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Thread: The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

  1. #1111
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    love to hear a pharmacist tell me there's no interaction between two of the meds i'm on (lamictal & estradiol) while i'm staring at the paperwork that says there is

    systemic sexism in medicine is real and is (sadly) also perpetuated by women (as in this case)

  2. #1112
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    just finally heard back. my psychiatrist is apparently aware of the interaction (which, like...why didn’t she think of this before, when i started the hormones and told her right away?)

    i’m being increased from 150mg to 200mg of lamictal so hopefully that helps

    ughhhhhh

  3. #1113
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    tw: suicide

    checking back in to PHP at Compass tomorrow (that's where i went in the fall of 2019 when i was having a really rough time). 9:30-2:30 weekdays until i move down to IOP (9:30-12:30). really hoping they can help me because i'm really not doing well.

    my therapist is really worried about my current suicide risk gave me an option during our appointment on thursday: either go to the hospital, or call compass. i really, really do not want to be in a hospital right now and get checked into a psych ward, so i chose compass.

  4. #1114
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    I started therapy last year, and it's been a bumpy ride.

    My therapist, my family and I have all been bouncing between candidates for diagnosis such as autism, adhd, or add.
    I know for certain that I'm anxious and depressed. I've shied away from getting down to the bottom of my problems for a long time because where I grew up, it wasn't safe to admit that you had problems. There wasn't enough room for expression when I was a kid cause I would just be labeled "obnoxious", "disruptive", "stupid", or "retarded".

    I'm tired of not expressing myself because of the way I'm labeled. Those labels hurt, but now I'm meandering through a suppressed and depressed life wondering what would have happened if I had been myself and that hurts more. I'm talking here because I know it's a safe space, and it's not Instagram or Twitter which is so plastic and impersonal (the last thing I want!) Um, what I'm saying is: it's fun for me to rant after holding my emotions in . Maybe this will be part of therapy.

  5. #1115
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    First off, I've been so uncomfortable with my particular reality. To put it simply, it's boring and unfulfilling but part of that was me waiting to find emotional fulfillment at the hands of others. That's only good if you want to isolate and dissociate from the entire world unless it reaches out it's hands to you.

    I'm starting to change my feelings about a lot of things, particularly the way I felt about myself in this world. In the past, I felt like I couldn't trust my ability to function. Now I'm trying to change that but I'm running into new obstacles every day.

    At least I know I'm moving forward because that wasn't always true.

  6. #1116
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    tw: suicide

    in the psych ward at northwestern hospital downtown. i had been planning to kill myself this past friday. obviously didn't go through with it and i'm having a hard time because i'm mad at myself for not doing it.

    went back to my PHP program yesterday and they were very concerned and asked me to check in to the hospital.

    have limited computer access but wanted to wave hi.

  7. #1117
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    I am currently reading the book Challenger Deep for the second time. Here's my review from the first time I read it:
    Wow, what a book. It's hard to review it because it's a product of time for me as the last two months or so have had me hitting the deepest (hence the title) parts of my depression ever so reading this was like reading a book someone wrote to me. (I'm not schizophrenic though so that part missed me by).

    The part that stood out for me the most is where Caden realizes that while his mental illness hit him, it also hit his family. It's certainly possible to lose yourself in your illness to the point where you forget about what it's doing to the people around you. It's hard to force yourself to see outside of what is happening to you to see what is happening to them.

    I'm purchasing the hardcover so I can highlight parts and write in the margins.
    Just got to this part in the book:
    “The fear of not living is a deep, abiding dread of watching your own potential decompose into irredeemable disappointment when 'should be' gets crushed by what is. Sometimes I think it would be easier to die than to face that, because 'what could have been' is much more highly regarded than 'what should have been.' Dead kids are put on pedestals, but mentally ill kids get hidden under the rug.”
    and this part is also a strong analogy:
    “There are many ways in which the "check brain" light illuminates, but here's the screwed-up part: the driver can't see it. It's like the light is positioned in the backseat cup holder, beneath an empty can of soda that's been there for a month. No one sees it but the passengers—and only if they're really looking for it, or when the light gets so bright and so hot that it melts the can, and sets the whole car on fire.”
    I hope that you're able to get through this. It's rough, and it's rough opening up about it. Good luck.
    Last edited by allegate; 03-09-2021 at 03:50 PM.

  8. #1118
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    tw: suicide

    in the psych ward at northwestern hospital downtown. i had been planning to kill myself this past friday. obviously didn't go through with it and i'm having a hard time because i'm mad at myself for not doing it.

    went back to my PHP program yesterday and they were very concerned and asked me to check in to the hospital.

    have limited computer access but wanted to wave hi.
    Darling Mae, I'm glad you still here. I'm glad you are getting help.

    What I want to tell you is simple: you are deeply loved. You are loved by the persons in your life and by all your online friends. We love you and we care about you.

    Whatever it is that got you there, let it out. Let it out with words, tears and screams. I have faith in you that you can win this fight.

    I love you, my friend.

  9. #1119
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    Quote Originally Posted by marodi View Post
    Darling Mae, I'm glad you still here. I'm glad you are getting help.

    What I want to tell you is simple: you are deeply loved. You are loved by the persons in your life and by all your online friends. We love you and we care about you.

    Whatever it is that got you there, let it out. Let it out with words, tears and screams. I have faith in you that you can win this fight.

    I love you, my friend.
    Co-signed, feel better soon.
    Xox

  10. #1120
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    @eversonpoe Massive long-distance hugs. Take care of you. I (and others here I'm sure) are rooting for you.

  11. #1121
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    @allegate the problem is that this

    The part that stood out for me the most is where Caden realizes that while his mental illness hit him, it also hit his family. It's certainly possible to lose yourself in your illness to the point where you forget about what it's doing to the people around you. It's hard to force yourself to see outside of what is happening to you to see what is happening to them.
    was my main motivation for wanting to die. i have proof (not just thoughts or feelings) that i have been affecting the people i love negatively, for years. that combined with my constant physical & emotional pain, and the broken fucking country we live in and its bullshit reverence of capitalism.

  12. #1122
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    I hope that you're able to talk to some people who can help. This has been a shit year in a shit capitalist country so I understand. Good luck and



    Spoiler: (which I hope made you laugh)

  13. #1123
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    @eversonpoe Sincerely wishing you the best. I'm glad you sought help.

  14. #1124
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    have limited computer access but wanted to wave hi.
    Thanks for checking in - both at the hospital, and here with us! Things are awful, but they'd be even more awful for a lot of people if you weren't around, you know? Best of luck pushing past, or whatever the appropriate descriptor is.

  15. #1125
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    thanks, y'all. really means a lot to me. this community has been my favorite place on the internet for 10 years (since the re-launch) and i'm glad to know all of you.

    another queer person finally showed up yesterday, and i like immediately started feeling better. honestly feeling pretty good today. hoping i don't have to stay in here too much longer.

  16. #1126
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    i'm home!!!

    that was a weird fucking week, y'all.

  17. #1127
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    I came on here to share but I want to say first how glad I am to hear from you! Thanks for sharing this platform with everyone, it's nice to just talk to people who actually listen. I feel that way, and I hope you feel that you are listened to as well.

  18. #1128
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    Update on mental state:
    It's improving! but improving is emotionally multidimensional.
    Uncovering years of anxiety in some places, lets out extreme relief and in other places, well let's just say I uncovered almost a decade of terror and feeling that amount of stress in the course of an hour is unmatchable.
    The best news about it is I know some valuable information about me that I was afraid of addressing until now:

    I'm afraid of being wrong, I'm afraid of being incorrect.

    In hindsight, being afraid of answering incorrectly is the worst fear to have if you want to learn anything at all. This SUCKS if you are in school.
    So basically the entire beginning of my life was hell because I refused so hard to just fucking ask for help, that's why I'm in therapy so late too XD.

    But now I've stepped past that, things are getting better, but I still get those fits of terror whenever I look at a math problem.
    I could write a whole book about all that I missed because I was too "shy".
    I don't know what will happen to me, but I do know my life will be filled with lots of failure, and that I will hate it,
    but I can and I will move on.

  19. #1129
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    I woke up a few hours ago (at 3:30 am) feeling uneasy and miserable... it's just steadily gotten worse, and right now, I am having what is probably the worst "anxiety attack" I've ever had. The only way I can think to explain this is that it just feels like a constant "jump scare" scene from a movie over and over on repeat.

    edit: that all seems to be subsiding, thank god... There was a moment there where I was honestly on the verge of calling for an ambulance.
    Last edited by Jinsai; 04-01-2021 at 09:39 AM.

  20. #1130
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    My husband has ptsd from childhood and a tbi from adulthood, we're both homesick and trying to be the best strangers as we can in a strange land. But its been so bad lately. Google and the state can only help so much. I have to work to keep our heads above water so there is a lot of lost and alone time on his end, where he just stays inside his head and refuses to come out. Then I come home to a deluge. We're both at the end of our rope and lashing out constantly. Its fucked up. Not to mention we have a puppy who picks up on all this. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting him a dog, but it seems to have added more stress on him. Fuck.

  21. #1131
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    Just read this for the first time. Not sure how late to the party I am in reading it but it’s a great way of putting it:

    “The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill oneself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill oneself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”

    -David Foster Wallace


    From this video:


  22. #1132
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    ugh seriously PLEASE no more jordan peterson. especially in this thread.

    • • •

    today was my last day at compass (mental health program)! my whole treatment team is so happy to see me doing so well, and honestly the best i've ever felt in my entire life, without being in a hypo-manic state.

    actually looking forward to the future and it feels great.

  23. #1133
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    woke up today and looked at myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I look so strange. It totally sucks at this point.
    I've just completely lost all purpose I had.
    I'm fucked. I can't even stand to look myself in the eye. I look like a ghost.

    This year or so has truly completely messed me up. But here I am, day #1000? After four years of insanity? HAHAHA, fuck my life, oh my god.

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