The Relationship Thread

**sentient02970** · 10-21-2013, 08:11 PM

I find myself in possibly the best communicative relationship since I can remember (if ever) going on over a month now. On the subject of trust we've had a few discussions that helped the both of us work that well for us as a couple. We both come into this with insecurities and concerns (as most do). She comes from a relationship where her partner cheated on her and I come from one where it was going on behind my back and I ended up feeling really dumb for not noticing it sooner. So I recently told her that I totally understand her concerns and if at any time she needs it, to just ask for that reinforcement from me that there is no one else. Even though we know each other to the point of real trust, it's good to "touch base" on this from time to time to really get that from your partner that "all is well".

**allegro** · 10-21-2013, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

I find myself in possibly the best communicative relationship since I can remember (if ever) going on over a month now. On the subject of trust we've had a few discussions that helped the both of us work that well for us as a couple. We both come into this with insecurities and concerns (as most do). She comes from a relationship where her partner cheated on her and I come from one where it was going on behind my back and I ended up feeling really dumb for not noticing it sooner. So I recently told her that I totally understand her concerns and if at any time she needs it, to just ask for that reinforcement from me that there is no one else. Even though we know each other to the point of real trust, it's good to "touch base" on this from time to time to really get that from your partner that "all is well".

This isn't the "I'm never dating again!" girl, is it?

**vpintz** · 10-22-2013, 10:01 PM

Meeeeeh. I miss @sheepdean already. Distance is the absolute worst and I now have a grudge against the atlantic ocean.

**Charmingly Miserable** · 10-22-2013, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by vpintz

I now have a grudge against the atlantic ocean.

That sounds really poetic. Love it.

Originally Posted by Kris

As for marriage, I've been uncertain about my stance on marriage for quite a while now. I wouldn't go as far as saying never though, but I'd obviously have to REALLY, REALLY, REALLY be in love if I'm ever going to tie the knot, and if I change my mind to remain unmarried, and it still works out, that would also be just fine by me too.

Yeah, I hear you. I spent most of my 20s being married. In retrospect, that was kind of a dumb idea. This is strictly my opinion but I think I should have done the dating scene in my 20s and do the whole marriage thing while in my 30s. Now that I'm 32 and single, I feel like I'm doing the whole 20s dating thing a decade late. Oh well. I'm having fun. As far as marriage, I've been there, done that. If I'm gonna do it again, it has to be a VERY special guy that I'm 100% certain with.

**Pillfred** · 10-22-2013, 11:04 PM

^
Pretty much the same here. Never dated much to begin was with a girl for 8 year's from my mid twenties till a couple years ago. I'm so not with it though I've had more success than I thought I would. Thing about long relationships like that I've found it puts one in a strange time vacuum. Or at least for me it did. My cynical side says I'm screwed but I think I know better.

**sentient02970** · 10-23-2013, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by allegro

This isn't the "I'm never dating again!" girl, is it?

Well, like me at the time she was getting tired of the whole online dating thing too. So it sort of is.

**allegro** · 10-23-2013, 03:58 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

Well, like me at the time she was getting tired of the whole online dating thing too. So it sort of is.

Wait, it's the girl who dumped you via text message? Or a girl you met after that? (I'm using the term "girl" in a generic form, forgive me.)

**sentient02970** · 10-23-2013, 04:06 PM

Haha @allegro . How I confuse thee with my soap operatic ways. No the "girl" after.

**allegro** · 10-23-2013, 04:37 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

Haha @allegro . How I confuse thee with my soap operatic ways. No the "girl" after.

Oh, wow, well, see that! If you wouldn't have gotten dumped by the girl via text message, you wouldn't have met THIS girl!!

**Dra508** · 10-23-2013, 06:39 PM

Originally Posted by allegro

Oh, wow, well, see that! If you wouldn't have gotten dumped by the girl via text message, you wouldn't have met THIS girl!!

Exactly. Well done.

On the topic of trust, I'm finding that so much of being trustful is letting go of the fear (of being hurt).. Dare to be in it and mean it. Yes, you may get hurt, but if you don't give yourself as much as you can, if not completely, then the relationship will never reach its full potential.

Also, IMO if one tends to hold back and not trust, it can become a self fulfilling prophesy.

**sentient02970** · 10-24-2013, 11:03 AM

I do totally trust her but even the male ape mentality of territory kicks in for me when she tells me how her ex boyfriend called her and the first phrase I think of is "step off pal"

**eversonpoe** · 10-24-2013, 02:33 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

I do totally trust her but even the male ape mentality of territory kicks in for me when she tells me how her ex boyfriend called her and the first phrase I think of is "step off pal"

**Halo Infinity** · 10-24-2013, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

I do totally trust her but even the male ape mentality of territory kicks in for me when she tells me how her ex boyfriend called her and the first phrase I think of is "step off pal"

I don't blame you. Knowing myself, if I were in that position, even if I could trust my girlfriend, yet she still had an ex around, I still wouldn't be able to help but wonder if her ex would make actually make an attempt to convince her to leave me. I think that's actually normal, but I suppose it'll survive as long as you remain a source of comfort for each other, while proving each other's trustworthiness. And that's obviously easier said than done, but go figure that just about anybody in long-term relationships will always admit to you that it's hard work with many joys that pay off when done right.

**sentient02970** · 10-24-2013, 08:33 PM

Well its funny but I don't imagine her ever getting back with him. I know she has moved on and I know she's made that message clear. This, for me, is pure knee-jerk instinctive and all macho territory. No logic or sense just...hey dude, that's not cool kind of thing.

**slave2thewage** · 10-24-2013, 08:39 PM

Unexpected "xx" at the end of a message. I actually squealed in delight.

**Charmingly Miserable** · 10-24-2013, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by Pillfred

^
Pretty much the same here. Never dated much to begin was with a girl for 8 year's from my mid twenties till a couple years ago.

Me neither. Honestly, I have only two boyfriends: one turned out to be my ex husband and the other who the relationship ended up back in March. I don't feel ashamed that I've had very few relationships and I'm in my 30s. I'm just a whole lot wiser. Plus, I'm a MILF now. That's gotta count for something, right? lol

**Dra508** · 10-24-2013, 09:27 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

Well its funny but I don't imagine her ever getting back with him. I know she has moved on and I know she's made that message clear. This, for me, is pure knee-jerk instinctive and all macho territory. No logic or sense just...hey dude, that's not cool kind of thing.

That totally makes me a half dude, as I've been told I am. At dinner tonight, his phone rang and I saw it was his ex, thankfully he didn't take the call. I know it's nothing, he's probably looking for a favor from her to help out with his kid, so he can be with me, so I have absolutely no fucking reason to be jealous, but yes- knee JERK.

**Pillfred** · 10-24-2013, 09:47 PM

Originally Posted by Charmingly Miserable

Me neither. Honestly, I have only two boyfriends: one turned out to be my ex husband and the other who the relationship ended up back in March. I don't feel ashamed that I've had very few relationships and I'm in my 30s. I'm just a whole lot wiser. Plus, I'm a MILF now. That's gotta count for something, right? lol

Always.

**Sarah K** · 10-24-2013, 09:50 PM

I recently relocated to NYC and moved into a poly household. THIS SHOULD BE FUN...

**dlb** · 10-25-2013, 11:17 AM

Had a cool date with the lady that said "no" over half a year ago. Haven't seen her since. And well, it went great as I expected it to be a total letdown, but right now I'm telling myself this won't work out because it didn't at first. Garr, have faith dude and don't be afraid of your feelings! We made vague plans for next weekend. Let's see...

**Halo Infinity** · 10-25-2013, 10:34 PM

Originally Posted by sentient02970

Well its funny but I don't imagine her ever getting back with him. I know she has moved on and I know she's made that message clear. This, for me, is pure knee-jerk instinctive and all macho territory. No logic or sense just...hey dude, that's not cool kind of thing.

I suppose that I could sort of get that, considering how I can get very weak and cowardly at forgiving and trusting, but perhaps for slightly different reasons. It still made me very defensive and insecure in other ways, so I can probably kind of get it.

**slave2thewage** · 10-25-2013, 10:45 PM

So, yeah, I've a date with him the night before the Depeche Mode show and I might go out for drinks with him after if everything goes well. This is a nice feeling.

**Pillfred** · 10-28-2013, 07:02 PM

Got a date Wednesday with a lady I met online. Going for a couple drinks should be interesting. I'm glad cause I could use a night out with all the work I've been doing.

Oh! We're on page 69. Hopefully this is a good omen.

**ryanp16** · 10-28-2013, 07:05 PM

We're on page 46 apparently for me, but okay.

**Pillfred** · 10-28-2013, 07:12 PM

Hmm odd, maybe the tapatalk app is specifically speaking to me???

**rhet** · 10-28-2013, 08:06 PM

just noticed hubs and i have a 98% match on OKC

clearly they've got that shit figured out.

**Pillfred** · 10-28-2013, 09:28 PM

Originally Posted by ryanp16

We're on page 46 apparently for me, but okay.

Yea your right. I checked on the browser and it's 46. I'm not going to lose faith though.

**Dra508** · 10-28-2013, 11:00 PM

Originally Posted by Pillfred

Yea your right. I checked on the browser and it's 46. I'm not going to lose faith though.

Tapa talk says 69 for me too. It's a good omen.

Going on vacation starting Sunday. Romance and sex for 6 days straight. Ahhhhh.

**playwithfire** · 10-29-2013, 01:06 AM

Originally Posted by rhet

just noticed hubs and i have a 98% match on OKC

clearly they've got that shit figured out.

Yep! Boyfriend and I are 99%, or were, before he deactivated his. He really doesn't like okc.

**rhet** · 10-29-2013, 07:27 AM

yeah hubs insn't really into the dating websites thing either but it seems nigh on impossible to meet the sort of person he's/we're looking for 'naturally'.

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