Hi @Jessiahbell

Hang in there, and, I'm down for recovery discussion: probably a lot more of it coming soon, BECAUSE:

Weeeellll, I sure fucked up. I had that awful blackout drinking problem back in the days, and got sober in AA, and then it switched to the opiates, and only fairly recently kicked THOSE.
I am NOT back on the opiates. But, over the past few years, I've had a drink here and there, really with no repercussion. I thought I'd maybe grown out of it.
Here recently, for the past several weeks, though, I've been dealing with my dog dying, and my wife with the hep C, and they lowered my suboxone dose, and so I started picking up airplane shooters here and there. Then, it turned into four or five, but every OTHER day. Then I started promising my wife I'd go a week, but only went a day. When the dog finally died, I started drinking four or five shots EVERY day. What's worse is, I felt that old need. I NEEDED those drinks. In fact, I caught myself telling my wife "give me the card, it's time for me to go get 'my drinks.' "
This amount of alcohol isn't much compared to the old liter a day habit, but I I know where it leads. I also had a couple of nights of the sweating and shaking a bit.

SO, I got a new big book and called intergroup. The closest meeting is 45 miles from where I live, once a week. So, I'm 2 days sober, and tomorrow I'm off to AA, for AA Round 2: Middle Age Boogaloo.