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Faceplams: an update - https://www.echoingthesound.org/comm...499#post529499Originally Posted by halo eighteen
pronouns: she/they
an update - https://www.echoingthesound.org/comm...499#post529499
pronouns: she/they
sarah applied for an apartment in evanston (not too far) and will be moving at the beginning of july! now i just need to find a roommate for the first time in my life haha
i've been exploring being poly and it has been amazing so far. trying not to overload myself with potential partners haha
pronouns: she/they
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQEIjnCp7Y1/
so not only did Su and i have a lovely dinner and a wonderful walk around the west loop, we also went to a burlesque show where i went up on stage, got called gorgeous by Sally Marvel, and pulled a sword out of her throat. pretty fucking great date night.
Hairy Member
Love your eyeshadow!
Hairy Member
I met a girl on a dating app. We liked each other I guess since we liked the same movies and artists though I introduced her to NIN. We would talk for 2+ hpurs on the phone every night for nearly two weeks. Our getting to know each other has enumerated to a month's timeline. She's polite, sweet, courteous, but I'm not sure if I like her yet. There's more to a person than how they respond to you. We thought the best way to find out was to meet and date.
Some of the things we like: Art House Movies, Philosophy, Poetry, Songwriting, Activism (all the right shit, right?) we're both super existentialist.
I'm worried though that that part of myself has made me far sighted.
What I'm worried about is if she, like some psychic, knew all the ways to respond to me, opinions about life and shit, and if there's something else I've been missing.
I told my friends and family about this new relationship and they started acting strange. They told me the relationship sounded fishy. I explained our conversations, discoveries of common interests and beliefs and goals that just aligned us in such a way I thought it would be impossible for us not to at least be friends. But from the way I described her showering of compliments towards me (I had shared with her some of my creative exploits) they labeled it as "grooming". Everyone in my life has gone back and forth with me warning me to not meet this person IRL.
Long story short, I'm freaking paranoid and not meeting this person has only left me in a darkness that grows deeper and deeper.
Active Member
Could it be you're just thinking about it too much? Maybe they're just really really nice?
Pissin' our pants yet?
That’s what I was thinking.
The Devil is in my kiss.
I think you answered your questions and doubts for yourself right there. Find out.
And for everything else: Life is short. You'll have more regrets later on for the "all that could have been" than for a shitty experience that at least somehow, hopefully, made you wiser.
I was nobody. Nothing.
So, i never gave an update, here, about my marriage.
She was INSANELY serious about making things work, so much so that she decided to literally stop using the internet, alone, for like, almost a fucking year (and, for the record, i didn't force her to do this.) I eventually bought her a tablet.
Oddly enough, we're like, closer than ever, and are about to celebrate the Wool and Copper 7 year anniversary, and have already celebrated 9 years of living together.
The whole online affair WAS an absurd, short, never IRL affair.
And, ultimately, as counterintuitive as this sounds, i think when everything was tallied up, it wound up being GOOD for our relationship: either that, or it was a zero sum. Yes, trust was lost, but it's been regained and galvanized.
ALSO, i learned what it would be like for her to leave me, and, due to my reaction, she found out exactly how it would feel for me to leave her, and, yeah. All that shit made us appreciate one another more. Furthermore, it sort of helped to snap her out of the horrible black depression she was in, and, take a good look around. I'm not saying that i'm like, some amazing person, but i DO love her...i mean, i'd fucking die for her, twice, at least, and i think she sort of realized that: that she's not alone.
Life is strange.
Edit: my friend's marriage, i mean.
Last edited by elevenism; 07-08-2021 at 09:12 PM.
The Devil is in my kiss.
^
somehow it makes me happy to read things can work out this way. Good luck to you both.
I'm done with a 6-year commitment (that should have been no more than 4.5-5) and currently packing up boxes and dealing with splitting up household stuff. I imagined things to turn way nastier once we came to that point but it's chill and I'm reconfirmed in my decisions by how little I actually care. It's cathartic to just pack up and move on. Plus, looking forward to an awesome new place - once I'm past the moving hassle.
I was nobody. Nothing.
Sometimes, moving on can be for the best. I've damn sure been there, too.
Here's my favorite song about it. It might bring you to tears, but, regarding catharsis, it's cathartic as FUCK. (you can be "the girl who's moving on, or, switch the gender. It works either way, I think.)
Hang in there, and know that there was, likely, a meaning and a point to the love you're leaving, and, a better one waiting at the next station.
Thank you for the good wishes. <3
Last edited by elevenism; 07-09-2021 at 02:27 PM.
pronouns: she/they
haven't been on for weeks, this is likely gonna be one of my last posts, but i'll just say that i'm doing really well, being poly suits me so perfectly, and my relationship with Su, in particular, has bloomed into something truly magnificent. we have a connection that neither of us has ever felt with another person, and that's absolutely incredible.
Active Member
So...I'm thinking about leaving my boyfriend. We've been together for about five years now, and while we've definitely had our ups and downs, things have been good for the most part. I still love him, and I hate that I feel this way, but there are issues between us that I don't think can be solved. The two big ones are relocation and him getting treatment for some mental health issues he has. Relocation rests on me, as I have been wanting to move out of the city I live in for quite some time now. I've lived in the area for most of my life, and I've seen all it has to offer. There's also a lot of pain associated with this town, and it feels like a black hole that I won't escape from unless I make a move. My family moved away around the time we got together, and I chose to stay here for work and for my boyfriend. I no longer have the job that I stayed here for, so that leaves my boyfriend as my sole reason for staying here. His family still lives here, and for a while, he was somewhat estranged from them. He's felt disconnected from a lot of his relationships for a while, but it seems like he's been trying to repair that as of late. He wants to buy a house here, which is something I've been against, especially because he wants to by a fixer upper. Images of half-finished projects and constant money woes have flooded my mind since he started doing this. He also conveniently goes to look at houses when I'm at work, even though he could schedule the walk-throughs in the morning when I'm home. It's as if he's already imagining what it's going to be like if I'm gone. The other side of this is his mental health issues. He suffers from depression and is possibly on the spectrum, but hasn't been tested for that. He has a tendency to go on long, nihilistic rants if you let him. His general frustration with humanity is something that I can relate to, but I consider myself a recovering nihilist due to a suicide attempt a couple years ago. Bottom line: I'm trying to do better, but his rants and his attitude are making that difficult for me, and no matter how much he apologizes for saying what he says, he still does it. I've urged him to get help after a few bad spells, and after I plead with him, he says he'll do it, but then he doesn't follow through. I told him last time that he either needs to get help or I'm going to have to leave. You can't force someone into treatment, but I also can't continue to be there for him if he won't get help. It's hurting me too much to see him like this, but even telling him THAT hasn't made a difference. He's a good guy despite these issues, and I do love him, but I just think I have to move on at this point. The longer we're together, the more I fear our relationship is going to feel like this black hole of a town.
Active Member
If you decide to leave, do you have support to move out?
Active Member
Would have to go live with my parents again for a while. I don't love the idea of doing that, but it would be my only option until I could get back on my feet.
Matador de Froot Loops
I never really shared much of my relationships here, nothing against any of you, i'm just ashamed to say i'm a f'n loser in that part of my life, it doesn't make me feel proud.
I hooked up with this girl the other day, she looked for me since we have friends in common (but we don't really know each other).
We went out, had some drinks, went to a club and got really drunk and then we were making out, it was cool because it was spontaneous and i did not plan it (and it's not even the way i meet people), then we went back to my place and had sex.
During the sex things started to go downhill, she mentioned she didn't like parts of it, she mentioned old ex boyfriends and even said she already had a partner.
I guess the honesty was appreciated, but not during that situation, she's a complete bitch and does not like to be treated nice.
I tried to ignore it because we were both drunk, during the week we kept texting, then last night she told me she was near my house and that she was coming, i told her ok (since i wanted to get laid), then she told me she wasn't coming anymore, i told her it was cool, then she called me "weak", sad thing: she's right.
I know nobody cares about this, hell i'm ashamed to write this in a place i mostly come to have a great time, but i guess i needed to get it out my chest, if anyone read, thanks!
Active Member
She's calling you weak for constantly changing her mind and complaining about everything? Let her go, bro. She sounds twisted and is obviously walking all over you.
Matador de Froot Loops
Yeah, you pretty much summed it up, later that night i got a phonecall from her (3am) where she was making fun of me (don't ask me why), i hung up and shut my phone down, today i woke up to find 7 missed phonecalls from her (!), i blocked her right away.
Even though i did the right thing, i don't feel great...
Active Member
This girl is acting like a child. Block her number.
Matador de Froot Loops
Yes, i just did it, thanks a lot for your advice, i still don't feel great sadly...
Active Member
Found out yesterday that my ex of 15 years, who left me for a girl, is now dating a guy (who looks just like me and also plays drums) with her new girlfriend and are having threesomes all the time. And then she acted like I was being irrational for being upset about hearing this and said "what? I thought you'd be happy for me?". Yeah I'm soooooo stoked on hearing about your new wild threesomes with someone who looks like me and the girl you left me after 15 years for. SO fucking stoked.
Active Member
Not cool at all
Active Member
Right??
She's refusing to have an actual discussion with me about it now and just keeps trying to gaslight me by saying I'm just trying to blame her for where my own life is at right now.
Active Member
There's sorts of this kinda weirdness... even weirder when the dude looks like you and has the same first name.
Active Member
I'd just walk away from her, quietly. No more contact.
Active Member
It's really fucking hard to do that after spending fifteen years with her but I think I have to do it. Tired of being gaslit that I was the only problem in the relationship and that I don't have a right to be upset at her new little Poly relationship or whatever the fuck.
Active Member
I understand it's hard, but it's the best thing for you to do right now. If she really "needs" you - she'll know how to reach out to you.
Active Member
yeah, I rarely give advice to random people about things this serious, but GTFO... seriously, no matter how hard it is, pull the bandaid off and run.
xScott
Damn that sucks. My ex kept hooking up with (sometimes when we were separated, sometimes not) a dude that was an "idealized" version of me. Real similar but short hair, a few years older, a singer in a band (that "rock star bf she always wanted"), into Quentin Tarantino films and thinks Rammstein sucks.
Fuck that shit and fuck her for making me feel like shit for wanting to be myself.. I am the best and only version of me there is. Especially over the last couple years I realized this and have molded myself into the person I always have been/wanted to be.
Thankfully I haven't seen her in almost a decade, and have in the last year finally felt comfortable with myself enough to move on and start a new relationship with someone who it awesome and I'm am so glad I found.
I'm gonna sound like a broken record here but that's my advice, break off everything otherwise it's just gonna hurt more and more.
Last edited by SM Rollinger; 08-04-2022 at 07:51 PM.
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