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Thread: Family and Kids: The Thread

  1. #31
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    Did she eat the waffle while it was still frozen? Because I think that sounds hilarious.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    I learned in my "child development" class that you're supposed to give them "choices?" That they're all about choices at that age, and about autonomy? So, say ...

    "Do you want your waffle toasted? Or do you want your waffle heated up in the microwave?"

    "What do you want to wear this morning? This outfit? Or this outfit?"

    You're really making the choices, but you're pretending to give them the choice and they're too stupid to notice.

    Eventually, they'll figure this out, but not until they're 3 or 4 and you'll have to expand the choices.




    Oh believe me, I did that in both cases.
    In fact I ended up heating some in the oven, and some in the toaster: but she didn't want either.
    And then she gathered all of them on her plate.
    Same with the clothes.
    I think she's in a "no" phase - says no before she even sees what you're offering.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by aggroculture View Post
    Oh believe me, I did that in both cases.
    In fact I ended up heating some in the oven, and some in the toaster: but she didn't want either.
    And then she gathered all of them on her plate.
    Same with the clothes.
    I think she's in a "no" phase - says no before she even sees what you're offering.
    Hahahahaha, SHE'S GONNA BE A LAWYER!!!!

    I guess you should've done different choices, instead of two different versions of waffles. The kid obviously has good taste and wants it all.

    "Okay, do you want these shitty waffles, or do you want a nice Western Omelet that actually requires some effort? How about a mimosa? And a pool boy?"

    My mom used to call that shit "the stall tactic." It wasn't about breakfast, it was about delaying breakfast. But, yeah, they do go through a "no" phase. They just like the autonomy.

    On Friday night, G and I went to Bennihana really early, we happened to be passing by. And we witnessed something we had NO IDEA happened at Bennihana during the early hours on Fridays.

    KIDS. LOTS AND LOTS OF FAIRLY LITTLE KIDS.

    HOLY SHITBALLS WERE THERE KIDS.

    One mother had THREE little kids, ALL BY HERSELF she was wrangling these kids. Her son was 15 months, the middle daughter was 2 1/2 and the oldest daughter was 4. I know this because G and I had a teppanyaki table all to ourselves but this mom was at the table next to us, sharing the table with another mom/dad and their daugher who was 4, and they were all yelling to each other various factoids of get-to-know-you shit.

    But WOW this mom-of-three had PATIENCE holy shit. At some point, the middle daughter wanted the onion soup but the table was too tall, so she kneeled on the chair but then she got soup all over her shirt. Of course, not her fault. So Mom was trying to negotiate this, but now the little son was SCREAMING that he wanted the soup (he was non-verbal so had no other way to communicate). So Mom finally figures out that middle daughter needs a booster chair (I had leaned over to G, "she needs a booster chair") so she summoned the mostly non-existent waiter who finally arrives with the booster chair. Mom, STILL PATIENT, ties a napkin around middle daughter's neck, puts the kid on the booster chair, and VOILA. Middle daughter could eat her own soup, leaving Mom to tend to screaming little son and make hilarious funny faces at him to get him to shut up. The oldest daughter was in her own world with her food and her dolly, not very helpful at all.

    So G and I looked away for a little while, and when I looked back at Patient Mom, she was giving Little Son fried rice by first looking around to see if anyone noticed, then putting it on the teppanyaki table, then letting him pick it up with his hands on his own. HEY, WHATEVER WORKS. LOL, watching this woman handle three kids so patiently and deftly and keeping them from going apeshit was amazing. I walked out thinking NOTHING in my world was very stressful at all compared to that shit. The whole fucking restaurant full of kids was more stressful than anything in my entire life.
    Last edited by allegro; 02-17-2015 at 04:25 PM.

  4. #34
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    Hahaha, man, that's my JOB right now. I'm in the 2 yr classroom at a non-recurring child care (ski resort woot!) and I've learned what it means to find infinite patience. I mean, I can spend all day watching the kids make a food mess or wait for them to actually eat or make a decision on what to eat (if they come with their own choices of food), it's the crying and screaming at a nap time or any time really, that pushes my patience. One day was particularly rough, five kids crying about non stop all day (not even the same five, it just alternated) in a room of 18- EIGHTEEN KIDS. After my ear drums started twitching, I had visions of myself screaming at the top of my lungs too. This wasn't cathartic at all so instead I took a deep breath and simply imagined myself disintegrating into the air, being invisible, not there, there is no ME to get annoyed, there is no ME hearing the noise, I am nothing. I discovered the true meaning of patience that day.

    That said, I love my job. My sister burnt out after a year of working with toddlers, I feel like I can easily do this for a long time.
    That said, I can easily see myself getting tired and wanting to take care of my own kid, not others.
    Last edited by halloween; 02-17-2015 at 07:53 PM.

  5. #35
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    Thought I'd share this.
    Forty weeks come down to a mother's first moment, and everything changes. Crying keeps her awake, but silence is deafening. She'll teach him to walk only to chase him out of the street, out of a tree, and out of harm's way. Then suddenly time stands still; long days and endless nights morph into years, and as other mothers are chasing their babies, her baby is driving away. The mathematics of motherhood: Days that last forever add up to years that pass in the blink of an eye.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fixer808 View Post
    One on the way in March! I'm excited and terrified.
    Same.

    I know, what a difference a year makes.

  7. #37
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    I'm still in awe as to how only children are the minority (Even a rarity dare I say.) in families. I know it's personal and none of my business, but I really am curious as to why parents believe in siblings, beyond/aside the "So my kids won't be lonely." reason.

    It just fascinates me, because aside from getting married, procreation itself with or without marriage is one of the most popular and normal things to do, yet even stopping at one child still seems to stick out like a sore thumb.

    Most families I know have 2 to 3 children. The families with 4+ children aren't as common, at least with people I've met and known personally. 2 and 3 are the usual amount of children they have.

    As for me, I'm an only child and I'm still learning new and fascinating things about sibling dynamics that are very foreign to me.

    I mean now, the thought of like say, even if you're not napping, dilly-dallying or engaging in tomfoolery, should you have grown up with brothers and sisters, you couldn't even return from school and change without being interrupted, let alone tie your shoes without being interrupted, as if it wasn't hectic enough communicating with your parents.

    And I've been told time and time again that I can't even compare/gauge my communication/avoidance experiences to my parents with sibling communication/avoidance either. (Which is what I've based it on out of habit... and yes, ignorance too.)

    I even have yet to see generations of only children. I'd imagine it would be quite the surprise of parents and grandparents being all only children.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 01-29-2020 at 12:44 AM.

  8. #38
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    Hello everyone. Iím at a loss right now and I need to post something to get this out, so I apologize for the rambling.

    My mother passed on Sunday sometime in the early morning hours at age of 63. Iím currently on bereavement leave this week from work and Iím trying to make sense of everything. My Mother had stage five kidney failure and was on dialysis since 2017. Almost a year later, she discovered she had lung cancer and began taking Keytruda treatments. She had been in and out of the hospital several times since the fall of last year and this year was really rough. There were so many starts and stops to how worse and better her condition got that my brain wasnít able to settle down. She was tired, weak, in pain and ready to go but she was afraid it was going to hurt to let go and was afraid of how it would affect my Father, my younger brother and I. She was ready to start hospice this week and had got all the equipment delivered to the house after the pretty painful Saturday for her. She passed in her sleep in one of her favorite chairs as my Dad laid on a blow up mattress to sleep by her at night. The last time I saw her was last Friday evening as I visited my family when my Dad called sometime in the morning to say itís probably a good idea to visit. She was in pain and restless, but I know we told each other we loved each other. From her condition and the medicine, her awareness levels had not really been too stable. That Friday afternoon I called the family to check on everyone and I asked my Father to give Mom the phone and she told me she loved me with so much sorrow in her voice and I told her I loved her too. I didnít know thatíd be the last time I would talk to her on the phone.

    I moved out of my familyís house in the spring of 2016. Iím 33 now and live with my fiancťe and our rescue cat. I called my Mom all the time and especially as her condition worsened, I always called to check on her and talk. On top of that, as many people can do ... I relied on her a lot for my anxiety. If I had a bad day at work (which was rampant in 2017 and 2018 with a previous job), was scared about the future or just needed a reminder that Iím doing okay in life-I would call her and cry and come back down to Earth.

    My family is super close. We went on vacations, we always had fun at restaurants, holidays were amazing growing up and we all deeply loved each other. My Mom and I did a lot together as well. We always watched a lot of movies and we even saw a few concerts together. The first time I ever visited Chicago was with my Mom. Her and I saw a musician I adored named Jonsi who is best known as the leader singer of the band Sigur Ros. Mom had no idea who he was, but was excited to take a trip and it ended up being an amazing time. We always talked about that trip.

    We talked a lot. Itís why Iím not recovering very well from the fact that Iím super upset and I canít call her and tell her I love her and for her to tell me things are going to be okay. Iím getting married in October and we originally thought about possibly moving things up since last November and December got so bad for her ... but upon talking to family, we kept our October date and moved forward. I knew there was going to be a chance she wasnít going to be at the wedding and it was a real possibility, but facing an inevitable as opposed to accepting the reality has been hard. My mother loved my fiancťe a lot and I think that had a lot to do with how in love my fiancťe and I are. Mom always hoped Iíd find someone that gave me the love that her and my Dad have and for me to just be happy.

    All Iíve been doing this week is listening to the song we picked to dance together to. Iím sad. Iím in a daze and I donít know how my father, brother, aunt (her sister and only immediate family relative) and I are going to get through this. I miss her so much. Iím not ready to go back to work next week and Iím not ready for a lot of things. Iím not ready to be a statistic of a Motherless family and Iím not ready to accept the new normal of her being gone. Everyone I know has been incredible. Too incredible, in fact. Lots of texts, nice messages on a tribute post I made of her, personal messages and many people wanting to offer me food.

    I love my Mom so much and all I want to do is have more time with her. I may delete this because this was emotional vomit that needed to come out of me after a really tough week. I still do my two hour walks to get my exercise, I talk good memories with my fiancťe, I call my family and check up on them and see how theyíre doing and Iím trying to keep myself busy by thinking of other things ... but all I want is my Mom. Thank you for reading this.

  9. #39
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    @thefragile_jake i'm so sorry. <3

  10. #40
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    @thefragile_jake I’m so sorry. Sending you a big hug. It’s very hard. I lost my Dad 4 years ago. It’s a heartbreak that is hard to describe. And your Mom was so young.

    One thing that helped me a great deal was to think of my Dad as still being with me, like his energy and spirit still being there although his physical body wasn’t. I wasn’t sure if it was true or not but I needed so much to believe it. I finally realized that it was true because he lives on in my heart.

    My sincerest condolences to you and your Dad and family. May the knowledge that your Mom is free from of her suffering ease your grief and suffering if only a little. Your Mom’s love will always live inside you.

  11. #41
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    @thefragile_jake

    I'm really sorry.

  12. #42
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    @thefragile_jake

    I'm so sorry. I agree with @allegro , when my Dad suddenly passed...I would talk out loud to him for several months afterwards. The world never feels the same again, but with time it gets better. Focus on the good times, and rest easy knowing that she knows how much you love her.

  13. #43
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    this thread has been really helpful to read through. thank you to everyone for sharing - both good and bad stuff.


    a lot of this stuff is dark (maybe better for the mental helath thread, my apologies), and its been really hard to share. ill try to end things on a positve note, but right off the bat ive gotta give extra thanks and love to @eversonpoe for being a extremly kind person and checking in on me from time to time as my 2020 has unfolded poorly.


    my mom did the best she good raising me, as a early 20s single mom who struggled a lot. we moved 9 hours away from my dad after he hurt her and we ended up in the women’s shelter. i dont blame her for anything, other than letting me get near my father again. she didnt know how to keep me OR herself safe. she never hit me, or stole from me, or made me feel small. my mother loved me, and she loved her young grandson. she killed herself on 02.01.20, at the age of 49. in a surreal nightmare akin to some cliche movie i was notified by police after the cleaning lady found the body. i am haunted every day by this. every day. as others have said, time does help, but damn does losing a parent hurt. as a kid, the only truly safe place i could go was my paternal grandmother's house. one of the brightest, kindest, people I’ve ever met. her 30+ year marriage to my grandfather was the only healthy relationship i've ever seen in real life. she died in her sleep last month.


    tomorrow my only son turns 1 years old, and its breaking my heart that i cant share his happiness and him growing up with the two women who raised me. he's a beautiful little boy! most days are filled with laughter, outside adventures and his big smiles. the greatest thing ill do in life is get to be his dad. really trying to focus on his future and not my past.

  14. #44
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    I'm so sorry. That sounds very difficult, but the silver lining is that you're trying to be the best you can. Honor memory, do the best going forward...I guess that's all anyone can do.

  15. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by hologram parade View Post
    this thread has been really helpful to read through. thank you to everyone for sharing - both good and bad stuff.


    a lot of this stuff is dark (maybe better for the mental helath thread, my apologies), and its been really hard to share. ill try to end things on a positve note, but right off the bat ive gotta give extra thanks and love to @eversonpoe for being a extremly kind person and checking in on me from time to time as my 2020 has unfolded poorly.


    my mom did the best she good raising me, as a early 20s single mom who struggled a lot. we moved 9 hours away from my dad after he hurt her and we ended up in the women’s shelter. i dont blame her for anything, other than letting me get near my father again. she didnt know how to keep me OR herself safe. she never hit me, or stole from me, or made me feel small. my mother loved me, and she loved her young grandson. she killed herself on 02.01.20, at the age of 49. in a surreal nightmare akin to some cliche movie i was notified by police after the cleaning lady found the body. i am haunted every day by this. every day. as others have said, time does help, but damn does losing a parent hurt. as a kid, the only truly safe place i could go was my paternal grandmother's house. one of the brightest, kindest, people I’ve ever met. her 30+ year marriage to my grandfather was the only healthy relationship i've ever seen in real life. she died in her sleep last month.


    tomorrow my only son turns 1 years old, and its breaking my heart that i cant share his happiness and him growing up with the two women who raised me. he's a beautiful little boy! most days are filled with laughter, outside adventures and his big smiles. the greatest thing ill do in life is get to be his dad. really trying to focus on his future and not my past.
    <3 love you. seeing pictures of you and your family always makes me smile.

  16. #46
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    i can officially announce that sarah and i are going to be having a baby! due around thanksgiving. we're very excited! but with everything going on in the world, we're trying to be as cautious as possible. don't want to put her and/or the pregnancy at risk. it's a scary time to be expanding one's family.

  17. #47
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    so, anyone here have experience with existential crises and teenagers? my son let me wife know that he's incredibly lonely because he can't see any friends. They also rebuff his efforts to get a zoom thing going and watch a movie or something together.

    a week ago he had a blow-up because there was an online game thing going on and we already had plans, but now I think I understand better why he was so upset: maybe that's the only time he can actually get time with other people.

    couldn't sleep last night from thinking about this.

  18. #48
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    @allegate : Apologize, validate, and listen? When something comes up with his friends, again, let him do (safe) stuff with his friends? (He already has more “family time” than any teen can possibly handle. He’s officially sick of hanging out solely with you “old people.”)

  19. #49
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    yeah, we're all a little done with each other.

    Got through all of community and now working on what our next show will be, that helps pass time.

    And were also being more attentive to what he might need or want. Though at the same time letting him know there are limits to the sass he can give.

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