The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[playwithfire]

My OCD has changed and shifted a lot over the years I've had it. Like, I used to have way more of a problem with intrusive thoughts (Here's a great article that deals with stuff like that, by the way. And I've never kissed a floor, thanks. That'd be a compulsion.) and these days it's more around stuff like contamination.

I really wish I could remember how I did simple tasks like... 6 years ago or whatever. Like, as an example, how did I used to wash my hands? I know it's not the way I do now. I wish I could remember how things were back when they were so easy.

[Halo Infinity]

I'm sure I'm able to say this now, because I'm currently in a calm state of mind as I type this, but I really should stop underestimating the power of words, thoughts, and emotions, nor should I take them for granted among many other aspects of my life. I still can't believe what I've said, thought, felt, and did whenever I was severely depressed and angry, or whenever I thought I was being funny when I really wasn't. I've been guilty for saying and doing things without gravely thinking them through for a very long time, which has often lead to pursue or engage myself into regrettable and irreversible actions and consequences.

I'm also very wary of any advice that suggests that I should stop taking myself seriously. Not taking myself seriously, or life seriously is what caused me to get stuck in a rut to start with, even if some, or even if a lot of them were just mental and emotional. This doesn't mean that I chose to be bored, bitter, and miserable either, but I just sometimes need to really re-evaluate my life as I've frequently lost focus on whatever my purpose might or could be. I'm still trying to figure that out, in spite of how meaningless, harsh, indifferent, and random some parts of life can actually be.

-I also mentioned the part about me not meaning that I'd choose to be bored, bitter, and miserable because I've sometimes given off the impression that I'm void of any concept of fun, joy, and humor even when I wasn't angry, upset or rife with an atrocious attitude.-

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

so, with that in mind, i just did some research online and ordered this:
http://www.amazon.com/Lightphoria-00...+Disorder+lamp

So, did it help any? Waking up in the morning just gets harder and harder as the temperature drops and the sun rises so late — makes me wonder if blasting my eyeballs with LEDs would make a difference.

I know blasting my eyeballs with sunlight on a tropical island sure wouldn't hurt. Waaaah!

[Pillfred]

Yep burnt myself out again. I'm getting a handle on my bullshit though so I think I can make some headway this time. I'm beginning to recognize it though. I guess as I've said before I'm getting better at seeing these sorts of things and trimming it back each time. Idk maybe I'm finally growing up but I think it's more than that in a way. Perhaps just better at recognizing it. That said I don't think I'll ever get it nailed down, but perhaps better at communicating it to others if only to ease my own mind. As erratic as it may try and be. It's a hard thing for me though as I think most people don't really have a clue themselves and though I may be irresponsible and erratic at times and the fact I tend to go with it is no worse than trying to fit with the status quo. That said I need to keep on top of shit.

[bgalbraith]

This is the first time I've logged on here (other than the rare tapatalk checkin) in several weeks, in large part due to stress and anxiety fueled depression. It's always strange to go from being involved with something on a daily basis to almost actively avoiding it for some inexplicable reason. Hopefully I'm on the upswing.

[frankie teardrop]

So, did it help any? Waking up in the morning just gets harder and harder as the temperature drops and the sun rises so late — makes me wonder if blasting my eyeballs with LEDs would make a difference.

I know blasting my eyeballs with sunlight on a tropical island sure wouldn't hurt. Waaaah!

so far, so good. i've noticed a definite change on a regular day. i have insomnia issues already (tied into my depression issues- i stay up too late overthinking/being overproductive/etc.). the light doesn't do much when i'm really sleep deprived (if anything, it gives me a headache), but otherwise i'm definitely feeling the results.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

so far, so good. i've noticed a definite change on a regular day. i have insomnia issues already (tied into my depression issues- i stay up too late overthinking/being overproductive/etc.). the light doesn't do much when i'm really sleep deprived (if anything, it gives me a headache), but otherwise i'm definitely feeling the results.

Awesome — now I have something for my Xmas wish list.

[Halo Infinity]

I knew I'd come crawling back here again, but on a positive note, sometimes crying actually relieves stress. I was undergoing some self-loathing, shame, guilt, regret, and suicidal ideation, and just cried in my bedroom. I let it all out, and I ended up feeling a lot better. It reminds me why doing the opposite of bottling up my emotions is actually relieving. Sometimes crying does help, and I really am more sensitive than I think I am, so it certainly reminds me to keep my ego in check more and more.

My bad for any irate or miserable posts again, including this one, but well, this still is one of those acceptable places on the Internet to post such things, so I thought I'd give it a go. I feel cheered up and motivated in a way, despite how paradoxical it looks on paper.

[Halo Infinity]

I don't remember being diagnosed with AvPD, but a lot of it describes me down to a T, especially whenever I feel vulnerable, terrified, and/or depressed. (And then to also see that I have that combined with ADHD... it's no wonder why I think and feel the way I do.) I came across it because I was looking for advice on what to do when I have a hard time relating to others. That's also another reason why I've ended up alone even when I tried to make friends in real life. Relating to others is sometimes very hard, especially when you have almost nothing, or just nothing in common.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidan...ality_disorder

[playwithfire]

Ugh.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣

(This is unrelated to the post above me. I'm just having a hard time.)

[miss k bee]

Actually didn't cry today despite worrying news, which is sort of good as I have been low and weepy since Sunday. Definitely have to sort some CBT next year.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

Got the Lightphoria lamp I asked for. Dunno if it can do anything about a Prozac-induced sleep phase disorder, but hopefully I’ll get some kind of benefit from it.

Also finally found something about antidepressants and sleep that fits in with my experience:

Tricyclic and some other classes of antidepressants as well as antipsychotics have long been used for the treatment of insomnia, whereas selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) generally disrupt sleep early in a course of treatment. This effect of SSRIs on alertness can be offset by sedative antidepressants such as trazodone, probably because they block 5-HT2 receptors which are being overstimulated by an increase in 5-HT (Kaynak et al, 2004). Other 5-HT2 antagonist antidepressants such as nefazodone (Hicks et al, 2002) and mirtazapine (Winokur et al, 2003) have been shown to reduce insomnia in depression, especially early in treatment. There are no controlled studies of the hypnotic efficacy of low-dose amitriptyline but despite this it is fairly common in primary care practice to use 10 or 25 mg amitriptyline to promote sleep. At this dose amitriptyline is probably acting mostly as a histamine H1 receptor antagonist, although a degree of 5-HT2 and cholinergic muscarinic antagonism may also contribute.

The stuff about tricyclics and SSRIs sounds spot on. (Too bad tricyclics make my primary condition worse, not to mention the well known side effects.)

Mirtazapine helped for a few weeks but petered out, and the weight I gained never really went away. But trazodone is new to me, so that’s something to look into.

[Halo Infinity]

As paradoxical and ironic as this sounds, learning to be okay with being insecure has helped me in some ways. I've figured it helped calm me down and clear my mind, since it's a method for me to be honest with myself. In the back of mind, whether I like it or not, I know I'll always have to do my best, even when I'm not always excited or happy, but at the same time, I'm realizing that the desires and wishes to always be the best of the best has often gotten me nowhere. This doesn't mean that I should stop trying either, or stop doing my best, but perhaps it really was like a subtle trap that made me subject to being too hard on myself and a perfectionist.

I should also still work on not being ashamed when it comes to asking for help when it comes to all aspects of life when and where it's needed. For a long time, I've associated the need for help with shame, burden, and pity, and I see more and more as to how and why I should snap out of that mentality. The only thing I can say about it overall as of now is that I wish it didn't take me this long to finally realize and accept this reality. Hopefully things aren't as bad as they think they are. Aside from my emotions, I also need to control my imagination. It runs a lot wilder than it should from time to time.

[somethingelse]

Has anyone had experience with SSRI's and quetiapine? I'm on 250 and 150 a day (plus 25 tabs when needed), respectively. It started well with my anxiety being lowered quite a bit. After a few months though I feel like my anxiety is rising, and my sleep is being disturbed by dreams of the past. All leave me feeling lost and confused and questioning my sanity when I wake and I've begun talking in my sleep, sometimes yelling out and kicking my legs. When I do have an anxiety attack now it feels so much worse than when I was not medicated and enduring. My self planned exposure therapy has been one giant flop. NIN concerts are coming up and right now, I don't feel like I'm going to make it. My partner has suggested staying in a psych hospital for a while, but the thought of leaving my safety zone for nothing is quite upsetting. I feel like a complete burden, and now slightly paranoid that her patience is beginning to run paper thin and maybe she wants me to leave, but doesn't know how to tell me. Which is understandable. I mean, it just keeps going and going and going. AvPD + Agoraphobia is not fun to deal with. Once my psych returns from holiday I'll be making weekly appointments and looking at going to a group circle jerk therapy session. They are expensive ($300) sessions, almost impossible to sustain with no private health coverage. My psych gave me a list of free mental health groups, but their range is quite broad and possibly not specific enough for me. Has anyone had experience with group therapy? In my mind it seems like a great idea, and a way to get me interacting with people again.

[playwithfire]

Does anyone else dislike being asked what you're doing about your issues? Whether or not you're doing anything, does it bug you?

[marodi]

Does anyone else dislike being asked what you're doing about your issues? Whether or not you're doing anything, does it bug you?

YES.

It's nobody's business but our own. If we want to speak about it, we will.

[Halo Infinity]

It's even worse when you're told, or suggested/recommended unsolicited advice as to what you should/could/would be doing when you didn't bring it up to start with. I've also been there before, and that approach has never really helped me either.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

The people around me are smarter than that. Either they keep it to themselves, or else they know I’m always working on it.

[Halo Infinity]

I've caught myself wanting and hoping to be liked and approved by everybody as I've always had a struggle with people-pleasing which is often, if not always very irrational, impractical, and unrealistic. It has made me pretend to agree with people or pretend to be nice when I had no real reason to be nice or agree with them. It has even caused me to isolate myself. I know I should get over this, as I've mistakenly thought that I was over it, and I sometimes wish I didn't have such a thin skin as I also have a tendency to take things very personally. People pleasing is and has to be very dangerous, and I should stop underestimating just how damaging that is. I really should also work on saying no more often without any qualms or hindrances in my conscience, as I'd be saying yes for the good of my own well-being.

I also understand that doesn't mean I have to be belligerent and inconsiderate either, as I'd need to find a balanced way to adapt and function with others socially to get by, but bending over backwards out of fear, insecurity, and depression isn't helping me. Perhaps I just need some more time alone to figure things out.

[miss k bee]

Good article in the observer on anxiety from the editor of Atlantic

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2...nxiety-extract

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

How did toast become the latest artisanal food craze? (Trust me. It’s not really about toast.)

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

(Trust me. It’s not really about toast.)

No one believes me?

[theburningreptile]

I've been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, Asperger Syndrome and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But, I've learned to deal with most of it. The medications help alot obviously. I'm here to learn though and help out if needed. Something that helps me drown everything out though is music when it gets bad, I mean.

[somethingelse]

Seroquel didn't work. On to Beta blockers, a stronger benzo and 300mg SSRI's. Fukitol.

[somethingelse]

Social anxiety - 999,999
Me - 12
I had my first haircut in 12 years. At an actual hairdressers.
NIN here I come fuck ya.

[tony.parente]

How do you talk to a friend with an eating disorder? How can you be there for them without enabling? I have a really good friend who has recently relapsed and has resorted to eating less than 100 calories a day for the last 2 weeks. She plans on doing it for another 2 and then full on fasting for a full week. I'm extremely worried about her and I don't know how to approach this and it's ripping me up inside.

[aggroculture]

My OCD has been creeping back lately...not happy about this at all. I guess it's been a stressful year. And so here we are again doubting I've locked a door seconds after checking it, and going back and checking it...repeat ad nauseam.
Funny I remember when my brother was doing weird stuff, touching door handles, when we were kids. I think he got it from our mom.

[Sarah K]

Ah, this thread.

I've been having a difficult time the past month or so.

About 5 years ago, I got sober. I don't even remember what I was at the doctor's office for, but I started crying about something. So then they were like DEPRESSION! And put me on an anti-depressant(Lexapro). I didn't think that I was depressed, but whatever. I'll give it a go. The only thing this did was absolutely KILL my sex drive, and make me lose all of my emotions. I didn't give any fucks about anything.

I then went through a really fucked up situation with my ex. In an effort to not completely lose myself, I was referred to a psychiatrist/therapy. After two visits, I was diagnosed with ADD, PTSD, and anxiety. They switched me from Lexapro to a Prozac generic due to cost, and stating that it is better for general anxiety. Wanted to put me on Adderall, but I refused it at this point, due to being pretty fucking freshly sober from meth. I saw that as a slippery slope, and I was actually committed to quitting this time. I went on with just the Prozac for a couple of years, and did well.

Then, a couple of years later I was once again having a pretty difficult time - things with this boyfriend were going down the shitter. We revisit the Adderall, and I give it a go, while still continuing on with the Prozac(my boyfriend gets REAL shitty and condescending about the Adderall use, ignoring the fact that I put it off for a couple of years). This was the best that I ever felt, by far. I almost felt like how I thought normal people feel! Then, THEN!!! This fucker puts me on Topomax for the PTSD. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. This was by far the absolute worst I have ever felt in my life. Withdrawing from meth and opiates > Topomax. The only time I ever had suicidal thoughts was while taking this shit. I continually expressed concern to my doctors, and they would switch dosages, and encourage me to continue. I kept up with it for a couple of months. But it got so bad. So, so bad. I couldn't think. I would literally be talking to someone, and forget what the fuck I was saying. I was falling asleep all of the time. I was just laying in bed crying, never wanting to do anything. I came extremely, extremely close to relapsing on meth. As in, I had it purchased, and it was in my fucking hands. By some sort of crazy determination, I didn't do it. I gave up on the Topomax at that moment

Then, I lost that job. The Adderall went from $9/month with my insurance to nearly $500 a month without, so I was forced to quit "cold turkey". I was still able to continue the Prozac generic and eventually found a generic ADHD medication that was affordable(like $240/month).

When I moved to NY, I just quit everything due to no job/insurance. Worst plan ever! Now, I'm dreading having to go to a new doctor, and rehash all of this old shit. I'm dreading what diagnosis they will come up with. I'm dreading what weird medication cocktail they will give me - all while ignoring what I tell them works for me. So, instead of going through all of this, I've just been putting it off and putting it off. Sinking a little bit deeper each and every day.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

Now, I'm dreading having to go to a new doctor, and rehash all of this old shit. I'm dreading what diagnosis they will come up with. I'm dreading what weird medication cocktail they will give me - all while ignoring what I tell them works for me.

I've only had one psychiatrist … are doctors who listen to their patients such a rare thing? Mine trusts me to know what's going on inside my head. Because, you know, it's my head.

It doesn't always end well, but we learn something every time. I'm the guinea pig and the mad scientist wrapped up in one.

[Sarah K]

The only time that I personally had experience with it was when that one med was fucking my world up, and they weren't listening to me.

But I spent a little over a year working with clients who had severe mental health disorders. I was a supervisor, so I had to sit in on all of their appointments. Some of the doctors were great. Some of them were fucking awful, and didn't listen to a word we would say. Just seeing what they went through was awful - constant, CONSTANT med changes. Then upping dosages until they were zombies. Then, they weren't escalating anymore, so they would lower the dosages. Then, they WOULD escalate, and they'd get put in the hospital where they would just up the meds again.

It's a terrible, vicious cycle. I think having to watch what all of my clients went through made me feel shitty for even addressing my seemingly insignificant issues.

I just wish there was more of a science behind it. Like... "Oh, you have high blood pressure? Take this medication". Instead, mental health stuff is a constant guessing and balancing game. It can become severely destructive.