The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[allegate]

I had a doctor appointment today and decided to tell him that my memory is going. Like, there are times when I am talking or thinking and I get to a word and my brain just shuts down and I can't go any further. Usually I can think around the word I want with synonyms and antonyms - because I can see the word, I just can't say it - and I get there eventually but there are an increasing number of times when it's just a full stop.

Memory is one of the biggest things that shape who you are and it's like admitting you're weak, to borrow a phrase from fragile male egos. I mean, I didn't put it on the paperwork as a reason I was there because I didn't want his nurses to know ffs. But he's a great guy and helped with some stuff back when my wife was really sick and hurting so it was 'easy' to open up to him. Really weird to feel my body/mind telling me nooooooo while I was talking about it.

[Mantra]

I had a doctor appointment today and decided to tell him that my memory is going. Like, there are times when I am talking or thinking and I get to a word and my brain just shuts down and I can't go any further. Usually I can think around the word I want with synonyms and antonyms - because I can see the word, I just can't say it - and I get there eventually but there are an increasing number of times when it's just a full stop.

Memory is one of the biggest things that shape who you are and it's like admitting you're weak, to borrow a phrase from fragile male egos. I mean, I didn't put it on the paperwork as a reason I was there because I didn't want his nurses to know ffs. But he's a great guy and helped with some stuff back when my wife was really sick and hurting so it was 'easy' to open up to him. Really weird to feel my body/mind telling me nooooooo while I was talking about it.

Damn, sorry to hear that dude. Did he have any thoughts about what might be causing it?

[allegate]

early thought was sleep apnea so I'm going in for a sleep study. he's also referring me to a cognitive specialist, so there's that too. maybe ADD/ADHD at a low level? there are thoughts, going to check them all out.

[allegro]

early thought was sleep apnea so I'm going in for a sleep study. he's also referring me to a cognitive specialist, so there's that too. maybe ADD/ADHD at a low level? there are thoughts, going to check them all out.

Any meds you’re on that could be causing it? I have it, and one of my meds is the culprit (Topiramate for migraines).

Although, my estrogen loss is likely also causing it. A male friend of ours gets regular testosterone shots and he swears it boosts his memory and makes him feel fantastic.

Sleep apnea definitely a culprit, though.

[allegate]

wish I could say yes, the only thing I'm on consistently is Benadryl and Cetirizine.

[allegro]

wish I could say yes, the only thing I'm on consistently is Benadryl and Cetirizine.

Benedryl is one of them.

https://www.aarp.org/health/brain-he...ss.html#quest1

[allegate]

well balls. guess it's cetirizine only for me for awhile.

though I appreciate that it's got gabapentin on the list, that's one my wife is on daily for her nerve pain and she hates how forgetful she is, not to mention how dependent she is on the drug to feel 'normal'. I'll point that one out to her.

[allegro]

well balls. guess it's cetirizine only for me for awhile.

though I appreciate that it's got gabapentin on the list, that's one my wife is on daily for her nerve pain and she hates how forgetful she is, not to mention how dependent she is on the drug to feel 'normal'. I'll point that one out to her.

Here is another alarming article:

https://time.com/5414015/sleeping-pill-health-risks/

I’ve been trying to avoid Benedryl, too, yikes.

[allegate]

Here is another alarming article:

https://time.com/5414015/sleeping-pill-health-risks/

I’ve been trying to avoid Benedryl, too, yikes.

All these senior articles, I'm only 42 wtf! :P

I only take it at night for allergies the next day but I'm stopping that now; I take melatonin at the same time for sleep.

[allegro]

All these senior articles, I'm only 42 wtf! :P

I only take it at night for allergies the next day but I'm stopping that now; I take melatonin at the same time for sleep.

Well, it says “especially among older adults” because they’re the biggest demographic with sleep issues (as well as the biggest demographic taking OTC sleep meds, and the active ingredient in those OTC sleep meds - Diphenhydramine - is the same active ingredient in Benedryl).

Benedryl only lasts for 4 hours, unfortunately. I wish I could take melatonin; it causes me to have restless leg syndrome. LOL, can’t win.

I hope you feel better. I’ve been reading some books about mindfulness in an attempt to sharpen my memory. I’m kind of excited about the possibilities.

[Magnetic]

Most doctors are happy to prescribe trazodone for insomnia. It's an ancient SSRI that no one uses for depression anymore, but it's prescribed off-brand as a sleep aid. 50mg will get me 4-5 hrs of sleep. It's also generic, so it can be fairly cheap/ covered by insurance easily.

[allegate]

Well, it says “especially among older adults” because they’re the biggest demographic with sleep issues (as well as the biggest demographic taking OTC sleep meds, and the active ingredient in those OTC sleep meds - Diphenhydramine - is the same active ingredient in Benedryl).

Benedryl only lasts for 4 hours, unfortunately. I wish I could take melatonin; it causes me to have restless leg syndrome. LOL, can’t win.

I hope you feel better. I’ve been reading some books about mindfulness in an attempt to sharpen my memory. I’m kind of excited about the possibilities.

melatonin will randomly give me RLS as well, it's really weird how it happens because I can't figure out what it pairs with to make it happen.

[thelastdisciple]

@allegate I've felt like my memory has been getting worse and I'm eleven years younger than you, i haven't inquired about it with my gp though it's just something I've ruled as being related poor short-term memory. However it's interesting you mentioned the ADD/ADHD as that's definitely something that's been suspected because of my other issues. I'm wondering if there actually could be a link there, hard to say... we're all so different and brains are so fucking complicated.

[BRoswell]

I really hate dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder on top of what I already deal with year round. While this winter hasn't been too bad in terms of cold and snow, we've had less sunshine than normal. Sun lamps don't work on me, so I'm having to tough it out until spring gets here.

[Halo Infinity]

I just wanted to quickly get this out of my system for now.

Anyway, I was just thinking of the fight-or-flight response for quite a while, letting it sink in and I'm like, damn would it be so easy, so effortless to either fight or retreat every single time there was conflict, or every single time I had my feelings hurt or became aggravated. I wouldn't have to think. It would be a reflex like scratching an itch. But of course, society, civilization, laws, responsibilities/obligations, morals/ethics, consequences/punishments, etc.

Not to mention, the world would be clearly more reckless and dangerous that way, nor would it continue to be functional in any capacity, and every single way detrimental and dysfunctional instead.

Fighting and running away just seems so right sometimes, as if they're the best courses of actions available, ever. (But I know, that's mostly appealing to my emotions more than anything logical/rational.) Resort to force or retreat, easy. Working things out via thoughts and words, not so much.

This is me also realizing how draining being conflict averse can be as the years/decades go by.

However, I'm thankful things are somewhat okay for me now, but it still dawned upon me how much easier it is to fight and/or run in the face of conflict and hostility. (While obviously still sometimes being among the worst courses of action to take when it comes to problem-solving/conflict resolution.)

I think this also finally helped me realize why my temptations to fight or run have been incredibly so strong my entire life. With this awareness, I hope to overcome it all the sooner.

[zero]

I don't believe it's officially recognized as a mental health issue, but it's got a name: misophonia.

Do you get filled with anything from anxiety to rage at the sound of someone eating? Repeatedly clicking a pen? Just plain breathing heavily? I'm not talking "oh, those sounds are annoying". I mean you literally feel angry to the point of near violence at the sound of these things?

Well this is interesting. I am not the only person to experience an exaggerated response to certain sounds? Smooching and whispering are much worse than fingernails on a chalkboard to me. Just makes me want to punch a wall or something equally stupid. I spent much time / money on therapy years ago to try and come to terms with this. Not much came from that except empty wallet syndrome. So I just did my best to practice avoidance. And occasionally fix a hole in the wall. Geesh.

[allegate]

you mention chalkboards...I can't even look at them anymore because every time I see one I mentally have the fingernail sensation go through me. that and imagining the poor souls with pica and eat chalk. guh.

I spent the day yesterday being tested for cognitive function. it was grueling mentally, and I now understand the definition of the phrase "a battery of tests" because wow: it started at 8:00 and we didn't finish until 3:00. driving home in traffic was a zen moment for me because my brain was so taxed all I could really handle was the 10-15 mph slow drive.


anyway, the last test we did was called the Wisconsin Card Sorting Test. it was explained to me to match the cards appropriately and that I cannot know the rules before starting, and that was it. it was frustrating that the rules seemed to keep changing on me so I was determined to look it up and see what the rules are.

In short, in the WCST, people have to classify cards according to different criteria. There are four different ways to classify each card, and the only feedback is whether the classification is correct or not. One can classify cards according to the color of its symbols, the shape of the symbols, or the number of the shapes on each card. The classification rule changes every 10 cards, and this implies that once the participant has figured out the rule, the participant will start making one or more mistakes when the rule changes. The task measures how well people can adapt to the changing rules.

sonofabitch. the problem with that is that for the last 30-40 cards I was just putting them down with a 50% rate of thinking about it and 50% rate of 'fucking I don't know, how about here' so I don't know how assessed I am. guess I find out next week.

[Magnetic]

That WCST just sounds like a way to fuck with people.

[allegate]

that is the stated purpose, yes. by keeping the rules changing you can assess the subjects ability to handle change and stress. it's used for head injuries and other diagnoses because that's where those functions would be impaired.

no I have not had a head injury. well, recently. I have a quantity of missing time from an accident I had once. I was happily riding my bike and then suddenly I'm looking at my face in the mirror and it's tore the fuck up. I don't remember if anyone was even around to see my accident so I don't know how quickly I was picked up and taken to the house and the house was a football field's length away from the accident so I don't know how long I was out, just that it was appreciable.

I don't know what actually happened, all I know is I was on a gravel road and my face definitely showed it.

[allegate]

back from getting the results of my assessment last week. apparently I'm a genius with an absolutely appalling memory? I tested into the highest percentile for the thinking/reasoning parts and the lowest of the memory. Like, he said anything under 10% is considered bad and probably something is physically wrong with your brain and I tested 7% on one and 1% on another. Combine the results of the two assessments (thinking & memory) and he said that probably it's sleep apnea keeping my brain from resting at night and that I should get a test for that, not anything like a brain injury/development issue. yay, I guess.


Mild ADHD was also discussed with me presenting as ADHD inattentive. Which makes a ton of sense because I have issues with keeping track of long conversations pretty much everywhere.


Also that card test that I mentioned he said that the results there showed that I knew the rules because I was getting some right and then suddenly I'd just start getting some wrong without the rules changing. So to him I understood the rules as they were and then decided to just start getting them wrong and he couldn't figure that out at all. spoiler alert: me neither!

[Bachy]

Is it right that my fiance is pressuring me, almost pushing me into therapy?

So last year she took an online quiz in how to identify autism. She had me take the quiz, and while some of the stuff did click with me, not everything necessarily did. I've been going along with her self-diagnosis for a while because I do love her and have trusted her but now it's beginning to get problematic for me to the point where I'm not 100% comfortable with the amount of times she's sending me articles to read and explaining to me how my disorder is causing problems in our relationship. Now, I haven't been officially diagnosed by a professional, but that doesn't stop her from telling her friends, coworkers, clients and family that I have autism. She's even adjusted her diagnosis a few months ago saying that I have aspergers. Her main thing she points to is how I am not that communicative in our relationship. I will admit this as a fault of mine. I'm never that comfortable calling her out on stuff that upsets me because I don't want to upset her. I do have trouble conversing in public with strangers, making eye contact, etc. But I'm not convinced that it's because I have a behavioral disorder. My parents and friends who observed me prior disagree, but I guess they could be bias not wanting to say or believe there might be something off in my personality. I do recognize that regular therapy could ultimately help in getting to the root of the problem, but the way my girlfriend is going about it just makes me hesitate. Last week she printed out paperwork for a doctors office to fill out and was telling me she's coming with me so she can tell the doctor what she sees. I get what she's trying to say, but for me I always felt therapy should be a private situation between the patient and the therapist. This is also coming to a head now that I've been offered a great promotion for work and I've been considering a move back to Illinois which she doesn't agree with. The whole thing is just putting a lot of stress on our relationship overall.

[Magnetic]

That is some disturbingly controlling behavior.

I'm guessing your girlfriend is not a professional qualified to diagnose you, AND she has no right to insist she accompany you to the doctor. If you truly have this, the doctor will be qualified to diagnose you without her input/ "what she sees."

As for being communicative in the relationship....I mean c'mon. Lots of people shut down when stuff isn't 100% in their relationship. It doesn't mean you have aspergers. I can understand her suggesting couples counseling or something, but she's not in charge of diagnosing or treating you, and she needs to be told that. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

[allegate]

Totally what he said. if her doctor's degree came from Google U. then that shit is

[zero]

Is it right that my fiance is pressuring me, almost pushing me into therapy?

Wow, your story so closely parallels mine that it's spooky. Really.

So your fiance is a fixer, and cares about you a lot. And is really trying to help. But it just feels a bit too invasive. Perhaps you could ask yourself if seeking therapy might be something positive in your life and relationship? Don't focus on whose idea it was, just whether or not it might be beneficial for you.

Labels such as "behavioral disorder" can be unhelpful at times IMHO. Are you content with your mental health and social skills? If you are not happy, then consider seeking help. If you like the way you are, then consider therapy simply to satisfy your fiancee. No shame in that at all!

Also consider that fixers need stuff to fix, so when this passes, something else may surface which need fixin'. That is so very true in my situation, and I simply learned to accommodate.

[Sarah K]

Your girlfriend sounds ableist and Asperger Syndrome has not been a diagnosis for over five years now.

[eversonpoe]

@Bachy agree with what everyone has said in response to you, but also think literally EVERYONE should go to therapy. everyone has shit they need to work on, even if it's just figuring out how to get out of a controlling relationship with someone who wants to "fix" you whether or not there's actually something wrong. sorry you're dealing with this.

[katara]

I lost four family members last year. Only really cared about one of them. I stood next to her body less than an hour after she passed. It was like looking at a waxwork. Really hurt standing in that room. At least I felt something, even if it sucked.
Really hit me hard around Christmas. Absence exacerbates loss. Found it difficult to sleep, difficult to smile. Still haven't shed a single tear. This isn't the cause of my problems, although it doesn't help. I wonder how much I truly care. A few years ago, a great aunt died and I didn't feel anything at all, not then, not now. Still hard if one knows the person well. I've accepted death. It's a long time coming. Can't come soon enough.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is life-destroying. I feel nothing at all now. Have to wear a figurative mask to talk to people and not seem insane. Much of the time, I sit and stare blankly at the screen, flip between two or three web pages, and that's another morning/afternoon/evening/night gone. The rest of the year isn't much better. Have to force myself to do something, anything at all, however mundane. Have to keep up appearances or face consequences.

I find it difficult to remember even things I've done moments before. Wonder how I get through the day. Struggling with coping with being inside this flesh prison with the way it stupidly moves and stupidly acts and stupidly responds to stimuli. Never wanted this, never asked for it. I have no inclination to make friends or deal with the responsibility of caring enough to keep them. No prospects, no ambition, no drive to do much of anything. Motivation to perform tasks that would be enjoyable 15 years ago is now nil. Can't be bothered to do much of anything these days. Can't get a job; underqualified, overqualified, what's the difference? Make up your mind. Last place I was at told me I have no personality before showing me the door.
Looking at even the most insignificant piece of astronomical news, I realise that nothing matters at all. We are so small. Everything is so pointless. Pressure of the rat race, societal norms and expectations, political lunacy, the measurement of self against the progress of career, standing under flags and banners and screaming at each other. It's exhausting and utterly meaningless. "Smile", "Get help", "Turn that frown upside-down", it's all the same. Thoughts and prayers. We're all just meat, anyway. Getting older, falling apart, hurting. Entropy. Everything dies eventually.

COVID-19 talk is absolutely boring and absolutely everywhere. The good thing is it's been killing people, so there's a chance, at least. The microvirus kills the macrovirus. The only hope I have left is that 2.whatever%. Maybe I won't have to wake up to face another tomorrow. Too much of a coward to do it myself.

Silver linings.

[Bachy]

I am depressed and it sucks.

[binaryhermit]

Man, working at a grocery store right now when you already have mental health issues...
Though as I said in another thread, it seems like the stay at home order seriously calmed things down

[eversonpoe]

Man, working at a grocery store right now when you already have mental health issues...
Though as I said in another thread, it seems like the stay at home order seriously calmed things down

i'm gonna end up needing to go to the store soon. i haven't been anywhere since last week other than driving my wife to a couple doctors appointments (and staying in the car). i went to my parents' house last wednesday but otherwise i've just been at home. i thrive on social interaction so this is going to start wearing on me soon, for sure.

but yeah, i can only imagine how scary it is to be working at a grocery store right now. stay safe <3