Shitty Movies - So bad, they're bad

[owinn]

So I spent what would be classed as a working day watching whatever horror movies LoveFilm had on offer on their streaming service and sat through The Invasion and The Reaping hoping that the movies that collectively starred Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Hilary Swank and Idris Elba would draw on their raw talent. In NIN terms, considering this is a NIN forum and I quantify everything in NIN terms, If this was music and the actors were NIN mic stands they would all be thrown the fuck at Jerome Dillon causing thousands of dollars in medical bills, all he wants to do is drum but these guys keep fucking it up. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, I'm losing the point and what I'm getting at is that there is a 'shitty music' thread, but no shitty Movie thread. Madness!!!

So what movies are so bad they are bad, and what are so bad they're actually fucking brilliant.

Here's a clip of some real bad movie to get us started:

[ImTheWiseJanitor]

Anything Tyler Perry has to offer is so bad that it's bad.

Absolutely no exceptions. Not even a little.

[october_midnight]

Hackers and Tank Girl. I could watch those two movies endlessly. I fully acknowledge they belong in this thread though lol.

[owinn]

Hackers and Tank Girl. I could watch those two movies endlessly. I fully acknowledge they belong in this thread though lol.

There's nothing anyone can do but high five this. They still havent made a WipEout game that good looking yet.

[october_midnight]

There's nothing anyone can do but high five this. They still havent made a WipEout game that good looking yet.

Haha. Fucking. Yes. I watched that movie so many damn times I could quote you the thing. "Looks like I'm on top."

Oh, and Angeline Jolie with short hair is the hottest look she's ever had in my opinion. Sheesh.

[thevoid99]

Hackers is awesome! I liked that film. I totally had a thing for Angie back then.

Yet, since this is a thread about shit films. I'll make some points.

Anything Michael Bay has done from Armageddon to whatever he has next is pretty much crap with Pearl Harbor being the worst of them of all.

Anything Rob Reiner has done since North, with the exception of The American President, is guaranteed crap.

Don't get me started on those Friedberg/Seltzer parodies which I think are so awful, they're not qualified enough to remotely be called bad movies due to the money they're given and the lack of effort they put into their junk.

[fillow]

Aliens vs Predator: Requiem

/thread

[NIN64]

Uwe Boll. . . . .

[butters]

This thread could get ugly. Not because the movies listed will suck (they probably will) but because we all know that we harbor a soft-spot for a shitty movie or two deep down inside!

The movies "so bad they're just bad" are usually ones that set out to be great and fail (Michael Bay.) Those who know they're going to suck but have fun with it usually turn into awesome (Tank Girl.) Then there's the ones like the latter that try too hard and fail again (Uwe Boll.)

[owinn]

This thread could get ugly. Not because the movies listed will suck (they probably will) but because we all know that we harbor a soft-spot for a shitty movie or two deep down inside!

The movies "so bad they're just bad" are usually ones that set out to be great and fail (Michael Bay.) Those who know they're going to suck but have fun with it usually turn into awesome (Tank Girl.) Then there's the ones like the latter that try too hard and fail again (Uwe Boll.)

Or I could ask a question such as... is Alien 3 really that bad? I say... nnnnnyeeeeeno

[Corvus T. Cosmonaut]

Everything Tim Burton has done since Beetlejuice, with the possible exception of Ed Wood.

[theruiner]

The one you call Corvus is right.

Also: Crash (the Haggis movie) is one of the biggest piles of crap I've ever watched. Why that movie got all the praise it did is beyond me.

OH. Oh, that reminds me. I am sick and tired of hearing about how amazing Gran Torino was. Honestly one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my life. Absolutely bloody awful. Same with Mystic River. I'm pretty much never going to watch another Eastwood movie as long as I live (any of his newer ones, anyway).

[Corvus T. Cosmonaut]

Oh god, Crash. It was one of the most repugnant Oscar victories in recent memory, like all those PC tolerance PSAs (the sort of stuff you see on Everything is Terrible these days) from the 1980s ran through a late-90s soap opera & misty-lensed indie film and then showed up in the middle of the past decade to sell blow jobs and Concern Meth to the old white narcoleptics that comprise Academy voters, and I admit I'm kind of personally annoyed that I now have to explain myself when talking to people about how much I like the Cronenberg movie of the same title.

"No, NOT the one with Sandra Bullock. Yes, there IS another movie called 'Crash'. No, you probably wouldn't like it."

[october_midnight]

I've managed to sit through Crash all the way through once. It was also the first time watching it after a friend recommended it. It was pretty late at night and it was so bad...so very, very bad that about 40 min. in I was like 'Well fuck it, I have to watch it all now, just to see if it's this bad right to the credits.' I'm referring to the Haggis turd, by the way. The other Crash (newer Oscar winner one) was no gem either.

Yup.

[henryeatscereal]

Watched this baby last weekend...



'nuff said...


*vomits*

[onthewall2983]

I've managed to sit through Crash all the way through once. It was also the first time watching it after a friend recommended it. It was pretty late at night and it was so bad...so very, very bad that about 40 min. in I was like 'Well fuck it, I have to watch it all now, just to see if it's this bad right to the credits.' I'm referring to the Haggis turd, by the way. The other Crash (newer Oscar winner one) was no gem either.

Yup.

There's a third one?

[Corvus T. Cosmonaut]

I think october_midnight was trying to do a thing. Like, "You thought I was talking about the Haggis Crash at first but I was really talking about the Cronenberg version!" Haggis's film and the Oscar-winning Crash are one in the same.

Also needed on this bad film list? Your Highness, the astoundingly unfunny comedy starring Danny McBride and James Franco and Natalie Portman. There was not one moment of that movie that was not agony.

[october_midnight]

Yeah that's me running on no sleep. I was first referring to the Cronenberg version, which was beyond awful. Then mentioned the Haggis version, which was pretty bad as well. As much as some may wanna over-analyze it, or feel that I was 'trying to do a thing'...sadly, it was just a mix up. Who would've thought?!

[Alpha 60]

Everything Tim Burton has done since Beetlejuice, with the possible exception of Ed Wood.

You don’t like Batman or Scissor Hands?
I will throw in Rivers Edge which is bad in a good way just because of Glover.
Also Lynch’s Dune. It is actually one of my favorite movies, but I know everyone else thinks it sucks.

[thevoid99]

For me, Tim Burton started to lose his way with Mars Attack! Since then, he would have his moments like Big Fish but a lot of it seemed to lack the uniqueness of his early films like actually building sets and creating miniatures. Someone needs to get the computer away from him. His worst film is easily Planet of the Apes.

[aggroculture]

Shitty movies? Where to start. Most of them are bad, for me.
I would say movies that bore the pants off me and make me feel nothing: Crash (Cronenberg), for example. Recently I've hated Melancholia, Antichrist, Shame. Movies where you're waiting for something, anything to happen and it just doesn't come. Contagion was pretty lame and boring.
Cabin in the Woods didn't make me feel a single thing. Except a mild annoyance.
Asian horror movies that are too fucked up/brutal: I Saw The Devil.
Hyped-up movies that don't deliver (a la JJ Abrams): Cloverfield, Super 8.
Sequels of Saw.
Tarsem Singh's Mirror Mirror.
I really hated A Scanner Darkly.
Burn After Reading.
I also hated There Will Be Blood. Too dark for me (sorry I am a pussy).
The Dilemma, with Kevin James. I imagine anything with Kevin James.
Captain America.
Cheap sci-fi movies. Splice.
The first 20 minutes of In Time.
Batman Begins and The Dark Knight *dodges tomatoes and insults*

This is a hard topic because most of the movies I hated I tended to forget.

[Jinsai]

I also hated There Will Be Blood. Too dark for me (sorry I am a pussy).

But even if it's not your thing, can't you acknowledge that it's a damn good movie?

and really, how could anyone hate on The Dark Knight? I can see calling it overrated (it is), but to say that it's crap? Come on.

Regarding Tim Burton, yeah, he's put out a lot of bullshit lately, but everything since Beetlejuice? No way. I'd say that Ed Wood is actually far and away the best thing he's ever done. Edward Scissorhands and both Batman movies were fantastic. And what about Corpse Bride? Even Mars Attacks was a fun campy movie. Yeah, that Alice in Wonderland movie was an abomination, and hated Big Fish with a passion, but in the middle of all that crap he made Sweeny Todd, which wasn't great but it had its moments.

The biggest disappointment for me when it comes to Tim Burton though is Sleepy Hollow. It's not his worst movie by a long shot, but it was such a let down. I heard that Tim Burton was directing a Sleepy Hollow movie, with a screenplay by the guy who wrote Seven, and starring Christopher Walken as the headless horseman? How could that be anything but a classic?

Oh well, it didn't suck, but it could have effortlessly been awesome. It wasn't even close to awesome though. I was so bummed.

[Corvus T. Cosmonaut]

I've seen a lot of good, strong criticism of Dark Knight, but none of those critics said they hate the movie, just that Christopher Nolan is very overrated and sometimes borderline incompetent as a director. But of course it's entirely possible, Dark Knight-hate, the same way it's possible for someone to hate Terrence Malick or Annie Hall or Casablanca or, well, anything. We should be wary of establishing sacred cows: to someone else maybe they're just meat, and maybe they have their own pretty good reasons for feeling this way.

As far as Tim Burton goes, I'd say: yeah, everything since Beetlejuice. Ed Wood was good but I don't understand the constant and often uncritical fawning over the thing, and I think the thing forms a better picture of Burton as a filmmaker than has ever been the case. I like some of Nightmare Before Christmas but the kudos for that one belong, I think, to Henry Selick. It was for me entirely unexpected to see Corpse Bride only to find it insufferably terrible, among the worst movies I saw in 2005, Tim Burton at that point almost literally riding his own coattails—Selick was not involved in that production, I didn't know going in.

[wight rabbit]

Shitty movies? Where to start. Most of them are bad, for me.
I would say movies that bore the pants off me and make me feel nothing: Crash (Cronenberg), for example. Recently I've hated Melancholia, Antichrist, Shame. Movies where you're waiting for something, anything to happen and it just doesn't come. Contagion was pretty lame and boring.
Cabin in the Woods didn't make me feel a single thing. Except a mild annoyance.
Asian horror movies that are too fucked up/brutal: I Saw The Devil.
Hyped-up movies that don't deliver (a la JJ Abrams): Cloverfield, Super 8.
Sequels of Saw.
Tarsem Singh's Mirror Mirror.
I really hated A Scanner Darkly.
Burn After Reading.
I also hated There Will Be Blood. Too dark for me (sorry I am a pussy).
The Dilemma, with Kevin James. I imagine anything with Kevin James.
Captain America.
Cheap sci-fi movies. Splice.
The first 20 minutes of In Time.
Batman Begins and The Dark Knight *dodges tomatoes and insults*

This is a hard topic because most of the movies I hated I tended to forget.

You hate a lot of awesome movies. No bueno.

Edit: Bolded key items in quote for elaboration. Also- some things were left unbolded are because I, either, agree or have not seen them.

[kdrcraig]

But even if it's not your thing, can't you acknowledge that it's a damn good movie?

I wouldn't, I genuinely hated There Will Be Blood. This is actually the first time I've witnessed another person saying they hated it.

I agree with everyone about Crash(the Sandra Bullock one), I watched that after it was all hyped up and had no idea why people thought it was so good.

[Jinsai]

I wouldn't, I genuinely hated There Will Be Blood. This is actually the first time I've witnessed another person saying they hated it.

I agree with everyone about Crash(the Sandra Bullock one), I watched that after it was all hyped up and had no idea why people thought it was so good.

I agree with you about Crash (though I disagree with people about the JG Ballard movie by Cronenberg, which I thought was pretty great), what sucked about There Will Be Blood?

[kdrcraig]

I agree with you about Crash (though I disagree with people about the JG Ballard movie by Cronenberg, which I thought was pretty great), what sucked about There Will Be Blood?

It was almost 3 hours of a greedy asshole doing greedy things, I got it in the first half hour and then it just went on and on. I love Daniel Day Lewis, and he was fantastic in that movie, but the movie as a whole didn't do anything for me. I just didn't care about anything that was happening, I understand that it was a movie about greed and what people will do for money or whatever but I just didn't like it, fuck it.

[henryeatscereal]

Batman Begins and The Dark Knight *dodges tomatoes and insults*

(!)

I dont agree, but i respect your opinion, just like to know your reasons for hating it

[aggroculture]

There Will Be Blood: it was well-made and well-shot, and well-acted. I just found the story and the message too bleak: watching it made me feel miserable and uncomfortable. Maybe that was the intention, but I did not enjoy the experience one bit. I found the ending horribly and unnecessarily violent. Spoiler: He'd already screwed that poor guy, there was no reason to kill him too. Maybe it did not also help that when I saw it at the theater, the third Mars Volta dude was sitting right in front of me. I can see why people enjoy this, though, unlike:

Batman Begins: Batman Begins is one of the most boring films I have ever seen. The acting, the whole thing is pretentious and takes its self way too seriously. Batman has nothing to do with ninjas in Tibet in the snow, sorry. The cheesy, sentimental music was also way too loud. I saw this movie in a very uncomfortable setting with my ex's family, so I guess that didn't help. And Cillian Murphy wtf: why not just get Justin Bieber next time. Also the batmobile looks like a robot's turd. How can you take all the great work Tim Burton did to rescue Batman from the TV show and make it cool and dark again, and fuck it up like Nolan did? I don't get it.
The Dark Knight: I dig the scenes with Heath Ledger, he makes a fantastic joker. But everything else is pretty worthless, from Christian Bale's idiotic voice to Michael Caine's fawning. It's sad to see all these great actors (Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman) reduced in this way. What totally and completely killed this movie for me was Harvey Dent: not only is his volte-face completely unbelievable, but the face below is too dumb for words. It's like something out of Dick Tracy. Except it's meant to be serious, not a joke.

[frankie teardrop]

the issue i have with these kind of threads is there's always some choices that are crazy baffling. i guess it's spurning some nice discussion... but man, you guys are something else.

i'm going to roll with the guily pleasure/movies so bad they're awesome angle:

shark attack 3: megalodon (the greatest of all the low budget critter flicks)
sleepwalkers
tank girl
night of the demons
13 going on 30
the gate
troll 2
showgirls
just one of the guys
meet the feebles
sleepaway camp

i would watch any of these without shame, but i definitely know better.