A thing I think everyone should do, which is trickier than it sounds and I certainly don't do perfectly, is to assume positive intent. So, trying to do that here.
While *you* would probably do the "c'mere" thing to anyone, or ask a known coworker to make you coffee vs. a new person, behavior like that can and does sometimes come from sexist thinking patterns in the workplace. The amount of women who can attest to having things like
making the coffee, or planning a party, or grabbing lunch, or domestic stuff fall to them in the workplace due to their gender (that link being from Jezebel is irrelevant, the stories are pretty infuriating) is pretty significant. So, I can understand a woman feeling defensive about that.
I'm really fortunate, that despite working in software, I work in a place with really thoughtful people who don't do this shit. But if someone asked me to do something like that, I may think about it for a second. And then I'd assume positive intent, but like, that awareness is there.
Re: your last comment. I wouldn't assume it's a previous poor relationship with a man thing, that assumption itself is potentially a little problematic. I'd chock it up to her being a very defensive person (maybe not always fairly), but that perhaps some of that defensiveness is a reasonable reaction to the lived experiences of women.
Fwiw, I would be pretty not-keen on a male coworker referring to me and my female coworkers as "girls." "Guys" is so much more gender neutral (though I try to stick to y'all since it's still not always well received by everyone), and like, that term doesn't exist in a vacuum. Like maybe he doesn't mean anything by it, but there are plenty of sexist folks who have talked down to their female colleagues with that language, and unless someone can read their intent/context, it can be received badly.
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Originally Posted by orestes
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