The Relationship Thread

[JessicaSarahS]

Sooo... I really do not like talking on the phone. There are only a handful of people that I speak to on the phone and that I go out of my way to contact. I think things are more misconstrued for me on the phone than via text, chat, email etc. I prefer face to face communication. So why is it that when I give a guy my number and tell them to text only, they still call? When they ask for my number, I specifically tell them that I'll ignore their call if they do call and I asked that they text only. But they still call. Then I feel like a cold hearted bitch when I listen to their voicemail and they're all nervous, and they want to talk, etc. Gah!

Should I just get over my phone issues? I mean, I do talk on the phone a LOT for work, etc. It's not like I'm phone phobic. I just don't like it or enjoy it otherwise. When I do try to give in and talk to people on the phone, I'm just silent on my end while they go into chatterbox mode and it's just not pleasant for me.


And speaking of phones, I have a phone stalker calling me from a private number leaving me numerous voicemails of them breathing heavily and orgasmically moaning. Doesn't help my no-phone anxiety... (And this has been going on for a couple months before I gave out my number to the two new guys, so it's all unrelated as far as I can tell.)

[dominik]

No no, I understand you. I hardly talk on the phone, and only do not ignore it when good friends or relatives call me. Their problem if they didn't listen to you.

[Deus Ex Machina]

Sooo... I really do not like talking on the phone. There are only a handful of people that I speak to on the phone and that I go out of my way to contact. I think things are more misconstrued for me on the phone than via text, chat, email etc. I prefer face to face communication. So why is it that when I give a guy my number and tell them to text only, they still call? When they ask for my number, I specifically tell them that I'll ignore their call if they do call and I asked that they text only. But they still call.

Calling and talking back and forth with someone is a natural, instinctive thing to do if you don't know someone well. To a certain extent, giving your number to someone and asking them not to call directly is like giving someone the keys to a car and asking them only to go in reverse. If they're not really paying attention, they'll forget your instructions and just drive normally. Not saying it should be that way, just saying that people tend to default to what they know when they are uncertain or in the face of the unusual. You'd think it was unusual enough that they would remember exactly what you wanted, but they just got done asking you for your number, so they might be a little amped up. Can't speak for them, but I know I forget details when I'm stressed/exhilarated. I can imagine taking the number out of my pocket, starting to dial and thinking: "She told me to only text, but that sounds wrong. Did I hear her right? Does she really prefer texting? I'd normally never text, in fact, I'm afraid that she'll think I'm lame if I do. I think I'll call. Yeah, I'll just call, that's the default right? What girl doesn't prefer a call to a text, right*? Yeah, I'll call."

Yeah, it's a little daft (*and in it's own way a little casually sexist, but probably not the thread for that), but they likely mean well. You could always text back, 'something something I hate the phone, something something prefer face to face, let's make that happen via text'.

Just my $0.02

[JessicaSarahS]

No no, I understand you. I hardly talk on the phone, and only do not ignore it when good friends or relatives call me. Their problem if they didn't listen to you.

That's what I'd like to do and say, but I feel so mean.

Calling and talking back and forth with someone is a natural, instinctive thing to do if you don't know someone well. To a certain extent, giving your number to someone and asking them not to call directly is like giving someone the keys to a car and asking them only to go in reverse. If they're not really paying attention, they'll forget your instructions and just drive normally. Not saying it should be that way, just saying that people tend to default to what they know when they are uncertain or in the face of the unusual. You'd think it was unusual enough that they would remember exactly what you wanted, but they just got done asking you for your number, so they might be a little amped up. Can't speak for them, but I know I forget details when I'm stressed/exhilarated. I can imagine taking the number out of my pocket, starting to dial and thinking: "She told me to only text, but that sounds wrong. Did I hear her right? Does she really prefer texting? I'd normally never text, in fact, I'm afraid that she'll think I'm lame if I do. I think I'll call. Yeah, I'll just call, that's the default right? What girl doesn't prefer a call to a text, right*? Yeah, I'll call."

Yeah, it's a little daft (*and in it's own way a little casually sexist, but probably not the thread for that), but they likely mean well. You could always text back, 'something something I hate the phone, something something prefer face to face, let's make that happen via text'.

Just my $0.02

Thanks for putting it in perspective for me. I think you hit everything pretty dead on. I did text both back saying that I received their voicemails and that I prefer text or chat at the beginning of everything. The guy that I was most afraid of hurting texted back and apologized and the other guy that I didn't think much about left me a voicemail saying he's going to change my mind about the whole phone thing and make me enjoy talking on the phone... I only agreed to meet up with one of them again.

I still think giving out my phone number is safer than an alternative, like giving out my email address. And I'm trying my best to get out and date more often instead of relying on faceboook/online, which has become my comfort zone. So it feels like I'm relearning everything about actual dating and guys and not just treating them like sex objects. Feels strange.

[Fixer808]

And suddenly, it's a relationship.

[halloween]

And suddenly, it's a relationship.

Oooh! Congrats =]

My sister is planning on getting married soon, i can't wait to be her bridesmaid!

[icklekitty]

And suddenly, it's a relationship.

I could feel that in MY waters from what you were saying last week but I didn't want to jinx it for you :P Take that, shit end to Fixer's last year!

[Fixer808]

I could feel that in MY waters from what you were saying last week but I didn't want to jinx it for you :P Take that, shit end to Fixer's last year!

Thanks!! It's certainly cheered me up after all that shit that went down in November/December (car killing itself, burglary, etc).

[theimage13]

Decided that it's finally time to have "the talk" with my girlfriend tonight (or tomorrow, or whenever I see her). The relationship is just starting to feel extremely one-sided. She's not really doing anything to make it seem like she actively wants out, but at the same time, she's not really doing anything to make it seem like she wants to move forward, either. After over six months, we haven't done anything that most people would do on the few dates. I had been attributing it largely to our respective living arrangements (her with her parents and younger brother; me with a shithole apartment full of messy adults and a loud six year old), but now that I'm about to move, she doesn't seem to be any more inclined to come spend more time with me. Hmmmm...

[sick among the pure]

I drew a smiley face on my fiance's unlock screen for his android. I said in a happy voice "I drew you a smiley face, but it said incorrect " He laughed and said "yeah, that's why I put that on there, so you wouldn't go through it." "I said, in my half hurt voice "hey, I was just drawing you a smiley face!" He said he out it on there so I'd "quit going through [his] messages all the time". I told him I've never done anything on his phone, I don't even know where the messages are (I have an iPhone, never touched an android before) and he said that I told him the other day I read his messages. One, I didn't, and honestly would have no clue how to. Two, I didn't because that's just a shit thing to do. Three, if I did something like that to him, why would I tell him that? So, he's so positive I told him that I read his messages, that he yelled me right out of the room. Idk if he had a realistic dream or what.

[slave2thewage]

Flirting with a friend of a friend. He's not normally my type, but he's funny. I guess it's something.

[theimage13]

Aaaaaaaaand now, I'm:

26
single
a virgin
living in Amish Country

Want to get any shittier, 2012? Go ahead, try me.

[allegro]

Wedding approaching and my mother keeps trying to convince me to wear some kind of gown. I'M GETTING MARRIED ON SKIS! IN SNOW! ON A MOUNTAIN! Chick at work thinks I should wear a veil. wtf. I'M NOT GONNA SKI WITH A FUCKING VEIL ATTACHED TO MY HELMET. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!!?* I've kinda swayed back-and-forth about changing my name to his because I'm kinda bored with mine. And his has four letters and my first name has four letters. But then I found out all this shit you have to go through to change your last name, legally. (not to mention that it disturbs my feminist sensibilities) And you need a new passport. Um, no thanks, I'm keeping mine. I can use his whenever I want, except on legal documents like mortgages and deeds and tax returns. All of our pets have my last name at the vets office, and people have been calling him Mr. Mylastname for years, so whatever.

* http://hindsightbride.com/2010/09/22...#axzz1j4uxipYY

[Dra508]

^^^^ Holy shit, how did I miss this: you're getting married! Congratulations and whatever.

All the things that you do need to change your name on are served easiest by your marriage license starting that change, just saying.

Wedding on skis is awesome - do what you want and don't listen to anyone. People get those on all the traditions when you really should do whatever you want - skip the flowers too. It's not like you trying to identify yourself as a bride on the top of a mountain.

Guy I haven't see in years found out I'm separated from my spouse and now I fear he might think I'm available. Shit - he's been in the friend zone since I was 17.

[NotoriousTIMP]

So I helped a customer about a week ago and got her squared away with a warranty replacement on her defective phone. I sent her on her way and thought nothing else. Well yesterday she came back into my store with "issues" on her phone and waited 20min for me to finish up with my current customer. After tinkering around with the device for 5 or so minutes I realized that there really wasn't anything wrong and she was asking some real general questions about my job and whatnot. That's when I noticed that she had done her make-up and dressed up a little to get my attention. We started chatting about random stuff and when I complimented her on how nice she looked she started to blush real badly. Haha. So to ease things up a bit I grabbed my business card and wrote down my personal number (she tried calling my work number the day before but I never use that line) and told her to call me if she has any further problems.

Later on that night she sent me a text message saying that she really didn't have anything wrong with her phone and was really there to ask me for my number but chickened out at the last moment. I said "well I think you still win since I ended up giving it to you anyways" - I'm excited to see where this goes since I've been single for almost a year....


Tapatapa?

[Lunatica]

Wedding approaching and my mother keeps trying to convince me to wear some kind of gown. I'M GETTING MARRIED ON SKIS! IN SNOW! ON A MOUNTAIN! Chick at work thinks I should wear a veil. wtf. I'M NOT GONNA SKI WITH A FUCKING VEIL ATTACHED TO MY HELMET. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!!?* I've kinda swayed back-and-forth about changing my name to his because I'm kinda bored with mine. And his has four letters and my first name has four letters. But then I found out all this shit you have to go through to change your last name, legally. (not to mention that it disturbs my feminist sensibilities) And you need a new passport. Um, no thanks, I'm keeping mine. I can use his whenever I want, except on legal documents like mortgages and deeds and tax returns. All of our pets have my last name at the vets office, and people have been calling him Mr. Mylastname for years, so whatever.

* http://hindsightbride.com/2010/09/22...#axzz1j4uxipYY

YAY!! CONGRATS!

You should totally wear a cheesy gown. How very Christine Brinkley of you...heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh

[allegro]

Congratulations and whatever.

YAY!! CONGRATS!

Thanks. Getting married on our 16th anniversary. (2 years of dating + 14 years of shacking up and sharing a mortgage.)

You should totally wear a gown.

I will be wearing what I always wear on the slopes: Standard ski attire.

skip the flowers too. It's not like you trying to identify yourself as a bride on the top of a mountain

Nope. Exactly.

The only thing I do want is a CAKE. Later. Because I love cake. Any any occasion is a good excuse for cake.

The only people who will be there will be: Me. G. Skiing Minister Bob. Our friend Andrew, who's gone skiing with us for the last 4 years (he snowboards) and will serve as "photographer." Then, G and I will race each other down our favorite run (see below).

Then Carl the Bartender will serve us all copious amounts of California wine at the Lakeview Lodge.


Attachment 59

[sentient02970]

Wedding approaching and my mother keeps trying to convince me to wear some kind of gown. I'M GETTING MARRIED ON SKIS! IN SNOW! ON A MOUNTAIN!

OK this is pretty much an incredibly awesome wedding idea. Good for you!!!

[botley]

Congrats to you both, that sounds amazing and fun.

[allegro]

Yes, thanks, his Federal Employee health insurance is gonna be amazing.

[jaimie]

So I helped a customer about a week ago and got her squared away with a warranty replacement on her defective phone. I sent her on her way and thought nothing else. Well yesterday she came back into my store with "issues" on her phone and waited 20min for me to finish up with my current customer. After tinkering around with the device for 5 or so minutes I realized that there really wasn't anything wrong and she was asking some real general questions about my job and whatnot. That's when I noticed that she had done her make-up and dressed up a little to get my attention. We started chatting about random stuff and when I complimented her on how nice she looked she started to blush real badly. Haha. So to ease things up a bit I grabbed my business card and wrote down my personal number (she tried calling my work number the day before but I never use that line) and told her to call me if she has any further problems.

Later on that night she sent me a text message saying that she really didn't have anything wrong with her phone and was really there to ask me for my number but chickened out at the last moment. I said "well I think you still win since I ended up giving it to you anyways" - I'm excited to see where this goes since I've been single for almost a year....


Tapatapa?

Has it been almost a year already?! Good god time flies.

Also - I swear to god everytime I see your posts I find myself utterly fucking confused by the "Tapatapa?" at the bottom

[Magtig]

I'm thinking about making a romantic interest official for the first time in.. um.. I'm not going to say how long. We have a four day camping trip planned next week for Death Valley (a remote desert in California/Nevada). My idea was to get a box of roses and put them in a long photography bag used for stands. When we're out there in the middle of nowhere I'm going to setup a shot, and ask her to get the box out of the bag and bring me the contents.

It's a little scary, but no one has ever treated me so well. I spent a lot of time making sure she knows exactly who I am, and what I'm into. I didn't leave out parts that in the past I would have tried to shove under the rug. Plus she has great ideas about my projects, and she enjoys helping me complete them (instead of just paying supportive lip service). It's great to have someone who puts as much on the table as they take from it.

[halloween]

I'm thinking about making a romantic interest official for the first time in.. um.. I'm not going to say how long. We have a four day camping trip planned next week for Death Valley (a remote desert in California/Nevada). My idea was to get a box of roses and put them in a long photography bag used for stands. When we're out there in the middle of nowhere I'm going to setup a shot, and ask her to get the box out of the bag and bring me the contents.

It's a little scary, but no one has ever treated me so well. I spent a lot of time making sure she knows exactly who I am, and what I'm into. I didn't leave out parts that in the past I would have tried to shove under the rug. Plus she has great ideas about my projects, and she enjoys helping me complete them (instead of just paying supportive lip service). It's great to have someone who puts as much on the table as they take from it.

Exciting! Don't be scared, I'm sure it's going to go really well =] Also, I'm jealous about the whole photography helper thing...my longest relationship was with a photographer (though it was long distance) and I wish we had done projects together, but I realize it was probably impossible consider we were both in school and our visits were never usually shorter than a week...oh well!

[icklekitty]

Go for it Magtig!! Even if it doesn't last forever it sounds like giving it a go will be more of a worthwhile experience than not doing anything about it. Especially if you haven't felt like this about someone in a long time.

[theimage13]

Are there any free dating sites that don't completely suck, or do I have to pay if I want to take the online approach?

[playwithfire]

Try okcupid. Nerve also just launched a dating site that I assume would be good.

[cashpiles (closed)]

^^ Also PlentyOfFish. www.pof.com I would say from my experience that Plenty Of Fish will give you more eventual dates, something like a 2 to 1 ratio over OKCupid. The people on OKCupid seem more articulate and intelligent and quirky. That's kind of OKCupid's "thing." You'll also find a huge amount of bisexuals on OKCupid. About 25 percent of the women on POF.com are single mothers. POF.com is more streamlined and thus requires less cpu resources.

[M1ke]

^^ Also PlentyOfFish. www.pof.com I would say from my experience that Plenty Of Fish will give you more eventual dates, something like a 2 to 1 ratio over OKCupid. The people on OKCupid seem more articulate and intelligent and quirky. That's kind of OKCupid's "thing." You'll also find a huge amount of bisexuals on OKCupid. About 25 percent of the women on POF.com are single mothers. POF.com is more streamlined and thus requires less cpu resources.

Oddly enough, when it comes to finding a dating site the one that will make me use my computer less really is what I'm after.

The wife is really getting to me. She's been unemployed for about 8 months now and I'm still the only one who cleans a goddamn thing around this house.

I worked 60 hour weeks all christmas and still got no help around the house. She spends all day in her fucking chat rooms and won't do fucking all.

[theimage13]

Sadly, I don't have much faith in POF or OKC. Maybe it's because of who I am and the area I live in. But from what I've found (both now, and when I moved here a year ago)...

POF = no matches. Within a 25 mile radius, there are less than two pages of results - and all I'm really filtering out is users with kids, smokers, and drug users.
OKC = yikes. Everyone is either "bisexual" (are they really?), a single mother, or morbidly obese (I'm an extremely thin guy, and I'm just not attracted to that body type). Of the extremely few who aren't, they're either smokers, listed as "seeing someone", or in the chance that they're actually single and I write...I never hear back.

Oy.

[NotoriousTIMP]

So I've continued to talk with the girl from my previous post and I'm really starting to dig her. She seems pretty level headed, has a good job, is independent, and laughs at my corny jokes. I found out that she has two kids but it doesn't bother me the slightest. We have our first date set for Monday and I'm not totally sure what we should do. Anyone got any pointers for someone who has been out of the game for so long?


Tapatapa?