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These are amazing transitions.
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FtM
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Transition videos are amazing. I'll try to track down some of my favorites later when I have a bit more time. I can't tell you how inspiring they can be or how much hope they give me.
she/her/hers
i've heard some very unsettling things about how venomous buck is toward certain large groups of people, so i don't know. when i first heard of him, i thought he was awesome...but after reading things like this, i'm not so sure. : /Originally Posted by playwithfire
"Mr. Angel" -- an amazing documentary about trans performer and activist Buck Angel, just hit Netflix streaming. It's a fantastic watch, and features a nice chunk of commentary from muh boss. Buck is a fucking hero.
http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/70...vieid=70273275
she/her/hers
also:
sarah (my fiancee) and i had a big, long talk today about many things; long-term goals like buying a house and having a kid, as well as more pressing issues like our sparse sex life, and we FINALLY discussed the possibility of my transition.
the short version:
she was very positive, and very understanding, and (very fairly) said that it would be strange having me change so much, but that she would support me, and obviously still love me.
i'm already extremely feminine (other than my beard) and i don't know if i'd ever want to transition as far has having bottom surgery, but she assured me that she would remain by my side if i ever decided to take any steps in this direction.
so...yay!
Active Member
Thanks for the link. I wasn't aware of that. I do think a small portion of the criticism edged into over-sensitivity, but hell, at least people are asking tough questions and having high standards. The impression I got from that wasn't that Buck was a jerk, but that he had some learning still to do and doesn't like being wrong. Hopefully he realizes that. I do still think he's a good guy (my boss being good friends with him may give me a slightly biased opinion because my boss is a really good person and I trust her taste in people) but those are clearly some real opportunities for him to grow.
I don't think most people realize that bottom surgery isn't something most transmen get. While people absolutely have the right to choose it and do whatever they want with their bodies, it isn't anywhere on the same level as genital reconstructive surgery for transwomen. Like not even close.
Active Member
By get do you mean understand or receive?
Active Member
Sorry, receive.
Active Member
Very interesting.
Active Member
Yeah, I mean, I shouldn't and don't want to diminish it as a viable option for people who want it and understand the processes, because of course it is.
24.24.1.1397
I agree. I am all for anyone who wants to have the surgery, but where medical science stands right now, it's not nearly what I would want. FtM genital reconstruction surgery just really hasn't caught up to the level that MtF is at right now. Which, for my bank account, I guess isn't a terrible thing, as I don't see having enough money just for top surgery alone for years. I just have my fingers crossed that by the time I'm financially stable, maybe a combination of stem cell research and the exciting world of 3-D printing will have advanced enough that they can grow or print me something that is much more functional and aesthetically correct than what is possible now.
Active Member
Gives the "D" in "3-D" a whole new meaning.
Active Member
Yeah, it really sucks that bottom surgery for FTM isn't very advanced. I am very curious and excited to see what new techniques and procedures will be available in the future for both FTM and MTF. It would be nice if there was something new like, say, in the next few years but I imagine it's going to be awhile.
Then again, maybe it'll be quick. Maybe there will be a game changer here in the next few years. They're already talking about genes that they can turn off and on that can change one's gender (or something along those lines, though they've only studied it in rats so far but they had successfully changed a rat's genitalia from female to male by a trick of genetics, which is kind of mind blowing, honestly. It doesn't even seem like it's possible).
So, on a personal note, I'm still really wrestling with this. Right now it just seems so up in the air as to whether I'm ever going to transition or not. I really could see it going either way. I know what I want to happen (I hope I ultimately realize that transition is the right way to go) but I have to make sure that's the right path. My therapist has actually said that she's open to the possibility that I could try hormones for a brief (very brief) period of time at some point to help me gauge whether it feels right or not (if I haven't figured it out by then). That's at least six months away because I have a lot of weight to lose first before I'll be healthy enough to do so but I'm not against the possibility. The only issue are the physical changes, which can begin in as little as two weeks. That's a pretty serious thing to take into consideration, even for a trial run. But if I still haven't figured this out in six months I might have to just bite the bullet and try it because I can't imagine living much longer in this state of not being sure.
Active Member
1. Wait, is your psychiatrist recommending hormone medication? I'm sure that should be done by a gender reassignment doctor.
2. Are you seeing a gender reassignment doctor yet? It sounds like you're at the point where you would benefit from that, as that kind of doctor can help you visualise your female self and let you consider what "me after" might look like (almost in a mommywhatwillIlooklike kind of way). And from my experience of friends who are taking hormones right now, that comes way, way later. Like, they had to already be living as women first. I can ask one of my friends to write to you if it might help?
Active Member
Hiya!
Yeah, my psychologist actually asked me yesterday if I would consider a consultation with a medical doctor regarding hormones. In fact, I actually called and scheduled it today (though my appointment is a month away). It's only going to be for a consultation and possibly a blood test but I don't see myself diving in at this moment.
Also, I have heard that it might be different in the U.K. but over here it's generally your therapist who gives the yes or no on hormones and then you see a doctor (usually an endocrinologist though the one she recommended is a D.O.) who prescribes it and monitors you medically. And you don't have to be full time over here to go on hormones. In fact, it seems like most people I've read about on message boards/blogs/etc. usually go on hormones for awhile while still living in their original gender until they have feminized enough that they feel comfortable going full time (which is the way I'm going to do it, too, if I decide to transition). It takes awhile for noticeable feminization (the general consensus seems to be a year before you're really in the "well, I probably should start living full time because everybody mistakes me for female now anyway" camp). But of course it can vary by individual.
But yeah! Progress! I was actually going to mention the news here today anyway so, yeah. There it is. I'm actually going to get a consultation on hormones. Again, I'm not even close to committing yet or even doing a trial run but I don't think it would hurt to find out more.
Last edited by theruiner; 03-25-2014 at 07:20 PM.
Active Member
So, my best friend and my therapist have both floated the idea of living more as a woman, really trying it out and this weekend I decided I was going to do just that. Originally it was only going to be yesterday but then I woke up today and just felt like doing it again. So I've spent the entire weekend dressed as a woman (except when I left my place, but the entire time I was in my place this whole weekend I didn't wear men's clothes at all). I have never done that before. I dress every night but it's usually a couple hours after I get home and for the last couple of hours before bed (and to bed). But never during an entire weekend. It was nice. It was interesting.
Also, in spite of the fact that I really was pretty convinced that this consultation with an endocrinologist in a few weeks would be just that, a consultation, I am much more open to the possibility of trying hormones for awhile as a trial run. I really am starting to think that that's the only way I'm ever going to clear this confusion. If it feels right, well, that should be a pretty good indication. If it feels wrong then...well, that's a pretty good indication, too. I don't think I'll be cleared to do it because of health reasons (though once I lose this weight it will be a different story) but I suppose it's possible.
Which means that it is possible, just possible, that I might actually be on hormones a month from now. Which is kind of amazing. Just the fact that that's even a possibility now. This has gone from something I've thought about every single day since I was four years old to now actually really being a serious possibility and SOON. It's weird. And I really feel like I am starting to lean in the direction of wanting to transition for sure. That's the way I felt yesterday, at least. Today the nagging doubts come back. But you know what's funny? When the doubts aren't clogging my head, when I start focusing on transition, I'm happy. The further away I move from that the unhappier I am. Which to my therapist seems to be an indication that that's what I really want and I would like to think she's right. Unfortunately, there's just too much legitimacy to the doubts, it's not just coming from nowhere and I think there are very strong reasons why this might not be a good idea. BUT I'm still hoping that I'm wrong and there are times when it feels so right and I feel very calm and at peace with it (transitioning). So...I don't know. All I know is I'm finally making very real steps on this journey, something I have never done before. This time next month I might be on hormones. Just the fact that that's even a possibility is crazy to me. We'll see, I guess.
Last edited by theruiner; 04-06-2014 at 07:49 PM.
24.24.1.1397
Ok, so, I need the opinion of people who can really understand my situation.
I have to go up to NY later this month to renew my permit. (A friend of mine is taking me to the Toronto NIN show, so I need to pretend I'm a NY resident still a little longer so I can cross the boarder. If I had a job, and enough time, I would just opt for a passport.) I am 100% getting a new photo, because not only is my photo on my current ID just so ridiculously old, but since I've been on T for over 2 years now, I don't really look anything like my photo. Hell, it was taken before I got my mohawk. I had problems with people not believing it was my ID in the past, mostly due to transitioning (I should be happy I pass so well that they don't believe it, but it sucks when you're stuck trying to get back into the US for a half hour). SO. I have the option of changing my gender marker on my ID, since I have the necessary letter from my doctor (which is all NY needs). But I won't have the money and time to get my name legally changed for a while still. A year minimum. Do you guys think I should get my gender marker changed as well when I renew, or just get a new photo and hold off on the gender marker until I can change my name? I don't know if having the gender marker match my appearance, but not name, would make it more or less confusing for people who don't fully understand (/believe in? yeah, that's a thing...) trans* people.
Oh, as for the US boarder douche, he asked if I had a second ID. I don't. Because who has 2 government photo IDs? I had to give him my credit card, which also had my legal name on it, and wait a half hour for him to decide if I was me. I never thought I'd miss Philly, every time I've used my ID down here, it sometimes takes a few seconds to "get it", but everyone does.
Active Member
Bent Member
Your birth name is pretty traditionally feminine iirc, so potentially you'd have to continually deal with explaining that you haven't legally changed your name yet (and keep facing delays at the border). But you're already dealing with that anyway since the image on your current ID doesn't look like you...
24.24.1.1397
Yeah. And I mean, you've met me a few times now. If I handed you a photo ID with a very feminine name and photo, but male gender marker, do you think that would make a difference in believing it was my ID? If I worded that weirdly, I am half awake, lol.
Bent Member
I, personally, wouldn't notice the gender on an ID, and because of the traditionally feminine name would automatically assume you were a very butch woman. I'd assume the same for other "regular" people, but I'm not sure what "official" people (like border guards or cops) would look at then do about it. Do you know a cop (or know anybody who does) so you could ask for their feedback?
The Enhancer
Well to get into the US from Canada I need a passport, so I suppose my second ID would be my driver's license, but that's probably beside the point... As for your question, shit... I don't know. I would say change the gender marker, because that's who you are.
24.24.1.1397
For NY state residents, you can get a special driver's license that has an RFID chip with info so you don't need a passport. It's one of like 3 or so states that have them (as far as I know). It's a little extra money, but way less than half the cost of a passport, and only takes 1-2 weeks instead of like 6 or more.
Active Member
I just bought this. I'm starting right now. Wow. Here we go.
Bite me
Holy crap! How do they do that?
Active Member
Right?! I guess I'll find out how well it works in a month.
Bite me
That's friggin' amazing!!
Active Member
I am looking forward to freaking out my best friend if I can get my voice that good. ha! I mean, I posted about starting on Facebook but if she didn't see that post then hopefully it will be a little weird when I answer the phone in my new voice one of these days.
Assuming it works that well but it seems pretty legit. I'm only on the first lesson so far. Of course this is just the "beginner" course so I'm sure there are more (and it probably takes more to get that good) but I'll see how I'm doing in a month. If there's a lot of progress I'll consider doing the next one.
Also, this week has been crazy. Since my therapist asked me to start embracing and living the life more, I've just been doing more and more feminine things. I'm still not sure if I'm going to transition but I don't see any harm in experimenting, trying it out more and more, adding more elements to what I'm doing. It's kind of been a bit of an adventure. Baby steps, granted, but a lot of them. I think I'm going to go out to dinner Saturday after my support group fully dressed with some of the other people there. Granted, we'll be in a very gay/trans friendly part of town (which is probably best for my first time out dressed) but it's still a big step for me! Never been dressed outside of a support group (which I only started doing recently as well).
Last edited by theruiner; 04-10-2014 at 10:15 PM.
Bite me
Girl, you could freak my ass out with that shit, too! That is awesome! I'm sure with enough practice, you can master it. There's gotta be some "trick" that's easy to master.I am looking forward to freaking out my best friend if I can get my voice that good. ha! I mean, I posted about starting on Facebook but if she didn't see that post then hopefully it will be a little weird when I answer the phone in my new voice one of these days.
(I wish I could lower my voice. I wonder if there's a video for that.)
Last edited by allegro; 04-10-2014 at 10:32 PM.
Active Member
No trick. My guess is that she's putting her voice in a more mixed placement (resonating less in the chest/more in the head) and stuff like that. If you wanted to lower your voice, I'd say practice speaking in chest voice more (resonance somewhat out of your head, larynx relaxed), which would probably be better for you anyway... lots of crazy stuff.
I actually do wonder about whether voice feminization limits vocal capabilities, but if it does, the cost is worth it.
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