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Thread: The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

  1. #931
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    Anyone else have relatively relentless body dysmorphia? I've been stuck in a rut with it for a few months now in spite of reaching some breakthrough points in therapy about what function hating my appearance serves for me. I just find it so unbelievably hard acknowledging the negative thoughts about my body as they happen, because they're just constant p much. V much autopilot.

  2. #932
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    I’ve been trying to say less lately. About everything.

    It’s not helping.

    I’m moving this week. Selling my house was easier than finding another place to live. Lots of bad luck there. The guy I’m buying from is a dishonorable prick. Long story short, now I’ll be moving twice because the place I’m moving into won’t be closed on for 2-4 weeks. So I’ll be staying in a hotel until then.

    I’m a routine person. I like to plan. This has and will continue to keep my anxiety at critical levels. It’s the hardest part. My stomach is a nauseous wreck. My ears are ringing.

  3. #933
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    Anyone else have relatively relentless body dysmorphia? I've been stuck in a rut with it for a few months now in spite of reaching some breakthrough points in therapy about what function hating my appearance serves for me. I just find it so unbelievably hard acknowledging the negative thoughts about my body as they happen, because they're just constant p much. V much autopilot.
    I've dealt with this since college. I was 295 at my heaviest (in high school), but am currently 172. I still feel like I'm 295 pounds when I move (even though I physically have no trouble); I still see someone that is 295 pounds when I look in the mirror. I am unable to grow fingernails without feeling absolutely grossed out, and feel like I'm grossing out others (I do not chew my nails). I also have to shave my head and beard with a #3 and no other guard length. I competely understand the "autopilot" part with regards to negative thoughts and giving in to "rituals" or "old habits".

    For me, the key has to been to keep my isolation in check. I work out of my house for 8 months of the year; there's no reason to stay inside during my free time. It's a trap.

    I wish you continued breakthroughs in your therapy.

  4. #934
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    Although not (yet?) classed as a biological and environmental condition.

    ASD/AS/PDD-NOS and LT Insom. with comorbz.

    I have also had experience with The Truman Show effect.

    I used to have "nearly" anorexia as a kid, now with medication I am bigger, and looking for the right drive to shed, cut and tone. Ive done this before while exercising both indoors and outdoors. And I think I might just put "discipline" on my ipod (that I don't have) while adding filler to segway into YZ (that I just bought)

    *shrugs

  5. #935
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    Oh god I so relate. The rituals! And the way that isolation really plays into it all too. I just did a holiday for the first time in a year, and when I last went away I was quite underweight because of stress etc, so obviously I've spent the whole 3 weeks trying to work on my BD, but also just chastising myself for being skinnier when I was last away, but also knowing that at the time I felt the same about my body as I do now. It's a world of confusion.

  6. #936
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    My husband's depression and anxiety has taken a toll for the worse. I was away last weekend visiting my mother, and we also received news from his sister that she has breast cancer. When I came home, he was obviously in an upset mood. However, he said to me, "I'm actually not that sad about my sister's diagnosis, I'm more sad that you're back and have to live in this hell."
    He continues to express how unhappy he is at his job, threatens to quit everyday. The other night he punched the wall and threw my clothes across the living room. He says he doesn't understand why I'm still around and that I should just leave him. "I'll give you $30K so you can just leave and not have to deal with me anymore!"

    He's on Lamotrigine (mood stabilizer, acute treatment for bipolar disorder), Oxcarbazepine (epilepsy), Quetiapine (schizophrenia/bipolar/depression).

    His family and my family are aware of the situation and are in contact with him/trying to help, we made a doctor's appointment for him to see later this week. It's just so sad to watch him deteriorate and that there's nothing I can do to help him.
    I don't want to leave and give up on him, but I think it's getting close to that point :-( We've been together for 14 years (married 8), I just can't get myself to throw that away. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel!

  7. #937
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    Quote Originally Posted by ickyvicky View Post
    My husband's depression and anxiety has taken a toll for the worse. I was away last weekend visiting my mother, and we also received news from his sister that she has breast cancer. When I came home, he was obviously in an upset mood. However, he said to me, "I'm actually not that sad about my sister's diagnosis, I'm more sad that you're back and have to live in this hell."
    He continues to express how unhappy he is at his job, threatens to quit everyday. The other night he punched the wall and threw my clothes across the living room. He says he doesn't understand why I'm still around and that I should just leave him. "I'll give you $30K so you can just leave and not have to deal with me anymore!"

    He's on Lamotrigine (mood stabilizer, acute treatment for bipolar disorder), Oxcarbazepine (epilepsy), Quetiapine (schizophrenia/bipolar/depression).

    His family and my family are aware of the situation and are in contact with him/trying to help, we made a doctor's appointment for him to see later this week. It's just so sad to watch him deteriorate and that there's nothing I can do to help him.
    I don't want to leave and give up on him, but I think it's getting close to that point :-( We've been together for 14 years (married 8), I just can't get myself to throw that away. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel!
    :: hugs ::

  8. #938
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    @eversonpoe Thank you <3

  9. #939
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    The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

    so I've now been put on Risperidone, and taken off of Aripiprazole and it was giving me bladder issues,

    has anyone tried Risperidone?

    first 2 nights: getting to sleep is near on impossible, then after 5-6 hours I fall asleep for 3 hours when I have to get up, which now is a pro as I'm drowsy lol

    not sure if I have re-evaluate when I'm taking the meds, (after my evening meal)
    maybe I have to take them earlier than that??

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
    Last edited by InsecureSpike; 04-02-2019 at 08:52 AM.

  10. #940
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    OK, came off Rispiridone and now on Flupentixol.....


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

  11. #941
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    @InsecureSpike Hope it works out!


    After meeting with my husband's psychiatrist this past weekend, with everything that he is taking now (Lamotrigine, Oxcarbazepine, Quetiapine, and 2 other pills for his blood pressure & cholesterol), he wants to add Ritalin to the mix because he's showing the symptoms of ADHD. I don't know, I'm going to start looking for a new doctor for him because all he's doing is just giving him more and more pills. I don't like this at all. At what point does this become too much?

  12. #942
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    That's what psychiatrists are for, though. Formal diagnoses and medication management. That's about it. Any additional services, you will have to find a social worker, psychologist, therapist, support group, etc.

    Getting outside/other opinions is always a good option, but for most psychiatrists, you're just going to get a brief meeting and prescriptions, not much else.

  13. #943
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    found out last week (while i was in the middle of getting some bad news) that my psychiatrist is moving to arizona. i have one last appointment with her in september and then i need to find someone else. really not looking forward to that process.

    been relatively level for a while but as fall is approaching i can feel my usual stuff creeping up. i wish my favorite season didn't make me so depressed.

    dealing with a lot of invasive thoughts in the last few days. almost drove out in front of oncoming traffic today without realizing it was a bad thing to do. :/

  14. #944
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    found out last week (while i was in the middle of getting some bad news) that my psychiatrist is moving to arizona. i have one last appointment with her in september and then i need to find someone else. really not looking forward to that process.

    been relatively level for a while but as fall is approaching i can feel my usual stuff creeping up. i wish my favorite season didn't make me so depressed.

    dealing with a lot of invasive thoughts in the last few days. almost drove out in front of oncoming traffic today without realizing it was a bad thing to do. :/
    Stay strong @eversonpoe

  15. #945
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    much love @eversonpoe .

  16. #946
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    panic attacks, anxiety... I don't know what it's called... it hits me, frequently at around 3 to 4 am, and then I'm sitting up all night trying to lie in the position that makes me feel the most sane and comfortable... during waking hours I'm calling therapists, trying to explain to them that I need something, like medicine, this isn't normal, and I'm losing my mind...

    And then I'm being too frank, I'm "spooking them" is what a medical friend told me... but man, when you're really asking for help, don't you sound spooked? It's always a little humiliating isn't it, and I don't know you doctor, so me telling you I have an issue that's new to me and I don't know what it is is strange; and certainly a strange way to begin a conversation... I was just used to being frank with my former therapist.

    This is clearly a chemical thing that's happening, and there's FUCKING ADS ON TV screaming that you assholes can make me feel like I'm dancing on a cloud right before I bite into a picnic sandwich... I am so lost now that my previous therapist has retired. This is fucked. Give me some fucking pills, I promise, I need them.

    Cut the shit, give me an Rx
    Last edited by Jinsai; 08-01-2019 at 12:54 AM.

  17. #947
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    @Jinsai ... Sorry to hear about that man.

    I don't really get the "spooked them" thing. They're supposed to be your doctor, and a doctor that is specifically supposed to be specialized in the area of mental health. If it's not appropriate to tell them how you're feeling, then who exactly ARE you supposed to talk to? And what exactly is their purpose if not to hear about the very real things that you're actually struggling with? Seems weird to me, but idk

  18. #948
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    @Jinsai , most folks who are therapists do not have the power to prescribe. Look for a psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, or a prescribing psychologist. They are who you see to tell your symptoms and they give you drugs and you leave like 10 minutes later. Though if you've never had a formal diagnosis, it will be a bit more involved than that.

    I recently had to switch providers after seeing mine for about 6 months. They randomly decided one day that they in fact do NOT take my insurance, so I got 6 months worth of bills all at once. Super fun adventure. Having trouble finding many psychiatrists covered, and the one I've found is a REAL pain in the ass about prescribing controlled substances. I take two controlled substances, and only left with one. He flat out won't prescribe any stimulants, and reduced my dose of Klonopin to .5mg instead of 1mg. I take the shit like twice a week at the most, bud.

    Though I do understand the need for prescribers to be more careful and cover themselves, but it the consequence of that is accessibility to necessary medications that keep folks alive.

  19. #949
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    @Jinsai , my INTERNIST prescribes my psych drugs (e.g. anxiety, depression, etc.). Since most insurance plans don’t cover much of therapists or psychiatrists, internists have picked up the slack.

    I tried Lexapro. Started out on a very low dose, then ramped it up. Found out that any SSRI makes me tinnitus go bonkers. Like, a swarm of bees in my head. All day and night.

    So, can’t take that. And I don’t want to fuck with other scary shit.

    So now I’m trying exercise, meditation, and a change in my diet.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 08-01-2019 at 11:26 PM.

  20. #950
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    Honestly what’s crazy is we’ve spent the past few days at my parents place... and we’re both sleeping better, our puppy isn’t randomly crying, and I’m FINE.

    im about to go full conspiracy theorist

  21. #951
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jinsai View Post
    Honestly what’s crazy is we’ve spent the past few days at my parents place... and we’re both sleeping better, our puppy isn’t randomly crying, and I’m FINE.

    im about to go full conspiracy theorist
    That’s fascinating. Then it’s definitely environmental.

    Mine is, too. It’s sparked by other PEOPLE.

    If I could medicate THOSE PEOPLE (blow dart?), life would be so Zen.

    My Internist wants me to demand boundaries, etc. Lots better than a head full of BEES.
    Last edited by Cat Mom; 08-01-2019 at 11:29 PM.

  22. #952
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Mom View Post
    (blow dart?)
    lol...I laughed for a ridiculously long amount of time imagining this.

  23. #953
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    cross-posted in the "how fucked was your day thread"

    woke up sunday with a sore throat, an upset stomach, and a fuckload of depression. cried about 8 times throughout the day for no real reason. and then i slipped in the shower just before bed, bruised my tailbone and smacked the back of my head.

    my wife worked from home yesterday to take care of me. i literally laid on the couch all day because moving was so painful.

    today i'm at home by myself. my mom just stopped by to check on me but i don't know how helpful it was.

    i don't have any PTO right now and i've now taken two days off in a row. i'm worried that i might have to take a third day off tomorrow because i'm still having so much trouble moving, and my job is very physically demanding. part of why i've been so upset is because of frustration at work, but my co-worker (recently) turned project manager was out of town on a job last week and is out of town on training this week so i can't talk to him about what's going on. our further-up boss isn't the right person to talk to about it/do anything about it so i don't know what to do.

    my depression is in full swing and my therapist (who i haven't seen in a while because we had both decided i was doing well enough to take a break) hasn't responded to the e-mail i sent them yesterday. and honestly i only sent the e-mail because my wife asked me to. it felt like an insurmountable task to me.
    (wrote the above last tuesday)

    tried to go back to work last wednesday, fucked up my back trying to lift my toolbag. went to immediate care where they x-rayed my whole spine, told me i didn't break anything but probably have "full body whiplash" and a concussion. got a note excusing me from work for thursday and friday, which i spent at home feeling miserable from both pain and depression (not to mention that i was still dealing with an upper respiratory issue, which still hasn't cleared up).

    over the weekend i started feeling scared and i couldn't figure out why. i managed to get into a decent mood a few times but still felt overwhelmingly depressed.

    i tried to go back to work again yesterday. basically woke up having a panic attack which progressively got worse as the morning progressed. at one point, i stared at an HDMI balun (something i've put in countless times) and just...didn't know what to do with it. i literally just stared at it.

    i was working at a house right next to the lake in evanston (just north of chicago) and my brain just wanted me to walk into the lake. i was supposed to work there last wednesday, too. which tells me that it was maybe a blessing that i fucked up my back more and couldn't go. but yesterday i just couldn't get the thought out of my head. clearly, i didn't actually want to end my life (i am a very determined person and if that was really what i wanted, i would have walked into the lake and drowned), but there is something fucked up inside me that was telling me to do it.

    i went out to my car and called my therapist (who thinks i may have post-concussion syndrome, which has exacerbated my depressive episode) while waiting for my mom to come pick me up and having the worst panic attack i've ever had. my therapist wanted me to go to the ER to get a suicide risk assessment and request an intensive outpatient care program.

    i was at the ER from 10:30am until 5pm. my mom stayed with me the whole time, my wife got there before noon and also stayed. i did not like the psychiatrist i spoke to there, who wanted me to do inpatient care. thankfully my psychiatrist and therapist both spoke, and then my psychiatrist spoke to the psychiatrist at the hospital and recommended against inpatient care for me.

    i have an appointment for an intake assessment at a nearby clinic tomorrow afternoon.

    i am still so anxious about work. i don't want to lose my job, but i also can't function there right now. i don't really know what to do other than try to keep existing, despite how much everything feels crushing right now.

  24. #954
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    There. That's bothered me for a while now. Glad I got it out.

    *Randazzo edit* and you can put it right back in. Never post anything like this again.

  25. #955
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    ^ Um, private family matters should remain private, so should thoughts about them remain private. Thanks for opening up, but this is kind of an inappropriate forum for that specific topic, yeah?
    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    i have an appointment for an intake assessment at a nearby clinic tomorrow afternoon.

    i am still so anxious about work. i don't want to lose my job, but i also can't function there right now. i don't really know what to do other than try to keep existing, despite how much everything feels crushing right now.
    Sorry to hear this is all coming down on you like a ton of bricks right now, buddy. I hope they do help you out at the clinic and you get the help you need right now, that's far more important than your job, which can wait. Hope your boss or someone else in that place can advocate on your behalf while you take the time you need to make a full recovery.

  26. #956
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    today i started a PHP program (group and individual therapy from 9:30am-2pm) at a clinic that's only 15 minutes from my apartment. i started my day at a 20 (out of 100) on the mood scale, and ended at a 40, so i'm feeling hopeful (underneath all of my anxiety and depression) that this will help me get back to a place of stability and give me some tools to help cope with everything that i've been feeling lately.

    i'm waiting for a call from my boss-boss (the guy who owns the (very small) company for which i work) this afternoon, during which i'm going to request medical leave. hopefully i'll be able to go back to work sooner than later, but i know that i can't right now, and it's a huge step for me to even acknowledge that, not to mention that i'm actively seeking help.

  27. #957
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    @eversonpoe - Do you have disability accommodations set up at your workplace? It sounds like it is a frequent enough issue that it is worth looking at. Tolerance for absence can be an accommodation for some folks.

  28. #958
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    today i started a PHP program (group and individual therapy from 9:30am-2pm) at a clinic that's only 15 minutes from my apartment. i started my day at a 20 (out of 100) on the mood scale, and ended at a 40, so i'm feeling hopeful (underneath all of my anxiety and depression) that this will help me get back to a place of stability and give me some tools to help cope with everything that i've been feeling lately.

    i'm waiting for a call from my boss-boss (the guy who owns the (very small) company for which i work) this afternoon, during which i'm going to request medical leave. hopefully i'll be able to go back to work sooner than later, but i know that i can't right now, and it's a huge step for me to even acknowledge that, not to mention that i'm actively seeking help.
    Love you buddy. I hate to see you not feeling like a million bucks, I really hope that everything smooths out and you're back to being the best version yourself soon.

    <3

  29. #959
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    @eversonpoe - Do you have disability accommodations set up at your workplace? It sounds like it is a frequent enough issue that it is worth looking at. Tolerance for absence can be an accommodation for some folks.
    i stupidly never signed up for disability insurance (i have the paperwork sitting in my apartment somewhere) and i don't know if i can at this point and have my absence be covered.

    i spoke to my boss about 30 minutes ago and he said he's going to look into medical leave and some other options as he's not familiar with these procedures.

  30. #960
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    Accommodations don't have anything to do with insurance, though. They just provide you with a way to adjust your job while you have a disability.

    Next time you see a healthcare professional (preferably a Dr., and not a therapist), explain to them what has been happening and tell them you are nervous about your employment, even if it is not to that point yet. Ask if your diagnosis and symptoms would be eligible for workplace accommodations and if so, have them write a letter to your HR department requesting them. For mental health stuff, things that are often offered are alternate work schedules, tolerance for absence, modified breaks, etc.

    To get accommodations, the biggest pieces of information needed are typically:

    - Your diagnosis
    - When the diagnosis was made
    - Whether the diagnosis is thought to be ongoing or temporary
    - How that diagnosis will present functional limitations in the workplace
    - Recommended accommodations


    Within disability scholar circles, there is no agreed upon answer as to when/if a person should disclose and it is a personal choice for everyone. But one thing that is almost universally agreed upon is that unless you have an unusually close relationship with your supervisor, you should only disclose to HR, and not anyone outside of that capacity. Sounds like your job is being good about it right now, but it might be worth looking into for the future, just in case.

    I hope you get to feeling better. <3

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