Likes: 
Faceplams: well, she died. I am headed to Colorado to get her husband. He doesn't have any family left.
Thank god we are all here (my wife and i, my brother and his wife and my mom.)
We will be there for him and get him to dallas, where her body is.
I was nobody. Nothing.
well, she died. I am headed to Colorado to get her husband. He doesn't have any family left.
Thank god we are all here (my wife and i, my brother and his wife and my mom.)
We will be there for him and get him to dallas, where her body is.
Bite me
That is awful, very sad.
I was nobody. Nothing.
i'm not trying to be a drama queen here or look for sympathy.
i just thought it fit.
we are surrounding her husband Aramis with love, our family love.
we made him sit bitch and my brother and i held him tight the whole way back from colorado springs.
i feel like we are doing a very good deed.
Hierba Gatera
"sit bitch"????
Active Member
I believe that is an American colloquialism for sitting in the middle of the back seat. So quiche.Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette
Active Member
I'm in a bad place right now. It hurts so much. That's all I have to say.
Throbbing Member
Hold on tight. You'll come through. We always do.
Always here if you need me.
just a small town doggo
*cuddles* sending lots of love your way, missy. x
Trollhunter
I am the fucking worst.
Active Member
@ Everyone: Thanks for the support. I need a fucking hug and a half.
I had a pretty sad night last night. I just spent hours crying again, feeling left out on life. This blows.
I was nobody. Nothing.
yeah, shit.
i didn't think about how sexist that is before i typed it.
i'm sorry.
and hold on @Charmingly Miserable
Last edited by elevenism; 08-17-2014 at 11:10 PM.
Bite me
An old sage client of mine used to say to me, "remember, crying is like a mental douche." It can clean everything out so you can start fresh.
Worth reMembering
Much much love and HUGE squishy hugs just for you!
Throbbing Member
My anxiety has gotten the better of me this morning. I've called in sick but since I'm on a probabtion period I'm likely to be laid off. I simply don't think I can do the job but there's no reason why I can't. It's just talking to people on the phone, I've done much worse and scarier things than that.
I'm so screwed.
I was nobody. Nothing.
i've been through that shit a LOT.
same kind of job too, telephone.
I would wake up and literally be scared to go. it's so crazy because you, well, i, i KNEW that it was ridiculous.
and then after a few hours i would calm down and wish i had gone to work.
when my anxiety was at its worst, i would miss at least one day of work a week due to it, and sometimes i would call in the whole week.
Active Member
Apparently I must seem pretty down in the dumps as i got a wellness check from the police the other morning. I have been kind of down for various reasons and work was weighing on me pretty good. But i guess i said something that weirded my buddy out, though I'm sure some of it stemmed from his recent incident hitting a low spot. That said think ill take it as a sign that maybe i should get moving alone and not just sit idle. I think that was a big part of why i didn't like my job, I'm too old for that kind of environment. I also think i may start going to counseling again as it's been some time. The kid i talked with at the colleges family services was decent and i may go back there but there is a place just up the road from my apartment which is much closer to home that I'm going to look into. I figure it can't hurt.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I am a FUCKING MESS today.
Throbbing Member
So I have to resign from my job. The first job I've had since graduating over a year ago and I am simply unable to do it. They said I can reapply in 3 months if I feel like I can come back but otherwise it's back to unemployment. Pretty shit in all honesty but what choice do I have? The anxiety simply leaves me unable to do the job.
Worth reMembering
anxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietya nxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyan xietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanxietyanx iety
Purposely missed my service provider and doc appointment. HUZZAH! Everything's crushing down Milhouse.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I've been in my bed since 5:00pm on Friday.
Worth reMembering
I'm beginning to think of suicide again. Well not just think, but formulate plans again. I'm so tired of this mind. Tired of being alive and having to deal with life. haha and I'm not even dealing with it really. AvPD + GAD + Agoraphobia + Depression. I came here to write some long winded essay on my thoughts of it, and how I just feel hopelessly defeated and maybe people will give me good advice and support and everything just might be okay. But it's not. I've been this way for far too fucking long so clearly something is very wrong with me that can not be fixed or I can not learn to live with it or something. I don't know. I just know that I'm tired and I want this life to be done with. Over. So I don't have to think anymore. So I don't have to feel hatred for a world that just fucking sucks. Outside in. What's the fucking point? What is the fucking point, I read/watch news - I feel bad. I see people being cunts - I feel bad. I see myself being a cunt - I feel worse. I really hate this place.
Trollhunter
I can't tell you what to do. Or what not to do. I can tell you I've been there...I AM there. I don't live for myself. I don't remember the last time I did. I do live for the people who care about me, as small as that list is becoming. I have a litany of medical issues, most parting gifts from surviving cancer as a kid. I have terrible anxiety. Poor self esteem. No confidence. Possibly body dysmorphia. Depression to the point where I enjoy the things I like less now. But I remember my friends and family. I keep going for them.
I don't know if any of this helps you but maybe it does.
Active Member
Help is available. Feeling this way is can be temporary. Hang on please.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I finally got out of bed this afternoon! Went to see a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist.
I told her the Prozac that I previously took took away my sad feelings, but is also took away my good feelings. I basically just didn't feel any emotions while on it, and my vagina lost interest in like everything. Left with a prescription for Wellbutrin, which I've never tried before. I am curious to see what happens, though. She said that it can assist with the ADD as well, which makes me happy. I have taken stimulants for ADD in the past, but would like to avoid it as much as possible due to my history of abusing stimulants. Slippery slope and all. And she said this one shouldn't make my vagina sad like the others.
Also starting therapy, which I have never done as an adult outside of a relationship context. I think it went as well as it could have, aside from the fucking waiting.
Active Member
You ever cry so hard you start hyperventilating? Yeah. Did that Friday night. Just started thinking about the major things that are going wrong right now, and how horrible everything feels, and the depression plus probably teh evil hormones just did me in. I was sobbing and just could not stop.
I would say I'm better now but I'm really not. I'm just not having a freak out right now. Good days and bad and all that. Fortunately I have a therapy appointment in a little less than two hours so I will have to run this all past her.
Last edited by theruiner; 08-25-2014 at 04:45 PM.
Hierba Gatera
Did she warn you about the possible side effects of Wellbutrin?
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
Nope. Waiting at pharmacy right now. I've read up a bit. Seems to be the general antidepressants side effects +seizures.
Trollhunter
I just had a bad experience not too long ago with generic Wellbutrin as you know so please be wary. The brand worked great but became too expensive even with insurance because YAY BIG PHARMACY! I guess they can just switch the brands of generics on you, and that's not wrong.
Last edited by Swykk; 08-25-2014 at 06:17 PM.
Hierba Gatera
It can severely increase depression and suicidal thoughts, more so than any other antidepressant. I hope it works for you but just keep that in the back of your head if you start having increased swings.
Alt-Left Leaning Cunt
I haven't actually wanted to kill myself for like 5 years or so... When I was getting sober. I did some minor cutting on my legs back then, but I've never done anything to actively hurt myself or anything. Now, my thoughts circle around WHAT IF I die, and various ways I can die - most of which are pretty unreasonable. I think I just suffer from anxiety more than depression. My brain never fucking stops. But then, when bouts of depression hit, they hit hard. Like now, when I spend days on end in bed. That isn't like my normal self at all.
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