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Thread: Life in general: does it suck or is it awesome?

  1. #121
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    So I'm thinking I may the move back to Nodak end of October. I moved here in part to step back from drinking all the time and get out of the hole I put myself in after a few years of pretty much not giving a fuck about shit outside of work. That said it wasn't terrible even though my head space was not the best I still kept perspective. I moved in part to due my buddy getting on me about coming here to get my DL back and calm my tits some. In part that included me moving in with a buddy of his and renting a room from them. This was a great help and they have both been super cool about me being here. They've done this a few times I guess as a way to help with the house payments etc for others. My job while frustrating at times is pretty good overall even if my bosses anxiety gives me anxiety at times. It's been just over two years and I am feeling its time to get my own place and maybe start to build some sort of life other than a kitchen rat no matter the standing or title i have.

    To that affect I've have been keeping an eye on apts and such for about the past year at least. This town being a sort of tourist spot has the strange dichotomy of those with the money/those in on the money, and those without. By that I mean you got it, or your working in some fashion to tap into it which gives you a decent income. Meaning the job market is kind of skewed, in my line of work it's feast then famine come winter for the most part. Only even throughout most of summer these last 2 months excluded I've barley been hitting my 40 even though we've been short staffed the entire time. Even with my cheap living situation and general lack of bills it's been tough to save up. It's been better and I may be in line for a salaried spot here soon but honestly I don't think the pay will be what I would want though in a sense I can't really see how it would be worth it to pay what I feel would be fair. That said it may not too bad idk. From what I've heard I can't imagine it would be worth it for me working the added hours. I could be wrong I'll probably find out wed when I get back to work and talk to my boss man. It is what it is. Further rent here while not too expensive is more than I want to pay for what I've seen available, and those are few and far between. There a few slum lords that have decent places but by all accounts they are dirt bags. All this coupled with the fact that this town has effectively not changed in any meaningful fashion in the near 20 years I've been gone is also pretty sad. The whole place is basically shut down by 9pm. Sure it's lakes country and beautiful but I have no toys with which to enjoy such things other than my bike. The work I do keeps me tied up during any sort of events that may be going on anyhow, which is par for the course so whatever.

    Contrast that with my last spot where from what I know about Fargo and it's current market I feel as long as I can keep from going down the rabbit hole again would be a better fit. Plenty of apt options and with the contacts and people i know there a comparable job would be easy enough to find with much more potential in the earnings dept. I also wouldn't be driving my shitty car 30 miles a day for work as I could use teh bus system most likely most days. I will say living here working up in white america serving up foods to the lake shore players has helped give me a better perspective than spending my time with kids and home bums downtown like I was. In a strange way it's given me a desire to own a dresser, no joke. I've gotten about as minimalist as i care to get and I've started to think that maybe owning furniture etc is something that I would to have a go at. I'm sure now that I'm old I'm having to face facts and get some sort of plan in place before i fall apart.

    I've ran the numbers and given this a fair bit of thought pretty much since i came here. Not driving so far everyday would save me about 200$ a month alone, besides plenty of places cheaper and nicer for less money than what I would pay moving out of where i am. Which regardless if i leave or stay I have to do as I can't spend another winter where i am if I don't have too, which I don't. I knew I would stay here for sure for two years mainly to pay back the kindness i got from buddy giving my sorry ass rides to work most days for a year. The same as well as helping the roomies with their bills house work etc. Even at work to some degree after homie took over running the place. It just feel like the time has come for me to get back to living life for myself if I can manage to figure out what that means and how to do so. I am a bit concerned about moving back to the belly of the beast but now that i drive I won't need a place right down town so that will keep me out of this shit 24/7 like i was doing for a few years. That and i have a lot people i haven't been able to see since coming here and outside the my homie and a few other people I know here and the work freinds I've made I haven't made too many actual friends here. My moms no longer live's in B-town just north of here but back in SD now as well. All in all I feel like a move back would put me in closer range to my actual family that lives there also. For that matter I could move there as well but I don't want to fully uproot again unless I'm going to move maybe to someplace entirely new which at this point I don't feel I should. I've made a decent mess of some things over the years and it's time grow up some and sort this shit out. The possibility of going back to finish my degree is also part of this. Even if I have to do one class at a time. I only have about 25-30 credits left.

    I just had to get this out there in some meaningful fashion outside of my journal scribbles, what few people I've talked to about this so far.

  2. #122
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    Is this the right place to post this? I'm not sure.

    I have trouble getting motivation to exercise lately. I feel too depressed most days because of stressful situations happening currently. It feels like a weight on my back when I try to exercise with depression... not sure how to explain it. Anyone deal with this too? I don't want to slip into a bad habit.

  3. #123
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    When life sucks it seems like it can be ultimately narrowed/boiled down to feeling like you're better off not existing and/or feeling like you're just existing. It still sometimes hits me every now and then.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-05-2018 at 09:03 PM.

  4. #124
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    Sucks. My Great Grandmother passed away on friday. She was 98. She was an amazing lady. I was really close to her. I'm going to be a pallbearer at her funeral. Idk if I'm going to be able to keep myself composed.

    She had a few children like my grandmother and my aunt. There's always kind of been a sibling rivalry between the two, but my aunt has gone off the rocker and stirred up a bunch of unnecessary bullshit family drama. It's frustrating because my Nana would be pissed right now about it. Plus my aunt took my Nana to vote for fucking Ted Cruz a week or two ago. asdfajsdhfalsdhflaksdhflakjsdhflaksjdfasdfasdfasdf a

  5. #125
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    As of right now, it's a combination of "Could be better."/"What am I doing with my life?"/"All right. Fine. I just want to get this over with."/Oh okay. Maybe things aren't so bad sometimes, but still. Like, really now?"

    But other than that, it's times like these where I need to remind myself to just relax, enjoy the rest of the holidays and just hope for a better upcoming year. This decade also went by so fast for me.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 12-23-2018 at 06:16 PM.

  6. #126
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    I'll tell you one thing: it's fucking RIVETING. It's fucking INTENSE.

  7. #127
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    Crap year. Dad admitted to hospital twice this year. First time in July with a UTI and dehydration and then again in September with what turned out to be a hospital acquired infection (C.diff) from the first admission. Had to give up work to look after him. Six weeks in a rehab care home and then three days before discharge memory doctor diagnoses Parkinsons Dementia. Its been tough but just about managing him at home. Applying for more homecare support next month.

  8. #128
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    Sorry @miss k bee . That's rough cut. :/

  9. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by miss k bee View Post
    Crap year. Dad admitted to hospital twice this year. First time in July with a UTI and dehydration and then again in September with what turned out to be a hospital acquired infection (C.diff) from the first admission. Had to give up work to look after him. Six weeks in a rehab care home and then three days before discharge memory doctor diagnoses Parkinsons Dementia. Its been tough but just about managing him at home. Applying for more homecare support next month.
    So sorry to hear about this.

    My grandmother has had severe dementia for over two years now and it's been one of the toughest things I've ever gone through. My grandfather is her primary caretaker and I'm kind of his main backup. I'm there helping probably 3 or 4 evenings during the week and then a whole bunch on the weekends. My aunt and my mom also help out quite a bit too.

    My number one main bit of advice would be to take good care of yourself. Seriously, "caretaker burnout" is a very real thing. Taking care of someone with dementia can be such a physically and emotionally draining experience. So definitely seek out any and all resources you can from the state, family and friends, whatever. Anything that makes your life easier, do it. And never forget to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy.

  10. #130
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    Life is pretty awesome right now, although insanely busy. Had 3 Christmas's in 3 days, had my first child on 12/27 (already have 2 step kids, so not new to the dad thing) and 12/29 was me and my wife's anniversary. I'm walking into 2019 like

  11. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mantra View Post
    So sorry to hear about this.

    My grandmother has had severe dementia for over two years now and it's been one of the toughest things I've ever gone through. My grandfather is her primary caretaker and I'm kind of his main backup. I'm there helping probably 3 or 4 evenings during the week and then a whole bunch on the weekends. My aunt and my mom also help out quite a bit too.

    My number one main bit of advice would be to take good care of yourself. Seriously, "caretaker burnout" is a very real thing. Taking care of someone with dementia can be such a physically and emotionally draining experience. So definitely seek out any and all resources you can from the state, family and friends, whatever. Anything that makes your life easier, do it. And never forget to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy.
    Thanks. I have sort of come to terms with it now that this is Dad Version 2.0. We have carers coming in three times a day for personal care but from next month have to register with another care agency to increase the care package and sort out all the legal and financial stuff. Luckily my Dad was mainly ok settled over Christmas. Its a tough road.

  12. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by miss k bee View Post
    Thanks. I have sort of come to terms with it now that this is Dad Version 2.0. We have carers coming in three times a day for personal care but from next month have to register with another care agency to increase the care package and sort out all the legal and financial stuff. Luckily my Dad was mainly ok settled over Christmas. Its a tough road.
    hang in there. went through similar with my dad. always remember to take care of you, too!

  13. #133
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    Life is still leaving me alone, lost and confused, but at least hope and gratitude are still helping me out, so at the very least I still got that to cling onto for dear life itself. It doesn't just give me a reason to wake up in the morning, but at in certain points of my life, it also gives me reasons to be joyful and/or contented.

    All I really want in life is just to be happy and healthy and live a full life while having some sort of meaningful purpose to go with gratitude and hope. I'm not trying to be a downer either, but sometimes I really am just surviving more than actually living. (As already admitted in previous posts.)

    But yes. Hope and gratitude and in some cases, luck/blessing is all I've got. Remembering to not take things for granted also manages to cheer me up and motivate me to do better day by day even when life sometimes just messes with me and screws me over.

  14. #134
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    Last year, I decided to jump into the most self-destructive situation I could find because I wanted to feel something other than what I was feeling due to the loss of my four-legged feline kid. And I found it. So, now I'm conflicted... It sucks and it's beyond self-destructive but since I intentionally sought it out, shouldn't be I be thrilled?

  15. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by botley View Post
    My life on balance has been pretty awesome so far. I'd say it's been almost indescribably amazing for most of the past year in particular. I have ups and downs like anyone else, but I consider myself truly fortunate to be making a living doing work that I love, surrounded by people that I love, while also finally having enough security in my own skin to be happy by myself on my own terms. It took some long years and painful times to arrive there, and of course it's a fragile balance to maintain. But I am grateful for what I have and never take it for granted.
    Who dis

  16. #136
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    I checked the first post of this thread, and I mistakenly thought that this was about life sucking or being awesome in general. It very well could be, but it also mentioned actual specific events in particular.

    Anyway, this would seem to fit here from the looks of it as I always experience this the moment one decade ends and the other decade begins. There has been just a lot of things that just hit simultaneously. From further realizing more and more as to just how little I know in addition to just also realizing that there's just a lot of things for me to unlearn and even relearn, which is still a given since learning is still a very tremendous aspect about life. It's really back to the old drawing board for me whenever a decade ends and another decade begins, and now that I see that I'm going to be 35 in 2020, it forces me to accept that I can't always keep going down certain roads. I know it's a worth in progress as such things like these are, but it really does wake me up and ultimately remind me just how limited time really is and how certain things will be over before you even know it. And while I'm far from being among the oldest here, it really does help me understand just now how useful the advice from older people is, but it really does put it all into perspective in ways I haven't even considered before.

    As for the actual events that will take place, it's also seeing just how much time has passed to the point where I'm getting close to be the ages my parents were when they had me, and how short life really is as they say. I'm at the very least trying to be grateful and hope to at the very least just live a decent if not excellent life.

    So in some ways, seeing how time can't be taken back does suck, but at the time same understand that I still have to move forward.

    I also wanted to say that this decade, the 2010s, has absolutely chewed me up and spit me out and just had me fucked coming and going. Not only did I not know what I was doing, while being way in over my head, but it just added much more regrets for me to die with. If only it never happened, but I got to unfortunately deal with/accept it. Some people can let it go, but for me the bitterness and stinging will always remain as long as I remember it. This is why it also made me take procreation seriously, even long before I knew that the childfree movement and antinatalist philosophy were actual things.

    I figured that the least I could do would be to just end it all peacefully with a full/healthy/happy life. But the how is always the the issue. But of course, the how is sometimes just there to also be lived more than anything.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 02-23-2019 at 08:29 PM. Reason: Still wondering why I exist. Sometimes also think things/people could've been much/far better off/just fine without me.

  17. #137
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    It seems like now one of my biggest obstacles and challenges is narrowed down to have a balance between caring too much and not caring at all. It just has to be a product of extreme black-and-white/all-or-nothing mindsets. Just trying not to get too caught up while trying to focus on myself. Aside from being jaded, it's why I'm actually trying to lurk more, at least when I'm actually here. While I keep returning, it's still basically a far-cry of the previous 3 years. The not so relaxing aspects of forums and social media, much to my surprise has caught up with me, but that isn't to say it's no longer fun either. (Although, even that's still a reminder that for obvious and not so obvious reasons that not everything deserves time and attention. It's like I want to do it all, but get inundated in so many thoughts and emotions that I end up dropping everything and just chill.)

    Aside from that, life is thankfully just fine for now, but I'm still hoping for things to get better as always. I sometimes just got to run and clear my mind and just unplug and recharge from time to time.

    I'm sure I'll still follow NIN more and more for the next decade and beyond, but I just wanted to take a step back from it all, especially for the 2020s. It's crazy, yet normal to see how much has changed/ended so far, but something's still got to give. It also helps me understand why aside from just going cold-turkey, that some people only socialize on the Internet during certain occasions, and no more or less.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 04-27-2019 at 12:58 AM.

  18. #138
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    This is a really good question.

    Life is a mixture. It has its ups and downs. And sometimes the downs are so down they can really rip you apart. Also, it seems like some folks have it easy compared to most of us, and some folks are born into a life of hell. In other word, it rains in every life, but some people live in Seattle.

    Because the rough spots do come, you have to appreciate the times of lull, even if they are boring. Boring is good. Boring means there is no drama. Boring means you can relax and smell the roses.

    There are so many good things in life, many of them small and taken for granted. Often they are not appreciated until they are taken away. I try to foster an "attitude of gratitude." Each morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is listen to the birds singing outside. Whether it is sunny or cloudy, they sing. To me their songs mean it is a new day filled with hope. I periodically journal, listing all the good things in my life, including the small little things, like that I have a bathroom with a flush toilet. Imagine the hundreds of thousands of years where human beings had to go outside, or simply dumped it out the window! I have clean water to drink. I don't have to pick food out of the trash. Yes, the simple things to be thankful for. Home, family, friends...

    Let's talk about happiness. I began listening to Dennis Prager a couple of decades ago, and my favorite segment was the happiness hour. When I first started listening, I was suffering from a major depression. I'm not saying it cured me -- major depression is a biological illness. But it played a part. To a large degree, happiness is a choice. Happiness is not something that is dependent on the circumstances in our lives. It is something we make inside ourselves. We can be happy DESPITE the bad things that occur.

    To all that is good, and true, and beautiful...

  19. #139
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    Well...so 3 weeks ago i buried my great uncle, which was pretty fucking awful. But i did get to see family members i otherwise wouldn't have seen and catch up with.
    Then over the Easter holiday weekend my phone bricked and i was lost everyone on it, which i could have done without to be honest, then got locked out of Google for 4 days and couldn't connect anyone (no mobile, no email, no landline). Finally got a new phone last week.
    Then last weekend i started getting chest pains and dizzy spells. I called 111 (in the UK it's a non emergency line for advice) who then went and called an ambulance as they thought i was having a heart attack. Short story after several hours in A&E, 2 ECG's and a number of blood pressure tests i wasn't, in fact i'm apparently really healthy for my age, it just might be a muscle issue and a lack of Iron causing the dizzy spells and was advised to rest a few days before i return to work, my line manager was really supportive about it...which then leads to this morning.

    First day back since last week and i find out my previously mentioned Line manager had a heart attack and dropped dead yesterday...FUCK. I sat next to him and probably spoke to him the most, he was a really nice guy...just really fucking awful!

  20. #140
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    Sorry to hear that
    Glad you're ok though

  21. #141
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    Well, my girlfriend and I closed on our house on May 10th. And just last week we got engaged, so things are pretty great.

  22. #142
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    Pretty much decided I'm moving out of this spot to be closer to family basically, and be in a bigger city. Tomorrow i had planned on putting in my two weeks and this morning my current boss offers me a sous spot and a different place. I kind of got the feeling he may have been one foot out. But yeah I've started condensing my shit and gearing up to bounce. Thing is the job doesn't sound too bad. I also kind of believe him, somehow... Anyway it's just like, fuck. Prospects are overall better if I move so I think im gonna go. About 3 weeks ago i got a call from an old chef about maybe working for his cousins balls deep in the woods. I went through the town had no phone service. They finally called me back last Monday. It's like fuck where was this 4 weeks ago. It's like that p.o.s. line, "It's feast or famine. I honestly kind of hate both."

  23. #143
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    Encountered the worst shit show ever in 20 years of cooking last night. 1st time waking out as well. Bartenders don't tell me shit. Burning my bat shit crazy landlord Friday. About to move in(to) a 2003 Honda Accord. Fucked up thing is it's my best option.
    TLDR/ over all the bullshit, about to hate my life
    Last edited by Pillfred; 07-04-2019 at 12:38 AM.

  24. #144
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    I know like self-awareness, acceptance can go a long way, but sometimes realizing how certain things are not only irreparable and irreplaceable one-time deals, and how certain things can also just end at any given time, so much sooner than you'd even not only think, but even know...

    It's just sometimes soul-crushing and Earth-shattering... but I'm still trying to find a way out of it. So yes, in a way, that does sometimes make life suck. I just hope to find more solutions to make life awesome though, but still struggle on accepting that there's never a bell-all and end-all quick fix.

    Gratitude and taking some solitude and placidity to gain some peace of mind still manages to help me not lose it though, or at the very least, it thankfully also prevents me from bumming out too much.

    I understand that it's best to learn from mistakes and what-not, but in hindsight... which is unfortunately 20/20 for me as the saying goes... it just reminds me why you always have to give it your all, whether it's school and/or work to not just get a better life, but to also make life better for your family and friends.

    My parents have actually always stressed this with me, including matters concerning physical health, but as a youth, it just went in one ear and out the other.

    Uncontrollable variables aside, life truly is what you make it after all, and it seems to make more sense/provide much more clarity as I get older. No wonder why they kept drilling that in my obstinate and ignorant mind from early childhood through the bulk of my 20s.

    So help me God, but I at least hope to make enough amends to just improve my quality of life by the time I'm also middle aged and beyond. Even if I don't get my shit 100% together, at least there should be things to somehow make up for it/show for it should I deal the hands I'm dealt with as time passes me by.

    So if anything, even if good/great results aren't always guaranteed and promised, if life is what you make it, you got to do your best and do good to get the good and/or best out of life. I see how that's common sense, but being a mere product of my own environment (Especially as somebody that's gotten roped into the wrong crowds all my life.) is incredibly and extremely misleading and even blinding and debilitating, even if just from an emotional and mental perspective and experience.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 07-30-2019 at 06:47 PM.

  25. #145
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    I'm grateful that there are only five months left to go in this fucking decade.

  26. #146
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    I feel like this decade barely got started a few years back.

    And now it's already over? Wtf.

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    at this point I'm so bored with my life that anything could happen and I probably wouldn't care

  28. #148
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    @Magnetic - I’m so sorry. I was a paralegal for nearly 30 years. I saw how brutally awful the Federal cases are. They never lose. Yes, she should have lawyered up and copped a plea.

    And, yes, juries NEVER understand these cases. They’re way too complex. Most defendants should opt for a bench trial.

    Your Mom can get through this. I looked up this case. She’s already been incredibly strong, has been through so much. She DONATED A KIDNEY TO YOUR DAD??

    Stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom. My condolences on the loss of your Dad.
    Last edited by allegro; 08-30-2019 at 10:26 PM.

  29. #149
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    Hopefully this will fit here, latest Kurzgesagt video The Egg seriously got me. It seems to be based on 2009 story, but it's new for me. So, you are... me.



    "Every time you victimized someone...you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."

  30. #150
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    It does suck.

    Anyway, if you decided to sell everything and disappear to some warm, peaceful, cheap country for the rest of your life, where would it be, any recommendations? :-)

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