So I'm thinking I may the move back to Nodak end of October. I moved here in part to step back from drinking all the time and get out of the hole I put myself in after a few years of pretty much not giving a fuck about shit outside of work. That said it wasn't terrible even though my head space was not the best I still kept perspective. I moved in part to due my buddy getting on me about coming here to get my DL back and calm my tits some. In part that included me moving in with a buddy of his and renting a room from them. This was a great help and they have both been super cool about me being here. They've done this a few times I guess as a way to help with the house payments etc for others. My job while frustrating at times is pretty good overall even if my bosses anxiety gives me anxiety at times. It's been just over two years and I am feeling its time to get my own place and maybe start to build some sort of life other than a kitchen rat no matter the standing or title i have.

To that affect I've have been keeping an eye on apts and such for about the past year at least. This town being a sort of tourist spot has the strange dichotomy of those with the money/those in on the money, and those without. By that I mean you got it, or your working in some fashion to tap into it which gives you a decent income. Meaning the job market is kind of skewed, in my line of work it's feast then famine come winter for the most part. Only even throughout most of summer these last 2 months excluded I've barley been hitting my 40 even though we've been short staffed the entire time. Even with my cheap living situation and general lack of bills it's been tough to save up. It's been better and I may be in line for a salaried spot here soon but honestly I don't think the pay will be what I would want though in a sense I can't really see how it would be worth it to pay what I feel would be fair. That said it may not too bad idk. From what I've heard I can't imagine it would be worth it for me working the added hours. I could be wrong I'll probably find out wed when I get back to work and talk to my boss man. It is what it is. Further rent here while not too expensive is more than I want to pay for what I've seen available, and those are few and far between. There a few slum lords that have decent places but by all accounts they are dirt bags. All this coupled with the fact that this town has effectively not changed in any meaningful fashion in the near 20 years I've been gone is also pretty sad. The whole place is basically shut down by 9pm. Sure it's lakes country and beautiful but I have no toys with which to enjoy such things other than my bike. The work I do keeps me tied up during any sort of events that may be going on anyhow, which is par for the course so whatever.

Contrast that with my last spot where from what I know about Fargo and it's current market I feel as long as I can keep from going down the rabbit hole again would be a better fit. Plenty of apt options and with the contacts and people i know there a comparable job would be easy enough to find with much more potential in the earnings dept. I also wouldn't be driving my shitty car 30 miles a day for work as I could use teh bus system most likely most days. I will say living here working up in white america serving up foods to the lake shore players has helped give me a better perspective than spending my time with kids and home bums downtown like I was. In a strange way it's given me a desire to own a dresser, no joke. I've gotten about as minimalist as i care to get and I've started to think that maybe owning furniture etc is something that I would to have a go at. I'm sure now that I'm old I'm having to face facts and get some sort of plan in place before i fall apart.

I've ran the numbers and given this a fair bit of thought pretty much since i came here. Not driving so far everyday would save me about 200$ a month alone, besides plenty of places cheaper and nicer for less money than what I would pay moving out of where i am. Which regardless if i leave or stay I have to do as I can't spend another winter where i am if I don't have too, which I don't. I knew I would stay here for sure for two years mainly to pay back the kindness i got from buddy giving my sorry ass rides to work most days for a year. The same as well as helping the roomies with their bills house work etc. Even at work to some degree after homie took over running the place. It just feel like the time has come for me to get back to living life for myself if I can manage to figure out what that means and how to do so. I am a bit concerned about moving back to the belly of the beast but now that i drive I won't need a place right down town so that will keep me out of this shit 24/7 like i was doing for a few years. That and i have a lot people i haven't been able to see since coming here and outside the my homie and a few other people I know here and the work freinds I've made I haven't made too many actual friends here. My moms no longer live's in B-town just north of here but back in SD now as well. All in all I feel like a move back would put me in closer range to my actual family that lives there also. For that matter I could move there as well but I don't want to fully uproot again unless I'm going to move maybe to someplace entirely new which at this point I don't feel I should. I've made a decent mess of some things over the years and it's time grow up some and sort this shit out. The possibility of going back to finish my degree is also part of this. Even if I have to do one class at a time. I only have about 25-30 credits left.

I just had to get this out there in some meaningful fashion outside of my journal scribbles, what few people I've talked to about this so far.