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Thread: Sober - However you got there, whatever keeps you here.

  1. #121
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    10 months no alcohol, after 10+ years struggling with it. Did mushrooms about 2 weeks before I quit, otherwise can't explain it. No desire to start again. Life is so strange

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sutekh View Post
    10 months no alcohol, after 10+ years struggling with it. Did mushrooms about 2 weeks before I quit, otherwise can't explain it. No desire to start again. Life is so strange
    That's awesome! Sometimes the reality of what needs to be done hits in strange ways. I am so goddamn grateful I hit my proverbial rock bottom this year despite having had much more experience with drinking before...

  3. #123
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    Life has been insane since the last time I logged onto here but for some reason it feels fitting to post in here considering...

    Just had to have a second ultrasound of my liver/kidneys/gallbladder. Every time I have to speak with a DR regarding my liver disease I feel like the world's biggest idiot. I know I'm not but that doesn't change the feeling. Suddenly middle-aged and sick I feel foolish for not heeding the warnings and not maintaining sobriety consistently and for not fighting for it. The regret of choosing the other door and now being stuck with the consequences of my decisions is harsh. Especially as I look around and in vain try to justify my choices... The constant echoing of "Well, so-and so was way worse than I was and look at them - their liver isn't crapping out" and the comparisons as if they matter at all is lame. I've been working on trying to retrain my brain to stop using others and their experiences as comparison - no one is the same and none will have the same exact experiences... Similarities, yeah, but not identical...

    Anyways, I just needed to let this out somewhere I felt was safe and NIN is safe so here I am.

  4. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessiahbell View Post
    Life has been insane since the last time I logged onto here but for some reason it feels fitting to post in here considering...

    Just had to have a second ultrasound of my liver/kidneys/gallbladder. Every time I have to speak with a DR regarding my liver disease I feel like the world's biggest idiot. I know I'm not but that doesn't change the feeling. Suddenly middle-aged and sick I feel foolish for not heeding the warnings and not maintaining sobriety consistently and for not fighting for it. The regret of choosing the other door and now being stuck with the consequences of my decisions is harsh. Especially as I look around and in vain try to justify my choices... The constant echoing of "Well, so-and so was way worse than I was and look at them - their liver isn't crapping out" and the comparisons as if they matter at all is lame. I've been working on trying to retrain my brain to stop using others and their experiences as comparison - no one is the same and none will have the same exact experiences... Similarities, yeah, but not identical...

    Anyways, I just needed to let this out somewhere I felt was safe and NIN is safe so here I am.

    I hope that, relatively speaking, you're doing ok

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by GibbonBlack View Post
    I hope that, relatively speaking, you're doing ok
    Thanks for replying. You honestly have no idea how I just really needed someone to hear/read what I wrote. I’ve got kids and both my parents are elderly and just not mentally there enough to comprehend what’s going on with me health wise.... Somedays I just need to throw it out there and just know that someone has heard me. So yeah - thank you.

    My home burnt down in a wildfire last year and despite that and my liver hating me a whole lot I’m surprisingly okay mostly and I think I’m doing okay overall!

    How are you? How’s life wherever you are???

  6. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessiahbell View Post
    Thanks for replying. You honestly have no idea how I just really needed someone to hear/read what I wrote. I’ve got kids and both my parents are elderly and just not mentally there enough to comprehend what’s going on with me health wise.... Somedays I just need to throw it out there and just know that someone has heard me. So yeah - thank you.

    My home burnt down in a wildfire last year and despite that and my liver hating me a whole lot I’m surprisingly okay mostly and I think I’m doing okay overall!

    How are you? How’s life wherever you are???
    Oh wow! I'm glad to see that despite everything you're doing ok

    I'm doing alright. I just get bored with lockdown but I can busy myself with movies and music

  7. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by GibbonBlack View Post

    I'm doing alright. I just get bored with lockdown but I can busy myself with movies and music
    Right?! I’ve been rediscovering my love for creating playlists. It’s almost like meditating sometimes LOL

  8. #128
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    Hi @Jessiahbell

    Hang in there, and, I'm down for recovery discussion: probably a lot more of it coming soon, BECAUSE:

    Weeeellll, I sure fucked up. I had that awful blackout drinking problem back in the days, and got sober in AA, and then it switched to the opiates, and only fairly recently kicked THOSE.
    I am NOT back on the opiates. But, over the past few years, I've had a drink here and there, really with no repercussion. I thought I'd maybe grown out of it.
    Here recently, for the past several weeks, though, I've been dealing with my dog dying, and my wife with the hep C, and they lowered my suboxone dose, and so I started picking up airplane shooters here and there. Then, it turned into four or five, but every OTHER day. Then I started promising my wife I'd go a week, but only went a day. When the dog finally died, I started drinking four or five shots EVERY day. What's worse is, I felt that old need. I NEEDED those drinks. In fact, I caught myself telling my wife "give me the card, it's time for me to go get 'my drinks.' "
    This amount of alcohol isn't much compared to the old liter a day habit, but I I know where it leads. I also had a couple of nights of the sweating and shaking a bit.

    SO, I got a new big book and called intergroup. The closest meeting is 45 miles from where I live, once a week. So, I'm 2 days sober, and tomorrow I'm off to AA, for AA Round 2: Middle Age Boogaloo.

  9. #129
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    You got this man @elevenism

    I believe in you!

  10. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by thelastdisciple View Post
    You got this man @elevenism

    I believe in you!
    man, I think I got it. I'm through the physical part, and I'm not like, NEEDING a drink, thank god. But, I WILL need help, hence the return to the spiritual program and meetings. I'm looking to stop this thing WAY before I get like I was in my 20s, which was damn near a 7 year suicide attempt.

  11. #131
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    @elevenism - shoot man. Good on you for getting right back to step 1. You've done this work before, and you can do it again. The closest meeting being 45 minutes away is no joke, but it's 100% worth investing that time to make sure you're bringing the best you to your family.

  12. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    Hi @Jessiahbell

    SO, I got a new big book and called intergroup. The closest meeting is 45 miles from where I live, once a week. So, I'm 2 days sober, and tomorrow I'm off to AA, for AA Round 2: Middle Age Boogaloo.
    This! <3 Something one of my most precious mentors/sponsors said to me at one point - "Get over yourself and get out of the way. It's not about how perfect you can sell yourself as and there's no finish line you're running to... No placements... Just stay alive and stay hungry for it. Never quit." For some reason that concept - staying hungry for it - is a constant theme in my head that stuck hardcore and resonated perfectly - still does. Sadly he passed away some 15 or so years ago, but his words and his heart will always be a core part of who I am. I feel lucky to have happened to get a job working for him when I was 16 - he was an amazing man who owned an ice cream shop I was hired at and he offered his shop's deck for NA and AA meetings multiple times a day...

    Anyways, stay hungry, never quit. LOL. (sorry I never log on so I sometimes take months to reply LOL) How's it now??

  13. #133
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    My liver has been good to me. I had to have surgery a week ago (Actually just diagnosed with papillary thyroid microcarcinoma - awesome, good times, good times LOL) - My surgery was mostly uneventful - although the intubation was apparently horrible and I'm surprised I can speak again. LOL. While I only took three doses of the pain meds post surgery, I have the bottle sitting on a shelf and I keep reasoning on how I don't need to turn them in. It's a surreal moment when you catch yourself making excuses and explanations TO YOURSELF IN YOUR OWN HEAD - Sometimes I almost thank God for gifting me an angry liver because I can't lie at this point and act like something bad mayyyy not happen. LOL. In the hospital after the first day of recovery they ran a blood test and I called it out - I told my Nurse that while my liver enzymes were actually within normal and healthy on checking in, that following the doses of anesthesia/fentanyl/pain meds that my liver would get angry - the good news was that the enzyme elevations still had me falling into a high BUT normal range! So I *think* that's a good sign...?! Anyways, the surgeon sent me home with a bottle of pain meds and what's funny is they're still sitting there - and despite the complications and ensuing extra pain from the complications, I prefer the pain. It wasn't always the preference but it's almost comforting. Like running a marathon. Or climbing a mountain...

    Anyways, so I dunno what happens next - still sitting, waiting for wildfire debris cleanup - FEMA keeps showing up in suits to take notes and spray paint the remnants of our home but nothing has moved in 7 months post burn... The rust and charred remains are being overtaken by wildflowers and grasses... As I sit wondering what a microcarcinoma really means and where it really was and if it's really gone and if it will really stay gone.... How do you know? How do we know, how do we know ANYTHING? Lol... All I can do is take each day as it falls and remember to love myself and be kind to myself and others... Hope all reading this are well....

  14. #134
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    Wishing you a speedy recovery!
    I can see why you choose the pain over the meds. It's all chemistry within your head - just like pushing through the marathon, even though it means pain, and being rewarded at the finish line. Being rewarded not having "poisoned" your body for another day.
    Especially since your liver is already fucked and they probably give you meds that go mostly through kidneys now, no need to fuck those up too. Keep going and live like you said, day by day, taking care of yourself.
    As for the thyroid cancer, those carcinomas are becoming more and more frequent. Be glad they caught it. Not something they usually catch early on unless really looking into it.

  15. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessiahbell View Post
    This! <3 Something one of my most precious mentors/sponsors said to me at one point - "Get over yourself and get out of the way. It's not about how perfect you can sell yourself as and there's no finish line you're running to... No placements... Just stay alive and stay hungry for it. Never quit." For some reason that concept - staying hungry for it - is a constant theme in my head that stuck hardcore and resonated perfectly - still does. Sadly he passed away some 15 or so years ago, but his words and his heart will always be a core part of who I am. I feel lucky to have happened to get a job working for him when I was 16 - he was an amazing man who owned an ice cream shop I was hired at and he offered his shop's deck for NA and AA meetings multiple times a day...

    Anyways, stay hungry, never quit. LOL. (sorry I never log on so I sometimes take months to reply LOL) How's it now??
    Sigh. You know, we got the NEW puppy, and SHE died, and I slipped...on fucking white claw ��

    That stuff is the devil. It's actually thirst quenching, and it's likely to be the drink of choice for a couple million future AA members. It's literally fucking mango flavored sparkling water, and if you turn your head, I can sneak 2 24 ounce cans.

    Luckily I didn't slide too far, though. I'm sober again.

    This showed me that I'm not prepared to deal with life on life's terms.

    I'm glad you're taking care of your liver, and it's AMAZING that you didn't eat the opiates.

    My best friend's wife, who is also one of my old friends, died quite recently from a combination of liver trouble and alcohol, and, that was a hell of a wake up call.

  16. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by shade View Post
    Wishing you a speedy recovery!
    I can see why you choose the pain over the meds. It's all chemistry within your head - just like pushing through the marathon, even though it means pain, and being rewarded at the finish line. Being rewarded not having "poisoned" your body for another day.
    Especially since your liver is already fucked and they probably give you meds that go mostly through kidneys now, no need to fuck those up too. Keep going and live like you said, day by day, taking care of yourself.
    As for the thyroid cancer, those carcinomas are becoming more and more frequent. Be glad they caught it. Not something they usually catch early on unless really looking into it.
    Thanks for this. It’s been some months but it gives me an odd yet welcome sense of peace logging in and reading this.... And yes, I’m very glad indeed.

  17. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by elevenism View Post
    Sigh. You know, we got the NEW puppy, and SHE died, and I slipped...on fucking white claw 😂

    That stuff is the devil. It's actually thirst quenching, and it's likely to be the drink of choice for a couple million future AA members. It's literally fucking mango flavored sparkling water, and if you turn your head, I can sneak 2 24 ounce cans.

    Luckily I didn't slide too far, though. I'm sober again.

    This showed me that I'm not prepared to deal with life on life's terms.

    I'm glad you're taking care of your liver, and it's AMAZING that you didn't eat the opiates.

    My best friend's wife, who is also one of my old friends, died quite recently from a combination of liver trouble and alcohol, and, that was a hell of a wake up call.
    While it’s been months, I sure am sorry to hear about the new puppy - that’s fucking horrible! Jeez! White Claws and associated drinks that are booze but taste like bubble water are an insane phenomenon right
    now, and probably from here on out... It’s unnerving sometimes to me because I see it - see the patterns and behaviors... consumption... it can be alarming. Sometimes it feels like I’m watching video of my past but through weird filters that makes it look different... I’m glad you were able to stop the slide out before it became a big issue - I hope that this finds you still standing - or at least sitting comfortably... Thanks for the words of encouragement... my liver kicking out on me really has caught me off guard. It’s like this weird concept to me that something inside me can just call it quits and I really get no say. Like, WTAF is that?! How on Earth... I sometimes ponder it and find myself really examining my past choices and indulgences and it becomes like this obsessive thing - what did it, how did I, when exactly, how did I not recognize.... 😂 As if it is even really relevant. But, I bet it was the carburetor fluid or the many other fucking toxic fumes I started huffing when I was 13. #headstart #earlybloomer 😂

  18. #138
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    They came and cleared the debris. Unreal, really... Totally unreal... to watch all of your possessions be reduced to a few dump loads and some condensed smashed metal is crazy. I’m really grateful for the Still album - it’s really become pretty much the soundtrack to my life these days... it was fitting to have Leaving Hope playing in my earbuds while I watched in awe as their big machines made everything blank and clear. Sort of like a clean slate but with scars and ash.... Still pretty epic to experience...

    About a month before they came my Father passed away... They were close by and my Mom called me yelling for me... I ran over and he was sitting down sweating and breathing erratic... slurred words... he insisted I take his shirt off.. It was pretty surreal to watch him take his last gasps of air... I just told him it was okay to go. What else do you say really..? My poor Mom was trying to give him CPR, shaking him trying to keep him there but I just knew...

    I drank a brandy and eggnog a few weeks ago and it reminded me how much I love and enjoy the burning sensation of liquor in my throat. Honestly, I’ve just been having a hard time with cravings and just wanting to get high. I’m not - but it’s amazing how it hides and lies in wait... waiting for a moment of vulnerability to appear... It makes me feel ugly and makes me want to hide in a closet. It’s sick. Years go by and somehow it’s still alive and it never dies and never truly leaves. I know that but every time it surprises me. Maybe because I let it? Maybe because I want it to? I want to get high. I want to taste it, I want to slip into that place so familiar, so comforting... When I was 13 I began huffing - I’d soak towels, put them in paper lunch bags and just breathe it in until I’d fall over, usually sliding down a wall or cabinet of a room that I’d snuck into during lunch or recess... Looking back I truly don’t understand how no one knew what I was doing... I mean, I must’ve smelled like a mechanic or a toxic fume dump - I sure know I tasted like one.... For some reason those early memories - well what I managed to hold onto - have been popping up into my head a lot lately. I miss the chemical taste in my throat. I miss my thoughts swirling and my mind unable to focus. Despite my future drug usage, inhalants have always held a special place in my heart...

    Well, I’m still here. Parts of me still stuck frozen as that youth spilling whatever toxic fluid I could find on the floor as I passed out. Just a mess, really.... still a fucking addict. Sometimes I feel like I’m the dirtiest clean person I know... clean on the outside but so dirty and sick inside. Sometimes the program helps. Sometimes the program makes me feel dirtier and more alone than before. I’ve been avoiding it because I want to find somewhere I feel I belong but it never happens. I even feel like I don’t belong with my own family, my own partner.... Am I just fucking insane? I must be because I log onto this forum and post in here as if it matters or means something but it really doesn’t, does it? It’s a futile effort to reach out but I know deep down inside that this is when I’m supposed to pick up the phone and call my sponsor, call a friend, go to a meeting... My kids have kept me busy for quite a while but I really need to stop hiding and avoiding myself and my program before I destroy it all.

    maybe if I leave this post here as ugly and stupid as it is, it’ll serve as a fucking reminder and will hold me accountable next time I log on here and read this again...

  19. #139
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    @Jessiahbell I can relate to a LOT of what you're saying, here: especially the "euphoric recall."

    That's why I love Please so damn much; it's like the story of my life. "This is how it begins/push it away but it all comes back again...there was a time when it used to mean just about everything... just like now." And suddenly I'm back in it.

    Idk, I'm bipolar - I think I AM insane, ("the manic depressive type-perhaps the least understood by his friends," if you know yer book.)

    I've lost SO MANY goddamn friends to this shit now that I'm 41, and at this point, I take suboxone. I REALLY don't care if people don't consider that all the way "sober."
    I'm 41 and have been drunk and high since I was 14, and I'M trying to stay alive in this motherfucker, you know? And I do NOT plan to get off of it this time. I'm too vulnerable. It reminds me of another song lyric from Little Wayne of all people that's so goddamn insightful "follow me I'll lead you straight to the needle/the bottles the battles the beetles will eat you."

    Also, I live in a place where the nearest meeting is a 70 mile round trip, but EVEN if I WAS going all the time again, I'd STILL take that bupe, as by now, I've got a PRETTY fucking good idea of the shit that happens when I wind up in that place.

    I ruin relationships, I get locked up, I OD, etc.

    Idk if meds are an option for you, but good lord I've found that Med Assisted Treatment HELPS, with ALL of it, for me. I mean, I damn sure wouldn't suggest it if you can get by without it, though. But for me, it's better than the alternative.

  20. #140
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    @elevenism I typed out replies two times but my phone ate them... Go figure. LOL.

    Through the years NIN/TR have consistently remained the soundtrack of my life. My devotion and admiration/appreciation for TR and his musical expression is infinite. So many memories and moments in my life that it's impossible to elaborate or account for them because it's simply ever-present. It's like having an intimate relationship with an entire group of individuals that have no idea you exist or the impact they really have made and continuously make in your life. I can't recall how many times I felt utterly alone and beyond destroyed by the world and what I was dealing with - the trauma of years of continuous abuse - my entire childhood was so full of suffering and fear that when I discovered NIN it was like someone in the universe was able to express everything that I had been programmed to shove deep down and hide... The ugly, brutal truths... So many years of silent suffering and self-destruction and TR/NIN have consistently laid it all out when I couldn't - or wouldn't. The fact that through the years the evolution of TR/NIN in his/their own life/lives and the musical evolution of the band and their musical offerings still resonate so strongly is incredible, really.

    If you have something and a way that helps keep you good then no judgement at all. I don't dig when others get super judgey and weird about shit like that, not my deal at all. I don't think everything is always straight line because there are times when people really would just fucking die without it...

    I've tended to bounce in and out of regular meetings historically - some times due to distance such as you describe - often times I feel disconnected and like I'm in the wrong place... And not in some sort of self-sabotaging way or in a holier-than-thou way as some past friends in recovery have taken it - my life experiences were so extreme regarding the abuse I went through that it becomes so overwhelming expressing it. Not the actual me expressing it or talking about it - the reality that most if not all faces in the room connecting with me can do everything they can to be there and be supportive but ultimately not a damn one knows exactly how it feels to suffer at the hands of a loved one so mercilessly as a young child - CSA (childhood sexual abuse) is a real monster that invades your life in ways that I can't begin to describe and that only someone who's really lived through it could possibly understand... Or at least that's how it feels to me. I had a therapist once recommend I attend a Sexual Assault support group and I experienced the same sort of disconnected feeling there as well. It was like these people almost understood but most were expressing stories of singular incidents or short-term repetitive things and the abuse I endured lasted for 12 years so I felt so abnormal and disconnected. I sat in a room of women who cried about being terrified of taking a bus or being proud of grocery shopping once that week - I felt horrible for them but I also felt alien and unable to connect. The judgement those there had towards me was apparent, even to the friend that accompanied me. It was like I should've been more broken, less expressive... I don't know...

    I really like the 12 step format in general so I've been trying to locate SIA (Survivors of Incest) meetings that are 12 step based because I truly feel that's where I would thrive but they're super rare and not very common... I delve into AA/NA meetings and identify with portions, usually it gives me some sort of semi-connected feeling but it has always left me feeling more alienated and alone eventually. Almost like it treats the symptoms but it doesn't get to the core. I've worked the steps and do it to my best every time but I always end up craving companionship and connection with others who have experienced what I have, which probably sounds so silly... But I keep searching. Maybe both would compliment each other well - who fucking knows at this point LOL. I did find and joined a group recently that shows promise and is pretty neat - it's a format that allows survivors of abuse to connect and express themselves, hosts meetings, etc so that's neat... Ultimately it's more of the need to really devote time for myself which is something I am horrific at - in fact just taking time to type this has been so difficult - what with life - taking ten or so minutes to sit and concentrate is so rare for me these days...

    Now that I fucking typed a novel. Lol.

    /end spew

  21. #141
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    I'm REALLY glad you've found the new fellowship you mentioned @Jessiahbell . Yeah, that's a whole different godawful ballpark. Before I was married, I was common law married to a survivor of long term csa. I read a lot of books on the subject and tried my best to help her as much as I could. She was on disability: I worked, and she went to like, EVERY appropriate community provided counseling service she could find in Dallas, just to attempt to feel better: I'm talking like, she was at some type of counseling or group 4 days a week at least. She was SO, idk, haunted. She didn't even feel comfortable taking care of her own kids at that time. And what's fucking worse is that her kids were living with HER father, the same father that turned a blind eye to what she caught from her uncle, and, surprise, the 17 year old boy was doing unspeakable things to his 12 year old sister. He caught two felonies, and they blamed HER (the child,) just like they blamed my ex for "making it so uncle Leroy can't come over anymore."
    I swear to GOD, that dude better hope he never, ever runs into me. I was especially close to the young girl, and the dude was an arrogant prick, and yeah...he'd be like 27, now.
    ANYWAY, the point being that I know a little something about the trauma that sort of thing leads to- the hardcore PTSD/panic type of stuff, and I'm REALLY sorry that happened to you. And, yeah, a traditional, rigid 12 step model would NOT be the full answer in this case, as it would suggest that the VICTIM "set the ball rolling," and she would be expected to make amends to the fucking ABUSER.

    Hats off to you for being sober in the face of all that.
    Last edited by elevenism; 01-07-2022 at 12:23 PM.

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    @elevenism How heartbreaking to go through all of that and then have that happen to your kid(s)... damn. We have limited and brief contact with my Brother sporadically as he lives in the area and my family basically pretends what happened never happened - always have and always will - so I’m super beyond guarded with my kids anywhere near him for very fucking obvious and understandable reasons. I dream of the day that I’m able to cut the family ties and walk away free from them but even though my Mother is horrible to me and completely covers him, he ignores her mostly and as she’s disabled and severely handicapped I can’t bear the thought of leaving her alone here knowing she’ll end up suffering and dying in more pain and sufferage. So basically I allow my Mom to have her generic Grandma relationship with my kids which serves them all well psychologically, I allow my kids the guise of a nice and caring but busy Uncle/Aunt/cousin (my nephew) and ponder what the fuck I’m supposed to do when eventually my Mom dies, my Brother and I come to heads about the estate and my kids eventually at some point will probably inevitably discover the truth about their Uncle. My partner thinks I’m insane for not railing on my Brother constantly but truth be told I feel the need to shield my new phew from the reality of his Father’s fucked up past... it’s basically a fucking mess. Lol. But I know I’m safe and my kids are safe so that’s really all I care about at this point...

    As for being sober, yeah, there was a long time where I just really didn’t GAF and just wanted to destroy myself via any method - drugs, booze, suicide, violent men... As I’ve looked into my past in retrospect I can see how it all relates and all boils down to me recreating the emotional torture however and how often I could. The more pain the better. I had pretty heavy kinks for a while but something happened when I had kids and I’m like a total square vanilla marshmallow these days 🤷♀️ Because of my liver and having kids, it truthfully makes the thought of unhinging and drinking the amount of booze I dream of a dream but one that I know I can never fulfill. I suppose having my liver give out is more of a blessing than a curse
    in the end. Some people still continue to drink or use and they die but I’ve got these beautiful, amazing creatures that depend on me... that I can’t disappoint for mere intoxication or self-destruction. I suppose becoming a Mother truly changed my world as well... Add NIN in the mix and it’s been enough thus far to keep me “semi” sane and functioning... I think? Haha.

    One thing I am seeing is that in retrospect I think my substance abuse being so extreme at least partially stems from a deep desire to recreate trauma and trauma responses... Like, I wanted to die and suffer so badly - I wanted utter annihilation of my existence and when I couldn’t pull that off it’s like I went on a mission in every manner possible to hurt myself repeatedly with reckless abandon. I don’t feel that destructive urge often these days honestly. I do definitely relate to other members in the AA/NA setting as far as certain characteristics but again, it’s so muddled with other stuff that I’m hoping the alternative with it’s slightly altered program that’s specifically tailored to CSA/SIA will find me working more through the root
    of what’s going on/what happened vs how I’m trying to kill it... 🤷♀️ We will see I suppose!

  23. #143
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
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    California
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    I spoke with a good friend that I hadn’t spoken to recently and it was so good to reconnect and hear what’s been going on with him. It reminded me how special those first connections made in recovery were and are to me and how much I don’t ever want to lose those friendships. It’s amazing that years ago we were crazy kids and now we have families and it’s amazing to look back at how far we’ve both come. When I first met him he was living in an SLE, just a year sober and I was drunk dialing him every couple weeks, struggling to even begin to comprehend what I was. I’ll never forget the patience, kindness, hardlines and encouragement he and that first home group I went to gave me. Having a solid recovery network with people I can trust and that just “get” it automatically is fucking rad. Just wanted to throw that out there...

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