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Thread: The Relationship Thread

  1. #2101
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    Well I hadn't been out on a date for about 10yrs. So I thought I'd try and meet someone, straight away I met a girl who I've actually been seeing for about a month now. It's good, early days but good. We've been spending every weekend together and it feels nice to go out and do things and spend time with someone. I get anxiety and I find it hard to be in public so its kind of helping me push myself and to do different things. The only problem is though, is I'm turning 39 this year and she just turned 20. So with an age gap that much I understand her family would not be too pleased if/when they find out(I'm a secret so far). And I don't want to make her life difficult with her family but at the same time I really enjoy our time together, so I don't want to lose that just because of the age difference.

    So I'm a little unsure what to do. I feel myself falling for her but I'm not sure if its wise to. If I fall for her and things go bad with her family it will place us both in a horrible position. So yeah, I'm unsure. I'm also not sure what other people might think when they see us together. So we have fun together but a part of me knows that will likely end one day by her or her family, so if I don't fall for her, it wont hurt as much. So I don't know if I should put myself in a potentially painful position(allowing myself to love her) in case her family hates me.

    My ex wifes family hated me, so I know it doesn't work when that happens. So I feel myself falling but should I fly away?

  2. #2102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kazahel View Post
    Well I hadn't been out on a date for about 10yrs. So I thought I'd try and meet someone, straight away I met a girl who I've actually been seeing for about a month now. It's good, early days but good. We've been spending every weekend together and it feels nice to go out and do things and spend time with someone. I get anxiety and I find it hard to be in public so its kind of helping me push myself and to do different things. The only problem is though, is I'm turning 39 this year and she just turned 20. So with an age gap that much I understand her family would not be too pleased if/when they find out(I'm a secret so far). And I don't want to make her life difficult with her family but at the same time I really enjoy our time together, so I don't want to lose that just because of the age difference.

    So I'm a little unsure what to do. I feel myself falling for her but I'm not sure if its wise to. If I fall for her and things go bad with her family it will place us both in a horrible position. So yeah, I'm unsure. I'm also not sure what other people might think when they see us together. So we have fun together but a part of me knows that will likely end one day by her or her family, so if I don't fall for her, it wont hurt as much. So I don't know if I should put myself in a potentially painful position(allowing myself to love her) in case her family hates me.

    My ex wifes family hated me, so I know it doesn't work when that happens. So I feel myself falling but should I fly away?
    one of my best friends is married to a man who is exactly 20 years older than her. they have been married for six years, and they just had their first baby this year. and they get along so well it's ridiculous.
    the age gap isn't a problem unless someone MAKES it a problem.

  3. #2103
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    one of my best friends is married to a man who is exactly 20 years older than her. they have been married for six years, and they just had their first baby this year. and they get along so well it's ridiculous.
    the age gap isn't a problem unless someone MAKES it a problem.
    Well, but that was exactly his point: her family not liking him. My ex husband was more than 16 years older than me and that totally freaked my family out. Being in a relationship like that is something you kinda deal with regularly. People stare at you in malls, lol ("is that her Dad?"). It's not something you know you'll have to deal with at first (not like, say, inter-racial couples), but you get used to it and eventually learn to ignore it. But if her family hates it, and her family is important to her, it could be a problem.

    Edit: note that wasn't MY problem. My ex husband was an ASSHOLE.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 09-17-2014 at 12:24 PM.

  4. #2104
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    Well, but that was exactly his point: her family not liking him.
    I tend to agree here. We live in a society that now frowns on this. Too daddy like. I'm sure The Victorians were fine with it because it was intended to mean a secure marriage. I personally don't agree with her young age only in that she hasn't really lived life. I married the man I met at 19. No one truly knows them self at 19/20.

  5. #2105
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    getting married on sunday and we're SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!

  6. #2106
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    I just want to say that separate rooms do wonders for a relationship. Me and her just talked one day and acknowledged that we liked being alone for a few hours in the day, and it wouldn't affect us negatively if we had separate rooms, and there you go. We spend many nights in the same room, of course, but everyone needs their 'me' time. Also great: separate bathrooms. Solves many issues.

  7. #2107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Millionaire View Post
    I just want to say that separate rooms do wonders for a relationship. Me and her just talked one day and acknowledged that we liked being alone for a few hours in the day, and it wouldn't affect us negatively if we had separate rooms, and there you go. We spend many nights in the same room, of course, but everyone needs their 'me' time. Also great: separate bathrooms. Solves many issues.

    I definitely plan to do this

  8. #2108
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    Not sure if it's entirely related anymore but I finally got my save the dates back from the printing company and they look incredible! Psyched to hand write 100 addresses and stamp them all.

    D:

  9. #2109
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    About the separate rooms thing: she and I were talking one day about bullshit social norms, like how some people think its odd if you tell them you stayed in most of the weekend and just chilled. We then got to asking why is it that couples have to sleep in the same room together. What if we wanted to relax just by ourselves? So then we were like 'why not?' Its not a damn law. So I got another bed, moved my stuff, and presto there you go.

    Its not like we were fighting a lot or anything, we both just acknowledged that we like to 'recharge our batteries' by being in our own space and doing whatever we wanted, without the expectations of another person there. We still spend time and many nights together in a room, watching movies and whatnot, but when one feels like doing their own thing(watching our own stuff, reading, working out, sleeping at odd hours, etc), we'll drift back to our rooms without really talking about or acknowledging it. Its nice and works for us, but understandably others may prefer the same room setup. It depends on the couple.

    Separate bathrooms, though, is great for any couple if you have the facilities for it.

  10. #2110
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    It's really nice to see the guys around here being excited and actively participating in their wedding planning/organizing. So often, men just leave everything up to their soon-to-be-wives. I've never understood that. I mean, if you're sure enough about your relationship to commit to being together forever, I don't understand the checking out of the planning phase. It's YOUR day, too.

  11. #2111
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    getting married on sunday and we're SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!
    It probably makes it easier and better knowing that you can also remember your wedding anniversary by also remembering The Fragile's release date. Was it a coincidence, or did you actually decide to intentionally make it match its release date? I'm sorry, I just didn't want to resist mentioning it, as its release date will always remind me of when you got married.

    And well, congratulations and all the best to you.

  12. #2112
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kris View Post
    It probably makes it easier and better knowing that you can also remember your wedding anniversary by also remembering The Fragile's release date. Was it a coincidence, or did you actually decide to intentionally make it match its release date? I'm sorry, I just didn't want to resist mentioning it, as its release date will always remind me of when you got married.

    And well, congratulations and all the best to you.
    this year, the 21st is the 10th anniversary of my suicide attempt. so it was more about that, and just coincidentally the 15th anniversary of the fragile's release.
    @Sarah K , i have had so much fun doing wedding stuff. we've done most things together, and split the rest about 50/50. our two best friends are in town from the east coast staying with us (and are also standing up in our wedding party) so we're all just chilling out together, watching cartoons right now. it's wonderful. i can't wait for sunday.

  13. #2113
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    Quote Originally Posted by icklekitty View Post
    i definitely plan to do this
    yep. Same.

  14. #2114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    It's really nice to see the guys around here being excited and actively participating in their wedding planning/organizing. So often, men just leave everything up to their soon-to-be-wives. I've never understood that. I mean, if you're sure enough about your relationship to commit to being together forever, I don't understand the checking out of the planning phase. It's YOUR day, too.
    Wedding planning has been an absolute BLAST so far, I'm not even kidding. I'm looking into designing out formal invitations now and I'm prob going to hit up a friend of mine in Chicago to see if its economically feasible to hand screen print 100 of them.

  15. #2115
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    Apologizing for crappy things my mom said tonight

  16. #2116
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    Quote Originally Posted by Millionaire View Post
    I just want to say that separate rooms do wonders for a relationship. Me and her just talked one day and acknowledged that we liked being alone for a few hours in the day, and it wouldn't affect us negatively if we had separate rooms, and there you go. We spend many nights in the same room, of course, but everyone needs their 'me' time. Also great: separate bathrooms. Solves many issues.
    This has always occurred to me, especially when I was thinking about things like reading books and playing video games. I also like to collect movies and TV shows sometimes too, so that just adds more reasons as to why I'd like that. (With the exception of the interests being shared, of course.) And then there's more obvious and regular reasons like seeking solitude and relaxation just for yourself, or just having a private place to take a nap and/or clear your mind. Perhaps part of it had to be from me growing up as an only child, and just wanting to do what I want to do, as I was always for that.

    I'm just glad that you made this point, as it definitely says it all for some of the things I'd want out of life too.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 09-21-2014 at 02:14 PM.

  17. #2117
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    Quote Originally Posted by sentient02970 View Post
    Apologizing for crappy things my mom said tonight
    Ouch. I hope wasn't anything like how she likes the x wife better.

  18. #2118
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kris View Post
    This has always occurred to me, especially when I was thinking about things like reading books and playing video games. I also like to collect movies and TV shows sometimes too, so that just adds more reasons as to why I'd like that. (With the exception of the interests being shared, of course.) And then there's more obvious and regular reasons like seeking solitude and relaxation just for yourself, or just having a private place to take a nap and/or clear your mind. Perhaps part of it had to be from me growing up as an only child, and just wanting to do what I want to do, as I was always for that.

    I'm just glad that you made this point, as it definitely says it all for some of the things I'd want out of life too.
    Its works for us nicely. Some couples do prefer the same-room thing, but for us this is a neat setup. You know how if you're in the same room with someone, you feel the need to say something, if only to not have silence? Sometimes we just want to, you know, not do that, and just get caught up in our individual interests that relax us.

  19. #2119
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    we had an incredible wedding. it was so beautiful, so authentic to who we are as people, and so fun. and we both cried way less than we thought we would (though still a lot). i only have a few pictures so far but here are a couple of my favorites.






  20. #2120
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    @eversonpoe I loved all of the pictures on facebook! A lot of times, I'm really not a fan of wedding dresses. They're just so tacky and over the top. But her dress is absolutely beautiful.You guys look so incredibly happy. The black and white picture looks like a still from a movie. Can't wait to see more pics! Are you taking a trip or anything?

  21. #2121
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    The Relationship Thread

    Whyyyy do I have to be so goddamn chickenshit?

    A little background: I met a guy back in 2012 that I previously mentioned in this thread (the Silver Fox). He and I were incommunicado for most of that year (pretty sure he was seeing someone at that time) until about Halloween when we started talking again. He hit a rough patch at the end of the year, at which point I made it known that I would be there for him whenever he needed me. We've been practically inseparable ever since; we text/call each other every day and hang out whenever the opportunity presents itself. We've even gone out of town together on several occasions.

    So here's the dilemma: While what we have is a firmly established friendship (he considers me his best friend and once told me in so many words that I have his complete trust), I would like to try to take it to another level. I just don't know how to broach the subject with him without potentially ruining the bond we currently have.
    Last edited by Eos; 09-25-2014 at 10:54 AM.

  22. #2122
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    I wish I'd had a wedding, but my wife didn't want to.

    Another fight last night, but we did some patching up this morning.

  23. #2123
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eos View Post
    Whyyyy do I have to be so goddamn chickenshit?

    A little background: I met a guy back in 2012 that I previously mentioned in this thread (the Silver Fox). He and I were incommunicado for most of that year (pretty sure he was seeing someone at that time) until about Halloween when we started talking again. He hit a rough patch at the end of the year, at which point I made it known that I would be there for him whenever he needed me. We've been practically inseparable ever since; we text/call each other every day and hang out whenever the opportunity presents itself. We've even gone out of town together on several occasions.

    So here's the dilemma: While what we have is a firmly established friendship (he considers me his best friend and once told me in so many words that I have his complete trust), I would like to try to take it to another level. I just don't know how to broach the subject with him without potentially ruining the bond we currently have.
    I think you just need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Don't attack him with a wave of emotions just say you like him and you would to take it to the next level (better worded of course). If you have feelings for him it will come out eventually at least this way you can have some control over it instead of some awkward moment. Tell him your friendship means a lot to you but you would like to see if there's anything more. You do risk breaking that bond but we take risks when ever we go into any relationship, romantic or platonic.

  24. #2124
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    @eversonpoe I loved all of the pictures on facebook! A lot of times, I'm really not a fan of wedding dresses. They're just so tacky and over the top. But her dress is absolutely beautiful.You guys look so incredibly happy. The black and white picture looks like a still from a movie. Can't wait to see more pics! Are you taking a trip or anything?
    thank youuuuuu!

    wait til you see the first look photos...our photographer said they were the best ones she's ever shot. i had NO IDEA what her dress was going to look like, and the first thing i said was "you look like a fairy queen" which was EXACTLY her goal.

    we are going to disney world in february. we took the last three days off for a "mini-moon" which we spent mostly at home, watching tv/movies and relaxing (though we went to a cute little town on tuesday which was really nice).

  25. #2125
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    @eversonpoe , you had a chuppah??? awesome. mazel tov.

    edit: my fave part of Jewish weddings is the sweet table.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 09-25-2014 at 05:16 PM.

  26. #2126
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    @eversonpoe , you had a chuppah??? awesome. mazel tov!
    that and smashing the "glasses" (we used light bulbs) were the only jewish elements of the ceremony. we're both atheists but i love the idea of the chuppah representing the home we're building together, and smashing the glass is just fun! our ceremony was awesome and completely devoid of any kind of religious elements and everyone kept telling us how beautiful it was.

  27. #2127
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    that and smashing the "glasses" (we used light bulbs) were the only jewish elements of the ceremony. we're both atheists but i love the idea of the chuppah representing the home we're building together, and smashing the glass is just fun! our ceremony was awesome and completely devoid of any kind of religious elements and everyone kept telling us how beautiful it was.
    So neither of you are Jewish by blood, either?

    I went to a full-blown Jewish wedding, once, where they handed out a program to all the gentiles (there were a LOT of us) because we had no idea what was going on, especially the Ketubah.

  28. #2128
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegro View Post
    So neither of you are Jewish by blood, either?

    I went to a full-blown Jewish wedding, once, where they handed out a program to all the gentiles (there were a LOT of us) because we had no idea what was going on, especially the Ketubah.
    no, i am jewish by blood. and my dad, who had one protestant and one catholic parent but grew up in rogers park and went to temple with all of his jewish friends is arguably more jewish than my mom, but neither of them are really religious. my family treats it more as a cultural thing, but i declared myself an atheist at the age of 10 and have never recanted.

  29. #2129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Digital Twilight View Post
    I think you just need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. Don't attack him with a wave of emotions just say you like him and you would to take it to the next level (better worded of course). If you have feelings for him it will come out eventually at least this way you can have some control over it instead of some awkward moment. Tell him your friendship means a lot to you but you would like to see if there's anything more. You do risk breaking that bond but we take risks when ever we go into any relationship, romantic or platonic.
    Attacking the guy with a wave of emotions is not going to be a problem; I have an incredibly hard time even outwardly expressing my emotions. Your point about taking risks when entering any kind of relationship is one I hadn't thought of before, which helps me feel a little less nervous about addressing how I feel. Thanks Digital, your input is much appreciated.

  30. #2130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eos View Post
    Attacking the guy with a wave of emotions is not going to be a problem; I have an incredibly hard time even outwardly expressing my emotions. Your point about taking risks when entering any kind of relationship is one I hadn't thought of before, which helps me feel a little less nervous about addressing how I feel. Thanks Digital, your input is much appreciated.
    The way I approach things like this now is just just be straightforward. I mean, I dunno how old you are. But I'm at an age where if me telling someone I have feelings for them makes shit weird, then oh well. It probably wasn't a solid friendship anyway. Personally, I would rather take the chance and put my feelings out there than sit and wonder "What if?" forever. I did that way too much when I was younger.

    Also, as I approach 30 I know that my uhhh... stock(?lol) is significantly lowered, and my chances are less and less now. And for me to actually develop feelings for someone is rare, as I've kind of been conditioned to NOT do that. So now I'm just like FUCK IT. If I like someone, I'll tell them.
    Last edited by Sarah K; 09-26-2014 at 10:23 AM.

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