would protect me, but I realized that it usually made me dwell on negative and destructive thoughts and emotions.
Perhaps what people are trying to tell me that I can learn from my mistakes in regards to opening and up and trusting people without remembering all the wrongdoings because all that would only return me into a state of fear, confusion, and anger. This is perhaps another thing I've learned very late in life as I've only realized this less than one hour ago.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-09-2013 at 11:43 AM.
Bored
I'm just beginning so it's too early to tell. Knowing what is wrong with me does help a little because it gives me a bit of understanding about how my feelings and my brain work.Is it helping?
But I have hope therapy (plus the meds) will help. I'm ready for it and I'm going willingly, not because someone else wants me to.
*hugs*
Down, but not out.
All of this posting from me in this thread is reminding me to take my own advice in the Note to Self thread. Whenever I read some of my posts in a negative mindset, I can't even believe that I said any of those things. Hindsight is very unforgiving. I'm just reminded more and more that I really should be striving for foresight, and like most or even all things worthwhile, it's going to be challenging. With that being said, I really should only post when I'm fine and happy. This thought just occurred to me recently and this seemed like the only right place to post it here.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-11-2013 at 09:23 PM.
Active Member
I feel you. I have been more actively trying to both accept and work with my moods and take them as they come. How I am is how I am and not dwell on it. If I'm whatever, it is what it is. It helps that I realize shit passes. No meds, but still just taking it as it comes helps. If my head is what it is I just try and persevere and remember it's just me and not some bullshit I think up. Day by day I guess.
Keep at it I guess Iz what I'm saying.
That said, fuck....
Down, but not out.
I think for what it's worth, it's actually working. I'm not pretending that my mental problems don't exist through denial, but focusing on other things that make me happy and secure, along with the things I can change and do something about can sometimes work wonders. I sometimes forgot how something so simplistic can have such a positively profound effect on my happiness, contentment, and security even if it's not always the best thing forever and ever. I've figured this is what helps people gain foresight because it actually helps remind you to focus on moving on and bettering yourself.
desperately chilled
has anyone tried one of those vitamin d/sun lamps? i've been working in a basement since last spring, and between this, my usual depression, and my sick cat, i'm not sure how i'm going to handle this winter. does anyone have any experience with one of these? does it work?
Now I'm 0000
Always been curious about that. Seasonal depression has been a big issue for at least 25 years, and I think that's what finally pushed me over the edge. (Imagine coming home to New England after a week in Hawaii … in December.)
desperately chilled
yeah i always have seasonal issues, and while i do like winter/grey days for the most part, i feel like the circumstances now are heading towards a pretty bleak winter. the basement aspect of things is especially concerning, since there's no window/phone reception/any contact whatsoever with the outside world. it snowed for the first time this season, and it's been a very, very rough day here at work. if this is just the start, i'm dreading how bad it'll get in say, february.
so, with that in mind, i just did some research online and ordered this:
http://www.amazon.com/Lightphoria-00...+Disorder+lamp
should be here thursday. i'll let you know if it's any good...
Last edited by frankie teardrop; 11-12-2013 at 03:21 PM.
Now I'm 0000
Wow — that's waaaay smaller (and more reasonably priced) than the ones I've seen. I guess we can thank LEDs for that too.
I have my office outfitted with 6500K lights, but that was an aesthetic decision. I don't know if they put out enough light to make a difference for SAD, and some people are saying that the amount of light matters more than the color.
But I am giving more thought to the psychological aspect of lighting. For a while I was making a conscious effort to put aside my back-lit iPad and MacBook in favor of my Kindle at night, but I'm fallen out of the habit again. I was never sure if it was the lighting or the reading material that was helping me fall asleep.
Down, but not out.
I gave it some more thought, along with all my entire life, and I have finally came to terms with the fact that it really does make me sick to think that sometimes most people assume that everybody is and should be their own biggest fan while wanting to be around people and get to know them. What a serious smack in the face to those that don't have the same mental health as they do. I never make that assumption now, as I know what it's like to be incredibly anxious, resentful, vindictive, self-loathing, suicidal, and paranoid, while having the constant fear of getting hurt and getting in trouble almost everywhere I go where there's people around. It just took me a while to accept it, and that's one assumption that I refuse to tolerate.
It's pretty damn obvious that not everybody is going to love themselves, and not really like be around others, or would even go as far as to hate to be around people, and hate speaking to them as well or being afraid of them, yet the assumptions, expectations, and demands of being secure, confident, and self-loving and social are massively imposed. I'm sorry, but that's just one more cat I've really wanted to let out of the bag. I just didn't know exactly how to put it at the time.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-13-2013 at 04:44 PM.
Active Member
My working stupid hours is starting back fire. It occurred to me it nay just be another way of avoiding things I need to do. That and I've had kind of a ruff weak. That said kicking my head into a semi-productive space I think has helped. I just need to start focusing my energies elsewhere. Think I need to start seeing my counsler again as well. I was starting feel like we we're trending the sane ground for a bit before I stopped going. I guess I just need to keep grinding and moving forward.
Worth reMembering
Yeah you got to keep on moving against that tide. I've been switched from Valium to Seroquel for my social anxiety-agoraphobic-panic disorder tendencies/depression/AvPD. I've got two NIN shows in March, so having this goal to work towards is a big help. Exposure therapy will begin this weekend. A walk around the block, sitting on a bench in a huge shopping centre (mall) for thirty minutes, then sixty. Keep escalating the exposure, keep moving. I'm hoping I can get to a point where I don't have to over medicate myself just to get on a plane, and then the concert. I've come to accept I'll never get rid of social anxiety and that it will be something I have to learn to manage for a long time to come. I feel okay with that now, not like before when it seemed the only answer was a bottle of alcohol and a swim out to sea.
Last edited by somethingelse; 11-15-2013 at 06:28 PM. Reason: adding more labels. Labels.
Hierba Gatera
Good for you! Missed seeing two NIN shows because of my social anxiety. So lame.
Now I'm 0000
My current project is training myself not to anthropomorphize other people on the road.
I remind myself that they're all robots. Their body language is an illusion created by idiosyncratic code, and if they react to me at all it's just an algorithm with no conscious thought behind it. Trying to communicate with them is pointless.
The rage I feel is misplaced, because machines aren't bad — they're just programmed that way.
Worth reMembering
Thanks @Miss Baphomette and yeah it's lame, I know the feeling all too well. The regrets of not going, the depression. A feedback loop. Neuron pathways set in stone.
I can drive a car, but I have to do this by way of depersonalization to a degree. The other cars are mechanical only with no drivers, all just following a set of rules. Traffic lights suck.
Active Member
Coming off - reducing the dose of Seroxat (Paroxetine) is much harder than
I thought it would be. Feels like I am going to have to start looking into some type of psychotherapy to overcome the anxiety and low moods.
Down, but not out.
I have similar anxieties with driving as well. If it's not about car accidents, irreversible freak accidents, lawsuits, or going to prison for manslaughter, it's also about getting lost, and the mere thought of getting lost has always freaked me the fuck out too. I'm sure it's one of the biggest reasons why I'm so unadventurous, and wished I could just afford to use a plane or a chauffeur/tour bus everywhere I went. (But of course, that's just one of the many fantasies I have in mind.)
I also had anxieties in going to large crowds by myself, but I somehow forced myself into them when it came to concerts, and thankfully none of my anxieties actually came true. It does seem more relaxing to do such things with a close friend though. I'm just more at ease that way. It's also occurred to me more and more that people usually don't seem to want to hang out insecure people. I've heard of it before, but I've noticed that when they notice that you're constantly afraid of getting hurt and getting into trouble when you're mostly around other people, it just seems to be a killjoy to them.
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-15-2013 at 12:24 PM.
Now I'm 0000
I'm not sure whether to find this heartwarming, or feel depressed that this is yet another example of how I'm not measuring up.
Inside the World of Competitive Laughing
Down, but not out.
I just thought that I'd chime in here once more to say that my emotions are still one hell of roller-coaster. However, I'm really noticing that little by little, choosing to not have all-nighters on social-networking sites and Internet forums, or even taking some occasional breaks, or even immense hiatuses from them sometimes helps. Not that I'm blaming the Internet, but catching up on sleep, or being more productive obviously helps, and even the Internet can sometimes be akin to food or drug addiction to me.
I actually find myself more at peace when I'm not always posting at inopportune/indecent hours, as I've sometimes stayed up and made posts until 1:00 AM to 4:00 AM while even being in the worst of moods while drowsy, which could sometimes get very ugly.
(This is also along with the fact that people in general could also use a break from me every now and then as well.)
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-20-2013 at 01:26 PM.
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