Ate a bunch of Morphine tabs the other night.
Slept away my first day off in months.
Now I feel like an asshole.
But, that was the last of everything that I had. So I sincerely hope that was it. Feels bad, man.
I remember finding some old T-3s in my parents' medicine cabinet years ago and washing a couple down with some beers. Opiates are not fun, I just sat there at the computer, listless, for way too long. Hope you stay off 'em, Sarah, be strong!
I should have just gotten rid of them months ago. It was my fault for hanging on to them.
But that has to be it. Shit will get REAL dark if it isn't. Attempting to have faith in myself.
You SHOULD HAVE ASKED FRIDAY...
We could have avoided this whole shitstorm.
I've got weed again and I've been smoking it lightly every day (I'll smoke half a bowl at a time, so through the day I'll have maybe one full bowl, of my relatively small pipe) for the past month. I'm starting to appreciate being sober more- unless I have to do shit like cleaning and chores around the house- smoking definitely makes all that more possible and enjoyable. I'm finding that I'm drinking more when I don't smoke and it makes me wonder if I "have a problem" or...am just too damn bored being in this little town alone, where the only people I see is co-workers every day and family once a week. I have to travel 1.5 hours by car to the city where my friends and bf live, that happens about every month for a week or two at a time. I keep thinking "so much time alone means I can do so much art and reading and writing and hula hooping and my garden and this and that" all of which I do. I don't do it all every day or even every week (there's not much to do with my garden right now as I wait for the seeds to grow) so then I have more extra time than I expected so then I spend maybe three hours a day being stoned or drinking a little and "wasting time on the computer" (even though I end up reading a lot which in the end isn't an unproductive thing.)
I don't like being stoned around people so I realized that if I lived with room mates or lived in a place I could meet up with friends, I probably wouldn't be smoking that much. So I wonder, is it so wrong after all that I'm smoking this much? I was listening to a radio piece about drugs today on This American Life and one person's conclusion is that if you're smoking, you're running away from something- changing reality a little because it's not good enough. Is it so wrong that what I'm running away from is...boredom in my loneliness? Should I be more sober in my aloneness and fill that time with....more drawing and reading and "productive" things? Before I got this cannabis, I was controlling my moods using coffee and alcohol- both of which I drink less when I smoke. Is it so bad to do that? Alcohol and caffeine are both legalized and they both help me be social. Weed isn't legal but it certainly helps me be alone (or "antisocial" if you want). I'm struggling trying to figure out the "morals" behind this "self-medication".
Last edited by halloween; 05-03-2014 at 07:34 PM.
Personally I think it's not a problem until it's a PROBLEM. As long as the weed smoking isn't affecting your work life or getting in the way of your personal life than it's all good. Weed is certainly the lesser of two evils when it comes to alcohol too.
^ I basically agree there...sure.
@halloween Maybe, as you're at a point of wondering about your usage and all it entails, try changing up you're routine(s) a little. Try not smoking for activities or tasks you normally would be (not to be confused with "try to not smoke", as it doesn't sound like you have a 'problem'). To discover more how you're feeling. Not my hopes to induce overanalyzing with experimental change, but maybe something will reveal itself to you bit by bit. It sounds like cannabis use in the moment for you is at least a comfortable thing; you're trying to scope out the bigger picture of what it is you do.
Similarly, not knowing what your living environment is like or if this has ever been a thing for you before, but--what about being in a safe/peaceful place outdoors for a purpose of smoking (or for after you have smoked)?
//
I haven't used any pot since February...I'm going through a rather huge chapter in my life right now, as I've really been for months now, and unfortunately it probably is largely related to pot.
I have some CBD capsules coming my way soon though. That's one of my next moves going forward (as well as the weekly or biweekly therapy, which I respond to positively, even though it's often hard emotionally), it just so happens to involve cannabis. Complicated/Complex plant.
Last edited by Amaro; 05-04-2014 at 09:49 AM.
Yeah, I realize that what it's not a problem yet. I just feel guilty sometimes that I've been using it regularly. Your advice to go outside, I actually do go out walking in the woods every other day about (there's a huge tree farm behind my house) and I usually take a small hit for that walk. I noticed that my willingness to do active stuff suffers when I'm stoned, just because I just feel heavier in a way and also makes me more sensitive to my sore muscles from yoga classes, haha!
Weed is a vasodilator. Your BP drops a bit when you are standing. That's why physical activity seems to suck. I used to love smoking for hikes, but then I would always feel light headed and out of breath... like I'm 40k feet above sea level or something even though I'm at sea level.
Hey! Thanks for that information. Coolio, now I know.
dabs, lots of dabs
an ounce of oil is pretty serious.....takes me a qp of nug to get bout 20g of oil. just got my hands on some cannimals. theyre great.
http://instagram.com/p/i76ZjYudhk/
Oh haha sorry not an ounce of oil just bud. That would be pretty fucking sick though if he could do that.
My opiate tolerance went WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY down while i was locked up, so i'm feeling REALLY good off of a small dose of pharmaceutical opiates and benzos.
got a split qp of sour diesel and girl scout cookies that will be shatter shortly. another batch of 100mg gummies too. life is good right now.
wowwww. i'm kinda throwed....
fentanyl, handful of vicodin AND....
i did that strange trick with that strange drug lyrica.
It's so fun.
If anyone has access to this stuff, hit me up and i will tell u how to do it.
Its so crazy...like ghb meets mdma.
EDIT: and please no one get on my ass for talking too much drugs.
Good old eleveno knows what he is doing.
LoveislovE
Oh jesus....tell me about the fucking golf shoes!
bump...
hey i want to tell you guys about something...
has anyone tripped on GABA using gabapentin or pregabalin?
It is AMAZING...GHB meets ecstasy.
i call it rolling. it lasts about 16 hours and switches gears a few times.
Where are my fellow psychonauts?
This last week has been a huge struggle for me to not go back down this path.
i have struggled with addiction my entire life, mostly alcohol, but i don't drink now.
i got hurt really bad in a wreck...nearly died. i am in constant pain.
BUT...i get 180 hydrocodone a month now.
they control my pain, and also give me a nice euphoria...but someone has to hold them for me. they are my DOC.
i also get 3 mg of xanax a day.
SO i just take what i am prescribed now, and enjoy it.
and we do the strange lyrica trip once a month...it seems to enhance our connectivity. it brings us closer.
good lord, it's been SO long since i've taken a trippy mind expanding drug. it IS fun and helpful spiritually if used properly.
May i ask what your dangerous path is? I am an addict, but i don't take street drugs anymore, and my doses are controlled.
I used to drink a liter of vodka a day, and i also did a LOT of heroin mixed with coke, and straight heroin.
I consider myself clean now because i actually NEED the drugs that i take.
My nightmare is alcohol...there was a time when i couldn't imagine going a DAY without it.
I've worked the steps 5 times. AA saved my life. I'm not perfect now, but i was WORTHLESS before.
I'm getting ready to work them again, just because i feel myself becoming a selfish asshole.
And i would like to get to the point where i can hold my own pills.
@Sarah K , i am sorry if my post glorifying the trip hurt you in any way.
There is a sobriety thread if anybody wanted it. http://www.echoingthesound.org/commu...keeps-you-here
@elevenism , you've told that same story 985478 times in 578650 threads now, so I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with it.
perhaps i have told the story too many times
but it's the story of my life. i will try not to tell it again, i guess, if it is annoying you. but i have to ask...what do you mean it has nothing to do with it? what is it? nothing to do with what?
i kinda wanted to hear your story if you wish to share it.
It was quite obvious, in context, that Sarah's post about struggling had nothing to do with your story (when you read both of her posts and your posts)... considering how many times you've told it before and it didn't impact her those times either (according to her last post)