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Thread: The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

  1. #1201
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    I just realized that I am no longer looking forward to anything. Like, there’s a NIN concert this fall that I have tickets to. My first NIN show even. And I’m not sitting here looking at the set lists and thinking “oh man this is going to be awesome”. Like not even a little bit. I basically know why but I don’t have a clue how to fix it. The only way I know is a nuclear option so I’m obviously trying to come up with something but right now it’s a Cold War in my house and none of the sides want to sit and talk at a table.

    I’m supposed to be going on a bike / camping trip with my son next week but I totally forgot about it until today when he said, loudly and frequently upon being reminded of said trip, that he’d rather do anything else. Cool. Cool cool cool. I guess I can start charging him rent now since he’s no longer part of the family?

    I spend 90% of my time sitting and being depressed by looking out into the middle distance now. I see a counselor and I guess it might help eventually but for now I’m just done with everything. He told me last week “find something that makes you happy” and I can’t fucking find anything right now.

    Calling it “Depressed” is putting a flower on a pile of shit. I don’t want to be here anymore.

  2. #1202
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    @allegate - I hear you. Maybe let your son find his own path right now? It’s all normal stuff he’s feeling. The last place most kids his age want to be is with a parent. Especially after an extended Covid lockdown. 10 years from now, that may be different. But the more you let him go, while still letting him know you love him, without smothering him, the more he can grow while still knowing you’re always there if he needs you?

    Re your therapist’s advise: “Happy” is such a subjective kinda bullshit term.

    I like to think of happy as “lack of unhappy.”

    So with that in mind, sometimes doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is so fucking awesome. Sometimes taking a NAP in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY ON A SUNDAY is like THE BEST THING EVER. Sometimes wasting hours on a Saturday reading a book is THERAPY.

    We sometimes think what will make us “happy” is some grand elaborate thing, but it’s often just the simplest things.

    Happy is a fleeting moment?

    Sometimes blowing off something you THOUGHT you wanted to do but don’t feel like doing, anymore, actually makes you MORE happy than making yourself do that thing you thought you wanted to do?

    I know exactly how you feel, though. Been there.

    Life is hard. It’s also REALLY short; much shorter than I ever realized, until I got to the point where it’s almost over and I’m going “holy shit, where did all the time go? The ride’s almost over.” Flitting between suicide ideation and fearing mortality is pretty weird, but it is what it is.
    Last edited by allegro; 06-23-2022 at 01:56 PM.

  3. #1203
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    I’m definitely aware of how this is his life, and I’m OK with him making his own decisions. A lot of the pain for me is just how he decides to make the decisions. He may as well say he’d rather sit on a hot poker sometimes for as heated as he gets. I guess it’s mostly weird for me because I never yelled at my parents. See, one time my mom said “oh I’m so glad you don’t get mad, it’s such a nice change of pace” because my two older brothers were always heated so that stuck with me. Like, stuck so much I have a hard time getting upset at people at times when I should. You know, like when someone threatens me with taking away my job? Nope. Calm convo about that too. I feel like a pushover.

    as for happy? I agree. It was kind of a bullshit exercise because A) look the fuck around dude. My VA doctors have this questionnaire that they have to ask and it’s always about depression (because of veteran suicide, natch) and the last time I went in I just laughed at them when they asked “have you been depressed in the last spans of time…”. I told them it wasn’t a fair question and that I couldn’t answer it without them getting concerned about me. Anyway, I need a B) so B is that there’s not a lot around me right now projecting happy anyway. He asked me “do you dislike yourself” and I said constantly.

    Since we’re in the mental health thread I’ve also noticed that I’ve actually become suspicious of anyone who gives me a compliment. Like, I was dropping my bicycle off to have some work done on it and they said “oh yeah, this looks nice, I like what you’ve done with the colors” and I could only think, “what do you want from me.” I was instantly wary of them trying to take advantage of me somehow. That’s kind of shitty and not “happy” in the slightest.

    The VA is looking at mushroom and ketamine therapy and I need to find out if there are any trials in the area because geezus I’m just not enjoying anything right now.

  4. #1204
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    @allegate , dude, can you maybe vape a 50/50 mix of THC/CBD?

    Because I’ve been doing that. I used to be you, and now I mostly ain’t, anymore. I’m not Snoop Dogg, but I swear this shit’s an attitude adjuster. Like, I am totally way more zen, now.

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