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Faceplams: Tell jokes and stuff here.
Ill start.
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?
A SPAGHETTO.
Captain Rustleboots
Tell jokes and stuff here.
Ill start.
What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood?
A SPAGHETTO.
Stubby Member
Whaddaya call a guy who has a shovel for a head?
Doug.
Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk
Banned
Knock knock
who's there?
tony
tony who?
tony parente
Re Member
what did the zero say to the eight?
niiiiiiiiice belt!
Unintelligible Whispering
Woody Allen and Roman Polanski walk into a bar
The bar burns down
Everybody pretends to mourn their deaths
Fuck, I'm not good at this
FATUM NOS IUNGET
Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of the dog.
Active Member
Don't fuck it up this time.
http://www.echoingthesound.org/commu...3-Jokes!/page2
Active Member
A rabbi, a priest, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar. Bartender looks at them and asks: "is this some sort of joke?"
Captain Rustleboots
Haha I was hoping this one would stay.Originally Posted by theimage13
Dis-member
Why was 10 scared?
Because 7 eight 9.
This Cannot Continue
Two Sausages in a frying pan.
One says "It's getting a bit hot in here"
The other replies "WOW A TALKING SAUSAGE!"
...i have a weird sense of humor
Unintelligible Whispering
Three guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
"Guys, I think I fucked up."
Re Member
rofl. BOOM. thanks for this one. lololololol.
Re Member
what do you call a guy lying in front of a door?
matt.
FATUM NOS IUNGET
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
Captain Rustleboots
Why was 8 afraid of 7?
because 7 was a registered 6 offender
FATUM NOS IUNGET
Why was 5 afraid of 7?
Because 6 is the one 7 ate.
Dis-member
The love and murder triangle involving all these numbers is straight out of Lifetime Movie Network!!!...
Captain Rustleboots
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
FATUM NOS IUNGET
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles.
Active Member
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kidnap his family.
Captain Rustleboots
Back in college I dated a set of twins. People always asked me how I told them apart. It was simple really, Jessica always painted her nails purple and Sean had a cock.
Throbbing Member
Hello, how are you, I'm here to be warned about resurrecting old threads. ;-) Anyway, somewhere in music-making related jokes I found Sneaky Fox and I am still laughing about this one... "Sneaky fox", what the hell... :-D
https://goo.gl/images/XUEyFj
Hairy Member
I once knew a girl named Tree
She Wouldn't stop Barking!
Active Member
I got the best tip from my mohel the other day.
What has two arms and two legs but can't walk?
Paraplegic Suzie.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Not Suzie
Active Member
My wife and I decided not to have kids.
Our son is taking it pretty hard.
Active Member
What do The Muppets like to eat on Thanksgiving?
A big bird.
ba-dum-tisss!
This Cannot Continue
I broke my arm in two places, you know what the doctor said?
Stay out of those places!
Active Member
Funny you should say that. I recently went to the doctor because I was experiencing some pain. He asked me to press against the inside of my elbow and asked if it hurt - I said yes. He asked me to press against my abdomen, and again, it hurt. He had me do this one more time, right around my temple, and it hurt.
"Congratulations," he said. "You have a broken finger."
Active Member
Jeez, and none of your fingers hurt?
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