Originally Posted by
Hazekiah
I've been dealing with relationship issues regarding my (ex-?) girlfriend, which ALL stem ENTIRELY from this girl's diagnosed-but-untreated SEVERE Borderline Personality Disorder...and, frankly, I'm having a pretty rough go of it.
I've already saved her life a couple times and been MASSIVELY put-upon to deal with and help her through all this while simultaneously being trampled underfoot (and been beaten violently, stabbed at, cheated on, lied about, threatened with arrests, etc. as a show of her gratitude, w00t) but when she's stable and balanced she's a truly wonderful person, who I'm deeply in love with and deeply concerned for right now.
Her mom was reasonably supportive at first (we had a lot of time to bond over real-talk while we waited three days to see if her daughter would come out of her self-induced coma the first time I saved her life) and she even got me an entry-level WTF-is-BPD? kind of book to help me get my bearings, but then her daughter started "black-sheeping" me with her lies and, predictably, the Momma Bear instincts took over instead of logic, so that's no good now. It's pretty amazing how expertly these people can manipulate even the people most aware of their condition and its attendant issues with manipulation. Horrifying and depressing, of course...but nonetheless amazing. Such as it is.
Anyway, now that I'm pretty much on my own as far as knowing what's ACTUALLY going on with her, I've taken it upon myself to do a TON of research online and I've ordered about $100 of books about BPD from Amazon & eBay, which I'm currently working through. I'd like VERY MUCH to at least clear my name with the family and ESPECIALLY to see her FINALLY enter treatment of some sort before she kills herself one way or another, so I've been taking notes and transcribing her texts and just documenting the general progression of her illness so I can send it to her folks at some point in hopes of making my case definitively. They already know it's bad but having fallen prey to her distortions they just have NO IDEA how bad it really is now. So I'm aiming to give them a better and more accurate rundown of what's truly going on. Her stepdad-to-be also happens to be the head of the Psych. Dept. at a local college so I'm hoping he'll recognize what's happening and can finally take charge from there.
I love this girl and I've been trying desperately to build a life with her but in the end I mostly just want her to get into treatment so she can finally be happy and healthy, even if I have to help make it happen from a distance that's painful to me. If she'd finally confess to her family, friends, and coworkers about her VICIOUSLY LYING about me to gain sympathy from them along the way then that'd be GREAT too, of course. It really sucks that they're ALL treating me like shit and THINKING they're doing the right the whole time. That whole BPD-sufferer-lies-to-support-group-about-truth-teller-to-turn-social-circle-against-truth-teller-and-transform-support-group-into-enablers phenomenon is some pretty DEVIOUS shit, and having fallen prey to it, it honestly feels like PURE FUCKING EVIL sometimes.
But I've been trying to keep an open mind.
There's a lot of material out there coming from the wounded perspective of FUCK-THAT-EVIL-BITCH-GET-OUT-NOW (and I get that, omfg, I REALLY get that) but reading up on the 1st Person POV testimonials and confessions from BPD survivors, I also know that these are honestly good, thoughtful people who hate and regret the abhorrent and hurtful things their condition has made them do, especially to their loved ones. I've often wondered just wtf this bright, beautiful, beaming and talented young lady could POSSIBLY want to kill herself for, but now that I'm wise to her tricks and FULLY aware of all the awful things she does at her worst to the people who care about her the most...I kind of get the suicidal self-loathing part of it now. Shit like that CAN'T be easy to face up to when she cycles back down to relative sanity. I don't even know how the fuck she sleeps at night sometimes. But I guess that's just partly how it works in that twisted, deluded mindset.
So. Welcome to the last TWO YEARS of MY life in hell, lol.
Ugh.
Back to the point, I was just scouring the internet for help in all my other open tabs when I saw this thread at the top of General Chat and thought I'd give ets a shot, too.
If anyone here has some personal experience, advice, or suggested reading or anything like that I'd fucking LOVE to hear about it. As bad as she can be we are absolutely MAGICAL together when things are good.
And even if it's just hopeless and we can never really be together, this poor girl's LIFE is still on the line here.
I'm all ears.
:-\