my marriage has been pretty horrible for a long time now: years.
my wife has been depressed for a long time now: years.
we often have this image of depressed people, that they are meek and victim-like, but living with a depressed person who is not only miserable but seemingly determined to make you miserable too is pretty hard.
I can't let myself be brought down into a negative state: I wasted too much of my life that way. I'm 40 now: I've got to stay positive in order to stay healthy, my physical health depends upon it.
I don't really know what to do about this or where it goes from here: when I bring it up it boils down to me being the bad guy. I'm too lazy, don't do my fair share, am not motivated enough, too passive, not supportive, resentful etc etc. Maybe all this is true: could I be the cause of her despair?
It's true I am resentful. Resentful of feeling unloved for years, for starters. And I am guilty of withholding affection when I feel wronged, I know I need to work on not doing that.
I don't think a new baby, which she wants, but has not happened in 2+ years, is going to fix this.
I'm hoping the move, change of scenery is going to help, but I dunno.
Every time I feel we're on an upward incline we tumble back down again.