The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[burnmotherfucker!]

OK, Kratom sucks. I hate it and I wish I had never heard of it.

I actually think it has damaged my brain. Like, maybe forever. I can't remember simple things anymore, I feel like I'm less intelligent, and since I've stopped taking it, I've spent the past 20 or so days just lying in bed staring at the walls. I mean, I have my laptop so I can mess around on there, and every now and again I feel coherent enough to go to the store and buy some food, and then force myself to eat, even though everything tastes like cardboard....

God at this point just kill me. This drug should not be legal.

I don't know much about kratom, isn't it pretty much an opioid? If so, it's just going to take a while before you feel yourself again. But just keep fucking going and you'll get there. True opioid withdrawal is 30 days minimum. 7 days of physical hell followed by a month of mental hell followed by at least a year of sporadic P.A.W.S. episodes. Once you know what you're in for it is much easier to get through it.

Also, I can't stress how important exercise is if you are able. Cardio in particular is the key to feeling better. Start slow but keep going.
And allow yourself to feel bad and know that it will pass eventually. Meditation can help a ton when you're down if you know how to do that. If you don't know how, just go anywhere online and learn vipassana by watching guided meditations. Eat healthy, real, non processed foods. Do these things and you'd be surprised how much different life can feel after one year. At least, that's my 2 cents for what its worth.

[Jinsai]

Earlier I was doing push ups but where I'm at right now, that's not possible. I am fucked. Like, literally, I am not leaving my bed today, at all. I'm going to try to watch some movies, but this is soooooooo fucked today. Like I finally got some sleep, and woke up vomiting. And now I can barely move

This drug should be super illegal

I hate feeling non functional and it's been going on for a really long time. I had NO idea what I was signing up for here. And I was taking these shots that are extracts, and pretty much every day, for months, and from what I'm reading I'm in for a fucked up time

[burnmotherfucker!]

Earlier I was doing push ups but where I'm at right now, that's not possible. I am fucked. Like, literally, I am not leaving my bed today, at all. I'm going to try to watch some movies, but this is soooooooo fucked today. Like I finally got some sleep, and woke up vomiting. And now I can barely move

This drug should be super illegal

I hate feeling non functional and it's been going on for a really long time. I had NO idea what I was signing up for here. And I was taking these shots that are extracts, and pretty much every day, for months, and from what I'm reading I'm in for a fucked up time

Hey at least you are headed in the right direction. And I get it, when you're not up to it then exercise isn't always an option. I had a back injury earlier this year and couldn't do push ups for months. Maintaining is always easier than building back. But hang in there and just make yourself do something like that every day even and especially if you don't want to. Can't go running? Then go for a walk. Do that a few times and then run. Run for 1 minute. Then 2, then 3. Sweat that shit out of your system and get your body used to making it's own endorphins again. It will happen it just takes time. Don't do any of those healthy things with the expectation that it'll get better today. Do them like they are taking medicine. Then one day you'll just notice you feel good again.

Maybe it should be illegal. But if alcohol is legal then there's really no sense in prohibition for anything else. But you learned the hard way, just because something is legal doesn't mean it is safe.

[Jinsai]

well, lol, both running and walking right now are hard, because this Kratom bullshit made me pass out in a parking lot and I collapsed on my hip, so it's difficult to walk around at all. God, what fresh hell is this. Got this gigantic bruise on my left hip, my left ass buttock, it's insane, and earlier I was trying to clean up my dog's shit, and I almost passed out because bending over is crazy painful

But right now, because I've lost audio gigs because I cannot be relied upon, I guess all I gotta do is make sure I feed my doggy and fill his water bowl, and I can at least handle that... and then hopefully at some point, I'll feel able to go down to the dispensary and get some edibles that help you sleep

UPDATE: I feel like I'm losing my mind... I can't think right now, and I haven't slept in days. This Kratom shit sucks. Stay away from it.

[allegro]

@Jinsai , not to beat a dead horse, here, but why didn’t you investigate this shit before you started doing it? There are warnings about it all over the place.

Per Cleveland Clinic:

In fact, kratom can cause serious side effects, including the following:

Heart attack and abnormal heartbeat
Hallucination
Brain disease
Insomnia
Liver damage
Kidney damage
Respiratory depression
Seizures

If anything, your experience can serve as a cautionary tale.

It kind of reminds me of when people at gay bars were inhaling butyl nitrate (“poppers”) [instead of amyl nitrate], which was being sold at gas stations as air fresheners with names like “Cum” and “Jolt” and had a TON of negative side effects that nobody seemed to care about.

You likely can “heal” your brain, via sleep, meditation, eating foods that contain antioxidants and vitamins and minerals that are good for your brain, and avoiding sugar and alcohol (both bad for your brain). Think Mediterranean diet or Japanese diet. Shogun warriors “sharpened” their minds via meditation.

[Jinsai]

you're right, I should have done more researrch... back when I first heard about it, in 2017 or so I think, it was "this stuff is safe"
I didn't check up that recently, apparently, it can super fuck you up

[allegro]

I don’t know that anything that changes our mood is safe. There’s always a catch.

Even St. John’s Wort has warnings.

You’ll get through this.

Try to think of other stuff. The mind is a powerful thing. I’ve done group hypnosis. We learned how the mind can be programmed in so many ways. We can trick the mind to believe that what we’re feeling isn’t what we’re feeling. We can convince our pain receptors to redirect.

That’s how people have babies.

[allegate]

legit LOL'd at the "That's how people have babies"

I always freely associated kratom with that weird huffing stuff from Russia a few years ago - krokodil, you know? - and this led to every time I saw it being advertised for sale in a gas station I thought wtf is going on in there.

Also if you want any kind of proof that self-hypnosis is a thing, watch the end of the newest Hot Ones where David Blaine eats a carolina reaper with no tears, no sweat, no reaction at all.

[stankeybearlover]

Whelp. For my ptsd and adhd I was prescribed a particular combination of meds which worked amazing. Honestly, the period I was on them was probably the best time of my life despite nothing else being out of the ordinary. Then one day the pharmacy put me on generics which had counterproductive side effects. It basically made me just as aimless and jittery as before I got medicated, but less gloomy. "bUt ThErEs No EmPiRiCaL eViDeNcE tHe SaMe MeDs FrOm DiFfErEnT mAnUfAcTuReRs HaVe DiFfErEnT eFfEcTs" After nearly 3 years of complaining, and going to therapy for 6 months to rule out a post-lockdown mood-dip, I finally got a referral to a psychiatrist to have them confirm my experience with the medication. After just 15 minutes he claimed that I must be abusing my medication and even accusing me of selling it. So... time for a second opinion again I guess. People usually think I come across as if I'm high and/or stoned unless I have the proper medication. Isn't it ironic?

[[parasite]]

Whelp. For my ptsd and adhd I was prescribed a particular combination of meds which worked amazing. Honestly, the period I was on them was probably the best time of my life despite nothing else being out of the ordinary. Then one day the pharmacy put me on generics which had counterproductive side effects. It basically made me just as aimless and jittery as before I got medicated, but less gloomy. "bUt ThErEs No EmPiRiCaL eViDeNcE tHe SaMe MeDs FrOm DiFfErEnT mAnUfAcTuReRs HaVe DiFfErEnT eFfEcTs" After nearly 3 years of complaining, and going to therapy for 6 months to rule out a post-lockdown mood-dip, I finally got a referral to a psychiatrist to have them confirm my experience with the medication. After just 15 minutes he claimed that I must be abusing my medication and even accusing me of selling it. So... time for a second opinion again I guess. People usually think I come across as if I'm high and/or stoned unless I have the proper medication. Isn't it ironic?

yup i’ve had this exact same experience, the they changed my Lamictal (Lamotrigine) to generic, which made me feel really bad, so the GP says i must have Lamictal also with Remeron (Mirtazapine) to generic, which again made me sick. and again the GP had to step in.
but the Pharmacist insisted there was no difference between branded and generic medications


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[[parasite]]

what is ment by “when someone chooses their words carefully” is it good or bad?


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[stankeybearlover]

what is ment by “when someone chooses their words carefully” is it good or bad?

It means that they are being deliberate in the phrasing that they use for conveying their message - so as to prevent you from interpreting it in a way that is undesirable to them. Whether that's good or bad depends on their intent.

But when someone demands that you "choose your words carefully", it generally means that they expect that you are going to say something that offends them or that they have already decided that they will take whatever it is you're going to say in offense.

[[parasite]]

It means that they are being deliberate in the phrasing that they use for conveying their message - so as to prevent you from interpreting it in a way that is undesirable to them. Whether that's good or bad depends on their intent.

But when someone demands that you "choose your words carefully", it generally means that they expect that you are going to say something that offends them or that they have already decided that they will take whatever it is you're going to say in offense.

although i still don’t understand it


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[Jinsai]

just want to warn people, do not fuck with this stuff called Kratom. It is WAY more dangerous than a lot of the internet dialogue suggests. It can fuck you up. I have spent basically a month in bed with my brain just scrambled, I can't remember simple things, right now it's still hard to type, that drug can fuck you up. It should totally be illegal, but they sell it in gas stations and shit. I guess it is illegal in some states but the thing is most people haven't heard of it, and that's why it's casually sold in others, is because people don't realize what it is. It's basically an opiode and if you take it on a regular basis, watch out.

Apparently what I've been going through is equivalent to extreme heroin withrdrawl but it lasts for a much longer time. It's been like a month of this, and at this point I have spent weeks just bedridden and unable to focus.

Fuck this Kratom shit. Someone just told me that it's illegal to sell in the country that it's actually harvested

now I'm basically spending every day in bed staring at the ceiling, losing work gigs, being basically non-functioning, and having to force myself to eat, and food tastes mostly terrible, unless it's like some fancy awesome stuff like sushi or really good steak.... but otherwise when it comes to solid food food yeah, otherwise I roll with yogurt and stuff like that

[poinoup]

Any of you magnificent people have suggestions for light therapy lamps? It's definitely something I need to acquire.

[allegate]

I am way behind on my podcast listening so just the other day I heard his first episode back from this when he said something to the effect of, "yeah I was gone for awhile and I might talk about it someday" and then lo and behold this appears. It's 30 minutes but it's a smart 30 minutes. It's a marked change from Kevin Smith® to Kevin Smith.

[Swykk]

Cymbalta and I aren’t getting along at all, which sucks, especially because it was helping with pain.

But yeah, I am done with trying it, I think. Oh well.

[allegate]

You're wondering, I'm sure, what this has to do with this thread. She speaks for a minute about how the episode is about bullying and standing up for your friends and it is a strong message.

[Jinsai]

It's also by far the best episode of Community that I've seen. It was classic. I can't believe they pulled it because they didn't get a joke.

[GulDukat]

Not doing great--hanging in there. Thank God for weed.

[poinoup]

Stay strong, Gul! You got this! Have a hoot, put some cans on with some great tunes, and just hang out be groovy.

[eversonpoe]

made a huge mistake (that i didn't realize was a mistake/anything harmful) in my personal life that has my mental health in the toilet

that's on top of the attempted trans genocide happening in this country

and the fact that my gallbladder (which is coming out in two weeks) seems to be hell-bent on destroying me as a last-ditch attempt to assert control over my body (i threw up blood in the shower today!)

and the fact that i hate my job (particularly because of the commute and the fact that there's no reason for me to be in the office 90% of the time)

can i just go into a coma for a while? that sounds nice

[elevenism]

made a huge mistake (that i didn't realize was a mistake/anything harmful) in my personal life that has my mental health in the toilet

that's on top of the attempted trans genocide happening in this country

and the fact that my gallbladder (which is coming out in two weeks) seems to be hell-bent on destroying me as a last-ditch attempt to assert control over my body (i threw up blood in the shower today!)

and the fact that i hate my job (particularly because of the commute and the fact that there's no reason for me to be in the office 90% of the time)

can i just go into a coma for a while? that sounds nice

Word. I've not experienced the gallbladder issue, but my wife and mother have. I'm sorry, everson. It's rough when our bodies go south on us: it's why i spent so many years as a "Gnostic" Christian. The idea that the creator god is actually evil (or childish, at best), and that anything physical is a massive mistake, and that Yeshua was an emissary of the TRUE source, is quite attractive (Marcion, Valentinus, etc). Sadly, the vast majority of what we know of these teachings come from polemics.
But, yeah. FUCK these bodies, and fuck being trapped in them.

I'm also with you on the commute. It's been awhile, but goddamn...there were a few years wherein i spent like, 4 hours a day on DART busses and trains, for work. And it was like, FUCK. I was in sales. I could easily do it from home. (EVENTUALLY, when i left dallas, they DID let me do it, which was pretty goddamn funny).

PLUS, my exie and i spent MORE time on the bus, carrying guitars and amps and shit in those days, going to play shows and open mics and such. So i was working like 30 hours a week, and spending 35 on the bus.

That shit will drive you crazy.

[Khrz]

I've had PTSD since 2015. For someone who wasn't directly impacted, it was bad. Punch-a-passerby bad, crumble in tears out of nowhere bad, constant anguish and loathing from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I fall back into unconsciousness, and emotionally exhausted, drained at the end of the day for a couple of months, twice a year.
Calendar PTSD, centered around his birth day and death day.
In sum, I've had, for the past seven years, around nine "good" months a year.
For the rest, I was becoming increasingly despondent, impatient, violent as the dates came closer.
For someone who works in a very public environment, with vulnerable people who more than anything need someone who's positive and encouraging, you can imagine the amount of self-control I needed to summon every day, hence the absolute exhaustion at the end of every workday...

Well for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel fine. It's still there, I can feel it, and when the day ends I know I'm tired and I'm not really available emotionally. I still have short fits of rage where I get angry at stupid shit, and silly things can still hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere, but holy shit I feel like I can breathe, and laugh genuinely, I feel like getting out with friends and enjoy a beer... I feel fucking alive when I should feel like I'm dying...

You guys can't imagine the relief I feel. I couldn't see the end of it, there was nothing I could do, my psyche felt poisoned, cancerous. My mind was a fucking storm and I couldn't even tell how I felt, because there was too much noise, everything felt raw, everything was hurting and I could only retreat in myself or attack back.

Now it's only some bad weather. I can handle that. Hell, I'll embrace that.

[Jord]

I've been struggling with a myriad of mental issues lately, and I came to the idea that depression can't be cured completely. We just learn to control it. Yoga, therapy, evening walks, self-care activities, movies, new places, and emotions are great ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Same boat. Been sent into a tailspin following an unexpected breakup last month and the mental health effects have been insane.

On the good side, having nice weather here in the UK at the minute has been a pick-me-up, as well as lots of movies and music-making.

I spent most of May going out every weekend drinking, but my aim for June and beyond is to get my shit together, do lots of walking and get in a better physically and mentally ready for whatever the next phase of life brings.

[eversonpoe]

made a huge mistake (that i didn't realize was a mistake/anything harmful) in my personal life that has my mental health in the toilet

that's on top of the attempted trans genocide happening in this country

and the fact that my gallbladder (which is coming out in two weeks) seems to be hell-bent on destroying me as a last-ditch attempt to assert control over my body (i threw up blood in the shower today!)

and the fact that i hate my job (particularly because of the commute and the fact that there's no reason for me to be in the office 90% of the time)

can i just go into a coma for a while? that sounds nice

my life feels so fucking weird right now.

i've thrown up every day for two weeks, i didn't go to work at all this week because of it (nausea/dizziness and extreme pain on top of it; thanks gallbladder!)

i've spent so much time alone this week because of not going to work and i don't like being alone even under the best circumstances.

things with my personal life are still in a weird fucking limbo and it's really taking a toll on me.

but i'm still here ┐(´ー｀)┌

[GulDukat]

I've been taking Zoloft for about 1.5 weeks for anxiety and OCD. I think I'm starting to feel better, but I don't like the sexual side effects and it makes me tired.

[allegate]

little too real for me right now.

[GulDukat]

I feel very distressed about this election. I can't believe there is a very real possibility Trump could be president again. And I am so disgusted by people like Mitch McConnell who are now kissing his ring. What's happening to this country?

[richardp]

Yesterday our 17 year old cat had to be put to sleep for health reasons, then today my dog suddenly died of heart failure.

My entire world just imploded in 24 hours.