I’ve been thinking a lot about how you’re not usually aware of when the moments in life that stick with you the most and have the most meaning are happening to you. I look back and realize how special or important things were afterward. This trip was one of the only times where I think I knew that what I was experiencing was one of those moments while they were still happening.
Night 2 was the peak of everything I’ve been so obsessed with and been inspired and supported by for my entire adolescence and young adulthood. The whole package of this run felt like one giant sea of everything that makes me feel like waking up is worth doing. Saying you hung out on the side of a building for 3 days doesn’t sound appealing but there’s nowhere else I would have rather been. Before discovering this impossibly vast community of people I’ve never felt like I’ve had any sort of “group” or place where I belonged. Being with all of you and being at these shows makes me feel like I’m not out of place anymore when I’m there. It’s the only time I feel that and it means the world for me.
This is the ultimate arrangement of the band, the perfect type of venues and the perfect type of setlists and crowds. Being in a room full of people that all appreciated that Subterraneans performance, Jesus Christ. That would never have felt like that in an arena. The moment where we all lost our breath when AATCHB started on Friday and everything that followed, sobbing on the rail and having strangers hug me while we all cried. Screaming the ending of Becoming along with Trent and thousands of other people when I used to sing that to myself alone in my room thinking I’d never feel better and wanting to die. The massive catharsis of The Big Come Down. My favorite Bowie song. Trent looking happier than he’s ever been. Robin being Robin, his vocals on Shit Mirror. Ilan’s arms defying physics and hearing the “take me with you” vocals in my head as Trent sang the end of The Perfect Drug. Feeling that sense of limitless intensity when Starfuckers, Inc. started or when Now I’m Nothing built up and up and up and up and up and crashed into Terrible Lie. Standing there, staring at the architecture of the theatre around them, everyrhing larger than life, gorgeous and antique, gothic and magnificent, the band feeling larger than life on that high stage. Saying goodbye to everybody on Saturday night and hoping it doesn’t take years to say hello again, always wishing there was a little more time. I don’t know. You really have to be there. And I was. I was there for all of this. I am so happy this all happened exactly the way it did for me.
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Originally Posted by kleiner
