How fucked was your day?

[scotty79]

Depression has suddenly hit me out of the blue, and I'm having really bad, constant suicidal thoughts. I have no one to talk to, my friends are busy or just think I'm being a crybaby. I hope I can fall to sleep.

I have felt the same the past few days, mainly yesterday I had this voice in my head telling me to go do somethin but was able to tell myself to stop being silly and just get on with my work then when I was at the gym later on the voice came back tellin me just to go home and do it, I had to walk out the gym because i knew i was gonna start cryin and as soon as i got to my car i did, i txt my girlfriend to see if she was at home, not because i was gonna do anythin just so that someone was there to talk to and it did help so i do hope you find someone to talk to as it really helped me and I'm anyone else can tell you it's helped them

[theruiner]

Dude, I don't mean this in any sort of insulting or hostile way, but seriously, if you're hearing voices in your head telling you to do things, you need to see a professional. As soon as possible.

[Elke]

^ Yes. That. Auditory hallucinations, while common, are usually a sign of something pretty much very not good. Seriously: go see a doctor.

[scotty79]

maybe I worded that wrong but it wasn't so much 'voices' more of me just sayin to myself go do it, even though i know i was being totally stupid in saying it, today is a totally new day for me in that sense that I'm not thinking like that at all and am pretty pissed off with myself for even feeling like that especially when it came from nowhere

[Conan The Barbarian]

Phone dropped out of my pocket, screen is completely cracked. Still works, but still a fucking bummer. I foresee my thumb getting cut.

[Dra508]

maybe I worded that wrong but it wasn't so much 'voices' more of me just sayin to myself go do it, even though i know i was being totally stupid in saying it, today is a totally new day for me in that sense that I'm not thinking like that at all and am pretty pissed off with myself for even feeling like that especially when it came from nowhere

There is no shame in talking to someone and I tell you, it's quite amazing how quickly you can get perspective.

[Piko]

Dropped my phone in a toilet, fried it. Just had to buy a new one. Broke until next Friday...

[carpenoctem]

Went to a funeral today. It was my best friend's old middle school buddy, the kind of friend we all used to have, you know the one whose house you always went to on the weekends and their dad cooked for you and stuff. They hadn't talked in years but it was still a shock when she found out. I didn't know her very well (because essentially I was her replacement in the best friend department) so I was able to be distant enough from the proceedings to be clear-headed, but it was still sad; she was really smart and had just been accepted into a graduate program for something in the medical field. She died while on vacation. Is that the best or the worst way to go?

[slave2thewage]

A friend of mine from when I was a kid died in a car accident two nights ago. I hadn't seen him in ten years or so, but it was still a huge shock.

[Piko]

Had a power surge last night and now my TVs fucked. Works, but barely. Completely killed one of my AV inputs. Can't afford a new one until at least next week.

[Magtig]

Goddammit! Fucking gunshots in broad daylight? Really? Ambulances, cops, we even get a fucking helicopter today.

I FUCKING HATE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!

I hate goddamn cops too, but somehow I'm wishing SWAT would come in here and clean all these goddamn gangs out.

SHITTY.

edit: Now my entire street is blocked off.

edit 2: So, there was basically a riot in my neighborhood. I guess the cops shot some kid in the head, and people got really angry and were yelling at them and throwing beer bottles at their cars. They eventually left, and half the neighborhood flooded the intersection (my house in on one corner of the intersection). They bashed on any car that tried to get through, and set a dumpster on fire right in the middle of the intersection. Had my house caught fire, everything I own would have burned including my vehicle, which is in an enclosed garage attached to the house. The cops came back, and maced/tear gassed everyone including women and children. My neighbor told me they maced an old woman in the face, and little girls were throwing up from the tear gas. They also shot people with rubber bullets, and let their K-9 dogs into the crowd. Some teenager's arm was mauled and bleeding all over the place. The dumpster is still on the corner, with a half burned mattress next to it.

Now the people down the street are blasting Mexican folk music at 1 am. This whole neighborhood is filled with pissed off people, gangs, drug dealers, and guns.

I need to move for reals.

This is really, really bad. Fuck the police.

http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/video...lved-shooting/

Btw, that's my garage that you're seeing in the video where everything is taking place. This is so fucked.

[theruiner]

^^A police officer lets a police dog loose on a mother holding her child?! Are you KIDDING me with this shit?

And yeah, Magtig, you've got to get out of there ASAP.

[Elke]

Man, that's not a healthy place to live. I agree, if it's at all possible for you to move, you really should.

[Fixer808]

GTFO, seriously. LA is a death-hole.

[Magtig]

It's not LA, it's the home of Disney (heart of darkness). The Anaheim PD shot and killed ANOTHER person last night in a different neighborhood. I don't think this is over. More protests are planned. Yesterday 100 people stormed the actual police station!

I have crazy time lapse footage from my apartment roof of dumpsters burning in the intersection, a major thoroughfare, until 2am this morning. As well as tons of photo journalistic shots from down on the ground. I'm not sure what the hell to do with them though.

[Elke]

Well, you could always be very cynical about it and sell it. Or share it with one of the user-generated news platforms, or HuffPo.

[virushopper]

It's not LA, it's the home of Disney (heart of darkness). The Anaheim PD shot and killed ANOTHER person last night in a different neighborhood. I don't think this is over. More protests are planned. Yesterday 100 people stormed the actual police station!

I have crazy time lapse footage from my apartment roof of dumpsters burning in the intersection, a major thoroughfare, until 2am this morning. As well as tons of photo journalistic shots from down on the ground. I'm not sure what the hell to do with them though.

Whoa you guys went full blown tonight. My buddy in the area told me some of the riot crowd threw pieces of wood with nails on them at cops.

[Dra508]

It's not LA, it's the home of Disney (heart of darkness). The Anaheim PD shot and killed ANOTHER person last night in a different neighborhood. I don't think this is over. More protests are planned. Yesterday 100 people stormed the actual police station!

I have crazy time lapse footage from my apartment roof of dumpsters burning in the intersection, a major thoroughfare, until 2am this morning. As well as tons of photo journalistic shots from down on the ground. I'm not sure what the hell to do with them though.

Should have done it. This FINALLY made the national news.

[halloween]

Wow magtig- that's fucking scary =[

I just wanted to post a little something quick, it's nothing majorly serious but emotionally i've been tearing up at the seams lately. I've been fluctuating like crazy between being anxious, being depressed, being confident and excited, and it's just driving me crazy. I keep thinking i need to go back to seeing a therapist but i think i've also been able to "manage" it on my own and with friends.
Rationally i know exactly the cause of these feelings- I'm out of school for the first time and I'm going to be moving from boston to new york city, and i've got a job lined up that is fucking super awesome but intimidates the hell out of me because i never thought i'd be working at a place like that! I feel lonely because i feel like i'm leaving all my friends here, despite the fact that some will be moving themselves and for those staying, it's not a long bus ride back to visit for the weekend. I'm just not use to having awesome friends and the idea of keeping contact with friends is really depressing to me just because of my history of isolating myself from cool people- but i'm speaking from highschool and earlier, so i know rationally that's kind of an impractical way of judging how the rest of my life/future actions will be. But even then, things like facebook seems to be there to keep in contact with people, but after having it deleted for several months, i'm just not in the habit of updating/going on it. So i feel like i'm going to offend friends by just popping on it once in a while....this is also an irrational fear of mine- afraid of being considered an impostor and feeling unwanted.

Is it normal to be having a sort of identity crisis after graduating? Ive been anxious as hell about being able to make art and just wondering how that work out, but knowing it all depends on things like finding access to a darkroom... This period of transition is absolutely terrifying to me. I've had one too many life transitions growing up in two countries, and i can't help but to freak out a little inside, thinking that moving will make my life 'start over'- which has a ring of "freedom" and also "i like my life! please don't change!!!" but change is inevitable.

I'll stop rambling at this point, but i'm trying really hard not to cry as i have to go to work in a few minutes... and the only thing keeping me from crying and feeling like a complete failure as a person. I'd rather be posting this instead of feeling desperate and calling my dad to say " I REALLY NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST!!!" for about the 100th time in the past two months, while he just rationalizes everything with me and then i calm down and say "i guess i don't really need a therapist, i've been handling things ok". I've only had fleeting suicide thoughts and it's nothing i have serious impulse or urge to act on, so i'm really doing ok all things considered... It's just the first time in years not seeing a therapist as well, and i'm completely off anything that stabilizes my mood which for the past year or so, it had been my birth control, but i'm off that now too. Ugh. My mind keeps racing and now it's time to go to work...

[sentient02970]

I completely get where you're coming from with this major transition. Your anxieties are NORMAL. But if you are having to feel this way and thinking you have to "manage it", that's a good sign that you could use help and if you don't have close friends or family in contact with you to help support you then you should consult a therapist. Therapy doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it is just an avenue to get assistance in something that is overwhelming you. Any thoughts of suicide, even fleeting, means you should consider some help. I say call for an appointment and see what they can do. Anything to help you bridge a difficult time should be in your toolbox, even professional help.

My best to you!

[Dra508]

I completely get where you're coming from with this major transition. Your anxieties are NORMAL. But if you are having to feel this way and thinking you have to "manage it", that's a good sign that you could use help and if you don't have close friends or family in contact with you to help support you then you should consult a therapist. Therapy doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it is just an avenue to get assistance in something that is overwhelming you. Any thoughts of suicide, even fleeting, means you should consider some help. I say call for an appointment and see what they can do. Anything to help you bridge a difficult time should be in your toolbox, even professional help.

My best to you!

All of that and..... It is normal to have a little anxiety moving from one stage to another, but I have to say halloween you've set yourself up in a great spot: you have a job, sounds like something you want to do, moving to an exciting, active, culturally vibrant city, and at young age where you are suppose gain and learn from all your experiences. You're allowed to make mistakes, learn from them, change course if you want to. Basically, you have life by the balls. Go ride it, enjoy it, don't be afraid of it.

[halloween]

Thank you both! I've been trying to keep all that in mind instead of "I'M A FAILURE AS A PERSON WTF" and it's been really hard...i think that once i move, if i'm still having bouts of crying every few days, i might end up making an appointment. I'm trying to remain positive that i'm not going to "hate the city" just because i get overwhelmed easily...

[sublimaze]

As a follow-up from previously, I saw the surgeon, got a biopsy, and it's negative for cancer! I'm going to be ok! Thank you everybody for your support.

^^^halloween, you're a great person and taking big steps in your life is terrifying. Maybe consider going back on meds. Every time I tried to go off them I just got severely depressed/anxious again.

[theruiner]

You scared me by posting in this thread, Sublimaze. I feared further bad news. Glad to hear it turned out ok!

[Kid Charlemagne]

As a follow-up from previously, I saw the surgeon, got a biopsy, and it's negative for cancer! I'm going to be ok! Thank you everybody for your support.

I second this. SO SO glad everything's okay. You're the last person I would've wanted for something like that to happen

[Baphomette]

As a follow-up from previously, I saw the surgeon, got a biopsy, and it's negative for cancer! I'm going to be ok! Thank you everybody for your support.

That's fantastic news!! I was actually thinking about you today, too. So happy the results were negative.

[Fixer808]

Fucking hell, job's not hiring me back for the new season because "They're reducing the core team" or some bullshit. RAGE.

[Beef of the Sea]

The fuckers, from what you've said, I got the impression that all the other people you worked were completely inept anyway, so good luck to them I say.
Hopefully it'll give you the chance to find something better, with less fuckwit kids.

[Pillfred]

^ Live it most days anymore it seems.

Financial Aid Disqualification, however is what did it today.

[Jumprof]

Right now my day is not this good. Could get better if someone could explain me what they are doing (->http://madvertise.com/en/)? Is here anyone who has experience with it? Are they offering the tools for a sort of "Year Zero" promotional campaign?