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Thread: Family and Kids: The Thread

  1. #1
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    Family and Kids: The Thread

    I was going post this in the Little Things that Piss you Off thread:

    Baby woke up in the move from car to crib, so there goes naptime and with it my chances of getting anything done this afternoon (Mom is away at a conference).
    But then I thought who needs to hear people whine about their kids not napping? How about a kids and family thread where all such stuff is contained?

    It is, after all, that time of the year. Family. Let's rant and commiserate about the little and big tortures of family and parental life, and rave and swoon about the cute little things our kids and family members do that often do piss non-parents off.

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    Single mom here. I work M-F and have my 7 year old on those days. She goes with her dad on the weekends. Being so busy during the week and living in a house with 4 other females, I find it hard to have some quality time with Victoria Apple. However, I hang out with her during her shower time and I make sure we spend at least some alone time with each other. That's important to me.

    Victoria has several major food allergies. She's allergic to peanuts, milk and eggs. It can be life threatening if it is not handled promptly. It had been challenge in the past but we manage it well. Some of my friends call her the bubble child because everything makes her sick. Despite her major food allergies and all her illnesses, I wouldn't trade her for one bit. She's my twin. We are just 26 years apart.

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    So, can I rant about my brother in this thread?

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    Yes! Family, not just kids.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Baphomette View Post
    So, can I rant about my brother in this thread?
    I read this as "So, can I abort my brother in this thread" for some reason, and lol'd. Time to put my glasses on.

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    Reminds me of the album title "Retroactive Abortion."
    Also, I recall a Philip K Dick story in which kids can be "aborted" up to a certain age.

    My brother married a woman with a ton of mental and emotional problems (in addition to being a controlling asshat) and he has in many ways cut off his family for years. Le sigh.

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    Since my brother graduated, he's been staying at my parents. His original plan was to crash there for a couple months 'til he got his CA license to practice (he has one for NY), landed a gig and could get his own place. That didn't happen. He didn't pass the State license test (board, whatever it's called) and has to wait 'til Jan. to take it again. So he's been pretty screwed. I get it. He's frustrated. He's disappointed with himself. I GET IT.

    What I DON'T get is his transformation into the biggest asshole douchebag on the planet. Callous, arrogant, inconsiderate, demanding, rude, cold... Or, as we'd say in Spanish, un bruto descomunado, desgraciado y desdichado. And he treats my parents like absolute shit. (My parents are in their 70s; my brother is 37.) I don't trust myself to go visit b/c all I wanna do is beat him with a bat. GGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

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    I'm a new dad, my little girl being almost two months old. she's a handful sometimes, but they all are at this age. other than that she's awesome. strong, healthy, really smart; she's trying to crawl already even though her body isn't quite ready for it, and she's trying to repeat words, although again, her vocal structure hasn't developed enough to do it. but she tries. our first and only child, we really do not plan on having another. well, we didn't plan on this one either, but accidents happen, heh. her mom had the better job out of the two of us and we really didn't want to put her in daycare, so, I quit my shitty Sears job (who are we kidding, the company is going under anyway) and now I'm a stay at home dad. crazy stuff.

  9. #9
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    Father of two here. I've got a 3 year-old daughter and 10 month-old son. My daughter has always been a handful but my son has been pretty easygoing thus far. My wife is a stay-at-home mother at the moment while she's studying. Apparently my daughter is fairly well behaved while I'm at work and mainly starts to get silly and misbehave when I'm home of an evening/on weekends.

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    One on the way in March! I'm excited and terrified.

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    It drives me crazy that my niece is growing up and I can't be there to watch!! Growing up within two countries has always been tough for me, since sometimes I really want my mommy's hugs and my sister's presence. Now it's even worse because of my little niece!! I've always wanted to go back to Brazil and I think it's a long time coming so I'm going to try planning for it in the next year or two. The timing is finally starting to look right, woot!

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    So I have been my little sisters father figure since I was about 17. (I'm currently 25, she is days from being 14). Shit is rough sometimes with her. I don't know what the inside of the head of a hormonal girl sounds like. I know what it was like being 13/14, and it fuckin' sucked. I just fear that I'm giving her too much space, and that I should be more "involved" in stuff, like getting to better know her friends and their parents. I mean, my mom and I can't be doing TOO bad, she is a straight A+ student, in all accelerated classes, captain of the track team, and best alto in the choir. Then again, I was straight A+ and captain of the wrestling team at her age, and now I'm a guy that sells car parts. so yeah.

    Oh yeah, I live not only with my mother and my sister, but my mothers parents, (grandmother is 84, grandfather is 85). Grandpa has severe dementia, to the extent of claiming we forge his handwriting on things to "frame" him for being stupid. so yeah. My grandma is cool as fuck though. We watch hockey and baseball together. We are an all star team when it comes to cooking, and she has a wonderfully blue sense of humor.


    in conclusion... so yeah.

  13. #13
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    You're probably giving her the right amount of space if she isn't completely destroying her life. Hormones are a bitch, so to say. I wish my mom had been more involved in my life at that age but she was only aggressive and took my emotional problems personally and basically I was flunking high school so then I went to live with my dad to homeschool. Man, he could have been seen as so detached but he was SO PATIENT with me and gave me SO MUCH space and I forever am grateful. I knew he cared still by the small things, like buying me oreos all the time- Even when I asked him to stop, haha.

    Anyways...that's my 2c.

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    Just came to the realization that Christmas as I've known it for the past 13 years is over.... My younger daughter (8) despite wanting to believe, is piecing together the fact that there is no Santa or Christmas magic. It's sad. 24 more hours of trying to play up the entire thing then it's over. It makes me regret not playing it up even more over the years. She truly gets the concept of giving though, it's quite cute how much more she enjoys giving gifts rather than receiving them. She saved up all of her own money to do shopping for the family & extended family and wouldn't let us chip in. The complete opposite of my soon to be 13 year old daughter who blows thru her cash as fast as she gets it. I'm saddened to the point that it almost makes me want another kid so I can keep it going.. Almost.
    Moral of the story: Ugh, time sucks.... Enjoy things you might perhaps take for granted before they're gone..

  15. #15
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    My wife is actively campaigning for number two.

    OK.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    My wife is actively campaigning for number two.

    OK.
    This is what my 4yo keeps doing.
    I'm all "dude, we just bought a house so you can have a yard to run around in and good schools... you can have a pet or something. STAHP"

  17. #17
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    That's interesting: our kid every time we ask her if she'd like a baby sibling she's all "No, I have [my doll]"

  18. #18
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    Bumping time!

    Our little one is 5 months and a complete angel in every way. Who else has kids?

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    That's interesting: our kid every time we ask her if she'd like a baby sibling she's all "No, I have [my doll]"
    hahaha
    you kid sounds hilarious and awesome
    my kid is so damn social and extroverted that I have to catch myself from trying to reel him back in social situation because I am the opposite. "no no don't talk to that person" type stuff

  20. #20
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    Family.
    My dad, just in a super casual standing-by-the-car-about-to-leave way, starts talking about how he wants to move back to his hometown (possibly to the house he grew up in, which is being rented out, each floor a separate apt.) because he needs to "simplify life" and sell his current house. I swear to god he definitely changed his demeanor and seemed super sensitive about this because- HE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW OLD HE IS. Living alone on a mountain in you late 70's, things get tough. I tried to draw him out by asking him if this was a hard decision to make or if he got emotional at all and matter-of-factly he said "No, because I always viewed this house as temporary." He had a fever recently that put him out pretty badly for a couple days, not being able to go light a fire to keep the house warm (he does have gas heating as a back up of course). He mentioned that if he has more "incidents like this" it won't be a good idea to stay there. I hate how I have to read inbetween the lines, like "simplify" probably means being closer to civilization in case something bad happens and more of what he alluded too, a smaller house to take care of (his house is one giant storage unit, it's so cluttered with STUFF, it triggers my OCD pretty badly being there because he never cleans or organizes). I'm happy though because this means he'll be next door to his sister (in her 80's also living alone!!!) and other family in the town. I wonder if this was also triggered by the fact that I want to move out of this town....Oh well.

    This is all to say that I grew up half my life thinking about when he was going to die and finally in college I realized he's healthy and we have a lot of time together, but now it's gone back to time-is-so-limited and it's a relief to see that my dad really is thinking about these things. I used to think he was just going to stay up on that mountain the rest of his life and how difficult it would be when he stopped being able to drive around safely on his own and all that stuff....

  21. #21
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    Family and Kids: The Thread

    @halloween My parents are in their late 70's too and they are definitely "feeling it". I think that happens when those aches and pains are more frequent, you get naturally a bit more forgetful, and your friends start dying off. It's good that he's sorta talking about it. Need a plan, or else the plan is made for you.

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    My mom's 76, and me and my friends and cousins talk about the "wellness checks" we have to do on our widowed parents; if we don't call and check on them and miss a day, that could be the one day they've had a stroke and they're lying on the floor unable to crawl to a phone, or maybe they died hours ago and they're lying there decomposing and we never checked on them ... these are the visuals we get when we have to take care of our aging parents, egad.

    I'll call my Mom, she ONLY has an iPhone, now, no other phone, and it rings then goes to voice mail. I wait, then try again. This happens 3 more times. Then I get worried. I look at her Gmail account. My halfbrother (he looks after our dad in Detroit) calls this the Green Ball Wellness Check: if the green ball is lit, they've recently been active in Gmail. Nope, she hasn't been in Gmail since yesterday. Now I'm getting worried, the "I've fallen and I can't get up" visual, even though my mom climbs 4 flights of stairs in her condo building for exercise. I'm just about to DRIVE OVER THERE when my phone rings.

    "Honey, did you call me? I've been running errands and I'm at Target."

    So when they kind of help us out, move closer to neighbors or friends, give a key to somebody we can call to do a wellness check ... It helps!!!

    My best friend's mother-in-law is NINETY and is a widow and refuses to sell her house way out in the boonies and SHE STILL DRIVES even though she's blind in one eye, and my friend tried to talk her into a LifeAlert necklace and almost did but the old lady changed her mind. I guess she has too much fun making everybody worry all the time.

    G and I don't have kids so we'll be in expensive Assisted Living, lol.
    Last edited by allegro; 02-12-2015 at 10:54 PM.

  23. #23
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    OMG looking after your kid, who is sick
    when you are sick too
    is just painful

  24. #24
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    Dra and Allegro- I'm SO glad my dad's been making these plans. I'm moved back home hoping I'd be happy here while being near him but honestly, I'm the age of his grandchildren and feel too young to be stuck here waiting around so knowing he's planning this made me less guilty about moving away (two hours away granted isn't very far!!) I had a terrible dream last night about my mom dieing (she's in her 50s) and I woke up feeling terrible anxiety. She's in another country and don't see her more than once a year at this rate and it would kill me if something were to happen to her before I saw again this year =[ She's in excellent health though so nothing should happen. She's a terrible driver though...

  25. #25
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    I think we all start feeling (or, we SHOULD, anyway), as we age and our parents age, the need to spend as much time as we can with our parents. We get so busy and we don't want regrets, later. Good thing, too! Regrets are bad!

    Skype is good! Phone and writing letters and communicating.

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    My mom's 76, and me and my friends and cousins talk about the "wellness checks" we have to do on our widowed parents; if we don't call and check on them and miss a day, that could be the one day they've had a stroke and they're lying on the floor unable to crawl to a phone, or maybe they died hours ago and they're lying there decomposing and we never checked on them ... these are the visuals we get when we have to take care of our aging parents, egad.
    .
    Not to be morbid but.....

    This happened to my ex's grandmother. 88, lived alone, of her right mind, just dropped dead in her chair a few days after Christmas. I think she was there for a day or so before a neighbor checked on her.

    My dad's best friend from college, life time bachelor, a lawyer, died alone in his apartment. He was found a week after he died. My dad was so sad. And mad, the freaking guy didn't have a will.

    Everyone should have a will. Especially, people with kids!

  27. #27
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    Even without kids. Otherwise it's just a god damned mess.

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    Both my parents, about 6 or 7 years ago near the same time decided to explain their wills to me and my sister. So I know that's taken care of at least....

  29. #29
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    This morning's tantrum: she didn't want me to heat up the waffles, just wanted to eat them straight from the freezer.
    The second one was about not wanting to get dressed.
    #terribletwos

  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    This morning's tantrum: she didn't want me to heat up the waffles, just wanted to eat them straight from the freezer.
    The second one was about not wanting to get dressed.
    #terribletwos
    I learned in my "child development" class that you're supposed to give them "choices?" That they're all about choices at that age, and about autonomy? So, say ...

    "Do you want your waffle toasted? Or do you want your waffle heated up in the microwave?"

    "What do you want to wear this morning? This outfit? Or this outfit?"

    You're really making the choices, but you're pretending to give them the choice and they're too stupid to notice.

    Eventually, they'll figure this out, but not until they're 3 or 4 and you'll have to expand the choices.

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