The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[kel]

take care of yourself, josh.

[Swykk]

I really do always mean well but I think social awkwardness has really become less of a funny problem and more of an actual problem. My intentions are sound. My humor is a bit too dry now. This could be related to current events (see the recent Piss You Off thread) and/or my old friends Anxiety and Depression.

[richardp]

Fuck man, between half the country talking shit on Kanye *possibly* having some unchecked mental issues, and all the dude bro assholes saying that Rhonda Rousey is a "whiney bitch who no longer deserves respect" because she felt suicidal after losing that fight, this week is making me feel pretty fuckin' lonely about my own issues. I've been pretty quiet to mostly everyone lately about me struggling to find a better prescription that works for me, so to basically watch society put these public figures down so hard for it, I don't know, makes me want to keep it to myself even more.

Why the fuck are most people so awful and selfish tho.

[Swykk]

Extra fun fact--Ronda's father committed suicide.

So those people laughing and hating on her are extra great. And by that, I mean, as do you, dude bro assholes and jealous twats.

[Swykk]

I don't have the thing inside most humans that creates confidence so I put way too much into what other people think about me. Maybe I used to have it and it got worn away until it just stopped functioning? I don't know. I do have some pride. I like who I am inside and wonder why some people don't....but I second guess myself way too much.
Not sure how to beat this.

[allegro]

I like who I am inside and wonder why some people don't.

This is partly good, partly not good. It's good to wonder why some people don't like you, and consider if your own view of yourself is flawed (ego, rose-colored glasses, too much pride, etc.) Sometimes we can learn to temper portions of our personalities that might be offputting to others but not noticed by us. This is useful. Self-reflection and reflection via others is important data. We don't live in a bubble, and unless we are total narcissists, how others think of us is important data.

But, we also can't live our lives by what we PERCEIVE of people's views of us. Sometimes we get false vibes, false information, what we perceive as people not liking us but is actually false data. We can walk around thinking that people don't like us, but in reality our radar may be affected by our own insecurities and mistrust and prejudices etc. We need to consider all of this and filter all of it when assessing this information.

In other words, when you say "some people don't," are you 100% certain that they don't like you? Have they SAID this? Or are your own insecurities thinking this? Or, maybe they are assholes which has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes it's good to just think "fuck what people think about me" and live your life, dude. I mean, as long as you are reasonably sure that you're not an arrogant abusive prick and are kind and nice, then fuck people, just live with your personal power and fuck everybody else and live your own life. We have one life to live: OURS. Let them worry about their own lives, you worry about yours.

[Pillfred]

@allegro , ftw, wisdom.

But yeah it's generally internet need rage surrounding most anything media related anymore, because it's what a fair amount of people know anymore. (?)
@Swykk
What she said.
Also, you just gotta trust yourself. Whatever that means
... Maybe I'm overly empathetic or perhaps I'm a perfect shitstorm of mind fuck. Besides a few, possible, things I think more than not in like most any other person. Ultimately, clueless, just trying to figure it out.

Life is a real fucker. I get my head is off somehow, but so much shit around me isn't that bad so maybe, shit isn't that bad?

[allegro]

@allegro , ftw, wisdom.

yeah, thanks but I gotta shut up in here, I sound like fuckin' Kung Fu.

[theburningreptile]

I had a startling discovery buried deep in my mind. I already have Dissociative Identity Disorder, I think I figured out why. I was abused severely as a child for 5 years. I thought I developed DIDN then. I think I actually did when I was 3 years old. It came to me one day, like opening a door in a house that was closed and for good reason. When I opened it, all of those feelings came rushing back to me, like it was happening all over again. Dante quickly took over, since I don't remember much for a while. It was quiet a time jump. Dante is one of my alters. He's protected me for so long. He's honestly what has kept me alive all these years. I'm sorry, that it has happened to others. In a way, I don't remember most of it, so I'm extremely grateful for that. I send sincere love and good vibes to all that have experienced abuse over the years.

[Pillfred]

yeah, thanks but I gotta shut up in here, I sound like fuckin' Kung Fu.

No offense but you're old. Or Older? And it seems to me to be the older some get, they actually get wiser. I feel like I'm on the older side.
Also, i was, and am, kinds drunk. At least you didn't "butterfly Sting."

[kel]

my disease lies to me. i know better, but sometimes it's too much. my husband told me he's tired of my "episodes". i haven't had any. i told him that statement is no different than saying i'm sick of his stomach aches.

ugh. fuck.

[ldopa]

anytime you say something that isn't congruent to their particular needs or mood, you will be having an "episode." if it's not the end of everything, point it out, then let it slide. tensions are high, but in your heartest of hearts, you were fucking made for each other. nobody could go through this together except you guys. no censor = true love.

[Pillfred]

Fuck ... (Etc 10 chars)

[kel]

edit: nvrmnd.

[Bachy]

I mentioned a few weeks ago I spent the night in the hospital. Well, it was because I apparently, in a drunk stupor, texted some suicidal thoughts to my ex. Though, to be fair she did kind of egg me on and tell me to hurt myself. I basically said, well, what if I did that? Anyways, she called the cops, they showed up, saw NIN was playing, took it as probable cause and took me to the hospital for observation. I will admit that I have been depressed for about a year now, but I will never fucking hurt myself. I love life, even though it can be a pain in the ass.

[botley]

I mentioned a few weeks ago I spent the night in the hospital. Well, it was because I apparently, in a drunk stupor, texted some suicidal thoughts to my ex. Though, to be fair she did kind of egg me on and tell me to hurt myself. I basically said, well, what if I did that? Anyways, she called the cops, they showed up, saw NIN was playing, took it as probable cause and took me to the hospital for observation. I will admit that I have been depressed for about a year now, but I will never fucking hurt myself. I love life, even though it can be a pain in the ass.

Wow. That's some shit! Hope you are feeling better soon and maybe got at least something positive out of the hospital stay. Can I ask more about the police interaction? What exactly about having NIN playing gave them 'probable cause' to admit you?!

[Bachy]

Wow. That's some shit! Hope you are feeling better soon and maybe got at least something positive out of the hospital stay. Can I ask more about the police interaction? What exactly about having NIN playing gave them 'probable cause' to admit you?!

That bit I was kidding about. They literally had to admit me because I was legally drunk, and apparently they take this shit very seriously. So they had to hold me until I sobered up and basically said I didn't want to harm myself. The police were perfectly fine. I kind of laughed that they did comment on me listening to Nine Inch Nails and immediately assuming I was depressed. I was straight with them. I told them I had been drinking, said some things I shouldn't have, and I'm willing to cooperate with whatever. Having said all that, the hospital stay was a bitch. Rock hard mattress.

[botley]

That bit I was kidding about. They literally had to admit me because I was legally drunk, and apparently they take this shit very seriously. So they had to hold me until I sobered up and basically said I didn't want to harm myself. The police were perfectly fine. I kind of laughed that they did comment on me listening to Nine Inch Nails and immediately assuming I was depressed. I was straight with them. I told them I had been drinking, said some things I shouldn't have, and I'm willing to cooperate with whatever. Having said all that, the hospital stay was a bitch. Rock hard mattress.

Wow, I'm glad you're out of that. Doesn't sound fun but at least you can have some levity about it!

[Sarah K]

That's awesome that the police actually took it seriously, even though you were attention seeking. More police and medical professionals need to do that.

[Bachy]

That's awesome that the police actually took it seriously, even though you were attention seeking. More police and medical professionals need to do that.

I couldn't apologize to them enough for wasting their time with me.

[Camille]

I had the really bad news today that a young friend of mine has ended his life. We met through mental health services over ten years ago and kept in regular contact since then. His death has been a shock to many, I'm at a loss as to how to feel.
My partner and I are now going to have a wee drink to remember him.
R.I.P Andrew.


Work tomorrow, life continues.

[Ryan]

Anyone ever get that feeling like you're just hanging on by a very fine thread?

[Khrz]

Anyone ever get that feeling like you're just hanging on by a very fine thread?

Also known as "just because I'm still in the air doesn't mean I'm not crashing down"

[Swykk]

I've been slowly but surely retraining my brain to think differently (more positively)coupled with regular exercise. I think it is working. I've been trying to avoid getting back on antidepressants as the one I know works for me is of course one my insurance wants to gouge me on (@Sarah_K tried to get me a work around awhile back but it sadly didn't pan out) and a lot of the others (as in the ones I tried) give me awful side effects and/or just don't work at all. It's been a long last few years but I think I'm making progress. I know I am. And, in related good news, I did these food sensitivity blood work labs to see if something or multiple somethings in my diet are causing all the trouble I've had over the last decade and it turns out it was! I've been slowly transitioning out of a vegetarian diet (I was for 18 years), and while I haven't nor will I likely eat meat a lot, eliminating soy and wheat has really done wonders for my physical health. I'm still learning. It'll take time. But I'm finally feeling better.

[implanted_microchip]

Not great at all lately. I don't know what to call it but I'm doing the thing where I think about things on a very large scale a lot and shitting out thousands of words in word docs and iphone notes of how and why everything is awful and people are completely empty vapid hopeless hollow idiots and how I'm no better. Lots and lots of extremely depressive observations and feelings. Lots of anxiety around people and complete disinterest in doing anything but working. All I enjoy lately is working because it gives my brain something to do other than be itself. Even writing this all I can think is how pointless it is and how I'll just get told to flush more money down the toilet on meds that don't help me and therapists I can't afford who have never helped after two years of on and off treatment and debt.

Also lots and lots of fun with body dysmorphia again after having a brief period of thinking less about it, so hooray there. I couldn't hate my skin more and it feels like being trapped inside of a prison all day every day that is impossible to get out of. I hate my body and hate having one at all and can't think of a single thing that would keep me from being physically uncomfortable and unhappy with being something physical. I don't know how to articulate it in a way that doesn't sound silly and stupid and embarrassing. I just hate having to have a container at all and could not feel less like it's me then I already do. Any time I look at myself I know it isn't who I am at all.

[nihilimo]

the doctors and parents call it "schizoid". there's more to it than a simple label, though. if you know what i mean.

[Volband]

HOW. DO. YOU. HANDLE. THIS. PRESSURE.

I'm just so done, like over-clocked by a mile. I bet that's not even an expression, but jokes on me, I was to study English major in the university, but shit happened, and now, ~6 or I don't even know how many years later I'm just happy I still remember some fancy words. Anyway, I always took pride in "just taking it", but when my fucking body, or to be more precise, my brain shuts me down, well, turns out willpower < chemicals in your brain. I learned it the hard way, I mean, I had a scary fucking 3 minutes not too long ago.

Like, in a way, I shouldn't/couldn't even post here, because I don't think I'm actually, like clinically suffer from depression, or whatever. I'm just simply depressed because I'm a fucking goon, and I couldn't even care less about cleaning my room (I'm pretty sure there are expired food boxes all over it, I can't walk a meter without stepping into something), let alone keeping my social circle intact. Though, to be fair, as far as taking responsibilities go, it's not JUST on me. I wonder if I can ask the nurses in the asylum to sew that quote on my shiny, white robe.

So yeah, pressure. I have a severe case of oneitis (when you are idolizing a girl [or boy, whatever guys] waaaaaaay too much), like, I won't even say for how long, we are talking about a long time. A LONG TIME. Long story short, we talked again recently, and after the initial rush of good feelings, it's just like all the recovery (from heartbreak) I went through landed in the bin, and I'm still back to square 0, where I'm over the top for someone who doesn't feel that way. Whatever, it's not the important part now, I did not come here to whine about a girl, just giving you some perspective why I was agitated to begin with recently.

But the thing that just knocked me over is that training course I got enlisted into, which basically means I get promoted if I finish it, but we are talking about a veeery long (ends in early-mid next year) and veeeery hard course. Like, okay, I was a literal waste of space for some time now, so I was happy for this, like hey, it's a wake up call, now I finally have to do something, neat! But then the shit that came with it and I HAVENT EVEN STARTED. I'm being told that there were 3 of us who wanted to go to this course, but the boss selected ME, he put his faith in ME, and I also know that someone close to my boss is a distant relative of mine, so she probably had something to with ME being able to go now. And the boss told me a million times that I have to finish it, he trusts in me, asked me 100 times if I can do it, yeah, like I'm going to say no, what the hell. All I wanted to do is try, because right now I'm doing a job a monkey could do, so I have nothing to lose, but it's just can't be this easy, can it? Co-workers coming to me, asking about it, "ooh, I heard you're going to be [name of the rank]!", "oh, mr [name of the rank]!", and some of them wishing me luck and of course talking like it's 100% I'm going to finish it, despite literally we have a huge shortage in that job, because people are just massacred at the course. Also, who the hell CALLS me to tell me he's wishing luck to me? Sure, first it felt good, then I realized that I would actually be his boss if I finish... makes sense now.
Whatevs, I could somehow keep motivating myself that I will get the hang of the course, but today I'm told there will be a 4 hours long test on the very first day of the course, to see my basic knowledge about the work, and if it's insufficent, then bye-bye. That's right, I'm treated like fucking Frodo with the Ring, and there is a chance I will literally drop out the very first day, because I'm writing a test I don't know any details about. I just want to start walking away and never stop. But nah, I have to go to work tomorrow, and listen to people pestering me about this 0-24. Volband, you'll make it for sure!! Will you be working at this station when you finish it? You're a smart guy!! You're still young!! nononono, just SHUT UP and let me sit on my ass for 10 minutes without getting reminded that the whole world is watching me.

There. I usually delete these after I type them out, but as I said, I scared myself good earlier, so right now, having this clusterfuck of a post for the ages doesn't seem so bad compared to wanting to break my skull in two from the invisible fear. I also wish she wrote. I'm rotting on Skype so she might resume our conversation from earlier this day. How sad is that?

[aggroculture]

Friend of mine is having a crisis and emotionally dumping on me. I pointed this out but she exploded even more, saying I am a hypocrite because I emotionally dumped on her...ten years ago. Don't really know how to respond to defuse the situation: she's on the war path now and all riled up and I am the bad guy. She recently split up with her bf who had been treating her like shit for years and she is now losing her job...and taking this shit out on me.

[Amaro]

This isn't directly related to the thread, but I suffer from some things, and am aimless in life, and this speech opened my head and heart:

[perceptionnexus]

https://happyquirkyhealthy.wordpress...ally-full-cup/

My wife just wrote a pretty solid piece on her struggles with BPD, if anyone wants to read it