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Thread: The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

  1. #961
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    My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder.

    But I think how society has come to categorize situations like mine (seeing and hearing things) isnít quite right.

    I think that if certain therapists shared notes theyíd be surprised by seeming coincidence and similarity. Overlap, even.

  2. #962
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    I finally got a bipolar diagnosis after saying it for years. It took a second hospitalization, but I'm finally on the correct meds it appears. All my pills are taken at night and there's eight of them.

    I'm taking 1g (4 x 250mg) of Divalproex. Even a year and a half later it seems like a lot, but they're starting to help more and more. Luckily, my high school buddies have been able to help out, even if it's just a phone call.
    Last edited by poinoup; 08-17-2019 at 01:49 AM.

  3. #963
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    Quote Originally Posted by poinoup View Post
    I finally got a bipolar diagnosis after saying it for years. It took a second hospitalization, but I'm finally on the correct meds it appears. All my pills are taken at night and there's eight of them.

    I'm taking 1g (4 x 250mg) of Divalproex. Even a year and a half later it seems like a lot, but they're starting to help more and more. Luckily, my high school buddies have been able to help out, even if it's just a phone call.
    Iíve lost touch with my high school buddies. My shit hit the fan and everyone (even my family) scattered. I get zero support at home.

    Meds do help, I can say now (after 20 years). They donít stop the voices or thoughts, but they do help with the anxiety and depression. I take 1500mg of divalproex (500 am, 1000 pm), and a bunch of other shit. (Kind of tired of it all, honestly).

    And, man, I have been hospitalized more times than I can count in the past 20 years. I think itís around 12. When you get no support at home, you gotta get it somewhere. Sad thing is, the hospitals still donít get it. And sometimes they have malicious staff, which is HORRIBLE.

  4. #964
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    I was just reminded that sometimes sleeping on my problems actually helps me find solutions or just mere clarity. Anyway, it's as if it's hiding in plain sight, but it turned out to be true, and just very obvious in multiple ways.

    Anyway, it really does turn out that I'm definitely still very much molded, controlled, dictated and haunted/tormented/tortured by my past and my emotions. It's now just a matter on how I utilize and learn from my past and emotions yet again. This was also discovered upon further realizing just how wrong I was and still am about life altogether.

    I hope things will eventually turn out better for me in the 2020s, as I finally know where to start from the ground up all over at the very least mentally and emotionally, and hopefully the rest will eventually fall into place.

    I didn't know any other thread to put this in, so I thought it would fit in here, and figured that I'd just leave it at that. I also hope I find more purpose, value and happiness later on, and also hope the search gets easier too. Aside from that, things generally seem to be more okay than before, so that's always a plus, even in spite of some highs and lows, but such is life. I guess it pays to take time off to reflect and as mentioned, just sleep on it every now and then.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 08-18-2019 at 08:12 PM.

  5. #965
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    TW: discussion of sexual assault

    tomorrow is the 17-year anniversary of my sexual assault. i had a trauma group meeting today at my PHP program but it wasn't at all what i was hoping it would be. still having a lot of trouble right now in general and this on top if it is just...really upsetting.

  6. #966
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    ...i had a trauma group meeting today at my PHP program but it wasn't at all what i was hoping it would be...
    I have some big issues, too (including trauma), and I have tried a few times to discuss them in group therapy sessions, and even individual therapy, and have found that it’s hard to cover any major problem when there are limitations like time, other patients’ concerns, and taboo. I don’t think that’s right. It frustrates me deeply. I need help, and have found no one to talk to, even among people whose job it is is to listen.

    Just because someone says they can help and want to help doesn’t mean they are really able to, sadly, for whatever reason.

  7. #967
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    (cross-posted in the work thread)

    been working hard at my PHP groups to make progress. decided i needed to talk to work about the future and make a pretty big decision.

    so, i had a phone call with my boss today where i laid out a lot of my issues and concerns, made a request to be moved into a different position (essentially one that would have to be created), and when he said that was (understandably) not possible at this time, i said i don't think i can come back.

    he was extremely kind, extremely understand, and is going to work with some of the people i had issues with to get them to be more sensitive/understanding of others to try to create a better work environment for everyone there, even if i don't come back.

    he also said that no bridges have been burned, me taking care of myself is paramount, and that if i ever want to come back, i'll be welcome because i'm really good at what i do.

    so, i'm feeling a bit relieved but also nervous about the future.

  8. #968
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    stepped down to IOP today (9:30-noon instead of 9:30-2), my best friend is in town as of today, and i'm still here.

    had a rough weekend (after finally having two good weekdays last thursday and friday) but i managed to recover today.

    been doing so much music in the last three weeks that by the end of next week i'll probably have a new album to release (4 songs, 32 minutes, like ya do). it's been really helpful to process a lot of the shit i'm going through.

  9. #969
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    Man, I have an old friend who has just completely lost it. He spoke about some fraud and then just seemingly randomly moved back to Nebraska from Atlanta earlier this year. I thought it was abrupt, but I knew his job was stressing him out big time, so didn't give it much thought. He's in high-level IT, so I figured he would just find a new job and that would be that.

    I haven't been on facebook much recently, but then caught a couple of posts that I thought were odd, but brushed them off as humor that I didn't understand. But then it happened again the other day, so I started scrolling back on his timeline, and yikes. Then I looked at his twitter, which was even worse. Some highlights:

    - He believes that he escaped an IED explosion last night
    - Frequently posting about "radiation" in Nebraska
    - He listed a TV for sale that he just purchased a couple of weeks ago with this description:
    Nice TV I bought from a work auction. Modified with camera in upper right corner worth $7000 when I got gangstalked in GA.
    And then using these annoying signaling buds they pushed the smell of burnt meth to my mouth and bloated me after putting on my clothes. 290lbs+
    If you have recordings of the Nebraska radio noise with my likeness, contact me on Facebook. I’m playing the waiting game with the state of Georgia and the US Govt.
    My body is doing something weird. My body keeps expanding and decompressing in a matter of minutes.
    Someone is subverting all of my god damned postal service letters and bills. Driving me crazy.
    It has come to my attention that several of my personal contacts private and business were prank called by an individual by the name [XXX - not sure if it is a real name or not] who goes by "[XXX] of the Federal Reserve Bank of America/Atlanta" who threatened under the guise of bodily harm by the "White Mexican Cartel." The prank calls and robo-dialer harassment have caused millions in material damage to my closest friends and colleagues. I advise anyone who has received these calls to pull records and seek legal advice. The actual White Mexican Cartel has nothing to do with these isolated incidents, and the Federal Govt is investigating accordingly.
    So apparently for $10/hr I can be tortured courtesy of [name of person he thinks is after him] and the fucking Midtown Moon
    @POTUS
    I became a psychic because [XXX] told you I was a meth head for smoking meth in the restroom at work. I’ve been violated at every state and federal level. On the plus side, I found out that I’m the 2nd coming of Christ.
    @POTUS
    heard news about low radio bands being blocked by Georgians preventing homeland security from doing its job
    - Tweeting at multiple FBI field offices
    - Thinks that he is being "gangstalked", which I researched, and it is a new mental illness meets social media phenomenon where folks with schizophrenia or other disorders that cause delusions basically validate the delusions of one another.

    This shit is terrifying. He does not seem to be a threat to himself at this point, but I'm so concerned for him. He is from a family whose culture is very "Just pray and god will fix it" when it comes to mental illness. So I've been reaching out to some of his local friends hoping that someone will do something. I'm putting together a list of resources in the local area because he doesn't have a job, so likely no insurance. Goddamn I feel helpless on the other side of the country, and it is anger-inducing that his local friends have not intervened before it got this bad.

    Terrifying what our own fucking brains can do to us.
    Last edited by Sarah K; 09-10-2019 at 08:50 PM.

  10. #970
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    I'm still struggling with this shit. I was once labeled schizoaffective, but the diagnosis was slightly downgraded to "bipolar disorder w/psychotic features."
    Anyone who has talked to me one on one, or, even just looked at my fucking post count here, knows how manic I get.


    THE HELL OF IT ALL IS THIS:
    Most of the time, I don't wanna be alive. It's been this way, on and off, since I was a fucking kid.
    I'm on like, 6 psych meds.
    I still don't know what the fucking answer is.
    It just gets worse and worse with time.

    Everybody hang on, if you relate to that part. Just hold on, I guess. I suppose that's the only answer that I know. About 8 of my closest friends have killed themselves at this point, blatantly and flagrantly, or, with drugs.

    Fuck that. We ain't going out like that.

  11. #971
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    - Thinks that he is being "gangstalked", which I researched, and it is a new mental illness meets social media phenomenon where folks with schizophrenia or other disorders that cause delusions basically validate the delusions of one another.
    This happened to a friend's wife back in 2017. She got mixed up with some bad people who gave her a hit of cocaine, which, combined with her psych meds, totally fucked her up. Then some online group she was a part of told her that she didn't need the meds because they were "interfering with her creativity", which made things even worse. It eventually got to the point where she was convinced the world was coming to an end, hopped into her car, and tried to enter a local businessman's house because she believed it was a shelter from the coming apocalypse. Eventually after being committed to a psych facility for a month she returned to "normal", but it was terrifying to watch my friend go through the emotional trauma that it caused.

  12. #972
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    Here's to hoping it is something drug-induced that can be recovered from and not something worse and permanent. Neither option is good, but that seems like the lesser of two evils I guess.

    I spoke with a friend who was in touch with his sister, and apparently they are trying to get him some help. I just hope that help means professional interventions and not praying.

  13. #973
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    i graduated from my IOP program today! i'm feeling (mostly) good about it. wish i was leaving and going to a job, but at least i'm doing exponentially better than i was when i got there! and i have a bunch of cat-sitting lined up this month, plus my best friend just got in town and is here for a full month, so i have lots to look forward to right now.

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  15. #975
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    Quote Originally Posted by punk View Post
    My diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder.

    But I think how society has come to categorize situations like mine (seeing and hearing things) isnít quite right.

    I think that if certain therapists shared notes theyíd be surprised by seeming coincidence and similarity. Overlap, even.
    My stepdaughter (23) was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder 2 weeks ago. I am interested to know what you mean by your second sentence.

    Her hallucinations are strictly auditory (at this point), but they are suicidal/homicidal. We're stuck in a cycle right now where she enters a manic episode, commits crimes, attempts to overdose on her medication when she feels trapped (we're talking 10+ attempts, with 2 being "successful" and she was dead for a period of time), gets admitted and has her medications taken from her because of attempted overdose and nothing actually gets "figured out" or "solved".

    I guess I needed to vent... I haven't posted on a social media platform in 7 years. I genuinely worry for her...

  16. #976
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    This is a bit long and disjointed Iím sorry. I was advised to write down my feelings after seeking out some help. I donít have many people to turn to and no one I can speak about stuff like this.


    Ive recently moved from part time to full time contract and regretting my decision. Iím nearly 40 and worked in various roles since 16 and wanted to share

    3 years ago I had to quit my job due to stress/ panic attacks. I came to the doctor with no help. My manager made me stay at m
    y desk and publicly blamed me for some errors in front of staff. This was an office role.

    I have always felt uncomfortable since secondary school. in social situations or taking the lead. I might put things off if I see someoneís car is parked outside or I try to time things when people are out.

    I have asked for my old job back. I used to work in back office function, take lunch on my own, sometimes work the first hour or two on my own in a small team of 2/3.

    7:35pm this evening I am worried about tomorrow. I have messaged my manager to get an appointment at the doctors. I am thinking of the easiest ways to get out. How do I end this. I know that I cannot do this everyday.

    To calm down I have tried to take my mind off things using my phone. I just scroll quickly between social media without really reading anything and make myself feel worse.

    Because I am self taught I have a lot of doubt about my abilities. I struggled academically and always feel inferior because of this. I went to a welsh speaking primary school and was one of only 2 English pupils in a small school of around 40-50. I always feel I missed out on basic education.

    I sometimes struggle to remember certain things sometimes where I parked the car and I can be very bad with directions. I can get confused

    I sleep for 10 hours plus over the weekend, and often wake up but donít want to get out of bed and can then fall back asleep. Sometimes think that I can just sleep through.

    Iím going to speak to a GP tomorrow as this doesnít feel normal. I spoke to Samaritans today as I donít have many friends or support network. I have since seen a few GPs and signed up for some online help (to try and get through work). Looking back Iíve just snapped. I donít know how to go on with this but have to for my family.
    Last edited by sore_and_crucified; 12-21-2019 at 06:24 AM. Reason: Personal info

  17. #977
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarah K View Post
    Terrifying what our own fucking brains can do to us.
    This seriously sums it all up and perfectly captures it all for me. I was finally able to catch myself and realize that I can't nor should I always trust my brain. My thoughts and emotions have almost gotten me in serious trouble more times than they should've. Or, sometimes they take me to very dark and regrettable places that I just shock myself at the fact I ever felt and thought such things, which just leaves me just wanting to run away from everything and purge my mind and heart altogether.

    I suppose I needed to see it worded this way, because in spite of this topic sending chills down my spine, it actually helps me put mental health into perspective and not to believe every single thing my brain tells me in spite of how real it feels and looks. This also reminds me to catch up on sleep. I know we don't really talk, and I know I don't have any advice or suggestions (Since not only would I be in any position to offer advice/suggestions, but I'd also be in the same boat.), but I wanted to thank you for indirectly helping me clarify some of my thoughts and emotions regarding this very topic. If I did everything my brain told me, I simply wouldn't be here. (If not by death, by being locked up or homeless.) It's now just yet another valid reason to find better outlets for my emotions and thoughts and to not always trust, believe and follow my brain/mind/heart.
    Last edited by Halo Infinity; 11-23-2019 at 05:28 PM.

  18. #978
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    Rough few weeks. Anxiety can just piss off already.

  19. #979
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    I'm not much into combat sports but I do loosely follow certain fighters. Usually when they have interesting personalities. I really like Tyson Fury. He became heavy weight champs and then spiraled into depression, alcoholism, drug use and a near suicide attempt. He has since been able to regain his ground and now speaks as a mental health advocate and shares strategies that have worked for him. The reason I bring him up is because it is interesting to have someone talking about this coming from a field where this sort of thing might be seen as week or something that is not classically masculine etc.

    Last edited by mfte; 01-15-2020 at 06:19 PM.

  20. #980
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    I don't believe it's officially recognized as a mental health issue, but it's got a name: misophonia.

    Do you get filled with anything from anxiety to rage at the sound of someone eating? Repeatedly clicking a pen? Just plain breathing heavily? I'm not talking "oh, those sounds are annoying". I mean you literally feel angry to the point of near violence at the sound of these things?

    I do! And I'm happy to finally learn that it's at least become recognized and studied enough to have a name, if not a cause. Lab tests have shown that it's a legitimate thing where your brain has strong reactions to these sounds, and not just a behavioral trait. Not sure where I'm going with this, other than it sucks ass and it has honest to god strained some of my closest relationships because I cannot stand to be in a quiet room with someone else while they're eating anything even remotely crunchy. Show of hands - anyone else feeling understood right now, or am I just nuts?

  21. #981
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    last week at therapy, i was describing how i've been feeling lately, and my therapist suggest that i might be feeling "empty", at which point i started bawling, and continued for the rest of my appointment. i don't know if i've ever cried that much in therapy.

    yesterday at my appointment, they suggested i might, instead of/in addition to bipolar 2, have borderline personality disorder. feeling pretty weird and overwhelmed about that. it was a big enough deal when i got my original diagnosis, and now this on top of it just has me feeling very weighed down.

  22. #982
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    Quote Originally Posted by mfte View Post
    I'm not much into combat sports but I do loosely follow certain fighters. Usually when they have interesting personalities. I really like Tyson Fury. He became heavy weight champs and then spiraled into depression, alcoholism, drug use and a near suicide attempt. He has since been able to regain his ground and now speaks as a mental health advocate and shares strategies that have worked for him. The reason I bring him up is because it is interesting to have someone talking about this coming from a field where this sort of thing might be seen as week or something that is not classically masculine etc.


    Tyson Fury is a garbage human being.

  23. #983
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    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    I don't believe it's officially recognized as a mental health issue, but it's got a name: misophonia.

    Do you get filled with anything from anxiety to rage at the sound of someone eating? Repeatedly clicking a pen? Just plain breathing heavily? I'm not talking "oh, those sounds are annoying". I mean you literally feel angry to the point of near violence at the sound of these things?

    I do! And I'm happy to finally learn that it's at least become recognized and studied enough to have a name, if not a cause. Lab tests have shown that it's a legitimate thing where your brain has strong reactions to these sounds, and not just a behavioral trait. Not sure where I'm going with this, other than it sucks ass and it has honest to god strained some of my closest relationships because I cannot stand to be in a quiet room with someone else while they're eating anything even remotely crunchy. Show of hands - anyone else feeling understood right now, or am I just nuts?
    I bought a $200 pair of noise-canceling headphones because of this. my office mate comes to work and starts eating. he finishes eating and makes himself a huge bowl of oatmeal - the bowl itself is 8" across and has two inches of oats in it - that he eats while smacking his lips and hitting his teeth with the spoon. he also eats 'home made' coconut oil out of a mason jar and has a new one every day. after he finishes his oatmeal he goes for a walk but when he comes back he eats lunch and if he does overtime then he leaves to go to Subway* at 2:30 and brings the sandwich back to eat at his desk. he makes so much noise eating - mmm and mmph and umm - that it's like he's having sex with his mouth. he slurps his tea on every sip, he eats rice crackers that are so stale they crunch, and he chews gum like a horse with a peanut butter allergy. Also, he does not take criticism that he's a loud eater well and gets very defensive about it, he refuses to acknowledge it. And somehow he's got a beautiful wife and two kids and he's skinny. The fucker.

    I am so fucking glad I am no longer in that office, I moved on Tuesday.

    *technically he should be off work when he goes to Subway but he goes during work time. as much as he pisses me off I was legit thinking I should say something about this but now I don't care. whatever. if he gets into an accident driving while he should be working that's on him.

  24. #984
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    Quote Originally Posted by allegate View Post
    I bought a $200 pair of noise-canceling headphones because of this. my office mate comes to work and starts eating. he finishes eating and makes himself a huge bowl of oatmeal - the bowl itself is 8" across and has two inches of oats in it - that he eats while smacking his lips and hitting his teeth with the spoon. he also eats 'home made' coconut oil out of a mason jar and has a new one every day. after he finishes his oatmeal he goes for a walk but when he comes back he eats lunch and if he does overtime then he leaves to go to Subway* at 2:30 and brings the sandwich back to eat at his desk. he makes so much noise eating - mmm and mmph and umm - that it's like he's having sex with his mouth. he slurps his tea on every sip, he eats rice crackers that are so stale they crunch, and he chews gum like a horse with a peanut butter allergy. Also, he does not take criticism that he's a loud eater well and gets very defensive about it, he refuses to acknowledge it. And somehow he's got a beautiful wife and two kids and he's skinny. The fucker.

    I am so fucking glad I am no longer in that office, I moved on Tuesday.

    *technically he should be off work when he goes to Subway but he goes during work time. as much as he pisses me off I was legit thinking I should say something about this but now I don't care. whatever. if he gets into an accident driving while he should be working that's on him.
    1) that's a lot to eat in a day, does he have a metabolism issue?
    2) WHO JUST SITS AND EATS COCONUT OIL?!? use it to cook, put it on your lips if they're dry, but just sitting there and eating it??? WHAT THE FUCK!?
    3) i am so, so sorry.

  25. #985
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    well then....
    I wasn't aware that he sounded like the infowars comment section.

  26. #986
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    Quote Originally Posted by eversonpoe View Post
    1) that's a lot to eat in a day, does he have a metabolism issue?
    2) WHO JUST SITS AND EATS COCONUT OIL?!? use it to cook, put it on your lips if they're dry, but just sitting there and eating it??? WHAT THE FUCK!?
    3) i am so, so sorry.
    1) I sure as shit hope so, because that's a lot of stuff to...pardon the expression...stuff into your face. I don't care if you're intermittent fasting or whatever, that's a LOT of food.
    2) I KNOW. he also drinks apple cider vinegar straight for cleanses.
    3) I mentioned it to my boss once and he's like, "it can't be that bad". lol no it's probably worse because I'm trying to not portray him as a lunatic. when he gets up to leave the office he grabs his jacket from behind the door but leaves the door in a 45-degree angle. He doesn't open it all the way and he doesn't close it all the way...which is more of a pet peeve, really. he leaves his phones (work/personal) on vibrate but puts them on a hollow plastic container so when they vibrate the sounds are magnified. the other day his wife called him and he wasn't there and I saw that the contact listing on his cell phone came up as "wife".

    I swear to you I'm going to see him on the news sometime in the future.

  27. #987
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    Quote Originally Posted by theimage13 View Post
    I don't believe it's officially recognized as a mental health issue, but it's got a name: misophonia.

    Do you get filled with anything from anxiety to rage at the sound of someone eating? Repeatedly clicking a pen? Just plain breathing heavily? I'm not talking "oh, those sounds are annoying". I mean you literally feel angry to the point of near violence at the sound of these things?

    I do! And I'm happy to finally learn that it's at least become recognized and studied enough to have a name, if not a cause. Lab tests have shown that it's a legitimate thing where your brain has strong reactions to these sounds, and not just a behavioral trait. Not sure where I'm going with this, other than it sucks ass and it has honest to god strained some of my closest relationships because I cannot stand to be in a quiet room with someone else while they're eating anything even remotely crunchy. Show of hands - anyone else feeling understood right now, or am I just nuts?
    *raises hand*
    That said...
    It doesn't negate the fact that some people just behave like wild animals and need to learn some goddamn table manners. Chew with your mouth closed! It really isn't that difficult.

  28. #988
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magnetic View Post
    *raises hand*
    That said...
    It doesn't negate the fact that some people just behave like wild animals and need to learn some goddamn table manners. Chew with your mouth closed! It really isn't that difficult.
    True. But you can still make a tremendous amount of noise while chewing with your mouth closed. It's definitely worse when someone is just a super sloppy eater, but even the most polite / well-mannered people still make noises that drive me insane.
    @allegate , I honestly got angry just reading your post. Sweet holy mother. I think I would have had to resort to full time anti-anxiety meds.

  29. #989
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    Ohhh, believe me, I know what you're saying. I'm just weird in that I have some serious aggro when people have poor table manners, and this trend has been increasing for a while. Or it's just a sign that I'm getting old.

  30. #990
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    Think I'm just gonna leave this here...


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