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Thread: The Transgender Thread

  1. #121
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    Hula, the only time I shave my armpits is when I go swimming or have to wear like a formal dress. I always keep them neatly trimmed, because I have the kind of hair that would turn me into Robin Williams if I didn't keep it tamed, but I don't shave because I get infections fairly easy when I do. [I'll also have the biggest moustache when I go through menopause. I'm already cringing at the thought of having to wax my face.]
    Anyway, it seems like you're making concessions that even women shouldn't be making, but I know how people react to anything but hairless skin on a woman. So in my own limited way, I feel your pain, man.

    On the whole noun/adjective thing: I never quite got that. I hate, hate, hate labels. I've always gone for the broadest possible words, myself, like 'not-straight' or 'queer' or even just 'different'. Everything else is putting yourself in a box, however you frame it. So for me, but this is really just my personal feeling on the matter, the difference between an adjective and a noun is like the difference between a cage or a cell. Who gives a shit? Apparently people do, and I don't mean to belittle that, but on a personal level I really, really don't get it.

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hula View Post
    I know this is going to sound really stupid, but I shaved my pits today 'cause there's the slightest chance I might be seen without my clothes this weekend and just... I feel like I've let myself down. It's always been such a silly little show of masculinity but it's the little things that help me through the day. The fact that I was so quick to do it out of fear that the person in question would think I was a freak or turn me away or whatever makes me worry that I'll never be fully comfortable being myself with people I'm sexually/emotionally intimate with. On top of that I'm scared I'll put my transition (and my happiness) on the back burner in the long run if it means I can have some semblance of a 'conventional' lifestyle.

    I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FRAUD. Ugh.
    Don't beat yourself up over it. It's tough. A few years back, I just said 'fuck it' and shaved my legs. Before I was just shaving above the knee because I could wear shorts and no one would notice. But then one day I decided to do the whole thing. It was awesome. I loved it. I felt like I had kind of hit the release valve a bit and let some of the real me out.

    Then I stopped, and haven't done it since. Maybe at some point in the future (well, especially if I end up transitioning). But I was playing with fire, and the last thing I want is to have to explain to people why my legs were shaved, especially people I'm not out to.

    I guess what I'm saying is, don't feel like a fraud; you're not one. You're trying to get by without drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, without making things uncomfortable for yourself. It's great if you are ready to do such a thing, but you should never feel like you have to if you're not ready.

    P.S.: I realized recently that I'm the only MTF on the board (at least the only open one). Weird. Where my MTFs at?!

  3. #123
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    Have any transmen who have been on HRT felt random very light menstrual-like cramps? Sometimes I get the slightest cramp, and it weirds me out, because (according to my period tracker app) it's been over 100 days since my last period. My doctor said my T levels are "average" so I'm really confused.

  4. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    Have any transmen who have been on HRT felt random very light menstrual-like cramps? Sometimes I get the slightest cramp, and it weirds me out, because (according to my period tracker app) it's been over 100 days since my last period. My doctor said my T levels are "average" so I'm really confused.
    I can't give you any personal insight, but have you ever had ovarian cysts or been checked for them? Apparently developing PCOS is a risk of long-term HRT... But if you already had an underlying case of PCOS, perhaps HRT could have aggravated it? Just a thought.

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessamineny View Post
    I can't give you any personal insight, but have you ever had ovarian cysts or been checked for them? Apparently developing PCOS is a risk of long-term HRT... But if you already had an underlying case of PCOS, perhaps HRT could have aggravated it? Just a thought.
    I don't think I have ever had them, but I haven't been (and can't really be) checked because I have vulvodynia, so I can't handle any kind of pelvic exam.

  6. #126
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    Kevin and Bean, the morning show on Kroq in L.A., had a call-in topic about a week ago asking for transgendered people to call in and talk about what it's like. I'm just getting around to listening now. So far so good, and I think it's awesome that they broached the topic, so far haven't made fun and are really giving a lot of exposure to something that a lot of people don't understand.

    That being said, you can tell that they're not experts here. Bean actually said, "We want to talk to people who are transgender or people who are in the process of becoming transgender." Um...what. I didn't know you could 'become transgender.'

    I know it was an honest mistake. It made me kind of chuckle.


    Edit: Oh, God. "They shave down your Adam's apple to make your voice change." What.

    Edit #2: The last call they took was from a woman who's ex transitioned from male to female, and I was a little apprehensive when the call started, but by about 30 seconds in it became clear that she was totally supportive of her ex and, even though their marriage dissolved, at least partly because of this, she just wanted her to be happy. And I have to tell you, after listening to the beginning of the segment, when they read really disgusting, horrible comments people were making in the wake of the Tom Gabel story (all the usual "your chromosomes don't change, so you'll never be a real man/woman, you have a mental illness, etc.), to have the segment come around and end with someone so supportive and understanding was outstanding. I did not expect to cry while listening to Kevin and Bean, but damned if I didn't do just that.
    Last edited by theruiner; 05-21-2012 at 06:37 AM.

  7. #127
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    The full Rolling Stone story of the Against Me! singer is now online.

  8. #128
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    Quote Originally Posted by theruiner View Post
    The full Rolling Stone story of the Against Me! singer is now online.
    Very interesting article. Thanks for posting. I never read Rolling Stone anymore.

    I gotta say, her wife doesn't seem to get it. How could she not know her new middle name?

  9. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elke View Post
    So for me, but this is really just my personal feeling on the matter, the difference between an adjective and a noun is like the difference between a cage or a cell.
    Can you clarify what you mean by this? Are you referring just to the situation mentioned, where the term transgender is used as a noun, or are you referring to the whole language? An adjective and a noun are definitely different things. I'm not trying to derail the thread, as I'm sure you realize the difference between a noun and an adjective, but the way you worded that, especially comparing them to a cage and cell (which are both nouns), is bugging me.

  10. #130
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    Yeah, that was obviously meant to mean 'transgendered the adjective' and 'transgender' the noun.

  11. #131
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  12. #132
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  13. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by theruiner View Post
    The full Rolling Stone story of the Against Me! singer is now online.
    The part of the article where she finally came out to her band, and they kind of freaked out and were saying they had to start working out so they could better protect her, was really touching and totally hilarious at the same time.

    I'm still struggling to completely come to grips with my simple attraction to trans women. Not the attraction itself, but being open about it with others. I haven't told anyone in my (Mormon) family, and I'm not even sure why I should, especially after just spending the last three weeks with them. Part of me says it's not any of their business and there's simply no need, and another part will never be satisfied with silence. Many of my friends don't know either.

    Anyone in here have experience with this one?

  14. #134
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    Yes, but the explanation isn't entirely relevant to this thread, other than pansexuals being attracted to transpeople. I have different attitudes to three groups of people:
    1) work - don't know anything (aside from a few freelance clients) and too much shit-stirring goes on in this office for me to want to
    2) family - I don't really see it as important/significant to tell them, but I don't know how they'd take it because despite being non-conservative on other issues, there isn't so much as an openly gay person in my (gigantic) family. There are lots of questions about whether I've found a "serious boyfriend" yet. They don't exactly have a leg to stand on when it comes to judging relationships, but it feels better/less stressful for them not to know. I think. I'd sort of rather they find out about it than I tell them, at least.
    3) friends - all my friends know. When it comes up, I tell them. I don't hide it. I couldn't handle being scared of a friend's approval and think I'm better off without them if they can't accept it, because if they don't accept it, they have some moral/ethical issues I can't get on board with.

  15. #135
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    So...

    I just called and made an appointment for next wednesday with a really good local top surgeon who takes insurance (my insurance "should" cover SRS 100%, according to their website and the representative I talked to when I called them a few weeks ago).
    And my ex back up in NY is grabbing the name change forms from the local court house and mailing them down to me tomorrow.

    Shit guys, if I'm lucky, I'll be "legit" by November.

    Quick question for any FtM who have had top surgery, did your surgeon's secretary tell you to bring photos of what you're looking for in terms of a finished product for your chest? I thought that was kinda weird and don't know how to take that or where to go from here.

  16. #136
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    I don't know if anyone here would be interested but this safe sex book is now available as a pdf.

  17. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    bring photos of what you're looking for in terms of a finished product
    And so of course you brought this, right?

  18. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by sick among the pure View Post
    So...

    I just called and made an appointment for next wednesday with a really good local top surgeon who takes insurance (my insurance "should" cover SRS 100%, according to their website and the representative I talked to when I called them a few weeks ago).
    And my ex back up in NY is grabbing the name change forms from the local court house and mailing them down to me tomorrow.

    Shit guys, if I'm lucky, I'll be "legit" by November.

    Quick question for any FtM who have had top surgery, did your surgeon's secretary tell you to bring photos of what you're looking for in terms of a finished product for your chest? I thought that was kinda weird and don't know how to take that or where to go from here.
    I equate this to when you get a hair cut. Stylist find it easier if you show them a picture. I totally see a surgeon do the same thing. Bring a couple pictures of what you want. Dooo it. Can you really be that far along? Dumb me has always been under the impression that it's a long drawn out process...Good luck.

  19. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dra508 View Post
    I equate this to when you get a hair cut. Stylist find it easier if you show them a picture. I totally see a surgeon do the same thing. Bring a couple pictures of what you want. Dooo it. Can you really be that far along? Dumb me has always been under the impression that it's a long drawn out process...Good luck.
    I'm... kinda? I've only been on T since January, but I'm in the right network of people to get shit done. My medical center is specifically for LGBT people, my doctor deals only with trans* paitents, they have a therapist on site for talking with me and ok'ing hormones, and later on letters for surgery/gender marker change for ID's. They have a few recommended surgeons in the area, which is how I found mine. I've technically been out for years, and lived my "real life" experience (being called by my male name and pronouns) for about a year this fall. It's just awkward because I'm in a weird in-between stage where my legal name and gender are female, but I go by male, so at school luckily by now most everyone I have to deal with who would need to know both do, and I have facial hair and a deeper voice and can totally pass if not for my chest. So I'm "that far along" but at the same time I'm not.
    All I know is, by November (when I lose my mom's insurance which is good enough to actually "most likely" cover surgery, I should be at a point where I can pass as male and have no weirdness or questions.

  20. #140
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    For those of you who are transitioning, gender-fluid... a story about the new Web site Buck Angel Dating.

    http://www.salon.com/2012/09/06/the_...f_your_dreams/

  21. #141
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    http://www.wgbh.org/programs/Greater...ery-Case-41033

    Prisoner Wins Sex-Change Surgery Case

    So many angles on this one.

  22. #142
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    Lana Wachowski speaks about nearly committing suicide as a teenager

    Fortunately she didn't and her testimony may be helping others going through the same struggle.

  23. #143
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    I heard a coworker today tell another coworker of mine that he should come in on Halloween as a "tranny." Ugh. First of all, I hate that God damn word so much. Secondly, for obvious reasons, I found that whole idea pretty offensive. Of course, I kept it to myself.

  24. #144
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    I always assume that tranny means transvestite and not transsexual/transgender. But I know that a lot of people think both mean the same thing. Even though it's a real preference for some, I can see how you can "come as" a transvestite, but not a transperson.

  25. #145
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    Yeah, I shed a few tears. Faith in humanity restored.


  26. #146
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    Quote Originally Posted by theruiner View Post
    I heard a coworker today tell another coworker of mine that he should come in on Halloween as a "tranny." Ugh. First of all, I hate that God damn word so much. Secondly, for obvious reasons, I found that whole idea pretty offensive. Of course, I kept it to myself.
    Ugh, the previous store manager at work challenged us to raise money for the local kid's hospital. The goal was something like 11k and if we met it he would wear a dress to work for a day. Every time it was brought up in staff meetings people would tease him about wearing something ridiculous like a strappy dress or he'd have to shave his legs. He was a fucking asshole and this type of behavior only highlighted it.

  27. #147
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    Today's Nerdist podcast is with Shadi Petosky, who's going through gender reassignment.

  28. #148
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    I'm very attracted to transgender people of any original gender, androgyny is a beautiful liberating thing. Too bad I live in the south...

  29. #149
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    Long time no posts, but, um, I thought I'd share this thing I'm doing with you guys. I'm officially a curator, for a show on transmen, and my school is making sure everyone knows.
    http://uarts.edu/events/2013/05/wayf...rging-identity
    I hope I make my brothers proud...

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