How fucked was your day?

[Dra508]

Just found out my ex-wife has been taking our 3yo son to church (Mormon) for the past 3 months.

I only respond to this since I'm close to someone who has a similar issue with his ex-wife and religion. Does your separation agreement say anything specific about religion or what one can do with the child when one has custody? They worked it out that when he has his daughter, she goes to his church, when the ex-wife has the kid, she goes to her church. Neither of them love the idea, but the reality may be that the kid feels that much more loved and attended to, in whatever community they are in at the time. I used the example of my mom who clearly told me when she was little she loved going to her Mom's church (Catholic) then her Dad's church Episcopal, every Sunday. And my Grand parents were married!!

[Frozen Beach]

Sigh. Once again, suffering from depression, but this time I was such a fucking idiot, that I decided to try and buzz my head. Big mistake. The beard trimmer I was using is incredibly shitty, plus it died midway through and I have to recharge. Most likely going to have to just shave my damn head since it's very patchy. Why the fuck do I do such stupid things like this?

[Fixer808]

Meh, I did that once. I looked like a Nazi prison guard for a few weeks, but it wasn't the end of the world. Hair grows back, bro, it's all good!

[jessamineny]

Go have a barber give you a proper buzz?

[Aladdinsanity]

We're still in the process of making the separation official (monetary reasons). Religion was never really a discussion during our relationship (mostly because I grew up in the Midwest; she also seemed uncomfortable with my atheism). She claimed to be lapsed Mormon (agnostic, I guess), so we both agreed to raise him secular. I don't know the specifics of her faith now, but she's been attending church regularly again and bringing him with her, making it a primary activity for him on Sundays.

[allegro]

Church is good for kids. What's the big deal? He can change his mind when he reaches the age of reason. Kids love church. It has structure and stories and crafts and activities and it helps them through divorce.

Trust me: I was that kid.

[sublimaze]

Depends on the church, though. Mine was like yours, pretty benign. Others teach kids to hate themselves if they're gay or masturbate.

[littlemonkey613]

Church is good for kids. What's the big deal? He can change his mind when he reaches the age of reason. Kids love church. It has structure and stories and crafts and activities and it helps them through divorce.

Trust me: I was that kid.

I went to a great Church that was loads of fun. However, none of the positives will ever ever justify in my opinion being preached to by a man who holds a position I can never attain simply because I am a woman my entire childhood, being told Jesus died for my sins, being told Jesus rose from the dead, being told hell and heaven exist, and quite frankly being told God exists for sure. Like I don't understand. I still spend half my intellectual time trying to peel off the layers and implications of the things I was taught (what I feel guilty for etc.) It would make a WORLD of difference if none of it was taught in absolutes or as an absolute truth (like many Universalist Churches - I honestly have no qualms with that kind of Church). But seriously the Jesus thing o.O Never 4give! Why did they do that to me?! It would have been awesome if my parents had questioning and doubt discussions when we came back from Church and stuff but nope! Luckily I've always been sort of an angry cynic so I started challenging them ideologically from as early as 6 - so they tell me - but its still really frustrating when I hear others say its all totally fine. I went to a non-crazy liberal church and it certainly wasn't fine. At least definitely not for someone who is no longer a believer. Also it took a lot I mean a LOT for me to come to terms with it. I would pray at night that I would believe in God again just because of how traumatizing it was. So yeah I'm just trying to combat the notion that kids just grow up and all of a sudden have reason. It didn't work like that for me. It was honestly a pretty horrible thing to go through. I challenged my faith head on and it was still a hard rigorous, painful process. The worst part was knowing it wasn't necessary. Adults and authority figures decided to tell me things they couldn't prove from the ripe age of 2. And I have every right to blame them for what I went/ go through.

Again I'm specifically talking about teaching things as absolute fact when they are literally non-provable which I think is a very fair criticism to make.

[Magtig]

Depends on the church, though. Mine was like yours, pretty benign. Others teach kids to hate themselves if they're gay or masturbate.

Other churches such as the Mormon church, where I was taught that masturbation was a disgusting way to "defile your temple" (your temple being your body), and that even thinking sexual thoughts was just as bad as the actual act of sinning. And gay people? Pfft! See Prop 8 in California in the off chance that you're not already familiar with the infamous homophobia of the Mormon church. I thought I could make some joke about all of this, but I still have complexes to this day with this stuff that probably won't ever go away. As I go through the ebbs and flows in my life I realize over and over, especially at the lowest points, that my default reaction to everything is to blame myself and hate myself for not being perfect.

That doesn't mean your kid will take it to heart in the same way I did, Aladdinsanity, or even that they'll hear all the same stuff in Sunday school that I did, but Mormonism left many ugly marks on me. Still, if you demonize it you'll just run into more trouble. I never had an alternative thought process; I didn't have the idea that there even was an alternative thought process other than 'IT'S EVIL!' If you teach your kid to love themselves and treat others well, then it won't really matter what their religious beliefs are or are not.

[allegro]

Exactly!!

You don't just set your kid loose in church without discussing what they're learning, and encouraging them to be open-minded. Kids (and people) are only open to radical brainwashing (wherever it comes from: church, school, friends) if they don't have guiding parents and a strong sense of self. I went to CATHOLIC church! (I was 4 when my parents divorced.) But, I also went to Pentecostal, Baptist and Lutheran Vacation Bible school. My mom wanted us to be active, have fun, understand right from wrong, but also use our own judgment.

And now I'm Buddhist.

Remember: HE'S THREE.

Both mom and child are going through a divorce, which is very traumatic and difficult. Be careful about what is a battle and territorial and what is transitive or a coping method in this difficult time.

(I'm not only a child of divorce, I'm a divorce paralegal. You're not likely to win this battle in a court of law.)

[littlemonkey613]

Deleted mah post b/c I don't want to make this the Religion thread. Carry on.

[allegro]

Good idea, monkey.

This isn't about religion. It's about divorce and children of divorce. And how it's fucking up alladinsanity's day.

Marquardt's book about divorce hit so close to home, I couldn't finish it. I only recently saw this:

http://www.religion-online.org/showa...asp?title=2169

[littlemonkey613]

Ugh. I had to throw a drink on someone b/c they were harassing my best friend. Yay misogyny! The image of someone twice as big as someone else towering over them and screaming at them is the worst ever. I'm glad I was there though. The drink shocked him and made him leave.

[orestes]

God, what a shitty day.

My sister had her second child wednesday and being the middle of the week, I couldn't rightly take off work to go sit around and wait for her to push a kid out of her vagina. So the plan was to drive the two hours down to her home and see my newborn niece for the first time. Not to be. A little more than halfway there I receive a text message from her angrily stating that I should have told her I was visiting today because she and her husband had already made plans for the afternoon. The plans it turned out was to drive up here with her two babies and my brother-in-law's nephew to visit the zoo but that got scrubbed because of the weather. I thought our mother had communicated with her visitation plans but that's beside the point. Since I wasn't welcomed I immediately turned around and drove home, wasting time and gas over a selfish fucking sister who would rather plan to take a three-day-old baby to the zoo with her parent-in-laws than spend with her own family.

I am so angry and betrayed right now.

[slave2thewage]

Why on earth is your sister bringing a three-day-old infant to the zoo? Hell, I thought they didn't let them out of hospitals at that age.

[orestes]

Oh, no this is America, where they give you the boot within 24 hours. But yeah, I was asking myself the same question.

The funny thing is she said it was rude of me to drive down unannounced when she's recovering and it's her own damn house. I'll let her recover until Thanksgiving since she's demonstrated on more than one occasion that she prefers the company of her in-laws.

[Fixer808]

You should apologize to her. Obviously you were doing something horribly wrong by showing concern/affection/love for your family. Shame on you.

[icklekitty]

I hope an Elephant sneezes on her child. Nothing serious, you understand, just enough to make her realise that she's being an arse.

[Fixer808]

"Dear Enemy, I curse you and hope something slightly unpleasant happens to you, like an onion falling on your head."

[Dra508]

The funny thing is she said it was rude of me to drive down unannounced when she's recovering and it's her own damn house. I'll let her recover until Thanksgiving since she's demonstrated on more than one occasion that she prefers the company of her in-laws.

She was probably expecting you to show up mid week because you are single and have zero responsibilities compared to her.

Yeah, I'm so glad I don't have sisters. At least with brothers, you call each other shit head, right then and there, and only bitch about their wives behind their backs. :P


Hurricane is on it's way and my apartment already doesn't have running water. WTF.

[orestes]

Heh, at least I wasn't foolish enough to get pregnant again within four months of having a baby.

[redshoewearer]

Hurricane is on it's way and my apartment already doesn't have running water. WTF.

How is it now? Everything back to normal in your place? This storm has been just godawful for so many people.

Heh, at least I wasn't foolish enough to get pregnant again within four months of having a baby.

I can't even imagine. My kids were spaced 4 years apart on purpose.

I am so tired! And I must stay awake and work on Real Analysis. I am seeing hours both late and early that I haven't seen in a while. 1-2am on the late side, and 5-6am on the early side. This Friday night I'm coming home from class, and going to sleep for 27 hours.

Plus I had to teach extra aerobics classes today because instructors bailed on me for Halloween. And then one had the gall to say 'thank for covering my class'. First of all I didn't do it for her, and its not like I had any choice if I want to keep the customers happy.

[Dra508]

How is it now? Everything back to normal in your place? This storm has been just godawful for so many people.

.

I never lost power, far enough north of the high high winds, though it seems it was pretty hit or miss, who did and didn't lose power in Massachusetts. I feel really bad for folks that still don't have power here, New York City, everywhere else.

The lack of water was a water main break that thankful they fixed up same day.

[Dra508]

Won a trial to a customer for a new product offering. Got a call today, first week of planning the trial, from a VP who makes 500K, that we are "exiting the business".

Mutherfuckergoingtolooklikeanidiothavenotcredibili tynevergoingtobuyshitfrommeagain.

Thanks!

[sentient02970]

Oh yeah VPs, those guys that make decisions like that all morning and then chase a ball around a golf course.

[Beef of the Sea]

This week has been fucked: I'm on an extremely tight schedule all the way until the end of the year, and I've been hit with delay after delay this week. Suppliers not getting goods out on time, or not returning quotes on time for excruciatingly simple shit (Galvanised pipe - it's highly fucking technical). I also have two satellite links that are just not connecting during testing, when today is my deadline for freighting them out, as they're going in the ground on Tuesday. To top that off my cunt of a direct manager decided that he'd take two week off, during peak period when our boss is already on leave. He has the gall to come back into the office today, refuse to help out with anything, demand MORE of my time, then bugger off to a conference for the rest of the week. Nah it's ok, I'll just work around the clock everyday to hold up 1/3rd of the business by myself. Motherfuckers.

TL;DR - Work is shit.

[Dra508]

Oh yeah VPs, those guys that make decisions like that all morning and then chase a ball around a golf course.

OH better than that. It's a women who clearly spent too much time renting a villa in Italy rather then defending her business. And, that's how it goes in the giant ass corporate world. I suppose the alternative is a one product shop that when that product goes, so does EVEERY one's livelihood.

Well, if I get the heave-ho in the next round of corporate restructuring, at least I have 20 weeks of pay before unemployment could kick in.

BAH

[Iran_Ed]

In the film Weekend(2011) there's a scene where Russell and Glen have a conversation about friends, family and making something of yourself. I'll paraphrase because I can't remember the exact quote.

Friends and family are important things to have. they can help carry you and make life enjoyable. But there can come a time where things have been so similar for so long that when you try to rise above and make something of your live that doesn't include them. They can sometime have a tendency to drag you back down with them. An if I can't make it then you can't make way of thinking.

My life has basically become that and the people dragging me down are my parents. This is going to sound mean, but they've gotten to the point where their lives are over. Their bodies are here, but the meaning is over. Their stake in the world has evaporated, and they're waiting for their god to take them to the promise land. That is the only thing they look forward to, and everything else is irrelevant. I've spent the last year on here bitching about not knowing what I want to do with my life, and the answer has been in pieces in front of me the whole time.

My parents never saved money for me to go to college. God would come for us before then, so there was no reason to. I've long rejected those thoughts and have been trying to construct myself underneath their oppressive rule for the last 11 years. At 23 I have no social skills, I wasn't allow to become close to schoolmates who were not apart of our religion. Within the religion I always felt like I had to be on guard when around other members. I wasn't allowed to be who I am.
For the past year I've been trying to get in to various schools to get an education, and to escape this hole. I hope to get into a local community college's spring semester A+ certification class, but it only sits 13 people. I'm going to have "borrow" the tuition money from another family member just to apply.

I'm sure someone is going to read this and think you're an adult why not move out? There's is no money. My paychecks go to bills, I haven't had the money to eat at a restaurant in a year. About a year ago my father lost his job and my mother is on disability. I was the only one within the household working till a month ago. What money I have that doesn't go to bill goes to my Criterion collection purchases and music, but that isn't much. They have become my saving grace and telescope to the outside world.

Though it has been drifting in the air for awhile now, a me against them attitude has been coming to a head over the last few weeks. I refuse to return to their religion for various and obvious reasons, and they are highly upset over this. After the election my mother told me Obama will be the president who will be in office and have to fact the wrath of god.
I need to and have to leave here, but if I do they will have nothing. In anger I could leave and never look back, but that doesn't seem healthy. At this time in my life I want support that I realize will never come from them, they don't know how to. My mother for someone who is so emotional sure doesn't have a wide range of them.

[halloween]

I'm coming into the last couple weeks of my physical therapy and it feels like my back is getting worse. Before it was just pain from pinched nerve, but now it changed to simply being sharp pains directly in my back, I can hardly move without SOMETHING going "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU." I had to clean the house today which involved a lot of bending over and vacuuming. My mobility was pretty limited and I even took my two pain pills today, yet I sat down after all of that and just felt an increase in the pain. I can hardly MOVE while sitting without alarms going off. I lied down for a while with an ice pack, but goddamn it, getting back up... I finally just started crying (and haven't quite stopped). As my doctor said, I'm too young to have this much pain and back problem!! I hope my discs aren't just exploding everywhere =[

[Fixer808]

Ugh, my ex had to have major back surgery, she was immobilized for several weeks. Hopefully it's something you can just keep working on in physio and not have to have anything invasive.