The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[stankeybearlover]

I'm kinda losing it. Trying to keep it together, to keep my composure. I just found out that my girlfriend of 6 years for whom I have sacrificed far more than anyone should for anyone who isnt their child has most likely been cheating on me since the pandemic hit.

ive torn shit up. gotta repaint the walls soon

[ickyvicky]

Thank you @chuckrh

What I don't understand is his death certificate is not ready yet, and it's been a little over 2 weeks now. Is it because of the nature of his death? They've already cremated him.

I'm still having trouble sleeping and have nightmares. Being back at work and keeping busy has helped somewhat, but by the time I get home and it's time to go to bed - I totally freak out.

[allegro]

Thank you @chuckrh

What I don't understand is his death certificate is not ready yet, and it's been a little over 2 weeks now. Is it because of the nature of his death? They've already cremated him.

I used to work in a funeral home. The death certificate must be signed by a doctor who handled your father’s death. That can take a while for the funeral home (place handling cremation) to obtain, typically days. I couldn’t believe how hard it was to chase these doctors down for a signature. No, it has nothing to do with how your father died.

Also, it could be further delayed because the funeral directors haven’t gone to pick up the death certificates, yet.

Stay on their backs. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Sending hugs to you. Don’t be afraid to go talk with someone, get some help dealing with this, ok? It’s a LOT.

[chuckrh]

Thank you @chuckrh

What I don't understand is his death certificate is not ready yet, and it's been a little over 2 weeks now. Is it because of the nature of his death? They've already cremated him.

I'm still having trouble sleeping and have nightmares. Being back at work and keeping busy has helped somewhat, but by the time I get home and it's time to go to bed - I totally freak out.

Hang in there. I know this will be a rough holiday season for you. Holler if there is anything I (or others) can do to help. BTW: I have depression issues during the holidays under normal conditions. This has been a brutal year on the health front on top of the usual. I'm getting a shot in the spine (2nd one in a month) today. What I really need is spinal fusion surgery which is a total crapshoot. & with the other health issues, there's a good chance it would kill me. Hoping the shot buys me some time. I have a high pain tolerance from the RA but now it's excruciating part of the time. I feel like I'm swirling around the drain. Take care of you & your family, you are in my prayers.

[kel]

sending you the best of energies, i am so sorry for your loss.

[ickyvicky]

@allegro Thanks for the info. They're finally ready now. Going to pick them up on Friday.

A friend of mine told me I should start taking melatonin to help me to sleep. I've been trying Benadryl (it usually knocks me out) but it hasn't been working. My husband has been sharing his clonazepam with me, it worked somewhat - but like last night I still woke up after 2 hours of sleeping.
@chuckrh Thanksgiving was rough, I broke down before we started dinner. Who the hell knows what Christmas is going to be like, ha. :-P

[Magnetic]

@allegro Thanks for the info. They're finally ready now. Going to pick them up on Friday.

A friend of mine told me I should start taking melatonin to help me to sleep. I've been trying Benadryl (it usually knocks me out) but it hasn't been working. My husband has been sharing his clonazepam with me, it worked somewhat - but like last night I still woke up after 2 hours of sleeping.
@chuckrh Thanksgiving was rough, I broke down before we started dinner. Who the hell knows what Christmas is going to be like, ha. :-P

I have found that cannabis helps a lot with my insomnia. It's been a life-saver.

[allegro]

@ickyvicky - Perhaps talk with your primary physician about what you’re going through right now? They can prescribe something like an SSRI that can help with both anxiety and sleep. Lexipro helped both my Mom and Mother-in-Law a great deal when they were really struggling with grief. What you’re experiencing is all normal grieving, but you do need to catch up on your sleep schedule without screwing up your REM sleep. Sleep deprivation can really start messing with you. Melatonin is known to cause nightmares in many people. Add in the stress and additional grief issues of the holidays … it would be a good idea to see your doctor as soon as possible?

Hugs to you.

[Jinsai]

Jesus, @ickyvicky , incredibly sorry. I hope you have some supportive, close people who can be with you here and hear you out

[ickyvicky]

What was one of the most fucked up things when this first all happened was he wrote a public Facebook post saying goodbye, and then everyone started commenting innappropriate things. Luckily my best friend came in and told everyone to shut the fuck up and then everyone started deleting their comments. I'm trying to delete his Facebook acount, but Facebook wants fucking proof that he's dead. They want a copy of his death certificate or orbituary. I'm like what the fuck, who the fuck do you think you are - the government or something? (Well, they techinically are, lmao *smh* ugh! ) But that's why I was freaking out why it's taking the funeral home so long with the death certificates because I want his page down and not have to continue to monitor in case some asshole wants to write something again.

So FYI for all ya'll in case a love one dies - try to figure out their email and password for their Facebook page ahead of time.

[Erneuert]

So sorry for your loss Vicky.

[Serene Nymph]

Wishing you all the support Vicky, It's hard to lose someone when you have such a great relationship with them but it's wonderful that you were close.

Brief question for the forum on screen use and mental health-
Does anyone have maladies they believe are correlated with screen time? Does anyone get an addiction like I do sometimes? Is there a way to cope with that even when you have to use electronics for business?
I feel like my phone is making my brain waste away.

[Siah13]

Brief question for the forum on screen use and mental health-
Does anyone have maladies they believe are correlated with screen time? Does anyone get an addiction like I do sometimes? Is there a way to cope with that even when you have to use electronics for business?
I feel like my phone is making my brain waste away.

As far as the electronics and screen time zapping brain power and life - I totally can see that for sure.. Since you gotta use tech for work it sounds like, is it possible to set aside specific times throughout the day that could be tech free? Even just like five min breaks have helped me in the past when I feel that tech drag hit - I’d excuse myself for a quick five minute walk in fresh air or go fix a cup of tea or coffee... Also as silly as it sounds, maybe something small like a new keyboard (if using a laptop/pc) or a new phone case? I know that sounds silly but small things like that work for me as symbols when I have to do things or be places that are hard on me mentally....

[Siah13]

Has anyone here as an adult ever had a sudden realization or awareness that something that’s always sort of been a part of you or whatnot falls under a mental health diagnosis/category?? It’s kind of hard to explain, but kinda like I’m suddenly seeing so much of my past in a different light due to previously unknown circumstances related to trauma I’ve lived through and it’s like all of a sudden all of these random puzzle pieces that never fit together that have always left me feeling abnormal completely make sense... I’ve hesitated posting anything because honestly, I’m not sure I can even formulate understandably on it... And this probably makes little sense...

[Siah13]

Disasscoaitive amnesia - if anyone reads this and experiences this and is willing to share or wanting to discuss this condition... I suffer from extensive memory loss due to CSA (childhood sexual abuse) related trauma - essentially my entire childhood memories and more extensively my memories of my older brother (9 years older) throughout my childhood as he was my primary abuser. I’m looking into hypnosis work but hoping to find anyone that has experience with hypnosis and/or DA/CSA for insight on the process... Figure since I love my NIN and NIN fam might as well reach out here in addition to other places...

[Serene Nymph]

Though my past is very different from your very valid and important past, You just hit a nerve for me. This is something I connect with extremely. I had some severe emotional neglect as a kid. My parents would often not talk to me and if they ever did, it was about chores and homework. I forgot a huge chunk of time because that time was spent on You tube or watching movies where I saw other people's lives I envied, they sort of nursed the wounds of me feeling helpless and ignored. I forgot most of the things I watched exactly, and other activities I did around that time.
Long story short, I forgot the self helping part of myself whilst trying to forget the helplessness. Totally understand the pain of losing memory.

FOR RECOVERING MEMORY: Meditation (allowing unconscious (automatic) thought), and sensory associated memory triggers work for me. If you know a certain smell, song, clothing, food, sound effect (i.e. sounds only 80s-90s kids will remember) that will bring you back try that. Journaling helps get the unconscious flowing too. Go with what you're comfortable with, you'll probably become comfortable with remembering more and more but that's up to you. Best wishes!

[Dryalex12]

You know, it's been a long time since I last spoke about my mental problems. My issues, etc. I think the last I ever brought it up is when Chester passed away and a certain someone didn't seem to understand depression very well. So I opened up a little. It's a very weird knowing from my very first post here. I joined when I was 15 and my god, when you go back and looks at some of the first things I made, it really fucking shows. You guys literally saw me grow up and mature as the years went on. But, I digress. Over the years, my main struggles was not just with depression but, my Autism as well. My delays in social interactions has really bitten me in the ass on multiple occasions due to lack of self awareness. I have to be told as direct as possible because subtle hints fly over my head.

I have lost multiple people I used to call friends because of my lack of social skills because I accidently came off as clinging when in reality, I just enjoyed talking to people. A little too much. And given the fact I have a phobia of both failure and being left alone, the lost of a friend is something that really fucks with me.

But, around 2019, something really changed. I started developing paranoia, my intrusive thoughts I told about during the posts around Chester got worse, my psyche just dropped to a whole new level and, I was slowly losing my mind and I didn't know what was going on. I was stubborn about going to therapy because I didn't trust them. I couldn't trust anyone. But, last month, after having one to many mental breakdowns, I finally had enough and I checked myself in. And I got my answers from my first official meeting.

I have PTSD.

This also means I never had depression and I was just living with an unmanaged PTSD. To put a long story short on how I got it, My dad used to be a violent drunk that used to pick physical fights with other people, my mother and, at one point, me. The other was how bad school was that it left me with trauma

And suddenly, everything makes sense. My paranoia, my delusions and intrusive thoughts, my fear of people, my hypervigilance, the fact that I have gotten more irritable and agitated as the years on in spite of the fact that I was trying my best not too. I finally have an answer, some sort of closure. And now, I am doing my best to manage my PTSD since I know anti depressives cant always fix it though, it does help.

Now, I can focus on trying to be a better person now

[richardp]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after 15 years and I just moved to a new apartment last Thursday, first time ever living by myself. I've been consistently having panic attacks and have woken up and vomited every morning since I moved. This is fucking awful and feels like it will never reside.

[ickyvicky]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after 15 years and I just moved to a new apartment last Thursday, first time ever living by myself. I've been consistently having panic attacks and have woken up and vomited every morning since I moved. This is fucking awful and feels like it will never reside.

I'm sorry about your breakup. It must be very hard, 15 years is a long time. It'll get better with time.

[Siah13]

My girlfriend and I recently broke up after 15 years and I just moved to a new apartment last Thursday, first time ever living by myself. I've been consistently having panic attacks and have woken up and vomited every morning since I moved. This is fucking awful and feels like it will never reside.

I feel this... Possibly a tad different as I left a domestically violent relationship, but when I left my ex we had been together 11 years and it was a drastic and chaotic period in time. I hope the discomfort eases and you can begin to breathe...

[Swykk]

@Dryalex12 That really resonates with me. I go through a lot of the same in that I feel as if I unknowingly push people away by being so elated to connect with someone and it seems to annoy/frustrate the other person. I don’t really connect or relate to many people so when I do, I just get so excited about it.

Very glad to hear you got answers and can start working through it now.

[Siah13]

I feel compelled to post in here because I feel safe here... This is associated with NIN which evokes feelings of safety and security in me... so yeah...

I don’t know if this is average or if it’s normal or whatever but I feel like it isn’t. I don’t feel okay. I’m a wreck inside. I feel like curling into a ball as if I’m a kid all over again and just sobbing. I’ve spent so many years compartmentalizing my abusive childhood and resulting trauma... And I just feel like I can’t anymore, I just can’t. It’s so heavy. I lay awake in the middle of the night, once my children and my partner are sound asleep and I die inside. My brother, who is 9 years my senior, is a fucking pedophile and he sexually abused me my entire childhood, resulting in severely extensive dissociative amnesia aka I don’t remember shit. I remember about 5 percent of anything before about age 15, which is coincidentally (or apparently not so coincidentally) when I left home and began couch surfing at friends’ houses. It feels like I don’t know who I am because it’s a black, empty void. The core foundation of who I started off as is lost. What I do remember is mostly horrific - a lot of me trying to hide, squishing into tiny spaces, a lot of holding my breath with my eyes closed... repeating weird phrases/made up mantras, which I learned was part of apparent dissociation I developed... I recently found out my Mother knew... SHE KNEW... I apparently asked her for help and told her at some point - she slipped and referenced her changing my furniture around after I told her to try and protect me.. I didn’t respond or acknowledge her statement because inside all I could think was that SHE KNEW... I can not believe she knew the entire time. She also outright says to me that my cousin chose to keep getting in the car - meaning my cousin, the same exact age as me, chose to be sexually abused as a child... What the actual... how can she even say these things?! How is this happening?! A 19 year old and a 10 year old... REALLY?! Seriously?!? How about a 16 year old and a 7 year old??? I just can’t... I can’t handle him or her... My cousin filed a police report but as it was so long ago we don’t know when/if he will be prosecuted...

I’m an recovering alcoholic/addict and all I want to do is throw everything away and kill it away... I’m not but the fact that those alarms are going off in my head are like a flashing warning sign that I’m in trouble and I don’t fee like I have anywhere or anyone to turn to that truly relates, which is what my inner
child is desperately craving.. Someone who understands how it is and how it feels, who relates without me even needing to speak a word. I don’t know I’ll ever find anyone honestly. It’s hard because I feel like I’m two separate people - the me I do my best to embody for my partner and my kids, the me that I feel is the healed and authentic me I was before I found out about my cousin, before I realized and accepted that it wasn’t in my head and that the blank memories are very real lapses with potentially damaging memories that my mind has completely blocked off to protect itself... Now I’m desperately trying to hold onto a shred of who I was before it’s completely gone. I haven’t felt this fucked up in so very many years... since I was a kid struggling to process growing up in a house filled with abuse (my Father was a violent alcoholic).

I’ll be okay. I just need to breathe. And just exist. Some days I just need to survive and that’s enough... I just need to breathe...

I appreciate having somewhere safe to let it all out. I hope it’s alright to just vent in here like this. I’m sorry if it’s not.

[chuckrh]

It appears Naomi Judd committed suicide.

[[parasite]]

It appears Naomi Judd committed suicide.

oh wow!


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[allegro]

It appears Naomi Judd committed suicide.

Ashley Judd says her mom shot herself. Ashley found her.

[Jinsai]

anyone else have any experience with Welbutrin?

[allegro]

anyone else have any experience with Welbutrin?

I was on it for a relatively short time and went off of it because it was making me ANGRY!!!!!

It was a plus for my tinnitus because it’s not an SSRI.

But it was intolerable as far as agitation.

[Endlessly]

anyone else have any experience with Welbutrin?

I'm only a couple of months in to supplementing it to escitalopram, and haven't really noticed anything yet of the famed buproprion rage, but then I'm a pretty passive (well, depressed) person in general. Slightly fewer pits of despair, though!

[Swykk]

anyone else have any experience with Welbutrin?

I took it for years and it really helped my depression but unfortunately heightened my anxiety. A good side effect was my sex drive was greatly improved.

Then I got switched to a generic and it stopped helping. My insurance wouldn’t cover the brand so I quit taking it.

I didn’t taper off either so don’t make that same error.

[Jinsai]

huh... I feel like this is why I stopped taking it before; it seemed like it was working, my mood was improved and my head felt clearer, and then one day I woke up and I was pissed about everything. I only remember it happening once, and I'm not sure if there might have been a conflict w/ alcohol or anything back then (this was a long time ago). Either way, this seemed to happen alongside its efficacy wearing off, and then when my doctor suggested upping the dosage I opted instead to just taper off.

Today is the first day where I'm actually feeling something of an effect from it, and I'm hoping it works out. I've been having insane anxiety lately, but so far I haven't had any attacks since I started taking this (one week in).