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Thread: Sober - However you got there, whatever keeps you here.

  1. #121
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    10 months no alcohol, after 10+ years struggling with it. Did mushrooms about 2 weeks before I quit, otherwise can't explain it. No desire to start again. Life is so strange

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sutekh View Post
    10 months no alcohol, after 10+ years struggling with it. Did mushrooms about 2 weeks before I quit, otherwise can't explain it. No desire to start again. Life is so strange
    That's awesome! Sometimes the reality of what needs to be done hits in strange ways. I am so goddamn grateful I hit my proverbial rock bottom this year despite having had much more experience with drinking before...

  3. #123
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    Life has been insane since the last time I logged onto here but for some reason it feels fitting to post in here considering...

    Just had to have a second ultrasound of my liver/kidneys/gallbladder. Every time I have to speak with a DR regarding my liver disease I feel like the world's biggest idiot. I know I'm not but that doesn't change the feeling. Suddenly middle-aged and sick I feel foolish for not heeding the warnings and not maintaining sobriety consistently and for not fighting for it. The regret of choosing the other door and now being stuck with the consequences of my decisions is harsh. Especially as I look around and in vain try to justify my choices... The constant echoing of "Well, so-and so was way worse than I was and look at them - their liver isn't crapping out" and the comparisons as if they matter at all is lame. I've been working on trying to retrain my brain to stop using others and their experiences as comparison - no one is the same and none will have the same exact experiences... Similarities, yeah, but not identical...

    Anyways, I just needed to let this out somewhere I felt was safe and NIN is safe so here I am.

  4. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessiahbell View Post
    Life has been insane since the last time I logged onto here but for some reason it feels fitting to post in here considering...

    Just had to have a second ultrasound of my liver/kidneys/gallbladder. Every time I have to speak with a DR regarding my liver disease I feel like the world's biggest idiot. I know I'm not but that doesn't change the feeling. Suddenly middle-aged and sick I feel foolish for not heeding the warnings and not maintaining sobriety consistently and for not fighting for it. The regret of choosing the other door and now being stuck with the consequences of my decisions is harsh. Especially as I look around and in vain try to justify my choices... The constant echoing of "Well, so-and so was way worse than I was and look at them - their liver isn't crapping out" and the comparisons as if they matter at all is lame. I've been working on trying to retrain my brain to stop using others and their experiences as comparison - no one is the same and none will have the same exact experiences... Similarities, yeah, but not identical...

    Anyways, I just needed to let this out somewhere I felt was safe and NIN is safe so here I am.

    I hope that, relatively speaking, you're doing ok

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by GibbonBlack View Post
    I hope that, relatively speaking, you're doing ok
    Thanks for replying. You honestly have no idea how I just really needed someone to hear/read what I wrote. I’ve got kids and both my parents are elderly and just not mentally there enough to comprehend what’s going on with me health wise.... Somedays I just need to throw it out there and just know that someone has heard me. So yeah - thank you.

    My home burnt down in a wildfire last year and despite that and my liver hating me a whole lot I’m surprisingly okay mostly and I think I’m doing okay overall!

    How are you? How’s life wherever you are???

  6. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessiahbell View Post
    Thanks for replying. You honestly have no idea how I just really needed someone to hear/read what I wrote. I’ve got kids and both my parents are elderly and just not mentally there enough to comprehend what’s going on with me health wise.... Somedays I just need to throw it out there and just know that someone has heard me. So yeah - thank you.

    My home burnt down in a wildfire last year and despite that and my liver hating me a whole lot I’m surprisingly okay mostly and I think I’m doing okay overall!

    How are you? How’s life wherever you are???
    Oh wow! I'm glad to see that despite everything you're doing ok

    I'm doing alright. I just get bored with lockdown but I can busy myself with movies and music

  7. #127
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    Quote Originally Posted by GibbonBlack View Post

    I'm doing alright. I just get bored with lockdown but I can busy myself with movies and music
    Right?! I’ve been rediscovering my love for creating playlists. It’s almost like meditating sometimes LOL

  8. #128
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    Hi @Jessiahbell

    Hang in there, and, I'm down for recovery discussion: probably a lot more of it coming soon, BECAUSE:

    Weeeellll, I sure fucked up. I had that awful blackout drinking problem back in the days, and got sober in AA, and then it switched to the opiates, and only fairly recently kicked THOSE.
    I am NOT back on the opiates. But, over the past few years, I've had a drink here and there, really with no repercussion. I thought I'd maybe grown out of it.
    Here recently, for the past several weeks, though, I've been dealing with my dog dying, and my wife with the hep C, and they lowered my suboxone dose, and so I started picking up airplane shooters here and there. Then, it turned into four or five, but every OTHER day. Then I started promising my wife I'd go a week, but only went a day. When the dog finally died, I started drinking four or five shots EVERY day. What's worse is, I felt that old need. I NEEDED those drinks. In fact, I caught myself telling my wife "give me the card, it's time for me to go get 'my drinks.' "
    This amount of alcohol isn't much compared to the old liter a day habit, but I I know where it leads. I also had a couple of nights of the sweating and shaking a bit.

    SO, I got a new big book and called intergroup. The closest meeting is 45 miles from where I live, once a week. So, I'm 2 days sober, and tomorrow I'm off to AA, for AA Round 2: Middle Age Boogaloo.

  9. #129
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    You got this man @elevenism

    I believe in you!

  10. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by thelastdisciple View Post
    You got this man @elevenism

    I believe in you!
    man, I think I got it. I'm through the physical part, and I'm not like, NEEDING a drink, thank god. But, I WILL need help, hence the return to the spiritual program and meetings. I'm looking to stop this thing WAY before I get like I was in my 20s, which was damn near a 7 year suicide attempt.

  11. #131
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    @elevenism - shoot man. Good on you for getting right back to step 1. You've done this work before, and you can do it again. The closest meeting being 45 minutes away is no joke, but it's 100% worth investing that time to make sure you're bringing the best you to your family.

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