The Relationship Thread

[Jinsai]

Some are now dead. The evil ex died. Someday, I’ll be dead, too. It’s life.

To quote Trump, "it is what it is."

LOL... but yeah, it's strange to think about, especially with this social media reality. I spent a while thinking about all this. If it weren't for social media, would I even know the marital/parent status of many past relationships? Most women my age are now married and have kids, and that's normal, regardless of whether we ever went out on a date or whatever. It's good to be "friends," but really, outside of social media "likes" and shit like that, how often do I really interact?

[allegro]

LOL... but yeah, it's strange to think about, especially with this social media reality. I spent a while thinking about all this. If it weren't for social media, would I even know the marital/parent status of many past relationships?

This is SO true. If it wasn't for social media, OR THE INTERNET, we probably wouldn't know shit about our exes, at all.

I was wondering about my very first lover, so I looked him up on ANCESTRY, out of curiosity.

I found out he'd committed suicide two years after we'd stopped seeing each other. Nothing to do with ME, obviously, but ugh. The internet isn't always a comforting thing.

[Jord]

You gotta do what feels best for you.

Boundaries are important. If that's a year long break, that's OK. If that's a forever break, that's OK. If that's something else, that's OK.

Just set your boundaries where you need them to be for your own mental health and don't let go of them.

This has been a big hitter this week for me. Following the breakup in June when I posted about it, I'd been feeling more upbeat and positive about stuff, but then saw my ex and her sisters moving to a city an hour or so away, so starting afresh in a way.

And that has taken my mind right back to things in a horrible, raw way again this week (which is my week off work that I've wasted so far moping around). As a result I've removed her from all social media so I don't need to see any of this stuff anymore for my own sanity. Fuck this situation.

[DF118]

I live directly underneath a really lovely young couple. Great fun to chat to if I pass them on the stairs. Less lovely when they fight. I don't know what he's done to invoke her temper today, but she's going to scream the building down. This evening, the word "liar" nearly shattered my windows.

I don't hear a peep from him, to his credit, and I have zero right to speculate on the nature of their fighting, but based on what I'm hearing I can't help but think he may have a problem here.

[M1ke]

I'm changing my phone number this week.

As usual, about a week or two after my ex told me to stop talking to her, we started talking again.

This week she's been on and off switching between saying hurtful things, and being nice and supportive. Yesterday she brought me a birthday present and left it on my porch after telling me why it's my fault she needs to be cold sometimes. When I told her I couldn't accept the gifts because I need consistency and that I was having a hard time trusting the kindness because of the hurtful things that come so frequently, she told that I was attacking her and to just leave and never talk to her again.

I've got a new phone from a different provider on order. As soon as it arrives I'll switch everything over and then cancel the old line, because I'm sure that otherwise, we'd be talking again in a week or two.

I just need to be ready for when she inevitably starts leaving letters at my door, or knocking because she wants to "talk". I'll probably have some time to build up my confidence, because she probably won't realize I've changed my number for a few weeks.

[eversonpoe]

welp, looks like i'm officially single for the first time in 10 years

not going into details here for the purpose of consideration to sarah, but yeah...

[WorzelG]

welp, looks like i'm officially single for the first time in 10 years

not going into details here for the purpose of consideration to sarah, but yeah...

Sorry to hear that, especially with a new baby xxx

[WorzelG]

I'm changing my phone number this week.

As usual, about a week or two after my ex told me to stop talking to her, we started talking again.

This week she's been on and off switching between saying hurtful things, and being nice and supportive. Yesterday she brought me a birthday present and left it on my porch after telling me why it's my fault she needs to be cold sometimes. When I told her I couldn't accept the gifts because I need consistency and that I was having a hard time trusting the kindness because of the hurtful things that come so frequently, she told that I was attacking her and to just leave and never talk to her again.

I've got a new phone from a different provider on order. As soon as it arrives I'll switch everything over and then cancel the old line, because I'm sure that otherwise, we'd be talking again in a week or two.

I just need to be ready for when she inevitably starts leaving letters at my door, or knocking because she wants to "talk". I'll probably have some time to build up my confidence, because she probably won't realize I've changed my number for a few weeks.

Some people seem to have this urge to blame others for their own problems. Does your ex have issues that need resolving?

[M1ke]

Some people seem to have this urge to blame others for their own problems. Does your ex have issues that need resolving?

She clearly does, though when we were together she never seemed to believe it.

I haven't spoken to her since September though, so I don't really know what she's up to anymore. Things might have changed by now, but I'm not going to reach out to find out.

I'm moving on. Actually, I had signed back up for dating sites again and was setting up a bunch of first dates and talking to a few interesting women, but my living situation becoming in-flux created enough stress that I decided to put it on hold.

I'm not sure whether to sign back up now, or wait until I'm moved into my new place and settled. Trying to start a relationship while I'm going through a housing transition might not be the best time. But, on the other hand, as of last night I know where I'll be moving to now, so it's worth considering signing back up again now.

I dunno, I'll figure it out and do it when it feels right.

[Archive_Reports]

welp, looks like i'm officially single for the first time in 10 years

not going into details here for the purpose of consideration to sarah, but yeah...

Sorry to hear that.

[eversonpoe]

Sorry to hear that.

if i'm being totally honest? i feel so much better. i feel like myself again for the first time in forever. i feel like i can be authentic and express myself the way i want, and it's amazing.

[halo eighteen]

if i'm being totally honest? i feel so much better. i feel like myself again for the first time in forever. i feel like i can be authentic and express myself the way i want, and it's amazing.

That's a silver lining for sure. I was separated from my partner for several months in 2015 and initially found a sense of.. free-ness (freedom doesn't sound like the right word) as well, though we did ultimately make the decision to remain together. It was absolutely necessary though, and provided for - at the time - some much needed clarity and self-exploration. I trust/hope your split is amicable and wish you the best *hugs*

[Substance242]

Here, some explanation about relationships...

https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/coupling

[eversonpoe]

That's a silver lining for sure. I was separated from my partner for several months in 2015 and initially found a sense of.. free-ness (freedom doesn't sound like the right word) as well, though we did ultimately make the decision to remain together. It was absolutely necessary though, and provided for - at the time - some much needed clarity and self-exploration. I trust/hope your split is amicable and wish you the best *hugs*

an update - https://www.echoingthesound.org/comm...499#post529499

[eversonpoe]

sarah applied for an apartment in evanston (not too far) and will be moving at the beginning of july! now i just need to find a roommate for the first time in my life haha

i've been exploring being poly and it has been amazing so far. trying not to overload myself with potential partners haha

[eversonpoe]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CQEIjnCp7Y1/

so not only did Su and i have a lovely dinner and a wonderful walk around the west loop, we also went to a burlesque show where i went up on stage, got called gorgeous by Sally Marvel, and pulled a sword out of her throat. pretty fucking great date night.

[Serene Nymph]

Love your eyeshadow!

[Serene Nymph]

I met a girl on a dating app. We liked each other I guess since we liked the same movies and artists though I introduced her to NIN. We would talk for 2+ hpurs on the phone every night for nearly two weeks. Our getting to know each other has enumerated to a month's timeline. She's polite, sweet, courteous, but I'm not sure if I like her yet. There's more to a person than how they respond to you. We thought the best way to find out was to meet and date.

Some of the things we like: Art House Movies, Philosophy, Poetry, Songwriting, Activism (all the right shit, right?) we're both super existentialist.
I'm worried though that that part of myself has made me far sighted.
What I'm worried about is if she, like some psychic, knew all the ways to respond to me, opinions about life and shit, and if there's something else I've been missing.

I told my friends and family about this new relationship and they started acting strange. They told me the relationship sounded fishy. I explained our conversations, discoveries of common interests and beliefs and goals that just aligned us in such a way I thought it would be impossible for us not to at least be friends. But from the way I described her showering of compliments towards me (I had shared with her some of my creative exploits) they labeled it as "grooming". Everyone in my life has gone back and forth with me warning me to not meet this person IRL.

Long story short, I'm freaking paranoid and not meeting this person has only left me in a darkness that grows deeper and deeper.

[ickyvicky]

Could it be you're just thinking about it too much? Maybe they're just really really nice?

[Erneuert]

Could it be you're just thinking about it too much? Maybe they're just really really nice?

That’s what I was thinking.

[shade]

.. but I'm not sure if I like her yet. There's more to a person than how they respond to you. We thought the best way to find out was to meet and date.

I think you answered your questions and doubts for yourself right there. Find out.
And for everything else: Life is short. You'll have more regrets later on for the "all that could have been" than for a shitty experience that at least somehow, hopefully, made you wiser.

[elevenism]

So, i never gave an update, here, about my marriage.

She was INSANELY serious about making things work, so much so that she decided to literally stop using the internet, alone, for like, almost a fucking year (and, for the record, i didn't force her to do this.) I eventually bought her a tablet.
Oddly enough, we're like, closer than ever, and are about to celebrate the Wool and Copper 7 year anniversary, and have already celebrated 9 years of living together.
The whole online affair WAS an absurd, short, never IRL affair.
And, ultimately, as counterintuitive as this sounds, i think when everything was tallied up, it wound up being GOOD for our relationship: either that, or it was a zero sum. Yes, trust was lost, but it's been regained and galvanized.
ALSO, i learned what it would be like for her to leave me, and, due to my reaction, she found out exactly how it would feel for me to leave her, and, yeah. All that shit made us appreciate one another more. Furthermore, it sort of helped to snap her out of the horrible black depression she was in, and, take a good look around. I'm not saying that i'm like, some amazing person, but i DO love her...i mean, i'd fucking die for her, twice, at least, and i think she sort of realized that: that she's not alone.

Life is strange.

Edit: my friend's marriage, i mean.

[shade]

^
somehow it makes me happy to read things can work out this way. Good luck to you both.

I'm done with a 6-year commitment (that should have been no more than 4.5-5) and currently packing up boxes and dealing with splitting up household stuff. I imagined things to turn way nastier once we came to that point but it's chill and I'm reconfirmed in my decisions by how little I actually care. It's cathartic to just pack up and move on. Plus, looking forward to an awesome new place - once I'm past the moving hassle.

[elevenism]

^
somehow it makes me happy to read things can work out this way. Good luck to you both.

I'm done with a 6-year commitment (that should have been no more than 4.5-5) and currently packing up boxes and dealing with splitting up household stuff. I imagined things to turn way nastier once we came to that point but it's chill and I'm reconfirmed in my decisions by how little I actually care. It's cathartic to just pack up and move on. Plus, looking forward to an awesome new place - once I'm past the moving hassle.

Sometimes, moving on can be for the best. I've damn sure been there, too.
Here's my favorite song about it. It might bring you to tears, but, regarding catharsis, it's cathartic as FUCK. (you can be "the girl who's moving on, or, switch the gender. It works either way, I think.)



Hang in there, and know that there was, likely, a meaning and a point to the love you're leaving, and, a better one waiting at the next station.

Thank you for the good wishes. <3

[eversonpoe]

haven't been on for weeks, this is likely gonna be one of my last posts, but i'll just say that i'm doing really well, being poly suits me so perfectly, and my relationship with Su, in particular, has bloomed into something truly magnificent. we have a connection that neither of us has ever felt with another person, and that's absolutely incredible.

[BRoswell]

So...I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend. We've been together for about five years now, and while we've definitely had our ups and downs, things have been good for the most part. I still love him, and I hate that I feel this way, but there are issues between us that I don't think can be solved. The two big ones are relocation and him getting treatment for some mental health issues he has. Relocation rests on me, as I have been wanting to move out of the city I live in for quite some time now. I've lived in the area for most of my life, and I've seen all it has to offer. There's also a lot of pain associated with this town, and it feels like a black hole that I won't escape from unless I make a move. My family moved away around the time we got together, and I chose to stay here for work and for my boyfriend. I no longer have the job that I stayed here for, so that leaves my boyfriend as my sole reason for staying here. His family still lives here, and for a while, he was somewhat estranged from them. He's felt disconnected from a lot of his relationships for a while, but it seems like he's been trying to repair that as of late. He wants to buy a house here, which is something I've been against, especially because he wants to by a fixer upper. Images of half-finished projects and constant money woes have flooded my mind since he started doing this. He also conveniently goes to look at houses when I'm at work, even though he could schedule the walk-throughs in the morning when I'm home. It's as if he's already imagining what it's going to be like if I'm gone. The other side of this is his mental health issues. He suffers from depression and is possibly on the spectrum, but hasn't been tested for that. He has a tendency to go on long, nihilistic rants if you let him. His general frustration with humanity is something that I can relate to, but I consider myself a recovering nihilist due to a suicide attempt a couple years ago. Bottom line: I'm trying to do better, but his rants and his attitude are making that difficult for me, and no matter how much he apologizes for saying what he says, he still does it. I've urged him to get help after a few bad spells, and after I plead with him, he says he'll do it, but then he doesn't follow through. I told him last time that he either needs to get help or I'm going to have to leave. You can't force someone into treatment, but I also can't continue to be there for him if he won't get help. It's hurting me too much to see him like this, but even telling him THAT hasn't made a difference. He's a good guy despite these issues, and I do love him, but I just think I have to move on at this point. The longer we're together, the more I fear our relationship is going to feel like this black hole of a town.

[ickyvicky]

If you decide to leave, do you have support to move out?

[BRoswell]

If you decide to leave, do you have support to move out?

Would have to go live with my parents again for a while. I don't love the idea of doing that, but it would be my only option until I could get back on my feet.

[henryeatscereal]

I never really shared much of my relationships here, nothing against any of you, i'm just ashamed to say i'm a f'n loser in that part of my life, it doesn't make me feel proud.

I hooked up with this girl the other day, she looked for me since we have friends in common (but we don't really know each other).
We went out, had some drinks, went to a club and got really drunk and then we were making out, it was cool because it was spontaneous and i did not plan it (and it's not even the way i meet people), then we went back to my place and had sex.
During the sex things started to go downhill, she mentioned she didn't like parts of it, she mentioned old ex boyfriends and even said she already had a partner.
I guess the honesty was appreciated, but not during that situation, she's a complete bitch and does not like to be treated nice.
I tried to ignore it because we were both drunk, during the week we kept texting, then last night she told me she was near my house and that she was coming, i told her ok (since i wanted to get laid), then she told me she wasn't coming anymore, i told her it was cool, then she called me "weak", sad thing: she's right.
I know nobody cares about this, hell i'm ashamed to write this in a place i mostly come to have a great time, but i guess i needed to get it out my chest, if anyone read, thanks!

[ickyvicky]

She's calling you weak for constantly changing her mind and complaining about everything? Let her go, bro. She sounds twisted and is obviously walking all over you.