Hairy Member
Yeah, concerts are definitly an exceptional state for me. I can even small talk a bit with random people when waiting in line without feeling extremly uncomfortable, because its usually about the band.
I can headbang, sing, scream like an idiot and don't feel judged by the people that surround me, its awesome!
Stubby Member
It takes me years to meet people, I've lived here for 18 months and only real friend is brother in law. I've spoken to some work colleagues, but, nothing outside of work. Just me, janes addiction and some tequila tonight.
ladyborg
i think one of the hard truths of adulthood is that its quite difficult to make good friends especially after school/university and outside of work. I've talked to loads of people my age about how its hard to meet people and am always surprised at how many people seem to agree..even extroverts and it can be even harder for us introverts. I've moved every year or 2 for the last almost 10 years so I've definitely struggled to get any sort of roots down or a solid friend group going. stick with it though! do things you like and talk to people there. also this: How to Make Friends as a Grown Up
Active Member
Yeah...I can count the people I'd really consider to be friends on one hand, and my relationship with each of them goes back over ten years (when I was still in high school). I haven't met a single person since then who I'm comfortable talking to on a regular basis. And heck, I've lived in my current town (which I'm finally leaving) for over two and a half years. No going away party though, because I can't think of one single person who I'd even want to ask to join me at the pub. Kinda one of the big reasons that I'm leaving...
ladyborg
Yeah I've lived in this city for almost 2 years and my best friends are ones I've met in IRC (and hang out with in person regularly) and friends I inherited from my husband..luckily he has good taste!
Stubby Member
A husband (or wife's) friend is not the same though do you find, not sure. It's tough, ill sure check out that link though, perhaps not after a quarter bottle of tequila though.
ladyborg
Well obviously they were his friends first from high school but i kind of commandeered the ones I liked and now they're more my friends since my hubby isn't as social as I am (which is funny since he's the extrovert).
Active Member
I've made like most of my NYC friends because I knew @goody. THANKS ETS.
ladyborg
Internet friends FTW
Active Member
Redundant maybe, but does anyone else get weird when they try to be more open, outgoing, with people when expressing, I guess, emotions?
Down, but not out.
Yes, but it also happens when it's the other way around too. I can also see how silence can be awkward, but being forced to speak to fill in the silence for the sake of speaking, while getting pried for some information and emotion can be a lot more weird to me, thus making me weird in the process. I've also been always a bit of a homebody and a loner too, and found out that I actually prefer to socialize in smaller groups, or one-on-one. (That is, whenever I'm actually socializing.)
Active Member
When there's several persons in the room I'll remain silent and listen/analyze every word that's said, but once I'm alone with someone it devolves into mutual psycho-analysis and genealopsychology real fast...Originally Posted by Kris
There has to be a middle ground somewhere, but I can't be hassled to talk about the weather or sports and politics and religion are too hairy even with familiar people...
Down, but not out.
I've been following this thread since it started, but as of now I'm not sure if this questions was already asked. Did any of you deal with the following questions? I understand that being quiet, or being a loner doesn't necessarily mean that one has to be a introvert, but I'm sure lots of introverts had to have gone through questions along these lines. (They didn't say all of these things directly, but I think that's what they implied.) I also noticed that I felt a lot better when I said something after completing my thought. I should also do that more often when I'm typing too, since it leaves me editing my posts like crazy.
1. Why are you so quiet? The silence is killing me.
2. Don't you ever talk? I wish you'd let me know what you were thinking.
3. I wish you'd open up more. It's boring and stressful when people don't talk. Silent people make me feel awkward too. (Not that people have directly said that, but they sure as hell implied it. -I edited the earlier part of my post to clarify the way entire list of questions were written.-)
4. Why are you by yourself so much? Don't you have any friends? Don't you get bored?
5. What do you do on the weekends? Don't you have a life? Don't you get out? And shouldn't you get out more? (I only put it directly here, but I've heard questions like that too.)
This happened whenever I was quiet in a school and work setting as well. I wasn't even ignoring anybody, but my silence sometimes shook people up for whatever reason.
Oh, and here's the kicker of all these questions to me. I also find it odd that being silent can, and is associated with being arrogant sometimes.
6. Don't you have a sense of humor? Do you have to be so serious? (This was asked in response to being quiet, which always puzzled me, because being quiet obviously doesn't always mean that something's serious, or even wrong for that matter.)
Last edited by Halo Infinity; 08-29-2013 at 08:28 AM. Reason: My thoughts were scrambled and incomplete. =P
Active Member
I'll bite:
1. Why are you so quiet? The silence is killing me. - I'm not quiet and don't get asked this.
2. Don't you ever talk? I wish you'd let me know what you were thinking. - See above.
3. I wish you'd open up more. It's boring and stressful when people don't talk. Silent people make me feel awkward too. (Not that people have directly said that, but they sure as hell implied it. -I edited the earlier part of my post to clarify the way entire list of questions were written.-) - I don't like silence. It makes be get bored really quickly and I'm not comfortable with that. I don't really do "contented silence." I also happily overshare. I love being alone but I don't spend it in contended silence. I occupy my time. Usually with idiocy.
4. Why are you by yourself so much? Don't you have any friends? Don't you get bored? I don't have friends who ask me this.
5. What do you do on the weekends? Don't you have a life? Don't you get out? And shouldn't you get out more? (I only put it directly here, but I've heard questions like that too.) See above. Nobody asks me that.
But honestly, I'm either busy with work, make plans, or have been asked to something. When I'm not invited to or included in something I occasionally getabout it, but my alone time is precious, so.
6. Don't you have a sense of humor? Do you have to be so serious? Sorry, I can't hear you over the fart joke I just made and the 10/10 comments I just left on a bunch of my boyfriend's photos.
It just goes to show ya how much us introverts can differ.
ladyborg
i used to get questions like that a lot when i was younger..people seemed quite put off by me sometimes because i can be quiet around new people and maybe a bit aloof (though less so now) but i'm not near as bothered about peoples perception of me these days so i'm just myself and go with the flow. it takes me a bit longer to warm to new people perhaps but after that i'm an open book.
Stubby Member
Holy shit, are you me? Seriously, I'm like this, and I get asked questions like this constantly.
2.71828183
I just realized tonight, that I haven't put myself in ANY unfamiliar social situations in quite a few years. I teach aerobics, and do fine in that role, because I am the leader, AND I know everyone. There is a math department picnic this weekend at the grad school I go to, but I am terrified! Since I'm only a part time student, I don't know people that well, but I feel like I should be there. I have this feeling everyone will look at me and think why is SHE here - isn't that ridiculous? Introvert problems.
Regarding silence from the topic above - I don't get asked why I'm quiet (my husband talks enough for both of us), but I'm perfectly happy to stay quiet. I was picking up a textbook recently, and I ran into a woman who worked there that I knew a little - I had to wait for the book to be brought up from the basement. After my standing there quietly for a short time, she proceeded to pump me for info - what is my major, do I still do the work that I used to do bla bla bla. So I turned the tables and asked her about her kid, but I would have preferred to just stand there. Why do people feel like they have to fill silence with inane chatter? If they are not your friend it just feels like they are being nosy, and I don't know any way to stop the questions that doesn't come off as rude.
Another silence story - evidently when I was 4, when my mother went to the teacher conference night at my pre-school, in November, the teacher asked my mother if I could talk. I'd been there since September and she hadn't heard me say a word, so I guess I've always been like this.
Active Member
I straight up get bored. It takes an astoundingly small amount of time. If I can't politely turn to my phone/something else/leave... then silence becomes uncomfortable and full of nothing and in the nothing I get bored and antsy and I basically just tolerate the silence.
Active Member
I hate the awkwardness of leaving work and finding a work colleague is going home part of the same route as you and trying to be polite striking up some small talk only to end in awkward silence and from then on trying not to leave work at the same time so as to avoid awkward small talk. This has happened at quite a few places I've worked at. I also see people do it all the time. I also don't have a problem with silence, sometimes silence is golden !
I went on a assertiveness evening course a couple of years ago and was surprised not only at how many people were on the course but also at how many worked as teachers!
desperately chilled
i appreciate silence on the train, when i'm trying to read and lose myself in my headphones for a while, even if i'm riding somewhere with my wife or a friend... but when i'm hanging out with someone at home/bar/dinner, etc., i can't handle silence and feel the need to fill every moment with conversation, music, or something because it just gets TOO QUIET AND AWKWARD.
in the end, i can't really stand having the same small conversations every five minutes and am glad i don't DJ much these days. now i don't have to pretend i'm this social butterfly and hide in the booth all night.
work, is also generally quiet time, but once in a while i get so bored during a slow day and become the random weirdo i am deep down. which, considering how quiet and introverted i am usually, tends to surprise my coworkers.
Bite me
I was inducted into three honor societies while I was an undergrad, and I skipped two of the induction ceremonies. I went to my Sigma Tau Delta induction because that was fairly important to me, but G went with me. Unless G can go with me, I generally don't go. Yeah, that's kinda sad but I just hate standing around with a glass in my hand checking my watch.
(Because I'm bored out of my fucking skull.)
Last edited by allegro; 08-30-2013 at 08:38 PM.
@_@
grrr. woof.
this thread is great. it's cathartic to read about your struggles with introversion. i have my own.
five years ago i was outgoing, fun, even popular. after experiencing my first panic attack and bout with depression, i clammed up socially. most of my close friends are now close facebook friends and i spend most of my free time at home with my dogs.
i keep hoping that i'll snap out of it while i'm still relatively young. not a ton of hope there, though.
Bite me
I had a great time at G's Latin class party, all really diverse interesting SMART people, no small talk at all. Probably all INTJs.
@_@
I have been socializing with people all damn day for the past 5 days straight and I feel so fucking depleted. Going to one more party tonight. I need a break before I pass out.
ladyborg
that does sound exhausting. i usually try to schedule our social activities so they're spread out or theres some down time in between but obviously you can't always do that. in fact i'm selling tickets to a show for next monday because i'm working with a load of people for long hours on thursday and friday then my inlaws are down for the weekend so i know i won't be in the mood to fight crowds.I have been socializing with people all damn day for the past 5 days straight and I feel so fucking depleted. Going to one more party tonight. I need a break before I pass out.
Active Member
I usually don't mind being around people say at a coffee shop or show, ad long as I don't have to really interact with them. I used to run into that though after a long day/week at work when the ex's parents would come to visit.
Throbbing Member
spent my entrie labor day weekend playing pokemon and seeing how sleep deprived i can get. i only go outside to smoke cigarettes.
@_@
Oh I definitely try to limit my outings to once a week, but it's been unavoidable these past couple of weeks.
Bite me
This weekend, I spent a few days in the row, all day, with both G and my mother. And they talk at the same time. I felt like I was guest host on The fucking VIEW. In a restaurant on Saturday night, the cacophony was so intense it was making me want to stab somebody with a pen. Actually, while I was signing the check so we could get the hell out of there (and I could finally get some alone recharging quiet time), I stabbed THE TABLE with a pen. And I broke the pen. It was the waitress's pen. I put it back together, but I think I made my point. They shut up after that. For about 5 minutes.
I don't mind conversation but sometimes when that^^ happens it feels like there are 500 conversations all around me and I want to go sit in a quiet car for a while (actually, I've DONE that).
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