The little things that piss you off

[Khrz]

I keep obsessing over what he must have been going through in those last few seconds, when he knew he was going to die.

Fuck everything.

I'm well aware of how easy it is to say, and of how relentless that kind of thought can be, but really, try not to think about it, and when you do, try to think about something else. That's a bottomless pit of pain right there, and there will never be any answer to that, nothing to settle it, nothing to comfort you.
That kind of loss is already huge, there's really no need to scrutinize and try to picture every "detail". That shit is a fucking fractal of grief. There's just no end to it.
I know it sounds a lot like "move on", and on many regards it is. But that's really the only way to weather that kind of storm and not snap in half.

[elevenism]

I'm well aware of how easy it is to say, and of how relentless that kind of thought can be, but really, try not to think about it, and when you do, try to think about something else. That's a bottomless pit of pain right there, and there will never be any answer to that, nothing to settle it, nothing to comfort you.
That kind of loss is already huge, there's really no need to scrutinize and try to picture every "detail". That shit is a fucking fractal of grief. There's just no end to it.
I know it sounds a lot like "move on", and on many regards it is. But that's really the only way to weather that kind of storm and not snap in half.

i have been doing this same thing, constantly imagining someone's last moments.
my dear, dear friend of 20 plus years who died some days ago-i knew she died from becoming septic, and hoped that she had died in her sleep, but have recently learned the grim truth, that her lungs filled with blood, drowning her, and she was fully conscious.
I am trying so hard to push it out of my head.