Quote Originally Posted by hologram parade View Post
this thread has been really helpful to read through. thank you to everyone for sharing - both good and bad stuff.


a lot of this stuff is dark (maybe better for the mental helath thread, my apologies), and its been really hard to share. ill try to end things on a positve note, but right off the bat ive gotta give extra thanks and love to @eversonpoe for being a extremly kind person and checking in on me from time to time as my 2020 has unfolded poorly.


my mom did the best she good raising me, as a early 20s single mom who struggled a lot. we moved 9 hours away from my dad after he hurt her and we ended up in the women’s shelter. i dont blame her for anything, other than letting me get near my father again. she didnt know how to keep me OR herself safe. she never hit me, or stole from me, or made me feel small. my mother loved me, and she loved her young grandson. she killed herself on 02.01.20, at the age of 49. in a surreal nightmare akin to some cliche movie i was notified by police after the cleaning lady found the body. i am haunted every day by this. every day. as others have said, time does help, but damn does losing a parent hurt. as a kid, the only truly safe place i could go was my paternal grandmother's house. one of the brightest, kindest, people I’ve ever met. her 30+ year marriage to my grandfather was the only healthy relationship i've ever seen in real life. she died in her sleep last month.


tomorrow my only son turns 1 years old, and its breaking my heart that i cant share his happiness and him growing up with the two women who raised me. he's a beautiful little boy! most days are filled with laughter, outside adventures and his big smiles. the greatest thing ill do in life is get to be his dad. really trying to focus on his future and not my past.
<3 love you. seeing pictures of you and your family always makes me smile.