How fucked was your day?

[Jinsai]

no pain meds actually which is weird.... and if they did a biopsy I'm not getting real immediate results... taking him to the next place. Appointment on monday

Different dog though. This isn't the corgi. It's a golden, and he's nearing 11 years old, so I guess this is when this shit happens. I'm just pretty much destroyed. I gave him a rawhide chew earlier today and he just bit into it and didn't stop... I think he's in real pain

[allegro]

no pain meds actually which is weird.... and if they did a biopsy I'm not getting real immediate results... taking him to the next place. Appointment on monday

Different dog though. This isn't the corgi. It's a golden, and he's nearing 11 years old, so I guess this is when this shit happens. I'm just pretty much destroyed.

Oh a Golden, shit. You know what they say about Goldens.

I’m so sorry, friend. He has lived an extraordinarily long and good life for a Golden. You’ve been a good dog dad.

Get them to give you pain meds. Sometimes you have to ask. My MaltiPoo had anal gland cancer and we had her juiced up on pain meds every day of the last months of her life until it was time to go.

Hell, the vet gave us a week’s worth of liquid Buprenorphine for one of my cats, who was rushed to the emergency vet last Saturday for a UTI (she started dripping blood on my hardwood floors).

[allegate]

Pet care takes the most out of you because they can't talk and just tell you where it hurts, you have to guess. I feel for both of you.

On the flip side, personal care takes a lot out of you because you know exactly where it hurts: I went to the emergency room again today because of incredible pain on my left side, so bad I nearly fainted. It was suspiciously like a kidney stone - having had one before - but the pain was an order of magnitude worse than that time. Of course time heals all wounds so I could be imagining that, especially since I didn't projectile vomit this time.

Anyway I was in the ER from noon until six and was wracked with pain in waves the entire time. Had another CT scan where they confirmed it was a kidney stone and that was that. Gave me some morphine for the pain, didn't really help much other than when I wasn't in pain it made me loopy. I peed once and the pain was so bad that I did almost vomit...had to call the nurse because of the pain and also because I didn't want to vomit into the trash can.

Two ER visits, two CT scans, two EKGs, all in one week. I sent my bosses a text on the way to the hospital: "These are the worst Christmas presents ever". Can't wait for the insurance bill. At least my Christmas bonus is coming in two weeks! yaaaay....

When I checked in the nurse asked about thoughts of suicide or depression in the last four weeks and I said that's not a fair question in 2020. At least she laughed.

[elevenism]

So my wife has hep c. it's been dormant for a LONG time. recently, though, she's been losing a fuckton of weight, she's been insanely lethargic, and she throws up most of what she eats. She got blood work and we got it back on friday, annnnnnnnnd...

sure enough, she's in big trouble with it. the "viral load" is high. they call it "the silent killer," you know. i guess it's coming to reap, now.

There IS a cure, but the cure is between $50k and $80k. the cure, btw, is just ONE BOTTLE OF PILLS (this is an example of why i think this country is literally philosophically satanic.)

she has an appointment with a GI specialist on the 21st.

i know there are charity groups that buy the cure for people. i hope to god we qualify.

please pray or send good vibes or whatever you do, to help us with this.

if she dies, i'm pretty much done.

[Magnetic]

Sending hopeful vibes. What are the names of the charities?

[elevenism]

Sending hopeful vibes. What are the names of the charities?

you know, we're still looking at everything. i know there's one called Gilead. I'm not sure if it's a CHARITY charity, or, if it's a drug company that gives out a certain amount of the medicine for free, to the uninsured.
We JUST found out about all this. It's just ONE BOTTLE OF PILLS, and some people get it for $5 with good insurance, now.
Surely, surely, SURELY there's a way for us to get it. This is the real shit, you know? It'll likely kill her if she can't get the treatment.

The plan has always been medical tourism in India or Egypt if her hep c flared up again: you can go there for a few thousand, stay at a nice hotel, have a driver, meals, sight seeing, and the cure, of course (for very cheap.) and we fucking HAVE that much money right now!
But they aren't currently running that shit because of covid. That's always been our plan if it came for her, that we'd find a few thousand and send her to india or egypt, through this specific company.
Isn't it fucking crazy that the one time we HAVE the money, and she's in trouble, there's a pandemic preventing travel?

But, SURELY there's a way to get her the treatment.

I fucking hate this country. The medicine is like $100 in a lot of countries, but it's tens of thousands here, for a bottle of pills that keeps you from DYING. FUCK.

[allegro]

you know, we're still looking at everything. i know there's one called Gilead. I'm not sure if it's a CHARITY charity, or, if it's a drug company that gives out a certain amount of the medicine for free, to the uninsured.

Here’s all the info and various programs, details, phone numbers:

https://targethiv.org/library/aim-hepatitis-c/pap-cap

https://www.thebodypro.com/article/w...-rates-so-high

https://www.healthcentral.com/slides...-drug-coverage

[eversonpoe]

sorry to everyone having such a tough time. this year is taking so much from so many people. i wish i could give you all hugs.

i don't like our baby. i can't connect to her at all. i know this is normal, but i'm a normally very empathetic person, and this is making me feel so guilty and awful. i'm prone to headaches/migraines, and our ears are specifically shaped to amplify the frequencies at which most babies cry. she SCREAMS sometimes, often when i'm changing her and she's very close to my face, and it immediately sends me into severe headache territory. on top of that, i've been feeling sick for a few days, threw up a few times friday night (popcorn, chocolate, & ginger beer are a horrible combo to throw up, especially when it splashes into your eye and you spend almost an hour trying to get a piece of popcorn out of your eye), still feeling horrible today. and sarah is miserable, too. all the baby wants to do is eat, and sarah's breastfeeding, so she's in SO MUCH PAIN. the lactation specialist that came to our place last weekend was not very helpful, and sarah didn't like her, so she had a really hared time absorbing any of the information presented to her. i've been focusing on taking care of sarah because there's only so much i can do to take care of the baby, but i can't take care of her when i can barely stand up without almost collapsing (i actually fell over last night because i got a shooting nerve pain headache that knocked me on my ass, literally) and can't help change the baby without almost throwing up.

it took so long for me to even want a baby, and then it took so much work to make it happen (three rounds of IVF after a couple unsuccessful years of trying naturally), and now we're both so unhappy that it feels like we made a huge mistake. this is like the first situation i've ever been in where i don't see a way out. i'm not leaving sarah. we're not giving the baby up for adoption. i don't really want to die (despite my intrusive thoughts literally CONSTANTLY showing me various possible death scenarios for myself; fun!). so there's just no way out but through, and i don't know how we're going to make it through.

i can't imagine anyone going through this and saying "yeah, let's do that again"

[Magnetic]

Hang in there. I don't have first-hand experience, but from what I've heard from others is that a newborn doesn't really connect with anyone other than the breast-feeding person for 3-4 months. After the senses have developed enough, they start hearing/ seeing/ recognizing the partner, and then they connect. So yah, it's a shit deal for the partner for a while, sorry.

[allegro]

@eversonpoe , despite my not having given birth, I have first hand experience with this; it is, truly, maddening. People have been driven to do terrible things due to this stuff, like the constant noise, so be sure you get proper help from your therapist and re your headaches.

It is likely that the baby is crying so much because baby is constantly hungry and is having trouble latching. Hence why you had the lactation nurse come in. We humans are created to react to a baby’s cry, and TOO MUCH baby’s cry can make us totally lose it.

This WILL get better, I promise you. It’s not baby’s fault; she’s helpless and cries when she needs something, it’s her only means of communication. That piercing cry is THE worst. Talk with your doctor about getting on some full-time medication for your headaches, to get you through this phase.

Many mamas give up on full-time breastfeeding (or give up on it entirely) and begin doing formula, and then at least YOU can also feed and bond with baby and give Sarah a break. The problem is that mamas are made to feel guilty if they don’t breastfeed full-time, like you’re somehow inadequate or horrible, forcing mamas to endure this pain and trauma, forcing babies to be constantly hungry because they have latching issues, or mama is stressed and it travels into baby (babies sense anxiety). This social shaming discounts mamas who have tried but just can't breastfeed, or babies who just won't get with the program, or mamas who've had mastectomies, or trans mamas, etc. It's just societal pressure that's relatively recent and is ridiculous. You two do what is best for YOUR FAMILY. Baby must eat, #1. The rest of it doesn't matter. Edit: Also, the calmer your household, the calmer imprint on the little human you're creating. Anxiety starts REALLY early.

My thoughts and prayers are with you three. You’ll get through this, the three of you. Get help with headaches, and think of your little one as like a kitty who can’t tell you what’s wrong. If she’s constantly hungry, she’s likely not getting enough to eat. You’ll find soothing ways to comfort and distract her; and perhaps get a breast pump and bottle feed her with breast milk sometimes, and see if that comforts her. She’ll start sleeping more, little by little, but these first months are the hardest. Don’t be afraid to consult with baby’s pediatrician.

I’m up all night with a senile 19-yr-old cat on Prozac who sits on the floor next to my head YOWLING AT ME (she’s Siamese) for hair ball treats (they’re evidently like crack) and I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in, like, a year. If that CBD oil ever shows up, maybe it’ll work, but the USPS has other ideas. Thankfully, I have a husband who takes over in the kitty distraction sometimes so I can get sleep.

If we didn’t have Covid, I’d offer to come over and help; I actually pride myself in being something of a baby whisperer. And, at least, I have tolerance for it for a while.

One time, though, I was at Northbrook Court at the Macy’s (now torn down omg) and I was WAYYYY over by shoes and was hearing this SHREAKING kind of cry that kept going on and on and onnnnnnnn. And I felt that old familiar pang on one side of my head, shooting into my eye, signaling an approaching migraine. So I HAD to go FIND the SOURCE of this noise.

A toddler, barely a year, was CLEARLY despondent, many huge tears all over his face, seated in his stroller. His mother, standing a few feet away, cheerfully chatting with another woman, totally IGNORING him.

I thought:

1) HOW ARE YOU ABLE TO TUNE OUT THAT FIRE ENGINE SIREN COMING OUT OF YOUR SON?

2) THE REST OF THIS ENTIRE STORE DOES NOT HAVE THAT ABILITY!!

3) YOUR SON IS CLEARLY EXPERIENCING DISTRESS! HE COULD BE ON FIRE BUT YOU HAVE TUNED HIM OUT, AT OUR EXPENSE!

I wanted to kill her. (I guess this is how they “do that again” - they become deaf.)

Instead, I got next to her, pretended to look at a rack of clothes and said “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!” then looked at her son.

She hurriedly left, lol.

I guess my point is that you’re actually a better parent than she is. At least you’re noticing.


Edit: Try to get some sleep, okay? Both of you. Take turns. Even if it requires ear plugs.

[eachpassingphase]

Seconding this ^. Especially the earplugs part. Get some that you can put in during the day that just dampens noise a little so that you can still hear her when she needs something, but sort of lowers the pitch of her screaming. It will keep you from going over a ledge with all the screaming. Heck, I used to wear my earbuds and play calming music on low in them so that yeah, I could still hear my kids were crying and needed something, but it wasn’t SO loud that my brain started short circuiting from the screaming.

Also, not all lactation consultants are created equal, sadly. I had to figure out a lot on my own. This is TMI but it might be helpful - I have totally flat nipples and my kids just couldn’t latch right. There are little shields you can buy that help with various latch issues - flat or inverted nipples, or babies who have very small mouths, etc- and you wear them while nursing. If you have a manual or electric pump, you can also just pump for a second and it sort of draws nipples out and sometimes the kid can latch a lot easier.

In the end, I breastfed one for like 18 months and the other one I resorted to full time pumping and bottle feeding, only to slowly move over to formula eventually. That kid was just too stressful to nurse full time so I said “fuck it” and made the change. Moms deal with a lot of shame about that, but as somebody who has done both I can say it’s not worth feeling shame over. Fed is best.

If y’all do get to the point where you want to try formula - apply for WIC so you can get it for free. The income limits for WIC are higher than for stuff like food stamps. I know a lot of middle class families who are on WIC. Hell, you should consider applying anyway because they will give you free veggies while she’s nursing, and often have lactation consultants too. Maybe you can get somebody who is more helpful for y’all?

Lastly, do you guys have some sort of swing or vibrating seat for peanut? Those can be helpful for cranky babies for sure.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[allegate]

I do not know where to put this but this is good enough:

my wife has been bugging me about how cheap it is to fly to Hawaii for the past month or so and how they've been in the news talking about how free and clear they are for the virus right now.

yeah.

Combine that with how freaked out my son gets about the potential for the volcano erupting every time we talk about a visit to the island? I'm so glad we're not in Hawaii.

Funny story: we were visiting Mt. St. Helens one day and in the observatory and there was a minor earthquake registered on one of the machines while we were looking at it - maybe a 2.0? - and holy cow.

[allegro]

my wife has been bugging me about how cheap it is to fly to Hawaii for the past month or so and how they've been in the news talking about how free and clear they are for the virus right now.

Hawaii has all those quarantine and negative test rules for travelers, which is a big reason why their numbers are low.

[poinoup]

Close friend just told me they have cervical cancer and blood clots in their lungs... but it may have been found early enough. Here's hoping.

[allegate]

Blood clots in the lungs are near and dear to me so tell your friend I'm pulling for them. Cervical cancer...well, fuck cancer.

[botley]

+1 on all the hugs and well-wishes to you and your wife @eversonpoe . These first few weeks are going to be insanely hard (and I'd be lying if I said it will immediately get better) but do NOT let anyone guilt y'all about switching to formula if it helps baby eat and lets you both rest a bit.

[ickyvicky]

On Christmas Day our cat suddenly did not want to eat or drink, didn't want to move around, and definitely looked uncomfortable. We took her to the vet the next day, and it turned out her kidney failure has caught up with her. We had to put her down. :-( :-( Ughhh, this is so fucked up. For those of you that may or may not remember my previous posts, this was our third and final cat that has passed away in 2020 (the first in January, the second in March, and now December.) My husband and I are so sad, and the house feels super empty without any cats. Never thought this would all happen in one year.

[Magnetic]

I'm so sorry. That's so much loss.

[allegate]

That is terrible, I'm sorry for your loss.

[Swykk]

How awful. Very sorry for the loss of your cats in this horrid year, @ickyvicky .

[Shadaloo]

On Christmas Day our cat suddenly did not want to eat or drink, didn't want to move around, and definitely looked uncomfortable. We took her to the vet the next day, and it turned out her kidney failure has caught up with her. We had to put her down. :-( :-( Ughhh, this is so fucked up. For those of you that may or may not remember my previous posts, this was our third and final cat that has passed away in 2020 (the first in January, the second in March, and now December.) My husband and I are so sad, and the house feels super empty without any cats. Never thought this would all happen in one year.

Having lost two this year, I feel your pain. I'm very sorry.

[allegro]

@ickyvicky I’m so sorry


@Shadaloo , two in one year, I’ve been there, so heartbreaking. Sorry for your loss.

[eversonpoe]

so sorry, @ickyvicky

both of my cats are starting to get into "older" territory and i'm so terrified of them having health issues.

[ickyvicky]

Thank you everyone <3

[allegro]

My elderly Mom has been renting my Husband’s co-worker/friend’s condo for nearly nine years. It’s a nice, spacious 1-bedroom. The co-worker friend was really upside-down on the unit after the real estate market crash, but had moved out of the unit when he got married (his spouse has a dog, the condo doesn’t allow dogs). So he’s been renting to my Mom for a really good deal because he didn’t want too much “income” on his taxes, etc. but the rent at least covered his costs.

Yesterday, he told us that he met with his accountant, he’s no longer upside-down, and he wants to sell the unit. Like, in SEPTEMBER when my Mom’s lease is up. And he is offering for us to buy it at the cost of what he owes to pay it off, which APPEARS to be about $20k less than what similar units are listing for right now in the building. (BUT, similar comps nearby are selling for the same price as what he owes, which would factor into an appraisal. I didn’t tell him this.)

Now, this has thrown us all into a tailspin.

My anxiety level is at 11.

We are considering the purchase offer, but there are a LOT of unknowns. Like the actual value, potential rental value, etc.

AND if my Mom is really capable of continuing to live alone much longer. And how much longer.

And if not, we have to move all her stuff out within SIX MONTHS and I don’t have anywhere to put it, here.

We have considered moving her here, already, I've been thinking it's inevitable; but I think I need to make the basement space more livable, first, and we will probably need to do "something" with all HER stuff because I have nowhere to put it, here.

And she has a CAT. And I have two cats, one of whom is 19 and senile and is on Prozac.

If we find Mom another apartment, the rent will be MINIMUM $500 more per month, which WE will have to subsidize. If we buy the condo unit (if a loan is possible, which is iffy because there are SO many rentals), we will lock up retirement money in a down payment. Money that was intended to go toward waterproofing / remodeling our basement.

We have made a list of about 10 different meetings we now need to have. This all occurring in the middle of Covid. All in something of an "emergency" level.

i'm currently putting together "investigations" for two different routes: Making my current 1400sf house a two-family situation where we all don't kill each other, vs. buying the condo (if feasible) just to keep her in it, and status quo ... but for how long?

Ugh. I'm already getting migraines.

[MrLobster]

^^^^
your co-worker friend is shitty

[otnavuskire]

^^^^
your co-worker friend is shitty

Is he though? It's a shitty situation, sure. It sounds like the guy doesn't want to be in the landlord business anymore. He's giving them half a year's notice and the first opportunity at buying the place. Doesn't sound like the guy is shitty to me.

[MrLobster]

Is he though? It's a shitty situation, sure. It sounds like the guy doesn't want to be in the landlord business anymore. He's giving them half a year's notice and the first opportunity at buying the place. Doesn't sound like the guy is shitty to me.

Spending 9 years helping a guy keep his finances in line and he ups and want to sell it as soon as the market it better for him... yeah, that's shitty in my books. Sure, he's trying to mitigate it but it's still shitty.

[allegro]

Is he though? It's a shitty situation, sure. It sounds like the guy doesn't want to be in the landlord business anymore. He's giving them half a year's notice and the first opportunity at buying the place. Doesn't sound like the guy is shitty to me.

He’s only giving us “first opportunity” because we are already in the unit. He said he does not want to show the unit with someone “in” it. Also, selling to us means he saves 5% real estate brokers’ commission.

He wants to sell at the low price because he won’t pay capital gains on his sale. He told me this.

He is making the sale to any buyer contingent on the Buyer paying ALL closing costs, including tax prorations. He wants to “walk away not paying a dime.”

My Mom just renewed her annual contract with Xfinity last month. So if we don’t move her service to another location, we will have to pay a penalty to cancel it.

I just wish this co-worker had given us SOME warning that he was even thinking about this. Six months isn’t a lot of time. And we are retired and really can’t deal with buying this and I don’t want to be a landlord. This guy was never a landlord; he paid a management company in the building $25/month to handle the annual lease and collect the monthly rent, and *I* handled and coordinated any repairs, including paying for them and getting him to reimburse me for them. He lives an hour away so he’s had me take care of everything related to the condo unit.

So after my migraine went away, I did a bunch of research today about the affordable housing program for seniors in the city where I live. I’ve sent some emails and on Monday I will make some phone calls to the Director about the income limits. I’m really hoping this is an option; this way, Mom would be 2 or 3 miles up the street, vs. 10 miles away. We can more easily care for her, keep her company, keep her active, etc. when she’s a lot closer. Plus, our city has a lot of great senior services.

The other option, if that doesn’t work, is finding another rental around us but it ain’t cheap around here. But even if that’s for a year, it would buy us time until I can finish “The Basement Project.”

So, I’ve set up a Basement Project on Houzz with several contractors to call next week to come out to submit bids and timelines on the basement renovation. We have 1400 sq ft of basement space, with a 1/2 bath and a little kitchen. Updating it and redesigning it will make a HUGE difference.

AND I have to call the Estate Sale ladies I used several years ago when we sold my late in-laws’ house and had to clear it out. They are doing virtual sales, now, which is great when you’re selling from a condo.

So ... not daunted. My anxiety attacks have stopped, at least.

This co-worker has been a great guy, he has never raised my Mom’s rent this whole time. He never wanted to rent it to anyone, it sat there empty for almost 5 years. He’s a good guy, he’s just weird. This just put us into a tailspin, I wish he would have told us when we signed the Lease last September.

It will all work out. I hope. Sometimes things like this happen for the best.

[M1ke]

It sounds like you're in a pretty similar situation to me with shitty landlords.

Mine called me last week, in 6 years I've been here, I've never been late on a payment, never had a complaint about my conduct and had zero major repairs needed.

She's decided she wants to sell the place though, because the market is spiking. She told me I had to get out so she could sell (I don't have to). She doesn't understand our lease, and when I explained it to her, she stopped communicating.

Most leases are fixed term, then automatically roll over to month-to-month at the end of the fixed term (usually 1 year). Mine is year-to-year with an anniversary date of March 1st.

There are reasons a landlord can ask a tenant to leave, and wanting to sell isn't one of them. She can sell, but if she does, the new owner takes over the existing lease.

In most cases, that happens at the buyer sends the 60-day notice that they want to move into the house, and two months later you have to leave. Because my lease is year-to-year instead of month-to-month, they can't kick me out for that reason without 60 days notice before the end of the next term, which is February 28th, 2022, because there isn't 60-days of time left before then end of the term this year.

My rent is also significantly below market value. When I moved in 6 years ago, it was under market by a couple hundred dollars, and in six years she's never raised it. The ones that are being rented now in my complex are going for $2400/month. Way more than the $1300 I'm currently paying.

So she wants a bidding war, like what happened on one of the units just down from me a few weeks ago. They got $590k for a home that was going for $350k pre-pandemic.

Nobody who'd want it as an investment property is going to buy it with having to take over the lease that I've currently got. And nobody who wants to move into it is going to want to wait until March of next year either, so she's not going to get anywhere near what she thought she would for it, and I think she's going to back off on trying to sell it for now.

But at least I learned the price point that my landlord is willing to sell mine and my family's safety for during a deadly pandemic. Thank god my lease was written so favourably, by next year moving should be a much safer proposition, and I'll leave just to not have to deal with the woman who decided that mine and my families safety was expendable if she could get an extra $250k.

Fuck her and everything about her.