How fucked was your day?

[Dra508]

Most marriage counseling starts at a point where it's way too late and one partner has already gone past the point of no return and is barely willing to put in any effort because she/he has already exhausted all emotional efforts and has given up and has already, emotionally, moved on. And the counseling can be further complicated by the psychological problems of one partner who, ultimately, will never really change or needs years of individual counseling (e.g. one partner commits domestic abuse). Relationships are made up of two people and if those two people are not going to be truly compatible, no amount of counseling and money in the world will fix that shit; and that's not something people know until they give marriage a test drive. It's why a lot of couples go to "pre-marriage counseling," to develop good communication habits in advance, before problems start. Not sure if that's useful, statistics will tell with time.

What the fuck @allegro were you videotaping my marriage and its demise?!

I literally went to his therapist so I could explain to him/them why it was over. I was completely checked out.

Next step for this dude is angry.

[allegro]

What the fuck @allegro were you videotaping my marriage and its demise?!

12 years as a divorce paralegal, LOL, I could write a book.

Plus, I've been there personally, I'm on marriage number 2.

[allegro]

Well, he's kinda right with marriage counseling (as much as I hate agreeing with him) in that once the attraction is over for one of the people in that couple, it's pretty hard to bring it back. That person knows that other person better than anybody else, sees right through the shit, knows that this could be totally useless and that once the counseling is over, this will go right back to the same old shit; that the other person is just negotiating for status quo, nothing more. Even the counselor knows that.

A counselor can try to give guidelines and exercises to help the couple, but the PROBLEM is that while one or both of the parties give it lip service, they often are stuck in various stages of their own grief and don't often get the right (emotional) counseling.

Pre-divorce is just like divorce and all the stages that come with it: denial, anger, negotiation, acceptance, etc.

So while you think you're there to repair the relationship, you're often there to emotionally navigate your divorce. Which is fine, too.

I was a domestic relations paralegal for 12 years, and everything he is saying is stuff I heard divorce clients say for many years.

Successful married couples these days go to "marriage fitness" sessions, or have marriage counselors who act more like "consultants" to keep the relationship well and healthy. If one of the partners swears he/she "didn't see it coming," it's nearly always bullshit and there is usually no way to fix that for the aggrieved partner because, by that time, they've already checked out.

[Sarah K]

Yeah... About 40% of couples who attend marriage counseling still end up getting divorced. Counseling depends entirely on the individuals and if they *want* to make changes. It sounds like his wife has pretty much checked out already. But the fact that she even agreed to go to counseling is a positive step.

[allegro]

Yeah, and sometimes couples therapy is not a good idea.

[Sarah K]

In situations of DV, I absolutely agree. But when it's just two people who have drifted apart, or lost their communication, it can be very helpful if both parties are willing to put in the work. Lots of people go and just go through the motions... That isn't helpful.

[allegro]

In situations of DV, I absolutely agree. But when it's just two people who have drifted apart, or lost their communication, it can be very helpful if both parties are willing to put in the work. Lots of people go and just go through the motions... That isn't helpful.

We don't *really* know what is going on, here. These people and this OP = anonymous. DA committers = bullshit artists. Not accusing this OP of that, but saying we don't know so we should probably stay out?

Hey, and to add some positivity to this thread, here is the domestic non-abuse wheel, weeeeee! :-)

Fucked day, HOLY SHIT IT RAINED LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA HAVE TO GET A CANOO! We were awakened by ABC Chicago's Jerry Taft on my phone, "THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A FLASH FLOOD WARNING!"

[Khrz]

Virgin or troll, troll or virgin... Hmm...

[Sarah K]

Probably both.

[Sallos]

my first time was in prison. true story.

[Jinsai]

it seems too frequent that someone in my direct family is getting hospitalized for health problems. It feels like a house of cards ready to collapse.

[Baphomette]

forearm fracture
pain
ouch

[allegro]

forearm fracture
pain
ouch

OOOOOWWWWW

(I've done that. Hugs. Can I sign your cast?)

(What the hell happened????)

[Baphomette]

OOOOOWWWWW

(I've done that. Hugs. Can I sign your cast?)

(What the hell happened????)

car accident
their fault

[Dra508]

car accident
their fault

Owwwwwwwwww

[allegro]

Holy shit, @miss k bee can't trust ANYBODY these days. I guess the moral of the story is don't give that kind of info online ever, omg. I've never heard of anything this elaborate! This is nuts!

I never give my social security number in online job applications, I wait until I'm sitting in front of somebody. But I'm really paranoid.

Can you freeze your credit reporting accounts?

That really is some evil shit.

[miss k bee]

Holy shit, @miss k bee can't trust ANYBODY these days. I guess the moral of the story is don't give that kind of info online ever, omg. I've never heard of anything this elaborate! This is nuts!

I never give my social security number in online job applications, I wait until I'm sitting in front of somebody. But I'm really paranoid.

Can you freeze your credit reporting accounts?

That really is some evil shit.

Well I didn't give them my bank details thankfully. Reported them to the police, have to renew my passport, registered with a service to flag up any changes to my credit file and another service to flag up anything on my bank account. The fake websites are still up and they are actually advertising another fake position on you tube and another website claiming to do tax rebates!. It is very stressful.

[allegro]

Well I didn't give them my bank details thankfully. Reported them to the police, have to renew my passport, registered with a service to flag up any changes to my credit file and another service to flag up anything on my bank account. The fake websites are still up and they are actually advertising another fake position on you tube and another website claiming to do tax rebates!. It is very stressful.

Yeah, I guess you guys don't have the equivalent of a social security number where they can pretty much drain you financially, too, like they can, here in the States? Stressful, christ, I don't blame you, ugh. I hope it all works out and they take those damned sites down!!!

[miss k bee]

Yeah, I guess you guys don't have the equivalent of a social security number where they can pretty much drain you financially, too, like they can, here in the States? Stressful, christ, I don't blame you, ugh. I hope it all works out and they take those damned sites down!!!

We have the National Insurance number which we use to pay tax. Phoned the advice line for that and they said they can't do much with it but took my details anyway.

[Archive_Reports]

Well I didn't give them my bank details thankfully. Reported them to the police, have to renew my passport, registered with a service to flag up any changes to my credit file and another service to flag up anything on my bank account. The fake websites are still up and they are actually advertising another fake position on you tube and another website claiming to do tax rebates!. It is very stressful.

Police can't do much. Report it on www.ic3.gov.

[allegro]

Police can't do much. Report it on www.ic3.gov.

She's in the U.K.

[Archive_Reports]

She's in the U.K.

Doesn't matter. From their website:

The IC3 was established as a partnership between the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and the National White Collar Crime Center (NW3C) to receive Internet related criminal complaints and to further research, develop, and refer the criminal complaints to federal, state, local, or international law enforcement and/or regulatory agencies for any investigation they deem to be appropriate. The IC3 was intended, and continues to emphasize, serving the broader law enforcement community to include federal, as well as state, local, and international agencies, which are combating Internet crime and, in many cases, participating in Cyber Crime Task Forces.

[Dra508]

I heard this story last month . Don't press 1, just don't do it people!

http://www.npr.org/sections/alltechc...-a-silent-call

[Louie_Cypher]

hang thwrchamp youre ar loved and respected

[halloween]

Ugh, reading about that just reminded me how I got a call from an anonymous number and I thought maybe it was from someone who I just left at the hospital- like a family member because I don't have their number. I didn't pick up in time and when I called back it was like "You'll be charged after this beep" and I haven't gotten the hang of hanging up on this stupid touchscreen smartphone so I'm afraid now of what kind of charge it was...

[miss k bee]

Could be worse , I could have left an actual job for these fake scumbags. Seems some people might have done that.

[Pillfred]

I just got fired, for not quitting last night.

[allegro]

I just got fired, for not quitting last night.

Oh, man, wtf, that sucks, dude.

[Dra508]

I just got fired, for not quitting last night.

Wow, sorry. They gave you an option to quit and you said no?

[slave2thewage]

If people in my life could stop dying, that would be great.

My cousin over in Pennsylvania found his wife dead on the bedroom floor yesterday morning, the autopsy is today but it sounds like an aneurysm to me. I was up helping their side of the family get flights over yesterday. They're pretty messed up over it. It's so sad.