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Thread: Shitty Movies - So bad, they're bad

  1. #31
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    A Scanner Darkly: hated the book, imo it's one of Philip K Dick's worst. California stoners mumbling away interminably whilst high? No thanks. The movie then proceeded to make things worse, with that godawful animation technique. Total headache. No redeeming qualities. The opening scene with the bugs was OK, then it took the fast route to terminal boredom.

    Burn After Reading: after the genius of No Country For Old Men I was pumped for the next Coen Brothers movie. This couldn't have been more of a let-down. Obnoxious, unrelatable characters every single one of them. Brad Pitt's Spoiler: untimely death was just depressing. I get they were screaming at the top of their lungs at the Bush-era mentality, but this was, like There Will Be Blood, too dark and hopeless a vision too hook me in. I don't go to the movies to be berated and slapped about. I get enough of that from real life.
    Last edited by aggroculture; 04-25-2012 at 11:30 AM.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    There Will Be Blood: it was well-made and well-shot, and well-acted. I just found the story and the message too bleak: watching it made me feel miserable and uncomfortable. Maybe that was the intention, but I did not enjoy the experience one bit. I found the ending horribly and unnecessarily violent. Spoiler: He'd already screwed that poor guy, there was no reason to kill him too. Maybe it did not also help that when I saw it at the theater, the third Mars Volta dude was sitting right in front of me. I can see why people enjoy this, though, unlike:
    There Will Be Blood is without a doubt the best movie of the past decade. great soundtrack, great acting, direction. a tale about the darkness of a selfmade man.

    now talking about shit, Project Cloverfield.

  3. #33
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    Did anyone else in the world like Cloverfield?

    On topic, like Aggroculture I tend to instantly forget bad films. It's more memorable when you disagree with the common concensus, otherwise I'd probably have forgotten most of these (and, on the other side of the coin, probably Cloverfield too).

    Cold Mountain - an epic romance built around two people who'd met for about ten minutes, then spent the rest of the movie trying to hook back up. Just to add an extra layer of implausibility, the feminine half of that equation is Nicole Kidman, and I can't begin to comprehend being so two-dimensionally obsessed about someone with such a flat chest. Presumably he was reminded of her whenever he slept without pillows.
    :edit: Oh, and on the subject of Kidman, Australia. God that was terrible.

    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - experienced that magical Chris Columbus touch of fetid bullshit, which the young cast were still too inexperienced to shrug off. Didn't think much of Goblet of Fire either, which aside from the superb finale, lurched clumsily between endless boredom and Bayishly overblown action spectacle.

    28 Days Later - seriously impressive opening, with animal liberation activists unleashing armageddon and eerie scenes of an empty London (come to think of it, they pretty much just ripped off 12 Monkeys...). Then we're swamped in meritless gloom, unpleasantness and cliche, with only Cillian Murphy's very most irritating smirk for company. I'll admit he's redeemed himself more recently though.

    X-Men: First Class - I seem to have already assigned this one to my brain's recycling bin, because all I can remember is that the acting was the only thing I liked about it.

    The Descendants - meandering and pointless. Maybe I missed something, but it didn't feel like the sale of the estate in any way reflected or was meaningly influenced by the situation around Clooney's character's wife. Seems like creating a duality between the two would have been the obvious thing to do, but the two sides of the story just sat there as flaccid, irreconciled lumps.

    No Strings Attached - disbelieving shock as an Ashton Kutcher film fails not to suck. Ivan Reitman's been comfortably surpassed by his son at this point, in my opinion.
    I don't think that last one was rated by anyone, but it did stick in the memory as I somehow ended up watching it all the way through. Finishing it up with something that literally nobody agrees with:

    The Artist - back in the day, directors of silent films understood that to entertain the viewer, they needed to keep the story flowing quickly, very clearly show its progression with great frequency and frame/decorate the scene in a visually arresting way. The Artist did none of these things - there was no dynamism or richness to the direction and cinematography, and the rather thin plot moved quite slowly. It was by far the most horrifically dull experience I've ever had in a cinema. A couple of inventive sequences playing with sound, some strong performances, but aside from that I thought it was absolutely dire. I seem to be the only one though...
    Last edited by Vertigo; 04-25-2012 at 11:54 AM. Reason: Baz Luhrmann

  4. #34
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    Reason i mentioned cloverfield was because a few years ago i had a big argument in this forum, in the cloverfield thread (go figure) about how much it sucked and no one, as far as i recall shared the same opinion.

    Nothing wrong about enjoiyng shitty movies, just admit what they are.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vertigo View Post
    28 Days Later
    Another one for my list. Hated it. Chock full of cliches and nothing else.

    The Descendants
    This was over-hyped and over-rated: all the best bits were crammed into the trailer, and the actual movie was very underwhelming. I still enjoyed it though, somewhat, just less than I was hoping.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vertigo View Post

    X-Men: First Class - I seem to have already assigned this one to my brain's recycling bin, because all I can remember is that the acting was the only thing I liked about it.
    I can't belive no one has mentioned this one:


    boring, dull, bad actors (except Ian McKellen but he is boring as fuck in this one), and the most ridiculous quote ever: "Charles always wanted to build bridges"

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frozen Beach View Post
    No, [insert FILM I like] is AMAZING! [insert FILM I love] is terrible!
    I've got to stop looking in these threads...

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by frankieteardrop View Post
    the issue i have with these kind of threads is there's always some choices that are crazy baffling. i guess it's spurning some nice discussion... but man, you guys are something else.

    i'm going to roll with the guily pleasure/movies so bad they're awesome angle:


    the gate
    I find this choice crazy baffling. The Gate is awesome, and a huge part of my childhood. Maybe the ending sucks, but the claymated troll things are great, and the general premise is campy horror that's aimed at children, yet it's still authentically dark. Gave me nightmares as a kid.

    If you wanted to name the sequel though, then I'd agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    A Scanner Darkly: hated the book, imo it's one of Philip K Dick's worst. California stoners mumbling away interminably whilst high? No thanks.
    All opinions aside, that's a terrible synopsis.
    Last edited by Jinsai; 04-25-2012 at 02:13 PM.

  9. #39
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    to be fair, both movies kind of blend together in my memory banks. i felt the actors were a bit...crap. well, that's not too much to expect given that they're kids...but it's definitely below par even by those standards. keep in mind though, that i'd gladly watch any movie that i listed.

    that said, agreed completely on the claymation. the eye in the hand too.

  10. #40
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    I hated A Scanner Darkly too. As far as I can remember they also completely reversed the meaning and intentions of the novel but it's been so long since I watched it I don't remember how.

  11. #41
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    two more i thought of on the way home (in the questionably bad but i love them so category):





  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    Shitty movies? Where to start. Most of them are bad, for me.
    I would say movies that bore the pants off me and make me feel nothing: Crash (Cronenberg), for example. Recently I've hated Melancholia, Antichrist, Shame. Movies where you're waiting for something, anything to happen and it just doesn't come. Contagion was pretty lame and boring.
    Cabin in the Woods didn't make me feel a single thing. Except a mild annoyance.
    Asian horror movies that are too fucked up/brutal: I Saw The Devil.
    Hyped-up movies that don't deliver (a la JJ Abrams): Cloverfield, Super 8.
    Sequels of Saw.
    Tarsem Singh's Mirror Mirror.
    I really hated A Scanner Darkly.
    Burn After Reading.
    I also hated There Will Be Blood. Too dark for me (sorry I am a pussy).
    The Dilemma, with Kevin James. I imagine anything with Kevin James.
    Captain America.
    Cheap sci-fi movies. Splice.
    The first 20 minutes of In Time.
    Batman Begins and The Dark Knight *dodges tomatoes and insults*

    This is a hard topic because most of the movies I hated I tended to forget.
    are you a real human being made of blood and skin and hair?

  13. #43
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    Summer of Massacre... oh God, what a terrible film.

  14. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sallos View Post
    Nothing wrong about enjoiyng shitty movies, just admit what they are.
    Of course therein lies the rub, doesn't it? What are shitty movies, what makes them shitty and who says so? Makes the second part of your comment problematic. In terms of spirited on-line discussion 'it was actually pretty good, I just didn't like it' isn't exactly compelling, so the things we don't like tend to project 'this is a bad thing'.

    Which is fine, I guess, because hey: fuck Zack Snyder's Watchmen. What a turd. But others are going to read that and puff out in attack stance like they've seen a beast and it's aimed right at them, because when we allow characterization of our media preferences in terms of things I like=good/things I don't like=bad it's all to easy to take shit personally when disagreements arise, like someone's come in and questioned our very ability to know what we do and do not like—or even what we can, or cannot, feel is a good or bad thing.

    Not saying there's no room for unleashing the hate on things, to talk about missed opportunities, or to raise legitimate issues about a film's problems. But to approach it in terms of "admit what they are" is hitting the tarmac sideways.

    EDIT: Man, can we get custom avatars one of these days, or what.

  15. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corvus T. Cosmonaut View Post
    Man, can we get custom avatars one of these days, or what.
    EXACTLY!! I want my goddamn "Man in Flames" icon back to go with my username.

  16. #46
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    More for my list:

    Terminator Salvation: what a pile of shit. Terrible script, terrible acting all round, and you still didn't show us the robots taking over. Helena Bonham Carter playing Skynet was the icing on the (shit) cake.

    Anything to do with Joss Whedon. I have yet to see a Whedon production to which my response is "Ah. Now I begin to understand why people worship this guy." Serenity was one of the worst sci-fi movies I've ever seen: smug, incomprehensible, meaningless. Like a bad sci fi parody without knowing that's what it was. (granted I was not familiar with Firefly, when I saw it: but rather than drawing me in or making me curious, this turned me off it totally).

    Sucker Punch: when "meta" completely falls flat. I loved 300. I liked Watchmen too. Sucker Punch was appalling. It tried to give you a lesson on how sci fi and videogames objectify hot women, by doing exactly what it was critiquing: objectifying hot women in a sci fi nerd video game setting. Definitely up there in my top 10 worst movies of all time.

    Inland Empire. Huge David Lynch fan. Lost Highway is probably my favourite movie of all time. But Inland Empire was painful. Way way way too long. Looked terrible. Made no sense whatsoever (it was made ad-hoc with no script). Rehashed Lynchian themes to the point of self-parody. The ten false endings were one of my most painful cinematic experiences to date: I just wanted this to end.
    Last edited by aggroculture; 04-26-2012 at 07:50 AM.

  17. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    Sucker Punch: when "meta" completely falls flat. I loved 300. I liked Watchmen too. Sucker Punch was appalling. It tried to give you a lesson on how sci fi and videogames objectify hot women, by doing exactly what it was critiquing: objectifying hot women in a sci fi nerd video game setting. Definitely up there in my top 10 worst movies of all time.
    I'll completely agree here. I didn't care for this movie at all...At one point after it came out in theaters, my girlfriend asked me why people were so hyped up for it. I just told her it had a ton of things people like to see in movies. Girls in skimpy clothes for no reason, robots, fighting, imaginative scenery, all that stuff. Even going into it thinking of it as a "just for fun" movie didn't really do it for me, and I typically love those movies for what they are. I'm sure it was someone else's cup of tea, but not for this guy.

    Not to mention everybody and their grandma making their Facebook status that stupid quote, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" just got obnoxious as all hell.

  18. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alrea View Post
    Even going into it thinking of it as a "just for fun" movie didn't really do it for me, and I typically love those movies for what they are. I'm sure it was someone else's cup of tea, but not for this guy.
    That sums it up perfectly. I don't mind an action movie where I can just turn off my brain and enjoy its absurdity, but Sucker Punch was just terrible.

  19. #49
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    I didn't think Sucker Punch was that bad. It just lacked a strong narrative and had a very weak protagonist in Emily Browning to carry the film. They should've made it more about Abbie Cornish and Jena Malone who were the only performances in that film that I actually cared about. Still, it was a terrible film. I think Zack Snyder wants to be the Hollywood action equivalent to Terry Gilliam. Except Terry Gilliam was a filmmaker who knew how to work around his limits

  20. #50
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    How can anything Steven Seagal has produced since Under Siege (guilty pleasure) not be in here? Although they fall into the 'so bad they're good' category, it's only for about 15 minutes then I have to switch off.

    And I'll second Terminator Salvation - what a boring film, even the action scenes were uninteresting. I'd put Rise of the Machines in here too, the action sequences were so clunky, just vehicles crashing into lampposts etc, whereas the second one had such a symmetry and finesse, - although even with that one, I tend to lose interest after the hospital breakout. The first one is much the best

    And the Star Wars prequels, the thing that got me most about them was the pretensions of seriousness - if you want to make it into some entertaining kids film (jar jar binks) don't fill it with a load of tosh about politics. It was badly scripted, awful non chemistry between the leads. How can George Lucas not afford a decent scriptwriter? It tried to be too many things and failed at them all (except the light sabre battles which were very well choreographed I thought)

    (I don't actually find jar jar entertaining btw but I know a few kids who did love him, aged about 6)
    Last edited by WorzelG; 05-02-2012 at 03:56 AM.

  21. #51
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    Hangover 2.

    Didn't see the first one, and only saw the second one because I was visiting home, had time to kill late at night, and it was at the dollar theater. Didn't laugh one single time, and might have cracked a smile once. Is this seriously what passes as funny now?

  22. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    Inland Empire. Huge David Lynch fan. Lost Highway is probably my favourite movie of all time. But Inland Empire was painful. Way way way too long. Looked terrible. Made no sense whatsoever (it was made ad-hoc with no script). Rehashed Lynchian themes to the point of self-parody. The ten false endings were one of my most painful cinematic experiences to date: I just wanted this to end.
    As a huge David Lynch fan I hate that I agree with this so much. This film was just awful to sit through and was so incomprehensible. A real let down.

    When I think of shitty films...ones I almost actually walked out of the theater, I always think of Random Hearts They take a somewhat interesting plot point and turn it into a meandering slow paced love story that flops. The first 40 minutes is just a montage of woe is me moments.

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    Speaking of Harrison Ford, I still want the two hours back I wasted on Six Days, Seven Nights. What a horrible movie.

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    It took all of my inner strength not to walk out of Superbad.

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    Kung Pow

    I walked out after about 20 minutes. I know the film was supposed to be absurd, badly dubbed and silly but really now....what the hell.

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    V for vendetta ............biggest disapointment in my cinema going life, had been big fan of alan moore comic for years when I heard the wachowskis were in control of the film adaption I was very excited.
    was an extreme embarrasment of a fim. I have never cringed so much in my life I think I bit my lip through cringing so much producing blood.
    If you had read the alan moore version you would understand why.
    Oh god natalie portmans accent!! blowing up big ben! Urgh what the fuck were they thinking. Utter morons. Egg bread! urgh no such thing.
    Directed by an australian who had no concept of english culture. The actors acted as if they were being directed by a high school student making a school drama project.
    Lame producers pulling all the strings watering down all the challenging material cutting massive chunks out of the story.
    the film was made by the exact type of institutions and people the alan moore novel was rebelling against.

  27. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by slave2thewage View Post
    It took all of my inner strength not to walk out of Superbad.
    Thank you!

    I like that kind of humor, and I like Judd Apatow, and I even like Seth Rogen (though, I have come to find out I do not care for his writing, just his acting...now I know) but that movie was almost completely devoid of laughs. Huge disappointment and I don't get all the love for it.

    Speaking of Rogen and his writing, fuck Pineapple Express. Once again, I was really excited to see that and I don't think it had a single funny joke in the entire God damn movie. Awful.

    Oh, and more recently, I can't remember the last time I was genuinely pissed off by a movie. Martha Marcy May Marlene pissed me off. I felt like I had completely wasted two hours of my life. Worst ending ever. Horrible movie.

  28. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by theruiner View Post
    Speaking of Rogen and his writing, fuck Pineapple Express. Once again, I was really excited to see that and I don't think it had a single funny joke in the entire God damn movie. Awful.
    That movie was terrible and I heard so many good things about it before I watched it. Couldn't have been more wrong.

  29. #59
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    I liked Pineapple Express, but I am pretty sure you need to be high when watching it.
    I also dug Superbad, but not the scenes with Rogen.
    One Rogen film I totally hated was Observe and Report: it couldn't figure out whether it was a comedy or not.

    I know I'm in the minority here, but I also liked V For Vendetta: never the read the comic, but now I'm curious. I don't get a good feeling about Alan Moore's works though: I enjoyed The Watchmen movie a lot more than the graphic novel. Maybe it has something to do with the really unappealling artwork Moore employs: to me it just looks like any other mainstream comic, if not worse.

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    talk about shitty comedies...


    The only joke i kinda liked was the one about Britney, and that's it, the movie is so dumb is not even funny

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