The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[Halo Infinity]

I just can't seem to control myself whenever I'm angry or sad. It reminds me why I'm often at my best when I'm just calm and/or happy. It also turns out that I find anger and sadness hard to express in real life because I'm horrified and ashamed at expressing those emotions due to my lack of self-control and fear of conflict while looking and being very bad. I didn't claim to be among the nicest people in the world, and I certainly try my best to be kind, but when I'm angry, it's as if I have no conscience or moral compass whatsoever, which can also apply in thoughts, emotions and words. There were so many times where I'd just conceal and repress anger and sadness, and only expressed those emotions when I couldn't take them anymore, which often made me explode. It just leaves me unstable and a wreck.

I've only done it a lot more on the Internet because it's just a lot more convenient and safe that way, but it still goes to show that I need to get some sense of tranquility and self-control whenever I get angry and/or sad. (And besides, even that's also caused me some forms of regret, shame and grief before, so in the long run, it still isn't worth it.)

I also didn't know where to put this, and this seemed to be the right thread for it. It also made me further realize why I have a tendency to become a recluse and "too quiet at certain times" to start with. It's also a reminder as to just how important virtues such as self-control and patience actually are. Oh, and as for the sadness part, it's just mostly embarrassing for me.

[Frozen Beach]

I swear, my depression is getting worse. It's not an often occurrence anymore like it has been in the past, but when it happens, it's like every fucking ounce of positive energy is sucked out of me, and all I'm left with is an overwhelming amount of negativity I feel like I've been hoarding throughout my life that just never seems to escape me no matter what I do. I'm only 23, and I'm about to turn 24 in September. It terrifies me that moments like this will most likely happen throughout my life. Maybe I should be on some form of medication, but it worries so much that it will make me feel like such a different person. I get that it would help me on my bad days, but what about my good days? I'm probably worrying over nothing. If I could get my life in some form of order, I probably wouldn't mind these moments as much.

[Baphomette]

I knew the sex drive was gonna be diminished but this is ridiculous. I'd rather wash my dishes. And I NEVER wash my dishes.

[sentient02970]

I'm being accused, again, of being passive-aggressive. At first, I take this with a slice of offense and turn right around and consider the source as also being very passive-aggressive. But having spent some sleepless hours considering it, maybe I am very much this way and don't even know or choose to ignore it. That worries me. I consider myself someone very aware of his behavior and how it affects others. I may be way off the mark. This is something I feel a clear need to work on as I am seriously wondering if I'm also generally an asshole and don't even know it.

[Camille]

Interesting thread, it's good that people are here talking about mental health issues, and some of you are brave to be doing so.

I was diagnosed with manic depression (as it was called then) when I was 19, I spent 3 months in a psych ward and was given lithium to help control it. I'm 43 now and still need to take medication every day. I have had 4 long stays in hospital over the years, mainly due to severe depression.
Two years ago I took an overdose of my meds and was out for three days before doctors woke me. The doctors told me I was very lucky to be alive... not that I felt lucky at the time. Since then I have been quite stable, having found a helpful level of meds and talking therapy to get me by. Thoughts of dying are still with me, and possibly always will be, but I feel I can control those feelings better than I ever did.
I have a good level of professional and personal support and things seem to be ticking over nicely right now.

My advice to anyone feeling depressed or suicidal? Ask for help, don't be afraid, I cannot stress how important that is.

[Charmingly Miserable]

I have a good level of professional and personal support and things seem to be ticking over nicely right now.

My advice to anyone feeling depressed or suicidal? Ask for help, don't be afraid, I cannot stress how important that is.

I think having a good support circle is crucial. Good for you.

I had the worst night last night. I had hit a low point and I needed help. I've been feeling very depressed lately and it was just very overwhelming. I spent hours last night crying in my room. I'm not suicidal but I don't feel safe alone. I just can't handle the loneliness and I don't have a big support circle. I couldn't get a hold of my therapist and there was no way that I was gonna check myself into a hospital. In fact, there really is no mental facility where I live. The feeling of loneliness is constantly consuming me. I can't stand seeing people have lives, whether it is a facade or not. I just graduated from university and have this overwhelming fear that I won't be able to get a job (I'm trying to switch careers). I hate feeling this way but I feel absolutely helpless and hopeless. I'm acutely crying right now. Sorry.

[Kid Charlemagne]

Four years ago on August 1st, I tried to take my own life. I had downed a month's worth of sleeping pills and hoped for the worst. I was in a bad place in 2010. My mom was having multiple surgeries, I almost flunked out of college, I didn't get a promotion at work that was promised, my drinking and drug use was out of hand, the only girl I had ever loved to this point had walked out on me...and the night before my car died on me. It was dark, tragic, and I hadn't told anyone about the multitude of problems I faced. While I still have some problems, I feel that for the most part I have conquered my "demons" from the past that led me down that road, but mostly how to deal with everything. I still get down, and sometimes I drink way too much, but I don't feel nearly as bad as I did that day, and haven't thought about going down that road again.

In short, some of you know this story, some of you don't, but a lot of you on here have been my friends for some time and I feel helped me get through a portion through it. You guys and girls know who you are, and I'm forever grateful. And I'm glad I'm still here to make memories with you guys and hope to do so in the future.

[Space Suicide]

In short, some of you know this story, some of you don't, but a lot of you on here have been my friends for some time and I feel helped me get through a portion through it. You guys and girls know who you are, and I'm forever grateful. And I'm glad I'm still here to make memories with you guys and hope to do so in the future.

Don't know you incredibly well but I feel off the computer you and me would probably get along just fine. I'm glad you're in a better place now. Hardships are never easy.

[Kid Charlemagne]

Don't know you incredibly well but I feel off the computer you and me would probably get along just fine. I'm glad you're in a better place now. Hardships are never easy.

That means a lot. You and I used to be indifferent towards each other, but I feel we've connected on here (ESPECIALLY the Wrestling thread), so I'm grateful for that. I won't lie and say that this whole ordeal hasn't been easy, but it's nice to feel in control of my life, something I no longer take for granted.

[Space Suicide]

That means a lot. You and I used to be indifferent towards each other, but I feel we've connected on here (ESPECIALLY the Wrestling thread), so I'm grateful for that. I won't lie and say that this whole ordeal hasn't been easy, but it's nice to feel in control of my life, something I no longer take for granted.

Oh yes, I remember. But scummy water under the bridge.

I'm not going to preach but each person's difficulties are harder to cope with. It's good you're in control and have finally adjusted to move forward. Bad times don't last forever! Last week I got in a car accident, I've been unemployed since my College Graduation (Class of 2013) and my father is a drunk so yeah, I know the feeling helpless and wits end tirades all too well. :/

[zah]

I've been diagnosed with the classic depression-anxiety combo. Something shitty happens and bam, I'm out for months, although when my mum died it was over a year. I've been going to therapy for years though, and taking sertraline (Lustral/Zoloft) which helps. Kills my sex drive, but it used to be so high it was a source of distress anyway.

I also recently went through an episode of psychosis that lasted about 3 months, due to binging on psychedelics and becoming deficient in vitamin B12. That was terrifying and horrible and the closest I've come to ending my life (and that of others) and I never ever want to go through that again no sir thankyou ok bye.

I'm also at the tail end of opiate withdrawal, so I feel kinda pleased with myself for getting through it. Now to develop productive hobbies or even, god forbid, get a job!

Keep thinking on-and-off that I have some degree of aspergers, but it's probably because I lack identity and need an explanation for what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me-anyway.

[icecream]

Don't know what to do with life. I'm so sick of school at this point and I hate both my jobs. Part of me wants to just stay in town and start a band again. Other half wants to go to the States and stay with some family and sort my shit out. My anxiety is coming back worse after I controlled it a bit with some therapy. It's probably time to go back. I have been scared of death for about a year now once I finally realized it happens to everyone. That's kind of triggered my problems to come back.

[Halo Infinity]

Outside of my issues with anger, hate, fear and depression concerning ADHD, AvPD and SAD, it turns out that I seem to have an "All-or-Nothing" personality for several things or most things. I could understand and see how and why that would be limiting, boring or even extreme for some people. And it really is true that I often find myself to be either completely interested or bored with most things. It's as if I'm either utterly in a state of being devoted or dedicated to being passive or apathetic. This isn't to say that there are some things that I'm just average, fine or okay with though.

I could also see why this could also be extremely counterproductive or even destructive, especially when it comes to "Doing it well or not doing it at all" or "Only making a move when I'm 100% sure about something." which is why I'm still working on it. And then there's also "people-pleasing", which I've often mistaken for being a good person. I'm sure it's partially due to my low self-esteem and self-worth from time to time, along with the fact that I still have a hard time forgiving myself. Anyway, I'm just taking it one step/day at time. I need to keep remembering that.

By the way, for anybody that's interested, these seem to be very legit, informative and supportive sites regarding mental health. I have a feeling that I might've posted some of these before, but there were some other ones that I also might've missed/forgotten if I did.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/ - The home page.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/ - The forum.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/ - The home page.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/forums.html - The forum

http://www.addforums.com/

http://www.psychforums.com/

http://psychcentral.com/ - The home page.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/ - The forum

-Edit-

I was just watching some videos from The Amazing Atheist again, and I happened to find this video of his concerning his social anxiety. He pretty much got me down to a T. It would be like a peek into how I think when it comes to dealing with conflict and judgement.

[theburningreptile]

It is nice to read this thread to know I am not alone. I believe I posted in this thread once before, but I think i'll go into more detail this time about what I have and why. Since I can't talk to my family about it because they will get on the defensive. I need to vent. You all have my support by the way. I know how hard it is to have disorders.


Anyway, I have

Borderline Personality Disorder
Schizaoaffective Disorder
Asperger Syndyome
PTSD
Mind form of Tourette syndrome
ADHD and
Anhedonia


Yes, I'm not making this up. I have been diagnosed with all these things.


Alright, it all started when I was about 5, moved to Calfiornia with my Mom, Step-dad and Brother. Long story short my Step-dad was abusive. I was abused for 5 years emotionally and sexually. It has dwarfed my ability to be emotional and when I do become emotional I don't know how to handle it. I had felt nothing for a long time, not suicidal just detached from everything, when I did, I felt like my evil side was battling my good side intensely. My thinking has become shattered also, I jump around from subject to subject and it doesn't mirror what I talked about before. Anyway, my disorders over the years had gotten worse and school was unbearable, I hated socially interacting with people, hated looking them in the eyes. Not because I hated them but because I felt uncomfortable and unworthy. I didn't even graduate high school. I have plans to get my GED, but for the longest time I couldn't really function like a normal person. I just got lost in my obsessions. Mostly superheros and music. Music and superheros have been a big part of me not going insane. Also the help from my doctors over the years. I'm getting better about being social and looking people in the eye when I talk to them. It takes time though. What I'm trying to say is I think you can do it. I'm here for all of ya.

Alright, I'm done rambling. I hope I made a bit of sense.

[elevenism]

i am not having much luck with the antidepressant i'm using.
i have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist (i was getting my mental health meds from my family dr,) and i wonder, are any of you having luck with any of the newer SSRIs?

[Baphomette]

Here's the thing about antidepressants... They will not work if you're using other non-psychiatric drugs.
You could go through every single one of them but as long as you're still using recreationally, they're not gonna help. Period.

i am not having much luck with the antidepressant i'm using.
i have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist (i was getting my mental health meds from my family dr,) and i wonder, are any of you having luck with any of the newer SSRIs?

[Charmingly Miserable]

@elevenism @Kris and anyone else: Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? That shit works. It saved my life and my whole outlook on things.

[elevenism]

Here's the thing about antidepressants... They will not work if you're using other non-psychiatric drugs.
You could go through every single one of them but as long as you're still using recreationally, they're not gonna help. Period.

well, you know what i am prescribed. i guess xanax IS psychiatric.
But will my pain medicine really keep an SSRI from working?
I used to take escitalopram/lexapro along with suboxone, and it SEEMED to work...

why would opiates affect a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor? serotonin doesn't have anything to do with opiate receptors that i know of.

or does it have to do with consistency of dosing? see, my mom is on fentanyl and klonipin, and she says she can tell when she does and doesn't take her lexapro.

i guess i could see the antidepressants not "working" because of the mood swings due to changes in endorphins.
but i have someone holding my meds these days so i don't overtake them.
@Miss Baphomette , do you think that opiod analgesics taken PROPERLY would cancel the effects of a serotonin or serotonin/norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor?

please elaborate because, as far as brain chemistry goes, i don't understand...unless you are saying that serotonin/norepinephrine/dopamine regulation can be overshadowed by endorphin irregularities...

and @Charmingly Miserable , no i haven't. I've had a bit of luck with Dr. Albert Ellis's rational emotive therapy...i have a workbook for it. It is great for self esteem and self actualization especially.
My extent of experience with cognitive therapy is from some group therapy at rehabs and looney bin visits. Is it something i can do myself with a book, or must i have a therapist?

[Halo Infinity]

@elevenism @Kris and anyone else: Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? That shit works. It saved my life and my whole outlook on things.

Oh no, I actually haven't, but I've certainly heard about it before.

[Dra508]

s. Is it something i can do myself with a book, or must i have a therapist?

You don't have a therapist or someone you are doing CBT with? Sorry, I'm confused.

[elevenism]

You don't have a therapist or someone you are doing CBT with? Sorry, I'm confused.

no, @Charmingly Miserable mentioned CBT.
I currently don't have any therapist at all. I have been just taking meds for years, no talk therapy.
i know i would probably benefit from talk therapy, but i had two bad experiences and i am kind of scared of therapists now.

one of them told her niece, (with whom i went to high school,) "all about me." She thought that her niece should date me and spilled all kinds of stuff i had told her in confidence.

The next one (i was seventeen) was a goddamned pedophile i guess...at the time i thought he was just gay and thought i was gay too..but i was fucking SEVENTEEN.
Anyway he always wanted a hug, and the hugs got longer and longer, and then one day he touched me, you know, inappropriately. And what was worse than the one-time touching were things that he said often during the sessions, things that i won't repeat here, when i tried to make sense of my sexuality and sex hang ups and such with him...ughhhh it was fucked up. I should have sued him.
I haven't had a therapist since.

[Charmingly Miserable]

@elevenism @Kris @Dra508 I did CBT at my 3 month stint in an outpatient facility 3+ years ago. If you can't find a therapist/facility that does CBT, read The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns. I don't do self help books at all, but that book was my bible for a while. Seriously, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and that book saved my life.

[Dra508]

no, @Charmingly Miserable mentioned CBT.
I currently don't have any therapist at all. I have been just taking meds for years, no talk therapy.
i know i would probably benefit from talk therapy, but i had two bad experiences and i am kind of scared of therapists now.

.
I haven't had a therapist since.

I'm so sorry you had bad experiences twice. That sucks. Color me naive, but all that you talk about here, the self medicating you do along with docs that give psych meds with no therapy just seems a recipe for destruction . How are you ever going to improve you life if you base it solely on what chemicals you out in your body? Even then, it's a constant practice as you posted as to what or what dose as well as interactions. Yes, I know balancing brain function is very important and necessary for lots of people, but I believe (again maybe naively) that we humans often need support and assistance sometimes to be more self aware of our behaviors, figure out maybe why we do what we do and better ways to deal when how we are in situations that are destructive, counter productive or hurtful.

[ophelia_]

... Wait, how can you even get anti-depressants if they haven't been prescribed to you by a therapist?

Or is Australia just different in that regard?

[elevenism]

@Dra508 , you are absolutely right i'm afraid.

It's probably time for me to get over that shit...it happened in high school after all.
And i think i'm about ready to take the plunge. Thanks for your post, because, due to what you said as an objective observer, i will probably do it sooner than later.
@ophelia_ , idk how it is in Australia, but here any doctor can prescribe psych meds.
furthermore, we have psychiatrists and psychologists. as far as i can tell, psychiatry is a cross discipline of regular medicine. In texas, these are the guys who set up what basically amount to medication clinics. A social worker interviews you, the psychiatrist talks with you a little more and then prescribes meds.

A psychologist, on the other hand, has a doctorate in psychology and can not usually prescribe meds. These are the top-notch guys for talk therapy, but they are usually pretty damned expensive to see.
@Charmingly Miserable , i looked up Burns and it appears that his work built upon the work of my beloved Albert Ellis, so i am definitely going to have to check that book out.

This is definitely a good thread, y'all. (yes, i really say y'all...i'm from texas after all. )

edit: full disclosure, i did do SOME talk therapy a few months ago, but it was 100 percent focused on my relationship...and i got scared of telling the therapist all my shit, so i stopped. My wife still goes.
I have insurance now though, so i'm gonna find someone with whom i am comfortable.

[elevenism]

sorry for double post and off topic but hey, @ophelia_ , for some reason the tiny town of 2000 where i live, Stratford TX, has a sister city called Streaky Bay, Australia. It's on the Eyre Peninsula in the south. have you ever heard of it?

for some reason they sent us a plaque commemorating our sisterhood.

OK, back on topic.

I suggest everyone having mental health issues check out Rational Emotive Therapy, the brainchild of dr. albert ellis.
It focuses quite a bit on the principal that if A. is the stimulus and C. is the emotion or reaction, B. is what we say to ourselves in between.
If we can change that self talk, we can effectively change our feelings.

Is this anything like CBT?

[Sarah K]

@ophelia_ Basically any doctor, nurse practitioner, PA, etc can prescribe anti-depressants here. They hand them out like fucking candy. For the smallest thing...

Most psychologists cannot prescribe medications. They can in a few states, though. And a few years ago, there was actually a push for it. It failed in most areas, though(thank goodness).

MOST regular doctors, while handing out anxiety and anti-depressants like candy, will not prescribe the more serious psychotropic medications, and you generally must see a psychiatrist for that. Getting in to see a psychiatrist is a HUGE pain in the ass. It takes forever.

[elevenism]

Getting in to see a psychiatrist is a HUGE pain in the ass. It takes forever.

yeah i can attest to that.
my psych appointment is in september and i have been waiting since june.

[allegro]

[MENTION=4413]Getting in to see a psychiatrist is a HUGE pain in the ass. It takes forever.

It's that way for most specialized physicians. I had to wait three months for an initial appointment with my neurologist, and my mom had to wait that long before she got an appointment with her pulmonary specialist.

[allegro]

But will my pain medicine really keep an SSRI from working?

why would opiates affect a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor? serotonin doesn't have anything to do with opiate receptors that i know of.

maybe she's talking about seratonin syndrome? http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n/con-20028946

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...?dopt=Abstract

Also, I believe antidepressants take some time to take effect and often require a dosage increase, depending on which one you're taking. Family physicians aren't usually very knowledgable about this stuff, and don't know enough about them to monitor them properly. Your new psychiatrist will be much more qualified to help you in that regard.