Uuuughghghghg.
Uuuughghghghg.
The last 30 days I’ve had can go fuck themselves. Scratch that...the last year can go fuck itself.
Anybody else here feel kind of like a failure, even though they know intellectually it's not their fault, for not overcoming their issues? I spent a large chunk of my 20s hooked on Ativan, not able to deal with my anxiety, living like a hermit. I've recovered somewhat now, but I can't help think of all the time lost to an illness or emotional condition that totally got the better of me and my youth for a long time. I was functional throughout high school even though I had issues, but I started to isolate at the end of college before taking a big nosedive for awhile. Anyway, just something I've been thinking about as I enter my mid-30s.
be careful with the ativan, very addictive!
I started to depend on it about 5 years ago, try and stay away from the benzos, they are a nasty bunch of meds
Phennigan is probably safer, it's an antihistamine, but is known for its calming at a higher dose, and it's available over the counter! so you could ask a pharmacist their advice
good luck
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Last edited by [parasite]; 05-19-2018 at 07:17 AM.
It’s frustrating that I learn lessons on how to deal with certain people and/or situations, but of course forget those things when I need them.
I am a fixer too. I’m always wanting to fix something, especially if part of the reason it is damaged is because of something I said or did.
Hopefully some of you can relate. I feel very isolated these days.
great news, awesome well done!!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
Definitely agree on Ativan; it's got the shortest half-life of all the commonly prescribed benzo's over here. Klonopin is one of the safest (as far as addiction), and what you're meant to be on if taking benzo's long term, but they're becoming more and more regulated because of popularity among the opioid crowd. While I'd never recommend others take it, I've been on Klonopin for 8 years.
--------------------------------------------------------------
If you're going to go the antihistamine route, dollar store benadryl. 1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours or 30 minutes before going out. Don't be a dummy.
Yeah, I suffer from memory loss due to being prescribed it on a daily basis long term. The withdrawal was the worst experience ever. I stopped taking it six months ago and I still have headaches every day, that started during withdrawal. I don't believe it really works if you take it every day (edit: due to tolerance and rebound anxiety, where the meds actually make the anxiety worse as it wears off or in between doses), so I'm not entirely sure my doctor knew what they were doing. I found out about the memory loss when going to a neuropsychologist evaluation and that doc blamed it on the Ativan. She said it could recover but will take years.
I've personally had no success with medication and have found that not eating shitty food, exercise, and developing more positive self-talk has been more helpful for me than those approaches. (I even had a drug-induced hypomanic episode when on gabapentin, ativan and zoloft at the same time - pretty sure my doctor was incompetent though.)
Good luck to everyone on here with their struggles; be patient with yourself and get a second opinion if you don't think your doc is working in your best interests.
Last edited by Pbgut; 05-24-2018 at 08:42 PM.
re: benzos- for me, it's kind of a "cut your losses" sort of thing.
xanax is the motherfucking antidote for me-it's the thing that's been stopping my panic attacks for a long, long time (as in almost a decade.)
and it isn't like i didn't try damn near everything on the market first, from every SSRI available, to antipsychotics, tricyclics, beta blockers, and prescription antihistamines. basically, i'll take the side effects in return for being able to stop daily panic attacks.
i just hope they don't have a "war on benzos" like they are doing with the opiate "crisis."
For one thing, i have a hard time functioning without a mg of xanax here and there, and for another, it's INSANELY addictive, true. And the withdrawals can literally kill you. :/
Hello, this is a very interesting thread – can I ask if you started this because you feel/have experienced that lots of NIN fans have experience of mental health issues? In the UK it's broadly speaking 1/4 people, so that isn't saying much – but from a research point of view, I'd be really interested to know if people find NIN music cathartic/helpful in managing their condition or just helping them to feel better in general?
Jesus, I've been having more and more bat shit crazy episodes of OCD.
It's always been there but pretty mild: usually things having to do with numbers where everything is better if it relates to 11 or 1111 somehow and 13 being bad.
But NOW, I've been having situations where I have to hear and understand every single word on a tv show or something terrible will happen. This results in me rewinding shit over and over.
Or how about this: I had to find this vitamin d supplement before we left to get NIN tickets, or something awful would happen. I spent hours looking for it (I didn't actually NEED it by the way.)
I finally decided that if I drew a tarot card that could be interpreted in a positive way and brought a different vitamin d supplement, then we would be ok. Also, that same day, I started burning an audio book that I didn't realize was going to take up 25 CDs.
But I had to finish it or, again, something terrible would happen.
Why in the fuck ist this just now becoming a problem? I just turned 38!!
I actually started listening to NIN as a kid, before I was depressed. I just thought the music was exciting and basically unlike any music I had ever heard before. I don't think I had the emotional intelligence to get that the music was super depressive in an angry sense; it just sounded revitalizing (especially TDS and Broken, which was almost the entire discography of main releases when I started). As I got older, and my issues started appearing, I definitely took solace in The Fragile especially as that has a slightly less aggressive, and more reflective/melancholy tone than most of the work that preceded it.
I'm sure there are more people suffering from mental health issues in communities surrounding bands with more negative/introspective/aggressive(/goth, haha) lyrics and music, but I'm not sure why the thread was started specifically other than to just lend support.
I'd look into exposure response therapy or maybe CBT if it's becoming an issue. I sort of did my own ERT in a way: I gained the willpower to not give into the OCDish urges over time, nothing bad would actually happen, I was able to learn from this, and they went away — but not everyone can do that, and I couldn't either for a long time. These issues can appear and morph at any age though. Hope you're doing okay.
i feel like my mental health is at a low point. i haven't been to therapy in three weeks (for various reasons), and during that time, i got a new job (which i started basically immediately) and left working with my dad after 13 years. i have so much going on just with that, especially because this is my first time ever working full-time hours. i've been sick since last sunday, and today was the second day i called out. i'm terrified i'm going to lose my job, but i knew i wouldn't be able to function if i went in today. i spent most of the day on the couch, watching buffy and crying.
i just want to go to sleep and not wake up. i'm not suicidal, i just don't want to have to deal with anything. i feel like i'm going to explode trying to deal with everything. i don't know what to do.
After successfully withdrawing from being on an anti anxiety med for years I had an unusually good stretch for like seven months. But today has been a weird day, like the kind of emotional rumbling I'd get from the start of an extended anxiety/depressive episode. Or it could be nothing.
Adding to this, my only two good friends are away for awhile (I don't know how long exactly), I haven't been able to exercise due to a sinus infection, and my cognitive recovery from the anti anxiety med side effects has been insanely slow. I'm just starting to get my memory back seven months out. And I don't think the spate of recent suicides from Stewart Lupton onwards has helped my anxiety either.
@eversonpoe that kind of adjustment is massive and is probably why you're feeling (and staying) sick. so sorry
hang in there. and take good care of yourself.
I'm in a similar place. I changed jobs from one I've been at for ten years to another one closer to home. Like, only three miles away from home closer. Anyway, I thought this would be a good thing but I've found that since I started my mental health has taken a huge hit. I have to imagine it's because of the severing* of ties with everyone at my old job combined with the difficulty figuring out a job that is in a completely different career field. And on top of that I found out that if I had stayed at my old position it would have been converted to a higher paying one a month later. No one wanted to tell me that before I left, and I worked for the Director of the station, someone who would have known about that coming.
Oh and my new job said no travel on the job description. Guess what? I'm in Seattle and I've been here for a week with another week to go. I am expected to start going to week-long training classes in Maryland for topics that shouldn't be the focus of my position and also start going to week-long site visits.
So there's a lot going on here that is driving me to panic attacks. I'm going to try meditation and usajobs to help me with this one.
*sever may sound severe but I've tried talking to them since we're all on the same network still over Lync/Skype but I can't get hardly anyone to chat on it, and even then it's for a couple minutes at best.
Today I’m in a lot of physical neuropathy pain and am burnt out from work and every day political stress with a huge side of isolation. Also, it’s been almost three months and I still miss my dog. This just sucks.
Hope you’re all doing better than this.
the work itself is fine, it's the same sort of stuff i've been doing with my dad basically my whole life (he started teaching me stuff when i was a little kid). it's really just adjusting to the different environment.
the first week i didn't have therapy because my therapist was out of town. the second week was because it was my first day of my new job, my appointment was originally at 3pm, and i knew i wouldn't be able to make it. last week, my appointment was at 5pm, so i figured if i was off at 4 or 4:30 i'd be fine...except that i ended up working in glencoe (a north suburb of chicago) and my appointments are in the city, so by the time i was done at 4:10, it would have taken me over an hour and twenty minutes to get down there, thus cutting my appointment in half.
i discussed this with work (especially because i have to pay for missed appointments with less than 24 hours notice) and they said it shouldn't be a problem in the future to make sure i can leave on time to make it to my appointments. hopefully that stays true.
Just returned home from a nice three day vacation at a mental health facility after a suicide attempt on Sunday. Honestly, I'm feeling better now after my attempt. It was all I could think about for the longest time, but something about going through with it made the reality of what I was doing finally sink in. It was almost like an exorcism. I expelled this idea from myself just by doing it. Now that it's gone, I really just need to start working on getting myself to a better place.
I'm not doing so good. I just want to be asleep.
Every time I wake up, it's like sheer fucking horror and I'm generally miserable.
And it's about to get a whole hell of a lot worse: because of this opiate "crisis" business , I'm losing POWERFUL narcotic medication that I've been addicted/habituated to for three years, ever since I broke my damn back.
Regarding the opiate thing, I can only hope that something good comes of it. This goes down in about 3 weeks and I'm utterly fucking terrified.
@BRoswell , thank god you're still here, and seriously, hit me up any time, 24-7. I don't work and I keep bizarre, random hours.
just keep losing and losing almost getting comfortable with being at the bottom no expectations for anything anymore