The Friendship Thread

[Serene Nymph]

I SUCK at socializing.
I grew up with social anxiety but I'm trying to get over my "shyness". I actually get terrified that I won't be interesting enough for the people who are interesting to me.

It's so strange that I loved being in theatre in high school. I think the whole stardom disease is attractive because many people automatically like you without you having to talk to them.

Well I'd rather be a real friend to real people no matter how much "off-stage-fright" I get IRL.
Too bad there's a pandemic going on now, because I can't wait to make friends.

[Jazzkokehead]

I've more or less detached myself from my best friend, and it's weird and it hurts.

I met the guy way back in high school, and we were pretty inseparable for a long time after that. Even after we both left home, and moved to entirely different countries, we'd still email or message each other daily, and see one another at least once a year during the holidays.

That's not so much the case anymore. He's since been hired to produce videos for a popular YouTube channel, and his girlfriend has a baby on the way. And while I'm happy for him, I don't feel like he has much space for me in his life anymore. I'll still message him occasionally, but getting a response feels like pulling teeth. I dunno, maybe drifting apart from your old friends is simply a function of getting older, as people build their own lives, but it still sucks.

[piggy]

I've more or less detached myself from my best friend, and it's weird and it hurts.

I met the guy way back in high school, and we were pretty inseparable for a long time after that. Even after we both left home, and moved to entirely different countries, we'd still email or message each other daily, and see one another at least once a year during the holidays.

That's not so much the case anymore. He's since been hired to produce videos for a popular YouTube channel, and his girlfriend has a baby on the way. And while I'm happy for him, I don't feel like he has much space for me in his life anymore. I'll still message him occasionally, but getting a response feels like pulling teeth. I dunno, maybe drifting apart from your old friends is simply a function of getting older, as people build their own lives, but it still sucks.

That's pretty much how it goes when someone's career takes off and/or they have a kid. I've been on your end of that situation myself. But take heart and be patient, because there's a decent chance that when things slow down for him, he'll miss you. I don't know how he couldn't, with how close you guys were.

[Jazzkokehead]

That's pretty much how it goes when someone's career takes off and/or they have a kid. I've been on your end of that situation myself. But take heart and be patient, because there's a decent chance that when things slow down for him, he'll miss you. I don't know how he couldn't, with how close you guys were.

Maybe, I hope you're right. Even so, the halcyon days of us trading music, film and game recommendations is clearly over; he no longer has the time for these things. I'm never going to mention this this to him, of course, so I'm left to quietly mourn the new status quo of our relationship.

[poinoup]

My best friend Anisa passed a few months ago from endometrial cancer. Her family and friends were finally able to all get together. You always wish you could see them all under better circumstances, but as we grow older it's going to be even harder. Even though we didn't see each other in person for a few years, we kept daily talks on Messenger. Sometimes the topics were ridiculous stuff, or excess sarcasm, etc. It was just nice to have her in my life in so many ways. Always cared deeply for her friends, always showed empathy. Even as the cancer stage increased, she was more concerned about me most of the time. Before she passed away, all I wanted was for her to be comfortable at home during this. The last message I got from her seemed like she was accepting the inevitable. To ask your mom every morning, "Am I dying today?" Then one day she asked her mom that question, and was gone two hours later.

Her mom is an incredibly strong gal to keep it together as well as she did tonight. The one on one talk we had when she handed me her ashes was one of the hardest talks I've ever had. I am not one to cry excessively, but that crushed me like hitting a brick wall. Outside of girlfriends, I am still amazed that she thought so highly of me and kept putting me first over her own health. I'm not religious, but it feels like a spiritual level.

When I sat back down from the talk, "The Great Gig in the Sky" was playing in my head. Sure enough, that was the next random song on a huge playlist at the memorial. Anisa knew... she read my mind one last time. "For Martha" by Smashing Pumpkins resonates to a different degree now. I believe Corgan also said, "All we seek in life is to truly feel alive." Who would have thought I'd be quoting them during this?


Just... fuck. I've been sitting in the dark for a few hours in silence, numb. I still have that lump in my throat... It was hard even to write this up, but I needed to let some of it out somewhere. Now only ashes and memories remain.

Man, I'm going to miss her extremely, extremely. It hasn't been the same, and you wish it was all a bad dream. You're never going to see them again, and yet the world keeps turning.

[elevenism]

i'm so, so sorry @poinoup .

[poinoup]

Thank you very much. It's truly appreciated. I'm trying to unwind right now and it's getting somewhat better.

[elevenism]

Thank you very much. It's truly appreciated. I'm trying to unwind right now and it's getting somewhat better.

i went through a very similar experience with a dear friend in 2018 or so. he spent the last year of his life writing: a blog for people facing terminal cancer and their loved ones, and working on a book that would serve the same purpose.
I was just about to direct you to it, as i thought you might find some comfort there.
BUT, the site is gone, at least as far as i can tell. the twitter handle @thewishingglass is even still there, and the blog entry links, but i can't get to the text!
i'm HOPING that maybe it's just on my end.
it's thewishingglass.com , if you feel like trying.

ANYWAY, know that you're not alone.
And, i absolutely believe that the friends we lose are able to come see us, just like with your story about the song. i don't think that was the LAST time your friend might read your mind, and i believe, in my heart of hearts, that more than ashes and memories remain.

I think of it like Beside You In Time

[piggy]

Sorry to both of you.

[elevenism]

Sorry to both of you.

Oh, hell, I'm fine, regarding THAT particular friend. It was a couple of years ago, (though I am sad that his fucking blog is gone.) I even deleted part of my original post because I didn't wanna make any of this about me.

This is all about @poinoup ; they're the one who lost a loved one INSANELY recently.

[poinoup]

I think we are all allowed to mourn, regardless of when we lost. I did try to find those blog posts, but it said server down, and Google search did nothing sadly.

Thank you all again ETS-ers. I knew there was a reason I've stuck around all these years!

[elevenism]

I think we are all allowed to mourn, regardless of when we lost. I did try to find those blog posts, but it said server down, and Google search did nothing sadly.

Thank you all again ETS-ers. I knew there was a reason I've stuck around all these years!

word. hang in there. And you can PM me if you wanna talk. I know way more than i wish i did about losing friends long before they should be gone.

with my friend who had cancer, i cannot believe his family would let his domain name expire or whatever: THIS, (your situation,) IS EXACTLY WHY HE WROTE THE DAMN BLOG, you know? He wanted to share the thoughts he experienced and acceptance he achieved, and leave it behind to help others, both the patients and the people who loved them. It was SO important to him, and it was the last thing he did. I've messaged the family to ask them where his work is.

[poinoup]

Thank you, it's much appreciated. There will probably be some messages sent this week. Thank you very much.

[piggy]

So I have this very old friend that I love very much, but for a few years now I've been noticing this pattern of her consistently doling out unsolicited advice whenever I share personal problems or frustrations with her. I usually end up feeling kind of judged and regretful that I shared in the first place. She did it again last night and I'm just tired of it. Do I now make my feelings known and call her out on it, or do I just stop sharing personal stuff with her and allow our friendship to become more superficial? I don't want it to become like we're "pretending" at friendship, but I'm also super averse to making waves. I'm so lost.

[Erneuert]

Happy birthday @elevenism ! It’s your birthday where I am anyway.

[Erneuert]

word. hang in there. And you can PM me if you wanna talk. I know way more than i wish i did about losing friends long before they should be gone.

with my friend who had cancer, i cannot believe his family would let his domain name expire or whatever: THIS, (your situation,) IS EXACTLY WHY HE WROTE THE DAMN BLOG, you know? He wanted to share the thoughts he experienced and acceptance he achieved, and leave it behind to help others, both the patients and the people who loved them. It was SO important to him, and it was the last thing he did. I've messaged the family to ask them where his work is.

Sorry to quote something old but did you end up finding this? What about archive.org?

[allegro]

Sorry to quote something old but did you end up finding this? What about archive.org?

It was on FB, linked to a web page that no longer exists:

https://m.facebook.com/pg/TheWishing...ernal&mt_nav=0

[ItsChrisRoss]

So I have this very old friend that I love very much, but for a few years now I've been noticing this pattern of her consistently doling out unsolicited advice whenever I share personal problems or frustrations with her. I usually end up feeling kind of judged and regretful that I shared in the first place. She did it again last night and I'm just tired of it. Do I now make my feelings known and call her out on it, or do I just stop sharing personal stuff with her and allow our friendship to become more superficial? I don't want it to become like we're "pretending" at friendship, but I'm also super averse to making waves. I'm so lost.

Tell your friend that while you appreciate the advise, you need comfort instead of solutions. Both are types of communication people can give when responding to someone’s woes, but sometimes one is not correct, whereas the other is.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[piggy]

Tell your friend that while you appreciate the advise, you need comfort instead of solutions. Both are types of communication people can give when responding to someone’s woes, but sometimes one is not correct, whereas the other is.

Thank you. Maybe I'll do that the next time I talk to her. I texted her the day after this incident, because when I say she gave advice this last time, I should really say that she gave directives. I told her that she didn't have enough information about my situation to be judging and shit. She apologized, saying that she likes to "play devil's advocate" with her friends sometimes to try to provoke a different response. I think that sounds pretty fucked up and that she needs to learn some boundaries. What's really ironic is that during the phone call where she pissed me off, she was complaining about a situation where her husband got testy with her over something she was venting about, when all she wanted was someone to commiserate with. Hmm. Sounds awfully similar to what she did to me, no?

[elevenism]

Sorry to quote something old but did you end up finding this? What about archive.org?

I'm kind of stunned that his wife would just let it disappear like that: it was VERY important to him.

[thelastdisciple]

Happy birthday @elevenism ! It’s your birthday where I am anyway.

+1

You made it another year on this spinning blue ball. Congrats man!

[allegro]

Happy birthday @elevenism ! It’s your birthday where I am anyway.

What happened to the Birthday thread? Maybe we should start another one, that was hilarious.


Happy Birthday, @elevenism .

I gift you this Snoop Dogg cake

[ickyvicky]

Happy Birthday @elevenism

[elevenism]

Hey, thank y'all. Sorry I haven't been around; I got "Sick" for my birthday. It wasn't a great present