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Thread: Life in general: does it suck or is it awesome?

  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bachy View Post
    I turned 30 today. Meh....
    the 30s are good. & since you're here, you show very good musical taste for your age group. happy birthday!

  2. #122
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    in addition to the usual suckiness associated with my all of my joints slowly disintegrating from RA, dealing with a flare up of shingles. i first got it "young" several years ago because they fuck with my immune system during RA treatments. the rash wasn't too bad, small & under my hairline but it affected the nerves in my inner ear causing vertigo & other fun. was unable to work or do much of anything for 2 months. have had a few minor flare ups (once you get shingles it can come back at any time with no warning) but this one is feeling more major. having it hit on the holiday weekend didn't help as i was unable to get on the nasty drugs until tuesday. i can feel a rash trying to come out on my face, around my eye. not good. the drug isn't quite chemo (i have to do that every 4 months) but is no picnic. fingers crossed that i got it in time to prevent something way worse. it's going to be close. that being said, some days i just feel like jumping. i've been battling RA for close to 10 years & the shit has hit the fan this year. i had been trying to keep working until age 60 (2.5 more years) but its becoming increasingly obvious that's not happening. the docs have said no way but i've proven them wrong before. time to lawyer up so i can collect on the long term disability insurance. i really don't want to leave my hated work place in a body bag. maybe without that stress i'll live a bit longer. maybe.

  3. #123
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    One of my last friends got engaged last week, and i'm super happy it finally happened for her (i'm putting together an office card, as we work together, to celebrate and get her an engagement present...a LEGO statue of liberty she's been eyeing since it was released a few months back as a joint engagement and birthday gift) but it also means the last person who had anytime for me anymore (who has struggled to find said time lately, it was a month after my birthday before we did anything...and that was the only thing i did for said birthday) probably won't have said time anymore...and that's really depressing to me. Really happy for her but also really depressed i'll be alone now...

  4. #124
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    @dedevoce - I missed my chance to share this clip from The Simpsons in return. That quote sums how it can suck even when things aren't all that bad. It's even more inescapable at night.

    And since it's ETS, oh the spoils of a wasted life, indeed. I'm still trying though, but damn. It sometimes keeps on dragging.

    Come to think of it, and I haven't watched The Simpsons in a while again, but as I get older I definitely find myself relating to that show more and more. It makes it even better since I loved it as a kid anyway.


  5. #125
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    So I'm thinking I may the move back to Nodak end of October. I moved here in part to step back from drinking all the time and get out of the hole I put myself in after a few years of pretty much not giving a fuck about shit outside of work. That said it wasn't terrible even though my head space was not the best I still kept perspective. I moved in part to due my buddy getting on me about coming here to get my DL back and calm my tits some. In part that included me moving in with a buddy of his and renting a room from them. This was a great help and they have both been super cool about me being here. They've done this a few times I guess as a way to help with the house payments etc for others. My job while frustrating at times is pretty good overall even if my bosses anxiety gives me anxiety at times. It's been just over two years and I am feeling its time to get my own place and maybe start to build some sort of life other than a kitchen rat no matter the standing or title i have.

    To that affect I've have been keeping an eye on apts and such for about the past year at least. This town being a sort of tourist spot has the strange dichotomy of those with the money/those in on the money, and those without. By that I mean you got it, or your working in some fashion to tap into it which gives you a decent income. Meaning the job market is kind of skewed, in my line of work it's feast then famine come winter for the most part. Only even throughout most of summer these last 2 months excluded I've barley been hitting my 40 even though we've been short staffed the entire time. Even with my cheap living situation and general lack of bills it's been tough to save up. It's been better and I may be in line for a salaried spot here soon but honestly I don't think the pay will be what I would want though in a sense I can't really see how it would be worth it to pay what I feel would be fair. That said it may not too bad idk. From what I've heard I can't imagine it would be worth it for me working the added hours. I could be wrong I'll probably find out wed when I get back to work and talk to my boss man. It is what it is. Further rent here while not too expensive is more than I want to pay for what I've seen available, and those are few and far between. There a few slum lords that have decent places but by all accounts they are dirt bags. All this coupled with the fact that this town has effectively not changed in any meaningful fashion in the near 20 years I've been gone is also pretty sad. The whole place is basically shut down by 9pm. Sure it's lakes country and beautiful but I have no toys with which to enjoy such things other than my bike. The work I do keeps me tied up during any sort of events that may be going on anyhow, which is par for the course so whatever.

    Contrast that with my last spot where from what I know about Fargo and it's current market I feel as long as I can keep from going down the rabbit hole again would be a better fit. Plenty of apt options and with the contacts and people i know there a comparable job would be easy enough to find with much more potential in the earnings dept. I also wouldn't be driving my shitty car 30 miles a day for work as I could use teh bus system most likely most days. I will say living here working up in white america serving up foods to the lake shore players has helped give me a better perspective than spending my time with kids and home bums downtown like I was. In a strange way it's given me a desire to own a dresser, no joke. I've gotten about as minimalist as i care to get and I've started to think that maybe owning furniture etc is something that I would to have a go at. I'm sure now that I'm old I'm having to face facts and get some sort of plan in place before i fall apart.

    I've ran the numbers and given this a fair bit of thought pretty much since i came here. Not driving so far everyday would save me about 200$ a month alone, besides plenty of places cheaper and nicer for less money than what I would pay moving out of where i am. Which regardless if i leave or stay I have to do as I can't spend another winter where i am if I don't have too, which I don't. I knew I would stay here for sure for two years mainly to pay back the kindness i got from buddy giving my sorry ass rides to work most days for a year. The same as well as helping the roomies with their bills house work etc. Even at work to some degree after homie took over running the place. It just feel like the time has come for me to get back to living life for myself if I can manage to figure out what that means and how to do so. I am a bit concerned about moving back to the belly of the beast but now that i drive I won't need a place right down town so that will keep me out of this shit 24/7 like i was doing for a few years. That and i have a lot people i haven't been able to see since coming here and outside the my homie and a few other people I know here and the work freinds I've made I haven't made too many actual friends here. My moms no longer live's in B-town just north of here but back in SD now as well. All in all I feel like a move back would put me in closer range to my actual family that lives there also. For that matter I could move there as well but I don't want to fully uproot again unless I'm going to move maybe to someplace entirely new which at this point I don't feel I should. I've made a decent mess of some things over the years and it's time grow up some and sort this shit out. The possibility of going back to finish my degree is also part of this. Even if I have to do one class at a time. I only have about 25-30 credits left.

    I just had to get this out there in some meaningful fashion outside of my journal scribbles, what few people I've talked to about this so far.

  6. #126
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    Is this the right place to post this? I'm not sure.

    I have trouble getting motivation to exercise lately. I feel too depressed most days because of stressful situations happening currently. It feels like a weight on my back when I try to exercise with depression... not sure how to explain it. Anyone deal with this too? I don't want to slip into a bad habit.

  7. #127
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    When life sucks it seems like it can be ultimately narrowed/boiled down to feeling like you're better off not existing and/or feeling like you're just existing. It still sometimes hits me every now and then.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-05-2018 at 10:03 PM.

  8. #128
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    Sucks. My Great Grandmother passed away on friday. She was 98. She was an amazing lady. I was really close to her. I'm going to be a pallbearer at her funeral. Idk if I'm going to be able to keep myself composed.

    She had a few children like my grandmother and my aunt. There's always kind of been a sibling rivalry between the two, but my aunt has gone off the rocker and stirred up a bunch of unnecessary bullshit family drama. It's frustrating because my Nana would be pissed right now about it. Plus my aunt took my Nana to vote for fucking Ted Cruz a week or two ago. asdfajsdhfalsdhflaksdhflakjsdhflaksjdfasdfasdfasdf a

  9. #129
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    As of right now, it's a combination of "Could be better."/"What am I doing with my life?"/"All right. Fine. I just want to get this over with."/Oh okay. Maybe things aren't so bad sometimes, but still. Like, really now?"

    But other than that, it's times like these where I need to remind myself to just relax, enjoy the rest of the holidays and just hope for a better upcoming year. This decade also went by so fast for me.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 12-23-2018 at 07:16 PM.

  10. #130
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    I'll tell you one thing: it's fucking RIVETING. It's fucking INTENSE.

  11. #131
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    Crap year. Dad admitted to hospital twice this year. First time in July with a UTI and dehydration and then again in September with what turned out to be a hospital acquired infection (C.diff) from the first admission. Had to give up work to look after him. Six weeks in a rehab care home and then three days before discharge memory doctor diagnoses Parkinsons Dementia. Its been tough but just about managing him at home. Applying for more homecare support next month.

  12. #132
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    Sorry @miss k bee . That's rough cut. :/

  13. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by miss k bee View Post
    Crap year. Dad admitted to hospital twice this year. First time in July with a UTI and dehydration and then again in September with what turned out to be a hospital acquired infection (C.diff) from the first admission. Had to give up work to look after him. Six weeks in a rehab care home and then three days before discharge memory doctor diagnoses Parkinsons Dementia. Its been tough but just about managing him at home. Applying for more homecare support next month.
    So sorry to hear about this.

    My grandmother has had severe dementia for over two years now and it's been one of the toughest things I've ever gone through. My grandfather is her primary caretaker and I'm kind of his main backup. I'm there helping probably 3 or 4 evenings during the week and then a whole bunch on the weekends. My aunt and my mom also help out quite a bit too.

    My number one main bit of advice would be to take good care of yourself. Seriously, "caretaker burnout" is a very real thing. Taking care of someone with dementia can be such a physically and emotionally draining experience. So definitely seek out any and all resources you can from the state, family and friends, whatever. Anything that makes your life easier, do it. And never forget to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy.

  14. #134
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    Life is pretty awesome right now, although insanely busy. Had 3 Christmas's in 3 days, had my first child on 12/27 (already have 2 step kids, so not new to the dad thing) and 12/29 was me and my wife's anniversary. I'm walking into 2019 like

  15. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mantra View Post
    So sorry to hear about this.

    My grandmother has had severe dementia for over two years now and it's been one of the toughest things I've ever gone through. My grandfather is her primary caretaker and I'm kind of his main backup. I'm there helping probably 3 or 4 evenings during the week and then a whole bunch on the weekends. My aunt and my mom also help out quite a bit too.

    My number one main bit of advice would be to take good care of yourself. Seriously, "caretaker burnout" is a very real thing. Taking care of someone with dementia can be such a physically and emotionally draining experience. So definitely seek out any and all resources you can from the state, family and friends, whatever. Anything that makes your life easier, do it. And never forget to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy.
    Thanks. I have sort of come to terms with it now that this is Dad Version 2.0. We have carers coming in three times a day for personal care but from next month have to register with another care agency to increase the care package and sort out all the legal and financial stuff. Luckily my Dad was mainly ok settled over Christmas. Its a tough road.

  16. #136
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    Quote Originally Posted by miss k bee View Post
    Thanks. I have sort of come to terms with it now that this is Dad Version 2.0. We have carers coming in three times a day for personal care but from next month have to register with another care agency to increase the care package and sort out all the legal and financial stuff. Luckily my Dad was mainly ok settled over Christmas. Its a tough road.
    hang in there. went through similar with my dad. always remember to take care of you, too!

  17. #137
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    Life is still leaving me alone, lost and confused, but at least hope and gratitude are still helping me out, so at the very least I still got that to cling onto for dear life itself. It doesn't just give me a reason to wake up in the morning, but at in certain points of my life, it also gives me reasons to be joyful and/or contented.

    All I really want in life is just to be happy and healthy and live a full life while having some sort of meaningful purpose to go with gratitude and hope. I'm not trying to be a downer either, but sometimes I really am just surviving more than actually living. (As already admitted in previous posts.)

    But yes. Hope and gratitude and in some cases, luck/blessing is all I've got. Remembering to not take things for granted also manages to cheer me up and motivate me to do better day by day even when life sometimes just messes with me and screws me over.

  18. #138
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    Last year, I decided to jump into the most self-destructive situation I could find because I wanted to feel something other than what I was feeling due to the loss of my four-legged feline kid. And I found it. So, now I'm conflicted... It sucks and it's beyond self-destructive but since I intentionally sought it out, shouldn't be I be thrilled?

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