Sober - However you got there, whatever keeps you here.

[aggroculture]

Gave up drinking in May 2010, and I have never felt better. The difference is night and day.

After spending my 20s in a drunken stupor, it was time to quit. I kind of regret all the awesome things I didn't accomplish because I was too busy getting wasted all the time. For me it wasn't just about having fun - though of course there was that too - but, I think, about hiding from something: a big bad scary world, which sort of goes away when you're drunk. Except it doesn't: often it comes back worse. You start realizing that the alcohol is making things worse, not better. For me, it was giving me health problems: a hernia operation age 33 that I am pretty sure was in part caused by the drinking. I was also a mean drunk, mean and rude to the people around me at the time. I find it hard to hang around people who are drinking heavily, now. I used to find all that drama exciting, now it alienates and wearies me.

I feel a lot more grounded now: something changed in me, and I didn't want to get drunk any more. I still have the occasional drink, and have got a bit tipsy here and there from time to time, with a few beers or a cocktail before dinner. But I can't enjoy it like I used to: I am far too aware of the negative feeling that comes with it, the paranoia, and the miserable feeling after I've had a few. I used to drink to get close to people, and be together with them; now the warm feeling goes away quickly, and the drink makes me feel lonely and lost. Occasionally I feel like all I want to do is get drunk; but then the feeling passes in a few minutes. And I know I would feel like shit for three days.