The Mental Health thread - depression, bipolar, ADHD, you name it

[Jinsai]

I've been noticing lately that I've developed a sort of social anxiety that I never really had before. I could always make general small talk about banal bullshit with complete strangers. Now, whenever someone I don't know strikes up a conversation with me about something I don't care about, my brain just kind of freezes up. Yesterday, I had someone strike up a random conversation because she looked bored, asking me basically what I was doing in town. I responded with, "uh, well, uh... I was picking up my keyboard stand at my friend's place... and... uh... afterwards I came over here for a qui-qui-q-quick d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dinner."

I don't have a stutter. I mean, I've had that occasional thing where I quickly stammer my thought across, but this was a genuine moment where my brain felt like it was tied in a knot, and I couldn't complete the sound. I immediately panicked and I'm sure I looked horrified, and she suddenly had this sympathetic look on her face, like she thought I was embarrassed of my stuttering... I was more horrified than anything else... in a "what the fuck" kind of way.

The whole thing was odd. Usually, my response to a question like that would have been "ah, nothing really. What are you up to?" I've been noticing this increasing inability to just casually engage with people I don't know, but this was really odd. Not sure if it's a symptom of something bigger... I hope not.

[allegro]

I've been noticing lately that I've developed a sort of social anxiety that I never really had before. I could always make general small talk about banal bullshit with complete strangers. Now, whenever someone I don't know strikes up a conversation with me about something I don't care about, my brain just kind of freezes up. Yesterday, I had someone strike up a random conversation because she looked bored, asking me basically what I was doing in town. I responded with, "uh, well, uh... I was picking up my keyboard stand at my friend's place... and... uh... afterwards I came over here for a qui-qui-q-quick d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dinner."

I don't have a stutter. I mean, I've had that occasional thing where I quickly stammer my thought across, but this was a genuine moment where my brain felt like it was tied in a knot, and I couldn't complete the sound. I immediately panicked and I'm sure I looked horrified, and she suddenly had this sympathetic look on her face, like she thought I was embarrassed of my stuttering... I was more horrified than anything else... in a "what the fuck" kind of way.

The whole thing was odd. Usually, my response to a question like that would have been "ah, nothing really. What are you up to?" I've been noticing this increasing inability to just casually engage with people I don't know, but this was really odd. Not sure if it's a symptom of something bigger... I hope not.

Here is an interesting link. Unless you've had a brain trauma, it's probably just stress?

[Sarah K]

After two months on Wellbutrin, I'm still happy as shit. I've never had a more wonderful experience with an antidepressant. In the past, all other meds have basically just taken all of my emotions away. I just didn't feel ANYTHING. And I hated that. On Wellbutrin, I just feel like myself. Mostly happy(although being negatively sarcastic is just my nature... I'm still happy), sometimes sad, sometimes mad... I'm like a real person again.

A few cons are that:

I have a REALLY hard time sleeping. I maybe average 3.5 hours of sleep each night. Which isn't TOO awful, because the Wellbutrin gives me enough energy. I just get really bored about 1:00am because I know I'll still be awake for about 3 more hours, and I can't really do anything. The internet is boring at that time, and my roommates are sleeping, so I can't do anything around home. They gave me Trazadone for sleep, but it doesn't really do much. I find that it at least relaxes me a bit, though.

Increased anxiety and impulsiveness, but nothing that isn't manageable. I notice it, but I can control it.

I still want to fuck everything. And during the longest bout of celibacy in my adult life, that is extra annoying.

I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER. This shit has been a goddamn miracle for my life.

[Digital Twilight]

Difficult to keep my head above the water at the minute.

[Swykk]

I've been really depressed lately which might explain why I havent been around much. Work has been stressful in a way it never has been before (I've been there 4 years now) because shit is changing that wasn't broken in the first place...among other things (fighting NAFLD, diet/exercise, trying to lose weight...25lbs now, halfway there, and seemingly hitting a wall) and the usual things (stupid people and their politics, friends that aren't doing well either, etc) that bring me down. Now it's become a cruel game of was I better off being the anxiety ridden jerk on that lame generic Wellbutrin or better off as the calmer but terminally sad jerk without it. The anger and lonliness endures no matter which choice is made, so that's lovely.

[ophelia_]

I fucking hate depression... I hate it when my partner locks himself away at home for two days because he's too sad to deal with life and he won't talk to anyone and won't let me come and see him. I hate that he has to tell me he wants "just one more day of not being a person" and I hate that I can't/he won't let me do anything to help him. It's so hard to not take it personally and I just feel so useless and want to cuddle him and try and make him feel better.

I don't know what to do in situations like these, how can I be there for him without being overbearing?

[elevenism]

i get like that too, @ophelia_ . If he's anything like me, though, your very existence is one of the only happy things in his life. If you left, he would break, and you are helping him by just loving him. "not wanting to be a person for one more day..." sums up my depression and my reaction to it SO fucking well, and i am like that most of the fucking time. Tis why i have such issues with opiate abuse, and previously, nightmarish alcoholism.
@Sarah K , that's fucking great to hear. I think i'm gonna try it too then, because the hot new ssri they gave me isn't working at all.
@Jinsai , a little alprazolam, perhaps? it smooths me out when i get that way.
@Swykk , @Digital Twilight , PM me if you want a caring, objective ear, and hold on.

I'm not doing very good myself, y'all. I know a lot of my posts are goofy and seem happy, but i'm insanely fucking depressed MOST of the time. And my psych appointment is scheduled on the same day as my follow up appointment for back surgery so it might be awhile before i get any help. But when i get to see the psych doc, i think i'm gonna go for the wellbutrin.

Suboxone made me happy all the time, but it's too fucking expensive.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

After two months on Wellbutrin, I'm still happy as shit. I've never had a more wonderful experience with an antidepressant. In the past, all other meds have basically just taken all of my emotions away. I just didn't feel ANYTHING. And I hated that. On Wellbutrin, I just feel like myself. Mostly happy(although being negatively sarcastic is just my nature... I'm still happy), sometimes sad, sometimes mad... I'm like a real person again.

A few cons are that:

I have a REALLY hard time sleeping. I maybe average 3.5 hours of sleep each night. Which isn't TOO awful, because the Wellbutrin gives me enough energy. I just get really bored about 1:00am because I know I'll still be awake for about 3 more hours, and I can't really do anything.

Funny that Wellbutrin didn't feel any different than an SSRI to me. Which would keep me up until 4 am not because of any excess energy but because I wanted to sleep through the freaking whole day. That's why I need the Nortriptyline — otherwise I'm just occupying space, no energy at all.

I don't know if Prozac on its own flattens my emotions or if I just don't have the energy to feel anything.

[jessamineny]

It might be because Wellbutrin works on dopamine, and is a particularly good medication for addicts because of that. It was the wonder drug for me, too. Here's a cool explanation if you're interested (specific for meth, but applicable for most drugs I'm aware of).

[Sarah K]

It might be because Wellbutrin works on dopamine, and is a particularly good medication for addicts because of that. It was the wonder drug for me, too. Here's a cool explanation if you're interested (specific for meth, but applicable for most drugs I'm aware of).

Huh. Well, that's pretty interesting. For about the first month on Wellbutrin, I for sure got a "high" feeling off of it. Nothing crazy, but definitely a bit speedy. That has mostly gone away now, though. My main issues are not sleeping(I didn't get to sleep until after 5:00 this morning, so that's less than 2 hours of sleep), and the constant movement. It isn't that big of a deal right now, as I work alone and such. But I'm looking at getting back into school. If I have to take traditional classes, I'm going to be that asshole who is always fidgeting.

January 6th will be 6 years off of meth for me after of 11 years of use(not on a constant basis).

My friend who has degrees in biochemistry said this re: me liking it, but not being able to sleep.

Awesome! So you take it when you wake up, right? A 20 hour half-life means it will be active in your system for about 20 hours. Past the point of being awake for 16 hours and keeping you from getting sleep. If you switch to the SR version, which has a half-life of about 16 hours, it will cut off right when you're ready to go to sleep. Often the SR version is dosed twice per day. You'll want to take it @300mg just once like you do the XL.

I got put on the highest of 300mg XL right away. So, the next time I go int, I might ask about getting put on the SR just to try it.

[jessamineny]

It was so long ago that I went on WB that I honestly don't remember what the break-in period was like for me.

I did get switched to the XL once, but that was during the time they had huge problems with efficacy of the generic versions -- so much so that, at one point not too long ago, insurance companies were paying for the brand-name.

I haven't heard of prescribing the SR just once a day at 300mg. Usually it's 150mg, twice a day. (They don't even make a 300mg SR.)

Also, ask your friend. I'm not sure half-life is what you should be concerned with if you're having trouble sleeping. It might be peak serum concentration (which is 6 hours). If that's the case, taking it at bedtime (and 12 hours from then) should be good. (FWIW, I constantly wake up about 5 hours after taking my bedtime dose, and stay awake for at least an hour. Pain in the ass.)

[Aywok]

25mg Hydroxyzine HCL + 2mg Clonazepam + 150mg Trazodone ER = yeah, I don't sleep unless I'm on something. I stopped taking the Doxepin (over a 4 day period). I feel no different, but I know I shouldn't be playing my own doctor.

I seriously think banging my head on the wall until unconsciousness could be a better solution, sometimes... Ugh...

[elevenism]

It might be because Wellbutrin works on dopamine, and is a particularly good medication for addicts because of that. It was the wonder drug for me, too. Here's a cool explanation if you're interested (specific for meth, but applicable for most drugs I'm aware of).

wait wait wait...no shit?

ok, i'm DEFINITELY getting off this latuda that does nothing and getting on wellbutrin. you know opiates indirectly interact with dopamine, so...hot damn.
Like i said, suboxone was the perfect antidepressant for me, even though it isn't used as an antidepressant in the us. I would be on it but i can't afford it, plus it would get in the way of my pain treatment.

I am so fucking tired of being depressed all the time except for when i take my vicodin. And yes, that's when my pain stops, but that's not why i'm happy when i take it, you know?

edit: ok, i managed to make it to where i will see the psych doc while i am in amarillo for my back surgery next week, and i'm gonna get on wellbutrin that day...hells yeah.

[Digital Twilight]

@elevenism - Thanks, I appreciate the out stretched hand.

[klang]

Had a nicer-than-usual appointment with my therapist today (as in, I didn't feel like we dredged up a bunch of really emotional volatile shit that left me feeling shaky) But I'm still thinking about (and stumbling over) what I would visualize my life like... if my bad family life experiences hadn't happened. Totally drawing a blank about not being defined by depression and other peoples' personalities.

[aggroculture]

Just realized this evening that I have been really mistreating myself over the last couple of months, putting myself through some hardcore self-hatred. No doubt some of it is warranted, but I need to make a change now, I feel myself slipping, and that's not a good thing for me or anyone around me. OK: time to make some changes: I owe it to everybody and me first and foremost to love myself a little more and be less harsh towards me from now on.

[klang]

Just realized this evening that I have been really mistreating myself over the last couple of months, putting myself through some hardcore self-hatred. No doubt some of it is warranted, but I need to make a change now, I feel myself slipping, and that's not a good thing for me or anyone around me. OK: time to make some changes: I owe it to everybody and me first and foremost to love myself a little more and be less harsh towards me from now on.

Treat yourself to the littlest things, and don't even worry about anyone else for right now. Makes a world of difference, and you deserve it!

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

It might be because Wellbutrin works on dopamine, and is a particularly good medication for addicts because of that. It was the wonder drug for me, too.

My experiences with (legal) drugs make me think I'm immune to dopamine. I've never had a "high" with anything — the best I can hope for is to feel OK.

(My illegal drug experience is limited to a few bong hits in college. I'll never get over the feeling that I missed out on a lot of interesting substances. Or maybe I would've found them uninteresting, which would be … interesting.)

[allegro]

But dopamine is a neurotransmitter and a hormone. I don't know that we can be immune to dopamine?

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

But dopamine is a neurotransmitter and a hormone. I don't know that we can be immune to dopamine?

With all the oddball drug reactions I've had (or didn't have), I'm ready to believe anything.

[elevenism]

My experiences with (legal) drugs make me think I'm immune to dopamine. I've never had a "high" with anything — the best I can hope for is to feel OK.

(My illegal drug experience is limited to a few bong hits in college. I'll never get over the feeling that I missed out on a lot of interesting substances. Or maybe I would've found them uninteresting, which would be … interesting.)

Oh, there are lots of drugs that will get you all different kinds of high.

[Joy Prevention Hotline]

Maybe so. But I bet every damn time I'd be more interested in how it's affecting me than, y'know, being affected.

[Digital Twilight]

The doc gave me new meds to try. Mirtazapine. Took one before I went to bed as instructed. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee but as I went I was stumbling around like I was super drunk. I crashed into the mirror, sctrached my glasses and have two gashes on my face. Then I threw up. Fun times.

[elevenism]

The doc gave me new meds to try. Mirtazapine. Took one before I went to bed as instructed. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee but as I went I was stumbling around like I was super drunk. I crashed into the mirror, sctrached my glasses and have two gashes on my face. Then I threw up. Fun times.

Damn, brother, that does NOT sound good. I'm very sorry to hear that, man.

Well, i got my welbutrin. i hope it is a "wonder drug" for me like it was for@jessamineny and @Sarah K .

It turns out that i haven't been on an antidepressant at all! The Latuda is an atypical antipsychotic that MAY help with bipolar depression. I can't BELIEVE that my doctor failed to prescribe an antidepressant for me!

I also got some doxepin for sleep, but it's also an antidepressant.
So doxepin and wellbutrin for depression (and sleep,) latuda and brintellix for the mania and psychosis, along with xanax for panic attacks.

So i am expecting some big results.
Please send some good ets vibes my way!

[allegro]

Damn, brother, that does NOT sound good. I'm very sorry to hear that, man.

Well, i got my welbutrin. i hope it is a "wonder drug" for me like it was for@jessamineny and @Sarah K .

It turns out that i haven't been on an antidepressant at all! The Latuda is an atypical antipsychotic that MAY help with bipolar depression. I can't BELIEVE that my doctor failed to prescribe an antidepressant for me!

I also got some doxepin for sleep, but it's also an antidepressant.
So doxepin and wellbutrin for depression (and sleep,) latuda and brintellix for the mania and psychosis, along with xanax for panic attacks.

So i am expecting some big results.
Please send some good ets vibes my way!

Wow, that's a buttload of drugs, brother. I hope it works.

See this: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ar-depression/

[elevenism]

Wow, that's a buttload of drugs, brother. I hope it works.

See this: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ar-depression/

i know, right @allegro ?

Add in my blood pressure medicine, my vicodin, my muscle relaxers...i'm on eight freaking meds.

I am so depressed all the damn time. I REALLY hope these psych meds work.

Most of my depression is about death. For instance, i sit and think about the inevitability of my mother's death, and i cry.
The thing that makes this so irrational is that my mother is 56 years old!

[allegro]

i know, right @allegro ?

Add in my blood pressure medicine, my vicodin, my muscle relaxers...i'm on eight freaking meds.

I am so depressed all the damn time. I REALLY hope these psych meds work.

Most of my depression is about death. For instance, i sit and think about the inevitability of my mother's death, and i cry.
The thing that makes this so irrational is that my mother is 56 years old!

Well, it's not that irrational, we're all gonna die and it could happen at any time (my little bro died in his mid-30s). But, maybe this is fear and anxiety instead of depression. Have you talked with your therapist about this? Think happy thoughts, and enjoy your mom as much as you can while she's here. My mom is 76, and I know that she could go at any time; or she could OUTLIVE ME!! LOL. Either way, one of us is gonna be sad someday. Ain't no way we gonna escape it. Buddha says death and suffering is part of life. Crying is a mental douche. :-) (okay, Buddha didn't say that last part.) It seems like a lot of your depression is your current life, though. You are stuck at home, in pain, kinda trapped in that house, can't work, etc. Maybe you need some new HOBBIES, some kind of artistic focus, something to channel your creativity, something that will make your life worthwhile, to really live instead of just "exist?" I mean, of course, in addition to the meds to help you balance out your brain chemistry.

[elevenism]

live[/U] instead of just "exist?" I mean, of course, in addition to the meds to help you balance out your brain chemistry.

You are very insightful. Thank you for thinking of me,

Once this surgery heals, i will be looking for a part time job...even if it's making sandwiches at subway. I think it will go a long way as far as helping me to feel like i am accomplishing something.

As far as the creative output, i just got a Zoom R24...it's a 24 track recorder with a 24 voice sampler, a drum machine with ten kits, and hundreds of onboard effects.

Basically, you just need a guitar and a mic to record a studio quality album. It's like a studio in a box.
I've been playing guitar since i was seven and singing/writing songs and making music since high school.
So once i am up and around again, i think that having this machine will help me quite a bit too.
The last recording device i had was a four track that recorded onto cassette tapes.

This new toy is fucking AMAZING. I made a quick track....played with it as long as i could before my back made me get back in bed, but i got to mess with it long enough to see how incredible it is.

I have a couple of albums in me, and that creative output will definitely help.

Thanks for your concern

[allegro]

that creative output will definitely help.

Well, that and the part-time job sounds like you have a plan; too much navel-gazing isn't good for the brain or the soul. ;-)

[Swykk]

I work as Quality Assurance for a company and just heard probably the saddest call and it kind of dawned on me...I don't know how to trust people anymore. This was just a trigger of sorts.