Originally Posted by
Volband
Welp, Imma copy paste the boy version with al it's grammar failure/lack of proof read. I would hide it, if I could, so it doesn't take up as much space, but I'm not aware of such an option here on ETS. The spoiler tag just made it look like I was posting secret military information.
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So, I went there yesterday morning. It's on the way to my home, so I tried to check out whether she's in, or whether she's name is up on a board, but turns out only the managers are there. I wanted to check her facebook. I think I went there 3 times, the third one being purely for her. Yeah, I know the 3rd one was overboard, but since I realized that it's not gonna be another "I'm totally doing it!!! ... oh wait, nevermind, [excuse, excuse, excuse]", and I'm actually going to go through with it, I had all sorts of problem. Right before I went on my way there I was sweating bullets.
But she wasn't there, so today happened. I went to the gym early, as I always do, and it came in handy, because after you finish with your work-out, you always empowered a bit. I dress up casually, this time not checking before-hand whether she's there or not. You see, after yesterday, I kinda lost interest, like the thing has ran it's course for me. Yeah, I was still nervous, but it was much more managable - yesterday I thought I'm going there to make the world a better place, but today, I was just going there to prove myself.
She's there, behind the counter. There were some people, and I could not just stand there, waiting for the right opportunity, so I started mingling. I bought some shit I did not even need, but finally, I knew I could have my 1 on 1 with her. I walked up to the cookie counter, no one around, and she was still tending to some machines, but I knew she was coming any second now. I even said out loud (but not actually LOUD loud, no one heard me) "well fuck, I'm really doing this." There she is. All right, I practiced this.
- Hi!
- Hi! Umm, what do you suggest?
I could see the pain of the world on her face, thinking "jesus fucking christ, who asks that". She forced a smile and said they are all good. Yeah, generic, uninterested answer 101. Need to dig deeper before I go all out.
- Come on now! That can't be you tatsed all of them!
- Mhm.
What a retarded question in hindsight. Of course it can't be, but what else she was supposed to say? Need to help her and myself to feel a bit more comfortable?
- The [cookie name] is terrible [or did I say shit?] for example. I know it's not you who make it, just saying.
- Well, try something new!
All right, plane crash averted. I'm still nowhere though.
- All right, then I'll take, mmm... [I'm looking around, thinking how fucking terrible all of them are] that strawberry one!
- This? All right!
- There's no way it's not fucking overpriced, but let's try it, haha!
- (genuine laugh)
Genuine!!!! I really am in my element, when I can go overboard with things. It's amusing how many strangers I made laugh, just by acting overzealous. The flip side of this is that it pretty much telegraphs I am everything, but serious, so it must be an instant turn off for girls looking for their M A N. Anyway, I can only awaken this side of me when I'm with someone else. Basically I use them to make my funny remarks work. I.e. when i'm alone, I never interact with cashiers, not even when they do it to me! But if I am with someone else, I have no problem telling him/her "Jesus, I'll be 50 years old and my fucking ID will still be asked for." in front of the cashier, who can then join in on the fun if wants to. I am really-really envy of the people who can be this easygoing even when they are alone.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, let's get to the wrecking part.
- So uhm... I... hm, yeah. So I did not... really came here to buy cookies.
- *the fuck is happening...*
Yeah, I screwed up, I totally lost eye-contact and I was doing my best not to reach the point, after I should've been so ashamed, I could've just pussy out right there. In hindsight, I say it was for the better, because I was not convincing as someone insanely confident, so even though the next time I should keep my focus, it wasn't as bad in this scenario as it could've been. Not that it matters, because:
- So, I find you really cute, and I would like to invite you to grab a coffe sometime ... [at this point I already knew my demise is inevitable, but goddamn if I wasn't finishing my sentence!] or something like that.
What does she do? Her forced smile told a million stories, and I was stabbed repeatedly, as she SILENTLY gave the cookie to me, then slowly walked away. Oh man, cringey as hell, and it will be forever awkward walking around there.
I walked away as well, to grab my beer I promised myself. It was not a celebratory beer I was secretly hoping for, but it still tastes good!
What I took away from it, is that I really can't be confident in this, unless I try it a hundred more times. Being as self-conscious as myself, trying to fake the big boy is just bleeding all over the place, but growing a thick skin, which can get used to listening my hopeless attempts should be possible.
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